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Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 6:13:29 PM   
lmystery


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline 		i was wondering what other Dom's view's are on a un owned sub talking with a married Dom. it really isn't what i seek but he is the type of Dom that i am searching for just that i know i may end up His but He will never be mine. Please i could use some advice.

Thank You
lmystery
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 6:22:32 PM   
Masterjrl


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/3/2007
Status: offline 		It is obvious from your post that you seek something more then he is able to offer.  Do him and yourself a favor and keep looking. 

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 6:32:35 PM   
Cougarandkitten


Posts: 1375
Joined: 1/21/2008
Status: offline 		IMO it all depends on the situation.... does the other half of the marriage know and approve, not know at all, or even know he is a Dom?  If it is in your heart to serve and its approved by all parties, I see no problems as long as you realize going in that he is in fact married.

Cougar

_____________________________

" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed. " ~ Antione de Saint-Exupery

"I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems,got to open my eyes to everything.... without a thought without a voice without a soul....." ~ Evanescance

(in reply to Masterjrl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 6:37:34 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		If you are "on the side" move on.  If his partner knows about you or knows you and is fine with it go for it.

Mike


(in reply to Cougarandkitten)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 6:39:15 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Here are two main things you should consider.

1. Your own feelings. Are you willing to share him with his wife?

2. His wife's feelings. Does his wife know about you and is she ok with it? Some men will lie, so the best way to find out is to insist on meeting with both him and his wife.

Remember, when one or both people are married, the spouses must consent as well.

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 6:40:49 PM   
BlindDescent


Posts: 113
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		Conversation is simply that...conversation. What one does with it, and where it takes the conversants is another matter entirely. Be mindful of your intent would be my advice. Otherwise; sometimes you make the mess...sometime you are the one who gets to clean one up.

conversationally,
Thomas

_____________________________

Reality is what you create; not what others leave behind.

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 6:43:02 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		IF:
  1. The Married Dom's partner is aware and aproves of his kinl and that he wa nts a sub/slave....
  2. The married Dom is martried to another Dom and they have their shit wired high and tight....
  3. If you are not looking for a husband or life partner....
Then I see nothing wrong. If however any one of the top three applies in the negative then foirget it. Save the hurt for all consurned and keep searching for what you seek. Where there is one there are others.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)


"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/25/2008 6:45:06 PM >

(in reply to Cougarandkitten)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 7:50:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think you're talking about more than just talking.

Don't do it.  If you must do it, take responsibility and don't come whining when you don't get what you want when you decide you want more.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 7:57:06 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		If you'll accept a slave's point of view, my Daddy is not married but has told me that he does not think that love needs to go hand in hand with a BDSM relationship.  He likes to compartmentalize His emotions.  He will never want 24/7, we will never "date", He is not looking for romance.  I knew all of this going in, along with knowing that He has other subs.  I made the conscious decision that this is all right with me.  IF you can do that you may still feel true fulfillment and contentment.  If you don't believe that you are strong enough in spirit to be just a part time partner then it is better not to let things get to the point where your heart could be broken - even if He does seem perfect to you now.

_____________________________



(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 8:38:55 PM   
lmystery


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline 		i thank all of You for Your great advice i think i already new what the responce would be i just needed to know for sure. i am seeking more frm this lifestyle other than what He can offer me. As far as the wife she does not know. i don't know why i would of even considered it talking to any married man vanilla or not just isn't my thing but He know what to say to me to make desire more frm Him. i know what i need to do or should i say i know what i shouldn't do. Well my search goes on for what i seek. Thank You all for Your help.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 9:11:23 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		I have no problem with it as long as the submissive meets BOTH the Married Dom and their spouse at least a few times.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 9:32:43 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Speaking as a married Domme, I hope I can lend some insight.

First of all, you need to assess what is right for you.  Nobody else can determine that.  Are you in a situation that won't satisfy you?  Will you feel neglected?  How does your Dom perceive these things?

Only you can answer these questions to fit your situation.  I wish you the best of luck in exploring.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 9:33:40 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Not having clear title sort of screws up the ownership thing.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 9:43:13 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/25/2008 10:54:27 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Perved your profile Op.

What you asked us goes against EVERY Statement you made on your Bio.

