The Prodical Slave (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master



Message

RainGod -> The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 3:58:57 AM)

I have a rather serious question, and after having searched My own soul for days for the answer, I find nothing. Now I come to you here in this worthy forum where I am hoping some of you regulars I have seen post here can offer your insight to this perplexing question.

Let's say a Man has a slave... collared, real-time... and she runs away. Not literally runs away, but comes and says it is over. What choice has He but to release her? So He does.... sadly.

She is gone for a few weeks and He grieves her loss a while, but then she comes back... wanting to be taken in, and most sincerely apologetic for her behavior. she didn't leave for another man, nor did she leave because she thought she was being abused. she simply left because of some issues in her personal life that did not involve the Master. she actually "watched" everything He did online as a lurker... reading his posts and longing to return.

How then should the Master accept her return? Surely she should be punished in some way for the sadness caused? How then should she be punished? What is appropriate? This matter is one in which I would greatly appreciate some serious feedback.

Thank you all in advance.



Jasmyn -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 4:04:14 AM)

I'd accept them back, with humility, no punishments, no paybacks, nothing but acceptance...



RainGod -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 4:10:51 AM)

Would that not encourage it to occur again? If someone isn't made cognizant of the fact something is wrong to do, will they not know it is wrong to do again?

Or is it perfectly ok for a slave to run away, leaving a Master broken hearted time after time?



Jasmyn -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 4:19:08 AM)

Hmm... so they've done this before?



Padriag -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 4:35:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

Would that not encourage it to occur again? If someone isn't made cognizant of the fact something is wrong to do, will they not know it is wrong to do again?

Or is it perfectly ok for a slave to run away, leaving a Master broken hearted time after time?

I think the question you first need to ask yourself is why you want to punish her. Reading what you wrote this is what I hear. I hear a man who is hurt, and he wants her to feel that hurt, he wants her to know how much she hurt him, she wants him to understand how he feels. He wants that because maybe he thinks if she understands she won't hurt him like that again... and then he can trust her again. Then he can open up to her again the way he wants to.

Will punishing her really accomplish that... probably not. Would talking with her, taking it slow, rebuilding understanding and communication work better... I think so.

Its not easy to trust again, it takes courage because it means taking a risk. And there are no guarantees in life, it might happen again. If those issues that drove her away are still there unresolved then it could very well happen again. So ask yourself this, do you have strength enough for that? Do you have it within you to cope with those issues... to cope with her even as she struggles? Can you do that and do it with love... without resentment?

If you can't, then be her friend. It takes a certain kind of wisdom to know when something is more than you can bear, there's no shame in that. Whether you let go or try again, it'll take some courage either way to do it with honor, to do it with love. Either way, I wish you the best.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 5:05:35 AM)

I wouldn't punish the person but I certainly wouldn't just say "OK let's go" and act as if it never happened. I'd begin a long process of deciding a few things:

a) If I REALLY wanted to continue the relationship with them for the long haul
b) If they REALLY wanted to continue the relationship with me for the long haul (versus just not wanting to be alone)
c) If both of us were willing and able to make the changes necessary to make being together possible. There's a REASON she left after all, and until everyone addresses that reason and takes it out of the equation then you're just setting yourself up for it to happen again.

Then would begin the long slow process of reforming and coming back together. The relationship would be forever changed, but not necessarily weakened in the end.



MstrssPassion -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 5:37:41 AM)

quote:

she simply left because of some issues in her personal life that did not involve the Master


There really is not enough information in your post describing the level of involvement between this Master & slave. When you say collared & realtime, do you mean they lived together or just got together from time to time.

If this was a case of two people living together & in a M/s relationship I cannot see any aspect of the slave's life as not involving the Master. No matter the issue the slave should have been able to communicate with the Master so that he/she could help to resolve the issue that was causing so much stress.

If this were a part time relationship... each living in their own home, I would say again that the slave should have brought up these issues to the Master.

Communication is essential to any relationship being successful. Communication is not just about discussing/negotiating limits or the service to be performed... communication is also about the mundane & stressful events of our lives.

Based on the story you described it would appear that this was lacking in this couple's relationship.

