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Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 4:51:56 PM

Leatherist

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Not to hijack a thread of Spephen's that is ongoing, I got to thinking..(bad habit, yes-I know)

About the different sorts of relationsahips people have, and how they differ. I've gotten to the point of not seeing everything emotively driven as being a "constant value."

Some people will virulently defend the concept of romantic love as something you NEED to have in a happy relationship-when it really is only a need for them.

Personally, I really don't need it-I find other ways of expressing care and admiration. (But I'm kind of geeky that way.)

What other ways than love can you see as basing a D/s relationship on? Are they valid?

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 5:04:01 PM

Poetryinpain

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Mutual respect? I know it sounds counterintuitive in a D/s dynamic, but it seems to mee that each partner must respect the other partner's commitment to the relationship, and their dedication to the role they play in that relationship.

I know, they are not "playing" the role - they are living it.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 5:05:54 PM

colouredin

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Depends on the relationship I think, I have had loads of relationships that werent bases on love, based on sex, based on similar tastes, based on humour, based on conveniance, they were all great at doing what they did. Unfortunatly im a disney freak I want romantic love in a relationship, thats doesnt devalue the relationships I had without that, i mean they make you who you are, a D/s relationship needs a lot of elements which seem to go hand in hand with love - Trust, Honesty, Communication and all that stuff so it makes sense that love is there. Thats just my feeling.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 5:10:50 PM

Daddyslilpookie

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In my opinion yes it is. If I din't have love I would die, I need affection and comfort I am human after all. Everyone needs love.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 5:12:01 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain

Mutual respect? I know it sounds counterintuitive in a D/s dynamic, but it seems to mee that each partner must respect the other partner's commitment to the relationship, and their dedication to the role they play in that relationship.

I know, they are not "playing" the role - they are living it.

I think a lot of D/s relationships are based more on enabling each other to live in ways they find fullfilling. Sort of a dovetailing effect. The complimentary ones find happiness in the freedom they provide to each other. Some dynamics don't find love to be useful or desired in in thier partners. Just compliance with the dynamic that brought them together to begin with. Anything that would be seen to compromise that tends to get avoided.

Maybe it's based more in ideals, than emotion? I think that can still be fullfilling-even if it seems cold to romance oriented people.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 3/20/2008 5:18:55 PM >

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 5:13:24 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie

In my opinion yes it is. If I din't have love I would die, I need affection and comfort I am human after all. Everyone needs love.

Some need love, some need acceptance.

Not everyone NEEDS the same love that you do.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 5:31:05 PM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Not to hijack a thread of Spephen's that is ongoing, I got to thinking..(bad habit, yes-I know)

About the different sorts of relationsahips people have, and how they differ. I've gotten to the point of not seeing everything emotively driven as being a "constant value."

Some people will virulently defend the concept of romantic love as something you NEED to have in a happy relationship-when it really is only a need for them.

Personally, I really don't need it-I find other ways of expressing care and admiration. (But I'm kind of geeky that way.)

What other ways than love can you see as basing a D/s relationship on? Are they valid?

Is love essential for everyone to know happiness? I doubt it.

For me? Noooo................ but, love makes me happier. Far, far happier.

It's an incredible force, for good and bad.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 5:47:22 PM

lronitulstahp

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love...soft as an easy chair.....fresh as the morning air....
and yet, not essential in a D/s relationship for me..nice, but not essential

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 5:50:13 PM

fairerthanshe

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Greetings Leatherist,

I agree that compatibility is a key factor for our relationship. SJ has not and probably will never say that he loves me. I'm okay with that. What we do have is based on compatibility that transcends all the layers of our relationship. So its not just a D/s compatibility, its also there on an intellectual, cultural, physical, emotional, and spiritual level.

We share honest communication ideals and have no great long term expectations ahead of us. So we accept each day as what it is and move forward not without any plans but without unreasonable forecasting. Our lives dovetail nicely together at this moment in time and we are content allowing that to happen.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 5:54:26 PM

DiurnalVampire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
What other ways than love can you see as basing a D/s relationship on? Are they valid?

I believe a type of love is necessary in a D/s relationship. For me at elast. It doesnt have to be romantic love, I do not love Angel that way and dont think I ever have. I love him as my child. I care deeply for him as a friend above anything else. Romance is not necessary for our relationship, it has never been there and it never will be.

I love Fox in a romantic love way. Much different, for me, and completely necessary for the relationship we have. We could not function without it where Angel and I couldnt function with it. Different strokes for different folks.