Not all Married Dom's are the same. So judgeing the married part is slightly off.

For Instance I am Married but I am also looking for a girl to join our home as a partner in it. Poly isn't for everyone I know, but One guy is married to a woman who can't, or won't, give him what he wants so behind her back he goes and gets it anyway. If he isn't willing to leave her for what he wants I always ask honestly how important the other girl can possible be to him.

I'm not INTENTIONALLY Knocking the Married Dom, however it is hard not to. I mean if you have to lie to your wife about it, or Lie by deception of the marriage how honest and sincear can you really be to the girl you are supposed to be taking COMPLETE control over? How responsible can you be to the girl if you have a larger responsibility to the wife?

To the Op I simply ask this.

Can you ever be happy not having a stake to claim in the relationship? Because I would not be able to live with a relationship that I knew that when the tables got turned I would be the first to go.

Why try something you clearly state you don't want in your hello to the community? How important are you limits if you aren't even wiling to respect them.

The last part of your Profile asks Me (The reader) to respect your wishes and then in this thread you ask if it would be okay for you to do it?

I question the intent? Do you want happiness or just someone who says all the right things?

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to domahpet)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 4:48:47 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you need a monogamous relationship or to be the primary, then why even get into a relationship that you know will not be satisfying? Keep looking. If you don't need those things, then go for it if there's sufficient compatibility. Or just be casual play partners without the d/s component.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 5:18:01 AM   
lmystery


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline 		thank You Steelofutah i know this goes against everything i believe and seek in my life. i have never been with this Dom it has only been talking on the comp. that is why i posted in here He wants to meet and i wanted to know for sure that this wasn't part of the bdsm world i haven't been in this lifestyle that long to really know whats right and whats wrong. As far as my profile i still stand by everything that i wrote in there. It's just nice to have someone help me understand the dating scene this is all new to me i have only been divorced for 1 yr. so i am still learning. but thank You for Your input it is greatly appreciated.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 5:29:19 AM   
sirguym


Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

IF:
  1. The Married Dom's partner is aware and aproves of his kinl and that he wa nts a sub/slave....
  2. The married Dom is martried to another Dom and they have their shit wired high and tight....
  3. If you are not looking for a husband or life partner....
Then I see nothing wrong. If however any one of the top three applies in the negative then foirget it. Save the hurt for all consurned and keep searching for what you seek. Where there is one there are others.



I am married, we are a Dom/Domme couple. We both have subs and slaves. It works for us and for them; but they knew what they were getting themselves into.

I am aware that some of my subs and slaves seek something more. I do not try to stop them looking for it. If it is offered to them, and I check out the person making an offer, I encourage them to go grab it. I am always prepared to relinquish any claim in such circumstances; as I have done a couple of times.

I have been told that they would not have been ready for 'their One' without what they learned in their time with me. Maybe it was true. But I look upon it generally as losing a slave and gaining two good friends. But I guess I am not typical, from what I hear.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 5:36:29 AM   
lmystery


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline 		i want to thank you all again but the desision was made for me today i told Him i had asked for advise here. He didn't care for that so with that said. Thank all of You for Your time and help.

lmystery in search of what she really seeks

(in reply to sirguym)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 5:48:09 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		im sorry to respond as i am obviously not Domme, but i have an experience with a married Dom who approached me and wanted to collar me. i explained to him when he stated that he wanted to work toward owning me...that because he was committed to his wife and their life together...as evidenced by his not leaving....that he was in no position to own, he could only rent. And i need more than that out of  a relationship.
Think about it for a second. ill bet you a dollar that he said his wife doesnt understand the lifestyle and that its not fair to try to force someone to be sub when they are not sub.
A friend of mine said that if you told a vanilla woman that you wanted to spend the next 2 hours concentrating fully on just her and her body and her responses; and wanted to actively find a way to crawl inside her head and body....to own her even for that time....that you could turn just about anyone....
So how Dom is he that he cant find a way to lead in his own home...whether she is sub or not...there is usually a leader in the home...and if his nature was dominant...it would be his goal to make sure that he was dominant at home.
If he cant dominate the person he vowed to be with forever....how much can he dominate you? And would that be enough...considering the divided attention.

Just some thoughts...
persephone(e)

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 20
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