Should the Master take the slave back? I don't see this as really being the question here. I think the question here should be, Is this couple truly ready to take on the mutual responsibility to commit to this type (M/s)
of relationship. There is lot more to it than playing & kneeling at Master's feet.

MstrssPassion



perfection20005 -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 6:32:46 AM)

I'm not a Master, just a slave, but I would take her back and maybe not collar her again for a while until you knew she was ready for the long haul.

And I agree with MstrssPassion, there has to be open communication on all aspects of their lives. As she said, there is more than playing and kneeling.



FTopinMichigan -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 6:40:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

How then should the Master accept her return? Surely she should be punished in some way for the sadness caused? How then should she be punished? What is appropriate? This matter is one in which I would greatly appreciate some serious feedback.


I would suggest that you consider the sadness that she may have felt prior to having to make the decision to leave in the first place. Do you think it was an easy decision for her? Do you think it didn't weigh heavy on her heart and mind, to do that?

I would like to point out that I enjoyed reading everything that Padriag offered in post, regarding this topic.

I don't understand your need to punish her, because you were both probably hurting the same. Does your own grief or sadness hold more weight that hers? An emtional choice, and a needed break that was obviously discussed prior to leaving, is how things should happen. From your own words, it sounds like she communicated well with you, prior to leaving. I feel she may have humbled herself to return to you, as she felt it was best for her, and it seems you've taken her back, as it's best for you.

Why not build on what you have, and not cause more pain than has already occured.

I'm sorry that you were hurt by her choices, but aren't you happy to have her return?

Will she do it again? Maybe, but if you dwell on that notion, or punish her to prevent her future choices, should the same occur, are you really doing either of you any good? Are you punishing her to correct behavior or to help her improve, or out of vengence? Are you truly helping her? And would it really just help you?

K



mistoferin -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 6:53:24 AM)

quote:

Or is it perfectly ok for a slave to run away, leaving a Master broken hearted time after time?


If this is a pattern then I would say no, it is not ok.

If this is a one time occurence I would say that we all make mistakes in our lives. I am happy that punishment in my life has always been reserved for acts of disobedience and not for mistakes.

Sometimes it is not until we lose something or someone do we realize just exactly their importance to us. We tend to take things and people for granted. Sometimes other things in our lives take precedence and seem bigger or more important than what they really are. When we step away (or run away) from them, often things come into focus and we realize the error of our ways and what is really the "meat' and what is really the "gravy".

I can't tell you what is right for you to do. I think others here have given good advice when they have said that the core issue needs to be dealt with. Careful though, sometimes the core issue is disguised in another "easier" one to deal with.



RainGod -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 8:24:16 AM)

Let Me try to play "catch up" here. There are so many wonderful answers and thoughts here, I wouldn't want to appear ungrateful for the advice.

Jasmyn wrote:

quote:

Hmm... so they've done this before?


No, it's only happened the once. It is the desire to not get into a repeat cycle that I seek advice on which path to take upon accepting her back. I haven't ever had this happen before, so I am unfamiliar with what to do. Usually, and if she were anyone else, there would be no coming back, but I feel strongly about this one.

Padriag wrote:

quote:

I think the question you first need to ask yourself is why you want to punish her


Anyone who knows Me will tell you I simply hate to punish. I dread it as much as the girl would dread it. I would rather never ever have to punish her. So why the need? I try to relate this to how I would do with My son, whom I shall love forever, no matter what he does. Although I love mijo unconditionally, if he lies, just for example, I am obliged to punish him. If I do not, does he not learn that this negative behavior will not meet with consequences? Would I then not be to blame for My passivivity and yes, neglect?
If I did not love someone, I wouldn't care how they acted or if they came and went. she is important to Me... is there another way besides punishment? If so, please.... please give Me ideas and save Me having to hurt us both (metaphorically speaking).

quote:

I hear a man who is hurt, and he wants her to feel that hurt, he wants her to know how much she hurt him, she wants him to understand how he feels.


I don't desire to hurt her as a payback... she knows full well the disappointment caused. I also believe she understands.

quote:

If those issues that drove her away are still there unresolved then it could very well happen again. So ask yourself this, do you have strength enough for that? Do you have it within you to cope with those issues... to cope with her even as she struggles? Can you do that and do it with love... without resentment?


