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Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 1:17:55 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
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ok you knew someone had to----is your submission--

selfless or selfish? there are schools of thought on both sides it seems---

why--why not?

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

Post #: 1

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 1:23:55 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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It began as selfish but is currently selfless. His benefit and contentment is my goal, whether it pains me or fulfills me to give him that.

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Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 2

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 1:25:47 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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selfish, I feel happy making someone else happy, I dont believe that there is such a thing aas a selfless good deed as I said before somewhere and quoted joey from friends, the one where pheobe tries to prove him wrong and cant? I agree with that totally, now that doesnt mean I top from the bottom or any of the other 'you arent real' things just means that if I wasnt happy being a sub then I wouldnt be a sub, and though being a sub for me means doing things I dont like at times I still wouldnt have it any other way and even if i hate the act I still enjoy it at the end of the day because it makes him happy.

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(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 3

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 1:26:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Selfish. If I wasn't getting any of my needs met, I wouldn't be here. But I believe that people need to take care of themselves first. Just like on an airplane when the air masks descend, you're told to put you're own on first, because if you don't, you'll pass out and not be able to help your ums.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 4

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 1:32:50 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
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I'm both selfless and selfish. I will go out of my way to do something for a loved one, but I always make sure me and my lilbit are taken care of first and foremost.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 1:34:45 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Seflish. I'm not out to be a matyr - I left many relationships where the other person was happy and in love with me because it was a situation where I wasn't in the submissive position. I sought this out because I wanted it.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 6

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 1:42:49 PM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
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There are few truly selfless people. They do exist, and I admire them with every fiber of my being. I would like to say I'm selfless, but I know better. Everything I do is done with the idea that I'm going to get something out of it.

My job (when I have one) - well, I usually like the things I do in my job, but the little tasks that are annoying or take time I'd rather use for things I like are still means to the end of general enjoyment of a job well done - not to mention the paycheck.

If I had a Dom - as has been stated eloquently in another thread (from which I suppose this one evolved?), pleasing the Dom/Master in many cases brings pleasure to the sub/slave. The feeling that something I have done (even if I didn't like the doing of it) has made life a little easier or more pleasant for someone I respect, honor, or perhaps even love - that feeling is like a little rush of pleasure to me. If I see a smile on his face, that's even better.

I admit to getting pleasure from doing random acts of kindness. Holding the door for someone who has their hands full - they may not even acknowledge the act, but I feel better about myself for having done it.

Even the task of bettering myself through gaining knowledge or through exercise or a change in diet - those things are not always pleasurable, but the results are. And if the results include the fact that my Dom is proud of me, so much the better.

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 1:48:47 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Ultimately selfish, with acts of selfless(to an extent) acts. But the selflessness leads to selfish pleasure.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 8

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 3:29:13 PM

LadyHathor

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Joined: 1/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Ultimately selfish, with acts of selfless(to an extent) acts. But the selflessness leads to selfish pleasure.

the.dark.

THIS is awesome!

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 9

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 3:32:10 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

I think the reasons a submissive seeks out a D/s relationship are the same from my Dom perspective - to get unique needs met. That makes their individual motives selfish and I'm cool with that....

Within that D/s relationship, I've generally found my girls' service to be selfless (say for the odd bad day) - I'm cool with that, too!

I've got an ego...! If a particular submissive had a selfless attitude toward anyone calling themself 'Dom' or 'Master', I'd be without respect and generally turned off. But by entering into a committed relationship and then serving selflessly, the message is that I fulfill something for her that no-one else does. And in return, of course, you just know I'll have her fulfilling my needs, as well....!

Focus.

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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

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(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 10

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 3:36:46 PM

daddyncherry

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Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

When i began my relationship with my Daddy is was much more selfish than i realized....now i am still selfish, but in a much different way.....selfless-selfishness.

i used to look to get validation in my actions, a "pat on the head", a good girl or whatever.......i thought that it was just letting me see where i was going, if i was doing right etc.-He saw it as selfish behavior.............He's taught me to do things, and then let go of the outcome, do them, enjoy them, revel in them, but then let go of the outcome, and don't try to control his or any one elses experience of it.

The enjoyment, revelling and all of that, THOSE are the selfish parts, finding my joy in doing the things regardless of whether he ignores it, or compliments me hugely........All of the compliment stuff, validation stuff is kinda rare in our house....but i do totally find joy in what i do, and i have to go by his actions, the fact that i am here with him, to know that i've done a good job at stuff.

The other way i learned about selfishness was learing about what HE likes personally rather than doing what i personally feel is a great thing......this was touched on in the "pamering thread" the other day..........Doing things cause i like to do them, cause i've always gotten kudos from doing them and not really tuning into him and what makes him tick were ways that i stumbled on as a new slave. (i know, it should be obvious, but it wasn't to me at the time)

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 11

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 3:48:25 PM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Ultimately selfish, with acts of selfless(to an extent) acts. But the selflessness leads to selfish pleasure.

the.dark.

Boom. Said it better than I could.

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 12

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 4:33:55 PM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

i would say for me that it started and is still selfish. i went looking for what i wanted and didn't settle for less then i have now with my Dominant. But He is the one who tought me not to settle for less. On the other hand, i am very selfless, i will do what i am able to do to make sure He is happy. i am caring, i feel great sadness when some one i care about is not feeling well or is unhappy. But then, being needed if selfish in a way too.
If i don't feel my needs are being met and we have tried to communicate and failed, why would i stay, why would i be unhappy, that would ultimately make my SO unhappy also. Then no ones needs are being met.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 13

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 4:54:08 PM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
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To me D/s is a relationship dynamic based on balance, derived from a pivot point. The dynamic I choose, is reliant on the energy exchanged, therefore, neither selfless, nor selfish.

Mathematically it looks like this: 6+9=8

k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 14

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 6:15:14 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

Mostly selfish.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 15

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 6:26:12 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

It is part of the human condition to be selfish. Nothing can every be truly selfless, in my view, as long as we are here, in human form, existing in this plane. It's an inherent part of our "filter" through which we interact with the world.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 16

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 7:13:13 PM

FullofShadows

Posts: 18
Joined: 2/28/2008
Status: offline

Mostly Selfish.

Shadows

Morticia: Gomez.
Gomez: Querida?
Morticia: Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again!
Addams Family (1991)

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 7:56:37 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

Call me a cynic, but i have serious doubts that it's possible for someone to be selfLESS. Certainly, one can put their partner ahead of themselves, but to completely remove yourself from the equation? i don't see it happening.

With that said, i think it's like most "normal" relationships... There are selfish elements, and there are elements that are focused on my partner. i try to keep the latter ahead of the former, but can i claim to be objective enough to tally 'em? Probably not.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 18

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 7:58:04 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

i think i'm a combination of both....selflesh.

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He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 19

RE: Selfless or Selfish - 3/24/2008 7:59:21 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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No one does something for nothing, unless they happen to be insane.

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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 20

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