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RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/1/2005 12:48:56 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

For those suggesting she lets the husband know:

Is 'betraying' a friend really any less of a moral issue than lying to cover her?


I'd have to say she's not much of a friend if she'd ask me to lie for her. In my opinion, that, in itself, is a betrayal.

Which is the lesser of the two evils? "Betraying" a friend, or failing to protect an innocent bystander?

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/1/2005 12:53:15 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Closing on thehouse got moved. We'll be closing on the house on thurs morning at 9am. So if we can utilze your services until the following week??? Dove could really use your help more then too, as she will be recovering from surgery.


Oh, that's really awful! I know she was hoping to have the majority of it done BEFORE the surgery. The following week we're having a party on Saturday (if she's up to going out, we'd love to have you come up), so I'm gonna have a ton of stuff to get done around here to get ready (especially if my ceiling fabric doesn't come in this next week).

HOWEVER... I'll definitely mark out either Thursday or Friday for y'all. Probably Thursday.

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to hawk58)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 1:59:19 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

quote:

For those suggesting she lets the husband know:

Is 'betraying' a friend really any less of a moral issue than lying to cover her?


I'd have to say she's not much of a friend if she'd ask me to lie for her. In my opinion, that, in itself, is a betrayal.

Which is the lesser of the two evils? "Betraying" a friend, or failing to protect an innocent bystander?

Denise
the Kaptin's wench


Perhaps he's 'not much of a husband'?

Would that make a difference, or not?

I'm very dubious about the idea of treating people differently because of one's own view of their behaviour. Perhaps we think they don't 'deserve' any better treatment... but is that really a good reason to alter our own behaviour? Personally, I don't think so.

~ Elektra


< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 10/2/2005 2:03:05 AM >

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 7:27:07 AM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
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quote:

Myself ... I would have lied for my friend. I hate to lie and try to never do it for my own gain ... but for a close friend I would do it every time. I would try to be understanding ... and try not to be intolerant of a friend ... and try to remember that their life is not mine to live. In the end I guess I would do just about anything to support a friend.


I am going to agree with Caitlyn on this one...going against the "moral high ground" in other's replies.

To call this gal a sleezy manipulative bitch or whatever you all have said of her is to judge her harshly when you a have NOT walked in her shoes for one second.

We DO NOT know the whole story, only Erin's side of it, which is heresay. I am NOT discreditng Erin at all, just pointing out she gave us what she chose to share.

To play devils advocate..... I'd agree to cover for a freind and have done so, when and only when I knew more of the story than Erin has given.....that being said, IF the other party DID come to me and ask where is my wifey, which I doubt he would do, it would show his lack of control and what man wants to admit lack of control (esp a dom), I would then ahve an option to explore his side of the story....not lie for her, but ask questions to find out why he asks.

Maybe this just makes me complicated.......... but but I prefer to be complicated than self righteously judge another's behaviour on heresay.

Just another perspective.

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 7:39:32 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

Perhaps he's 'not much of a husband'?

Would that make a difference, or not?


Not to me, it wouldn't. The OP didn't say the guy was abusive, or a horrible husband, so I'm having a very hard time coming up with anything that would "justify" the described behavior. I'm not saying it isn't there; we just haven't heard it.

quote:

I'm very dubious about the idea of treating people differently because of one's own view of their behaviour. Perhaps we think they don't 'deserve' any better treatment... but is that really a good reason to alter our own behaviour? Personally, I don't think so.


Alter our own behavior how? I have never, and will never, lie for anyone while they go behind someone's back with admittedly malicious intent. I don't see that as altering my own behavior in any way whatsoever. Moreover, people who know me know better than to ask me to lie on their behalf, because they already know what that answer is going to be.

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 10:17:43 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

quote:

Perhaps he's 'not much of a husband'?

Would that make a difference, or not?


Not to me, it wouldn't. The OP didn't say the guy was abusive, or a horrible husband, so I'm having a very hard time coming up with anything that would "justify" the described behavior. I'm not saying it isn't there; we just haven't heard it.



Well what I was trying to say was... would it be 'ok' if he WAS those things? I know we don't have evidence, but... would it be 'ok' to cheat, leave him... etc. if he was a rotten husband? I'd like to leave the real people out of this because (for me) that's not important or the issue.

quote:

ORIGINAL ElektraUkM

I'm very dubious about the idea of treating people differently because of one's own view of their behaviour. Perhaps we think they don't 'deserve' any better treatment... but is that really a good reason to alter our own behaviour? Personally, I don't think so.