The issues are still there, but they are of a semi-legal nature, and there is truly nothing I can do to interced except try to guide and support her. Yes, it could happen again... but I want to believe it will not. I want to trust...god knows I want to so bad. Trust is not easy for Me, yet I desire it so badly with this one. Yes I can go on without resentment. I never did resent her for leaving...really. Hurt, yes. Felt left out of her life, yes. But I didn't harbor a resentment. Resentments are things I cannot afford to maintain and feed. Some of you may know why I feel that way.

The wise EmeraldSlave wrote:

quote:

There's a REASON she left after all, and until everyone addresses that reason and takes it out of the equation then you're just setting yourself up for it to happen again.


Yes, and that issue has been discussed at some great length. she understands it must be cleared up in order for us to move to "the next step" which is 24/7. she has set out a time table for things to happen and I am allowing her the trust to complete this. I am being patient at this point and hoping she carries through with what she has to do.

MstrssPassion wrote:

quote:

If this were a part time relationship... each living in their own home, I would say again that the slave should have brought up these issues to the Master.


You are correct, Passion, we do live apart but in the same city. she did bring the situation up to Me and I offered My advice, which I believe to have been good, well-founded advice based on My concern for her safety and well-being.
I think she said it best when she told Me she simply decided she needed to take control back and regretted doing so the very next day.

quote:

Communication is essential to any relationship being successful. Communication is not just about discussing/negotiating limits or the service to be performed... communication is also about the mundane & stressful events of our lives.

Based on the story you described it would appear that this was lacking in this couple's relationship.


No, we actually communicate quite well until she panics. lol I am not a bible thumper by any means, but I am reminded of a story in the Bible which tells of Jesus walking on the water and appraoching the boat in which his followers are. Peter wants to join him and walk on the water also. Jesus invites him on out, but admonishes him to never take his eyes off of him as he is doing so. Peter walks out toward him a ways and becomes frightened and glanced away and sank.

I am trying, painfully sometimes, but trying to teach her it is okay to panic, but to let Me help her.

perfection20005 notably states:

quote:

I'm not a Master, just a slave, but I would take her back and maybe not collar her again for a while until you knew she was ready for the long haul.


There is an idea I hadn't considered. Thank you perfection20005. I will definately think about that one.

FTopinMichigan fired a direct hit on some things I hadn't told you with this post:

quote:

I would suggest that you consider the sadness that she may have felt prior to having to make the decision to leave in the first place. Do you think it was an easy decision for her? Do you think it didn't weigh heavy on her heart and mind, to do that?


I do indeed know the sadness now. she never called, came by, or anything the entire time she was away. she has shown Me countless emails she typed and didnt send... somewhat of a diary of her sorrows. I found her words touching and sweet.

In order to know I was "still around" (her words) she created a new profile of someone living in Wisconsin and contacted Me that way, but she quit after thinking I might consider that decietful. she DID miss Me. I have no dount on that.

quote:

I don't understand your need to punish her, because you were both probably hurting the same.


Again, I would love to NOT punish her... if there is some way around it, but I want her to know it cannot happen again, and it was wrong to take back control during a crisis when I could have helped her. I am very open for ways to do that.

quote:

I'm sorry that you were hurt by her choices, but aren't you happy to have her return?

God, yes... but I must admit a little fear too. Along with apprehension. But overall I am glad she wants to come back. I missed her.

quote:

Are you punishing her to correct behavior or to help her improve, or out of vengence? Are you truly helping her? And would it really just help you?


I do not believe in punishing out of vengance. If vengence dwells in One's heart, there is no room for love. I would only punish to correct... improve her... help her to become what she needs to be. Would it help Me? Not in the least. I am likely to be depressed for a week after having to punish. Again I say... I do not like to punish. at all.

mistoferin wrote:

quote:

I am happy that punishment in my life has always been reserved for acts of disobedience and not for mistakes.


Thank you erin for showing Me another way of looking at it.

And thank everyone for the advice. I am still open to more ideas and answers.