DV

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:19:47 PM

ownedgirlie

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Ah yes, love. Such a topic and so many variations on that theme. This will sound cheesy but then I am cheesy, so here goes.

I spent a dreadful year losing everything I valued - my Dad, my marriage, my home, all of my belongings, my health, my dreams and my job. After being stripped away of everything of importance to me, I realized the only thing I had left in my life was the one constant that wasn't going away - love. The love of family, friends and Mr. Wonderful is what held me up. Without it, I don't know how I would have come through all that, or if I would have.

So yes, love is very important to me. Romantic love? Not so important. I believe romance is over rated and most of it is contrived to some degree. But the things I feel, I feel deeply, and I tend to love those who touch me. I could not serve my Master as I do if I did not love him as I do. And I am happiest when I am serving him unencumbered, so I am happiest when I am able to express my love for him. He loves me in return, as one would love a dear pet, and the decisions he makes on my behalf reflect how much he cares about me, and that touches me greatly.

Our D/s relationship is not based on love, however. Love grew from it, but did not create its foundation. Our relationship is based on my need to submit to him and his desire to master a slave. It is based on his dominance over me and my submission to him. If that dynamic changed, we would part ways, whether the love was there or not. We would likely remain as friends, but I need a Master, not a boyfriend or husband, and he wants a slave, not another wife or girlfriend. We are not lovers, we are Master and slave.

I realize other M/s and D/s arrangements feel differently, and my thoughts are a reflection of my own and not anyone else's.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:24:01 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie

In my opinion yes it is. If I din't have love I would die, I need affection and comfort I am human after all. Everyone needs love.

Some need love, some need acceptance.

Not everyone NEEDS the same love that you do.

You're talkin like a man...

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:28:34 PM

AquaticSub

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Some do, some don't. I think as long as everyone is happy, fulfilled in their relationship and it's not harming anyone, it's valid. Yeah I know, that's vague but oh well. Valyraen and I need love in our relationship, but that doesn't mean other people do.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:29:14 PM

beargonewild

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I kind of think that some form of love is integral to a relationship. I see love as something which means many things to different people and it takes shape in a myriad of ways, from romance to deep fondness to a sense of caring for the other person.
Even in a D/s relationship, to some extent the "D" has some sense of caring for the "s" which I interpret this as a form of love but not at the same intensity as one may feel for their soul mate or s child.

In my D/s relationship, how I go about expressing "love" is through me being open and as honest I can be with my partner. I care for him as a person, as someone who I highly respect and trust. It's an undefinable bond we created and for me....this is valid.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:30:58 PM

Lumus

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Love is differential, valid is subjective. Imma 'suming you want opinions.

My relationships have involved love and more. Those relationships without love didn't last as long. Humour and sex simply isn't enough...or I would get laid more often, I'm sure.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:32:10 PM

crouchingtigress

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*nods to lumus*.....aint it the truth.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:32:32 PM

kaleique

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This is a very interesting topic. I don't think I need romantic love to be happy. I need the love of my family and my friends. I need personal relationships to be happy. Being romantically in love, well that's just the icing on the cake isn't it? I crave it, I want it...but I don't need it. That being said I don't think I could be in a D/s relationship without being in love. I don't think I could fully submit to someone if I wasn't doing it out of love. The mutual respect, the trust, the honesty would all have to be there for me to love them but for me to fully give of myself to them I'd have to be doing it because I loved them enough to want to make them happy always. But of course, that's just me, and how things work for me.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:32:39 PM

junecleaver

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I do need love or the possibility of love in a relationship. I think it's entirely possible that other people do not.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:37:41 PM

vampchick88

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With the love that pet shows to me its helped my happiness grow from before we met when it was nearly a burnt out dead weed. It depends on the individual. The love and devotion that pet shows me has made me a very happy woman. My answer in my life would be yes. I've had relationships where love wasn't in it and I always felt as though somthing was lacking and I gave up finding love. One day poof I get this email from a really sexy guy all wrapped in rubber upon talking to him he immediately made me happier. Now that he loves me its like I jumped into the rabbit hole and I'm slowly falling with his hand in mine ready to take on anything.~Lorelei

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 6:56:13 PM

charmdpetKeira

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My answer is yes, but then; love to me is acceptance, respect, and responsibility, toward something.

As far as desire, I need that too. It is the very thing that drives me. (charges me)

However, I don’t like an over abundance of affection.

I am not used to it and it makes me uncomfortable. (to many people that have been “affectionate” took liberties I hadn’t agreed to give.

k

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