Alter our own behavior how? I have never, and will never, lie for anyone while they go behind someone's back with admittedly malicious intent. I don't see that as altering my own behavior in any way whatsoever. Moreover, people who know me know better than to ask me to lie on their behalf, because they already know what that answer is going to be.




Alter our behaviour... I mean, would you really never go behind his back? What if he was a lying, cheating (himself) abusive asshole... and you thought she was better off without him..? Are you (are others here? This is an open question) sure that you wouldn't cover for her... to help her out of the situation..?

What I mean is... that sometimes, we might think it's OK to lie for a friend (if we think they're in trouble, or would be better out of a situation), and sometimes we might think it's good to go behind someone's back (if we think someone we barely know is being twitted)... When are we acting according to our own morals? Do our morals depend on how we judge a situation..? Or are those morals set in stone..?

~ Elektra

edited trying to get rid of the colours and stuff but I couldn't... I think it's almost understandable as is, so hope everyone gets it.






< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 10/2/2005 10:22:01 AM >

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 11:05:44 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElektraUkM

[Well what I was trying to say was... would it be 'ok' if he WAS those things? I know we don't have evidence, but... would it be 'ok' to cheat, leave him... etc. if he was a rotten husband? I'd like to leave the real people out of this because (for me) that's not important or the issue.

Alter our behaviour... I mean, would you really never go behind his back? What if he was a lying, cheating (himself) abusive asshole... and you thought she was better off without him..? Are you (are others here? This is an open question) sure that you wouldn't cover for her... to help her out of the situation..?

What I mean is... that sometimes, we might think it's OK to lie for a friend (if we think they're in trouble, or would be better out of a situation), and sometimes we might think it's good to go behind someone's back (if we think someone we barely know is being twitted)... When are we acting according to our own morals? Do our morals depend on how we judge a situation..? Or are those morals set in stone..?

~ Elektra

edited trying to get rid of the colours and stuff but I couldn't... I think it's almost understandable as is, so hope everyone gets it.


In my opinion, leaving him is one thing, doing it in the manner that this person is doing so is something else entirely. If you want to date other people, get the divorce first - or at least separate and tell the person that you are married to. Don't do it behind his/her back. If she doesn't love him anymore, if she isn't happy with him any more - then bully for her for figuring it out ... but to sneak around, hiding money from him (when it appears that they are having financial problems anyway), and cheat on him ... that is not cool in any way, shape, or form. It is NEVER ok to cheat - but leaving someone isn't the same. The only way that I would cover for someone who is leaving their spouse would be if it was an abusive relationship and they asked me to not tell their spouse when they were leaving and where they were going to. I would NOT cover for them to start another relationship while they are still with the spouse - abusive or not.

Erin has to make her own decisions on this, but reading what she has followed up with, and not just the original posting that she made ... I would say that the Dom in this situation is getting screwed for no good reason. I know that I don't know the whole story, that Erin probably doesn't even for sure know it, but from what she does know and has told us, I'd say that he needs to have a few hints dropped. I wouldn't outright tell him, but there has to be something that could be "accidentally" said in front of him that would clue him in. If he chooses to be in denial, that is his fault.

This is my take on it:
The Dom took this woman in - from a bad situation, it sounds like. They got married. Things were great ... for awhile. He got injured and money got tight. While money is tight, she decides to leave. She doesn't do it the honorable way, she decides - while they are having money problems - that she needs to start saving a little money for when she leaves him, so she starts hiding money from him - most likely making the money problems worse. She also seems to be holding out for this settlement on the accident (I'm going to take Erin's word on that ... I know from her posts that she tries to give people the benifit of the doubt, so if she thinks it's money-motivated, it probably is ... I'm sure that she went through a number of other theories that were more complimentary to this woman first). So, she's hiding money from her Dom/husband, and waiting to divorce him until after the settlement so that she can get her hands on that. Both are ... despicable, IMO. On top of this, she can't wait to get her "sub-fix" again until after she does divorce him, so she starts going out behind his back. Now, maybe it's not entirely money motivated ... maybe it's because he can't dominate her right now because of the accident and she can't handle a relationship like that - but in theory this is only temporary and can be worked through, and if she talked to him about it, I bet some agreement could be reached about this. No matter the real motivation, it is still wrong for her to be cheating and carrying on like this; not only telling her own lies but expecting others to lie for her as well.