OsideGirl -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 8:34:03 AM)

There's obviously something wrong in the relationship. Either person could be at fault, or both could be at fault. Sometimes something is wrong and one partner has no idea it's wrong.

If someone comes back it's because they see something in the relationship worth saving. I think that punishment would just breed resentment and push that person away. What would discourage her from leaving again is really sitting down and working on the relationship.



abondanzaisme -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 8:39:07 AM)

Rain God, I sympathize with you and understand how you feel. It is very painful to 'lose someone' you are attached to in whatever way you are bound. But if you have a bond with this woman, perhaps starting over--not picking up where you left off-is a good option for you. If you care for her, and she for you-I am talking beyond the lifestyle and deep within your souls-forgiveness can be a very healing thing, and will bond you even more to each other.

If you were living a strictly vanilla lifestyle or within the D/s lifestyle, we all are individuals first. Submission is a choice and so is Domination. Each are GIFTS we give to one another, but definitely not givens. If she had issues to attend to that did not concern you but did not threaten your relationship with her overall except that she was absent from you for a time, she should be allowed to attend to them without fear of recrimination from the one she trusts and maybe loves most.

I am about to lose my battery on the laptop, so I have to stop here. But it is just a different perspective...take care more later.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 8:56:25 AM)

This chick obviously has serious trust and commitment issues. Ending a commitment, regretting it immediately, even making another account to keep tabs on you (even if unused)...this all adds up to problems that likely have little to do with her specific relationship with you.

Why have her past relationships ended and led her to this point?

You said you've laid out a timetable and expect her to do things...does everyone understand the purpose of those things? What is your position if she fails to meet a timeline? The fact that you are angry and wanting to hurt her in return is perhaps normal, but does also speak that perhaps YOU are not ready to start over yet yourself.



nelbot -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 9:23:32 AM)

If:



quote:

Anyone who knows Me will tell you I simply hate to punish. I dread it as much as the girl would dread it. I would rather never ever have to punish her.
So why the need? I try to relate this to how I would do with My son, whom I shall love forever, no matter what he does. Although I love mijo unconditionally, if he lies, just for example, I am obliged to punish him. If I do not, does he not learn that this negative behavior will not meet with consequences? Would I then not be to blame for My passivivity and yes, neglect?
If I did not love someone, I wouldn't care how they acted or if they came and went. she is important to Me... is there another way besides punishment? If so, please.... please give Me ideas and save Me having to hurt us both (metaphorically speaking).


And:




quote:

I don't desire to hurt her as a payback... she knows full well the disappointment caused. I also believe she understands.


Then:

Forgive me, but the reason to punish children for their misdeeds is to teach them that things have consequences, something that children have no concept of from birth until it is taught. Adults, even slaves do have that concept and in her pain (yes she probably did have some of her own) and in her understanding of your pain, and also in knowing regret she has already experienced some of the natural consequences for her actions, so too will she experience them as it takes her time to rebuild your trust in her. Should that not be the lessen? A phisical punishment might make both of you feel better, her to feel absolved and for you to feel vindicated but your slave is a reasoning being with adult concepts and the phyiscial punishment would be less a deterrent than living out and understanding fully the natural consequences of her poor choice... Now I am not trying to negate the value of a physical response here, it might be necessary for you both to lay down the burden and move foreward, but it should not be necessary for teaching the lesson you wish to get across. Just my humble opinions there but I think the underlying reasoning should be carefully examined so that you both know your true motivations. Of course I am not speaking about the work needed to build that trust again, only giving my understanding of the nuances I see in punishment vs. discipline...



nephandi -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 10:38:54 AM)

Well it would depend on her reason for leving, let us say her fater had died and she just got into a deep depression and feared that everyone she loved would simply die on her and then left in fear of that, and some weeks later she got to her senses, or a similar traumatic reason, i would say, i wish you had talked whit me aboute it, but say ok, no more this and that aboute it, it would be a thing i could forgive.

If she left for a good reason but nothing truly dramtic, like doubths aboute the relationship, or sudden fear this is not what she wanted i would say, well i wish you had told me aboute it so we could talk aboute it, we need to be able to comunicate, i would take her back, probably, but there would be a long prosess of healing and re getting to know one another.

