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stella41b -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 5:56:18 PM)
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Where are you fucking up so badly here? The way I see it all you've done is try to be the owned slave of the wrong Master, that's all.
Lord, if I had not a lot of money for each time I walked down or tried to walk down that same path I could go away to Blackpool for a week. Ah but you see, no Domme ever really wanted me as a slave. So happy to be a sub just to have a Mistress, but that ain't what all this is about, or is it?
It ain't Karma and it ain't destiny if it ain't working out, not even when you're giving it away. A lot of people - not all - but many are in this for themselves, so if you give they'll take and they'll use, but when you want something back it'll be 'drama' or something else.
It's taken me some time to work this out, but I think I've done it. You see, I look around at my neighbours and the people who live on my street. Many of them have dogs, some have cats. Hardly any of them (I think) have slaves or even submissives.
I think I know why too. A submissive is a high end, luxury item, it's a human, it's high maintenance, something that not many people can find or afford. A slave is even more so.
You see, I got myself into the mindset of giving myself away after listening to Dommes telling me it's what they want that counts or the infamous 'This is all about me.' Then one of my former Dommes got hold of me after reading one of my profiles and started asking me what's going through my head. 'You think I put my time and effort into you just so you can offer yourself to any cheap tart who calls herself a Mistress?' The thing is, there used to be a sitcom called 'Bread' about a family in Liverpool and the mother in the family used to address the father's lover Lie Low Lil as a 'cheap tart' in the same way. It made me laugh, but it also made me remember.
What I did was do what the Post Office do with the post - there's First Class post and Second Class post - with me you get First Class submission (with feelings) and Second Class submission (without). This tends to get the message across. But you know I still get 'This is all about me.'
'Okay, why not go buy yourself a dog? Yorkshire Terriers are pretty cheap at the Dog's Home.' I reply.
No point in being slave if you're not with the right Master, is there? How do you know it's the right Master? Trust your own heart and intuition. You will know when it's the right Master.
What makes you think you need to be a slave anyway? Is it because you want to escape the misery of interpersonal human relationships or is it because you've found THE Master who you're prepared to give your whole heart, life, body and soul to? Think about it.
I've served several Dommes in my time as a submissive, and though they've been truly wonderful women I would never have offered myself as a slave to them and being honest the word 'slave' didn't enter my thinking until recently. This isn't so much because I didn't think they were worthy, but because I felt that I wasn't worthy enough to be someone's slave.
It's only when I moved on and started to show my true self to others that things got better. I'm like you, I need something back too. I don't mind waiting for it, but when I don't see it coming back I will move on. I could have fifty Dommes writing to me, but I don't see a point of none of them are the right Dommes.
Fucking up really badly doesn't mean anything other than you're human. I fuck up too. In fact I'm quite a habitual fucker upper, in fact I believe that success is only where you learn to fuck up your own mistakes and failures.
The rest of this posting I've left to Bob Marley to sing to you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUUwCW4ClPo
Be well, be yourself, be lucky.
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