In this situation, I would not be able to sleep at night without doing SOMETHING to clue this guy in.

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 2:01:12 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavedesires

quote:

Myself ... I would have lied for my friend. I hate to lie and try to never do it for my own gain ... but for a close friend I would do it every time. I would try to be understanding ... and try not to be intolerant of a friend ... and try to remember that their life is not mine to live. In the end I guess I would do just about anything to support a friend.


I am going to agree with Caitlyn on this one...going against the "moral high ground" in other's replies.

To call this gal a sleezy manipulative bitch or whatever you all have said of her is to judge her harshly when you a have NOT walked in her shoes for one second.

We DO NOT know the whole story, only Erin's side of it, which is heresay. I am NOT discreditng Erin at all, just pointing out she gave us what she chose to share.

To play devils advocate..... I'd agree to cover for a freind and have done so, when and only when I knew more of the story than Erin has given.....that being said, IF the other party DID come to me and ask where is my wifey, which I doubt he would do, it would show his lack of control and what man wants to admit lack of control (esp a dom), I would then ahve an option to explore his side of the story....not lie for her, but ask questions to find out why he asks.

Maybe this just makes me complicated.......... but but I prefer to be complicated than self righteously judge another's behaviour on heresay.

Just another perspective.



This is interesting. Not singling out anyone in particular, but I've heard these sentiments expressed many times, here online and offline. What I find intriguing is that the same people who insist on staying out of other people's business and personal lives are ususally the same ones who avoid the 'moral high ground' and would lie in a situation like that, which, ironically, would involve them in someone elses life.

quote:


I'm very dubious about the idea of treating people differently because of one's own view of their behaviour. Perhaps we think they don't 'deserve' any better treatment... but is that really a good reason to alter our own behaviour? Personally, I don't think so.

~ Elektra


Exactly.

I've heard/known people to say that if they knew the 'whole story', it would influence their decision to lie for a friend. It still sounds like judging someone else's situation from your own perspective and acting on it. That doesn't seem to line up with not judging or staying out of others business.

The final thing that bothers me about some responses to situations like these is the kind of friends some people seem to be. None of my close friends have ever asked me to lie. I've never asked a close friend to lie. I wouldn't ask people to do what I'm not willing to do, and I'm not willing to lie. That's just me, as I can't imagine having friendships any other way.

Edited: to change a flaw in wording that caitlyn so graciously pointed out.

< Message edited by luvdragonx -- 10/3/2005 12:59:29 PM >

_____________________________

Never Without Love

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 2:18:03 PM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		G'afternoon all:

It's been a while since I've sounded off on any of the forums. No offense, but I didn't even read the entire list of replies to this one. To the O.P. I say this, your "friend" is without ethics and honor. I'm glad you chose the higher road and stuck to your guns. If this individual truly valued your friendship? The expectation to share in her despicable deception would never have arisen. Karma is a boomerang and she will get what she so richly deserves somewhere down the road.

Tolerance should never be confused with acceptance. It can interfere with personal values. Which should never be compromised for anyone. The consequences usually fall far short of the expected returns.

Erin? If this person ever rants at you again? Please send her my way so I can personally teach her a few things... *VWEG* <hops off soapbox & kicks it back under the futon>


p.s. - Any that are interested? Current total weight loss - 33 lbs. since May. The battle continues, lol.


Stay safe, play nice & share your toys w/ others...





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

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RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 2:41:27 PM   
anopheles


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quote:

The final thing that bothers me about some responses to situations like these is the kind of friends some people seem to be. None of my close friends have ever asked me to lie. I've never asked a close friend to lie. I wouldn't ask people to do what I'm not willing to do, and I'm not willing to lie. That's just me, as I can't imagine having friendships any other way.



How do you trust a friend that is OK with having you lie for them, and how can they trust you? If you like relationships that are built on a culture of lies and "covering each other's backs" then it seems like you're just building a house of cards. You can just see the conversation taking place where one person says, "Oh, you remember the time that I told your boyfriend you were with me, when you were really banging so-and so?". The friendship becomes based on favors and deception, not caring for someone and helping them with any problems or distresses they may be having in their lives.

A true friend would not ask you to lie for them. They would respect you and not want you, as a friend to get involved in a deception that might end up seriously hurting people, emotionally, and/or physically.