If she just left on a whim well i dont know, i would be werry hurt at least.

Ofcourse i am not a Dominant man, but if i were i imagine this is what i would do. Ofcourse i might feel in a different way if i was not men and was a man instead.



Mercnbeth -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 12:12:19 PM)

quote:

How then should the Master accept her return? Surely she should be punished in some way for the sadness caused? How then should she be punished? What is appropriate?


R G,
No. I can think of no circumstances to allow her to return. This is the ultimate failure of trust and subsequently of a relationship. There is no foundation on which to build. The Master failed because the slave couldn't trust him with her thoughts, which ultimately drove her to leave. Without the confidence of knowing a slave is truthful a Master can not function. Truthfulness includes providing a outlet where the slave can communicate problems.
If the problems extended and festered enough to cause the slave to request release - it's over. I won't even try to address the possibilities that caused the problem. If they were living together as M/s nothing should be "outside" the relationship. If the parting was caused by the slave getting bad advise from chat-rooms, or "friends"; again the advise and friends should have never been in a position of influence which supersedes the relationship between Master and slave.
If it were my case, I know that the relationship could never recover. There would be no possible punishment that would make it right. I believe that a relationship between Master and slave requires a mental and emotional confidence. I don't see any way or any set of circumstances that would justify a unilateral request for release from either side. It would be best if they just went their separate ways, learned where each failed, and grow from the experience.



abondanzaisme -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 12:33:05 PM)

If she is running away and it has nothing to do with you, why should it make you feel insecure? Not trying to be impolite here, RainGod...but her slavery to you is a choice she made, and I don't really know your history, but it may be something that is difficult for her at times because we all come to the relationships we enter with baggage of one sort or another. Whatever it is she has to take care of, is it something YOU can help her with? Is it strictly a vanilla thing that you can have no part of because you are not accepted in her previous life? Or are you going to be Man enough to accept that it is not always about YOU...but about an integrated whole...the whole of her life that in fact has brought her to you in the first place?

It takes a very strong person to let go and a lot of trust to know that even when you let go of someone or something for a time, if it is yours it will return to you. This is a mark of a truly Dominant and self assured man in my book. Facing truth even if it is not a truth you created...it is part of her truth. And she may be or may have been yours, but she was her own first and sometimes life just has a way of getting in the way of what we want when we want it.

I don't know if she was planning to return when she left, how many times she has left or why...but I do know that acceptance of the whole person is what you took on when you enslaved her. If you didn't know these things about her, why not? If you did, why is it an issue now? If you have isolated her to the point that she can have no other obligation, you have done her a disservice because all of life should be about growth. Whatever is not growing is dying...

I am sorry about the rant, and I have so enjoyed your posts on other subjects, I felt I just had to give you a different perspective. Vanilla or D/s...people are people...they have needs and to be a person of worth, we have to find ways to integrate all of them into our lives. Why limit her...or YOURSELF for that matter?

I do hope that you find peace, friend.



fastlane -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 12:46:55 PM)

I was at a whipping demonstration last night at B.R.

I know how I'd punish her (The 80's group Devo, playing in the background "crack that whip.....but whip it good!")

In seriousness, the prodical slave should be treated just as the prodical son is referenced in the bible...with open arms.
Yes, if there is a re-occuring theme here, there is a problem and perhaps consequences should be laid out, such as no more amnesty, in the future.
Obviously the key here is to openly discuss the reasons why the abandonment and the reasons why, the return.
If there is a relationship worth saving, whether it be D/s, gay, or vanilla, both parties should be happy that the union is back in tact and work to resolve future conflict.
I would not punish upon the return, although I am eager to try this new whip!



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: The Prodical Slave (9/28/2005 12:50:53 PM)

It's prodigal, not prodical...and I do not think that word means what you think it means.



prod·i·gal (prŏd'ĭ-gəl) pronunciation
adj.

1. Rashly or wastefully extravagant: prodigal expenditures on unneeded weaponry; a prodigal life.
2. Giving or given in abundance; lavish or profuse: prodigal praise. See synonyms at profuse.

n.

One who is given to wasteful luxury or extravagance.


Taggard



Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0625