< Message edited by anopheles -- 10/2/2005 2:51:35 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 8:22:07 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: luvdragonx

This is interesting. Not singling out anyone in particular, but I've heard these sentiments expressed many times, here online and offline. What I find intriguing is that the same people who insist on staying out of other people's business and personal lives are ususally the same ones who avoid the 'moral high ground' and would have no problem lying in a situation like that, which, ironically, would involve them in someone elses life.


Hell luv ... why not single people out. You and I know exactly who you are flaming here.

In my opinion, the potentially fatal flaw in your logic is, that to some people unconditional support for a friend is "high moral ground." To me, it's the highest moral stand of all!!!!!

The situation as presented in the original post, is a lose/lose scenario in my mind. Were it to happen to me, my choice would be between two moral stands: refusing to lie & unconditional support for a friend ... not a choice between taking a moral stand, or not.

It wouldn't be an easy decision, in spite of the way you spun it when you said "... have no problem lying in a situation like that ... ", (something nobody but you, ever said).

Then again, presenting it that way made it a much more effective flame, ha-ha!

(in reply to luvdragonx)
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RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 10:16:09 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I agree. But if you're in that situation, you have to ask yourself whether the other person is acting like a true friend, and if she isn't, she doesn't deserve the privilege of unconditional support. I would give unconditional support to a true friend who was treating me like a friend--not to someone who was taking advantage of her relationship with me in order to make life easier for herself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

The situation as presented in the original post, is a lose/lose scenario in my mind. Were it to happen to me, my choice would be between two moral stands: refusing to lie & unconditional support for a friend ... not a choice between taking a moral stand, or not.


(in reply to caitlyn)
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RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 10:36:24 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Alter our behaviour... I mean, would you really never go behind his back? What if he was a lying, cheating (himself) abusive asshole... and you thought she was better off without him..? Are you (are others here? This is an open question) sure that you wouldn't cover for her... to help her out of the situation..?

What I mean is... that sometimes, we might think it's OK to lie for a friend (if we think they're in trouble, or would be better out of a situation), and sometimes we might think it's good to go behind someone's back (if we think someone we barely know is being twitted)... When are we acting according to our own morals? Do our morals depend on how we judge a situation..? Or are those morals set in stone..?


Would I lie or cover for a friend to protect her from an abusive spouse? Yes. Would I lie for a friend so she can go out and cheat on that abusive spouse? No.

If someone is involved with another who is clearly not right for them, for whatever reason, I would certainly encourage them to get out of that relationship, and I would do what I needed to do to help them... IF they were sincerely trying to help themselves. However, if they're cheating on that other, or doing anything else in a malicious effort to set themselves up before dropping the bomb... they're on their own. I won't cover that bet.

But then, I firmly believe that you don't start another relationship with someone until you no longer have a relationship with the last one. In other words, don't start a relationship with Mr or Ms Right when you're still involved with Mr or Ms Used To Be Right.

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/2/2005 11:11:25 PM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
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quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles
How do you trust a friend that is OK with having you lie for them, and how can they trust you?


Easily. I accept that there are differing levels of obligation, support and connection in the world.

I value my friends much more than I do a random stranger. Those in my House I value more than that. I trust my friends because I know them, because they ARE my friends. In a very real way that I trust them is a defining characteristic of their being my frind.

I will absolutely lie to protect or help a friend at the expense of a stranger... obviously factors of personal ethics and so on come into play but in principle? No problem. That I would do this for them in no way hurths their trust in me because they know that I consider them, and my obligations to them as binding - because we are friends.

It would be unthinkable to me to place my closest friends in the same category as a total stranger. What I give my friends in terms of loyalty, protection and consideration is so obviously different than what I offer or grant to someone who is not my friend that I doubt my friends are at all confused.

(in reply to anopheles)
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RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/3/2005 6:18:52 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you to all who have responded. Many of your responses have given me a wonderful opportunity to closely examine my own code of ethics and my behaviors. Different "scenarios" have been presented here that have given me the opportunity try to see this from many different angles and ask myself if the conclusions would be the same "if"...

First off I would like to say that lying for her was never a thought or a consideration. I didn't start this thread to help myself determine if lying in this situation is right or wrong. I guess that at some level I was indeed seeking validation that others thought that I did the right thing, but my primary motivation was to ask if it is becoming common place in this lifestyle today for the lines between tolerance and acceptance to be so blurred that people are using those terms as a blanket excuse to behave poorly and be absolved of any guilt or repercussion in doing so.

Over the course of this thread most people have agreed that the actions that I chose to take were indeed conducive to their own feelings on how they would have reacted in the same situation. I found it interesting that there were some who have attempted to qualify what their reaction would be based upon "possible mitigating factors". "Level or depth" of friendship, cheating on his part, abuse on his part. As I tossed over all of these possibilities I realized that for myself, none of these factors would have changed the outcome. The "specifics" are just irrelevant.

In tossing over all of the different scenarios presented, I have not seen any reason why it would not be possible to deal with any one of them and still maintain the same degree of honesty. Suppose we say that he was cheating or an abusive asshole (which by the way there has been no evidence of that I am aware of). Suppose that she and I were very close friends (which once again I will say that we are not). I don't see why I could not be loyal to my friend or help her out of a bad situation without being dishonest. If she had come to me and asked me for help in that manner, surely as a friend I would help. But I would still be able to do that without lying. "Yes I helped your wife to leave you", "Yes I know where she is". "No I am not going to tell you where because she has told me it is her wish that you not know".

Anyone who knows me personally can tell you that I am a deeply loyal friend. I don't think that I have to compomise my own integrity in order to be a loyal friend and I am not sure why others would think they had to. A liar is a liar......and anyone who would lie for me would also lie to me. That is not friendship or loyalty in my book.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/3/2005 12:49:43 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvdragonx

This is interesting. Not singling out anyone in particular, but I've heard these sentiments expressed many times, here online and offline. What I find intriguing is that the same people who insist on staying out of other people's business and personal lives are ususally the same ones who avoid the 'moral high ground' and would have no problem lying in a situation like that, which, ironically, would involve them in someone elses life.


Hell luv ... why not single people out. You and I know exactly who you are flaming here.

In my opinion, the potentially fatal flaw in your logic is, that to some people unconditional support for a friend is "high moral ground." To me, it's the highest moral stand of all!!!!!

The situation as presented in the original post, is a lose/lose scenario in my mind. Were it to happen to me, my choice would be between two moral stands: refusing to lie & unconditional support for a friend ... not a choice between taking a moral stand, or not.

It wouldn't be an easy decision, in spite of the way you spun it when you said "... have no problem lying in a situation like that ... ", (something nobody but you, ever said).

Then again, presenting it that way made it a much more effective flame, ha-ha!



........Thinks of that Carly Simon song.......

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/3/2005 12:49:52 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

p.s. - Any that are interested? Current total weight loss - 33 lbs. since May. The battle continues, lol.


Congratulations!!! A battle YOU WILL WIN with that kind of determination!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to GddssBella)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/3/2005 1:26:16 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I agree. But if you're in that situation, you have to ask yourself whether the other person is acting like a true friend, and if she isn't, she doesn't deserve the privilege of unconditional support.


Oh, I agree that the person in question isn't acting like a true friend. I would hope to make it through life without ever asking someone to lie for me.

That doesn't change anything though. I gave them my friendship, and it comes with unconditional support.

Again though, we will be having a conversation about this after the fact, and it won't be pretty. I might even say that if they ever put me in that situation again, they can just lose my number and consider me persona non grata ... but, for that single point in time covered by the example in the original post, I would have their back.

Friends are all you have sometimes.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/3/2005 1:40:54 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

for that single point in time covered by the example in the original post, I would have their back.

Friends are all you have sometimes.


Just curious....if both halves of the couple were equally good friends to you....whose back would you cover? and....would you do so if it meant compromising your own personal level of integrity?

And even more importantly......if you were the female described in the OP.....would you expect everyone to accept your behavior and be a party to it?

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 10/3/2005 1:46:20 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? - 10/3/2005 2:53:32 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

for that single point in time covered by the example in the original post, I would have their back.

Friends are all you have sometimes.


Just curious....if both halves of the couple were equally good friends to you....whose back would you cover? and....would you do so if it meant compromising your own personal level of integrity?

And even more importantly......if you were the female described in the OP.....would you expect everyone to accept your behavior and be a party to it?


If both halves were equal friends, that changes matters quite a bit. At that point support for one friend becomes a lack of support for another. I can't see anyone doing that. Fortunately, I can't see anyone asking that of me, knowing how I feel about friends.

The scenario you presented in the original post, to me is less a matter of integrity and more a matter of what you value. It is a bad situation, a true lose/lose.

I would do my best to never be the girl in the original post. Based on the answers in this thread, it would be wise to not expect anything.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 80
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