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RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 5:52:51 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirguym

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

IF:
  1. The Married Dom's partner is aware and aproves of his kinl and that he wa nts a sub/slave....
  2. The married Dom is martried to another Dom and they have their shit wired high and tight....
  3. If you are not looking for a husband or life partner....
Then I see nothing wrong. If however any one of the top three applies in the negative then foirget it. Save the hurt for all consurned and keep searching for what you seek. Where there is one there are others.



I am married, we are a Dom/Domme couple. We both have subs and slaves. It works for us and for them; but they knew what they were getting themselves into.

I am aware that some of my subs and slaves seek something more. I do not try to stop them looking for it. If it is offered to them, and I check out the person making an offer, I encourage them to go grab it. I am always prepared to relinquish any claim in such circumstances; as I have done a couple of times.

I have been told that they would not have been ready for 'their One' without what they learned in their time with me. Maybe it was true. But I look upon it generally as losing a slave and gaining two good friends. But I guess I am not typical, from what I hear.



Aye, but you are typical of my circle of close friends, peers and mentors who are in a similar situation.. No poiint in hanging onto someone when it is time for then to take the next step on their journey. far better to allow to take that step with you blessing after checking that the intended person matches the person he or she portreys tyhemselves as....

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


(in reply to sirguym)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 5:53:10 AM   
sirguym


Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lmystery
i want to thank you all again but the desision was made for me today i told Him i had asked for advise here. He didn't care for that so with that said. Thank all of You for Your time and help.

lmystery in search of what she really seeks


I think that says it all really. If he wants to shut you off from the world in his cosy little bubble divorced from the real world, then he's not worth bothering with.

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 6:23:13 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		A lot of women don't care if a guy is married or not. They will go after him anyway. It is like that in the vanilla world and it is like that on here. So op you either want the guy or you don't.

(in reply to sirguym)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 6:39:36 AM   
Masterssj


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline 		I am posting part of my response here from another topic as i feel it applies here also .

when i came on this site originally , i was looking for certain things and a certain type of person , one day i happened on my Masters ad and i knew then and there i wished to contact him and i did so . my Master was exactly not what i was originally looking for , he is married , time together would possibly be rare at times and a few other things , however as i spoke to him and learned more , i realized he was the perfect Master for me , i was never and never will look to get married again , i didnt have to wonder about the love issues and where its all going , no expectations there , no demands of it and all those other complicated issues , i understand his occupation completely , he is safe in more ways than one ,his being married is a safety for me , i am allowed the best Master there is , i can give all my submission to him , i do not have to worry about him falling in or out of love with me and all those trauma things , i can live in my own house and know its mine and no one can take it from me , although for all intents and purposes it is his home and he runs it  this and a list of other things that are extremely important to me is what makes him a perfect Master for me even though he is married ...  each of us has our own ideals and wants , needs etc , what works for my Master and i would not work for ninety eight percent of couples , but for us it does and thats what makes it as good as it is .        Masters , sj

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 6:54:14 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My answer changed the minute I read the follow up reply and saw the statement that the wife doesn't know.

Since the situation is no longer current, I'll keep My harsh statements to Myself.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Masterssj)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 6:55:46 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Imystery,

While mentoring I run into this problem alot.
Your want something that is extremely hard to find and keep. A solid D/s relationship and love.

You have received some very good advice in the above comments, so no need to repeat them.

Good fprtune.

CP

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 7:19:31 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lmystery

As far as the wife she does not know.
He stood up in front of family, friends and God and made a vow and promise. He's breaking that vow and promise. This man is lying to the most important person in his life. What in the world makes you think he wouldn't lie to you, too?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/26/2008 8:26:36 AM   
expolderdom


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Seems sort of easy to me.

1. Since she doesn't know, can YOU really ever trust him?
2. If answer to above is no, why bother with any other question?
3. If answer to 1 was yes, you won't hear anything a sane, helping Master is going to say, so I'll save my breath and the exasperation of being ignored.

EOD

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/27/2008 9:48:51 AM   
nwcutie102


Posts: 162
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline 		don't get in too deep. if you seek to be his only, you are not and never will be. maybe just a flirty friendship? keep things within boundaries? i know, not always easy to do. good luck

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/28/2008 5:32:40 AM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

A lot of women don't care if a guy is married or not. They will go after him anyway. It is like that in the vanilla world and it is like that on here. So op you either want the guy or you don't.
Personally, if I found out that someone I was interested in engaged in that sort of behavior, unbeknownst to the spouse (you know, did the other woman thing), I'd cease all communication. I don't want anyone close to me who has no integrity. That's who I am.

I'm not in any "scene" or "lifestyle"; I do things my own way. But, as I read over the years of the shit people do, I think there are a whole lot of people who use the cover of BDSM to rationalize all kinds of scumbag behavior. I have no use for them.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/28/2008 3:28:15 PM   
sirguym


Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Aye, but you are typical of my circle of close friends, peers and mentors who are in a similar situation.. No poiint in hanging onto someone when it is time for then to take the next step on their journey. far better to allow to take that step with you blessing after checking that the intended person matches the person he or she portreys tyhemselves as....

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


It seems there are a lot on here who want 'everything' at once, who dream or think that they can leap from where they are now to their ultimate dream; a 1:1 relationship which gives them everything. Some will.

But IMHO even if they did fall into bed with Ms or Mr Right, it would all go horribly wrong; because they are not yet ready for that.

Life is a series of steps and taking it step by step can be a surer path than leaping into the darkness.

Too many ask the question, "Is this everything I'd wish for?" when a more useful measure is, "Does this get me closer to where I want to be eventually?"

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/28/2008 3:55:13 PM   
TethersEnd


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirguym

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Aye, but you are typical of my circle of close friends, peers and mentors who are in a similar situation.. No poiint in hanging onto someone when it is time for then to take the next step on their journey. far better to allow to take that step with you blessing after checking that the intended person matches the person he or she portreys tyhemselves as....

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


It seems there are a lot on here who want 'everything' at once, who dream or think that they can leap from where they are now to their ultimate dream; a 1:1 relationship which gives them everything. Some will.

But IMHO even if they did fall into bed with Ms or Mr Right, it would all go horribly wrong; because they are not yet ready for that.

Life is a series of steps and taking it step by step can be a surer path than leaping into the darkness.

Too many ask the question, "Is this everything I'd wish for?" when a more useful measure is, "Does this get me closer to where I want to be eventually?"



Wisdom from two Wise Men. 
 


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to sirguym)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/29/2008 7:11:11 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		 
married doesn't always equate to cheating on their spouse, and married certainly doesn't equate to being dead, so i can't see what the problem would be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lmystery

i was wondering what other Dom's view's are on a un owned sub talking with a married Dom. it really isn't what i seek but he is the type of Dom that i am searching for just that i know i may end up His but He will never be mine. Please i could use some advice.

Thank You
lmystery


(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/29/2008 7:23:59 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lmystery

i was wondering what other Dom's view's are on a un owned sub talking with a married Dom. it really isn't what i seek but he is the type of Dom that i am searching for just that i know i may end up His but He will never be mine. Please i could use some advice.

Thank You
lmystery

i'm not a Dom...but a sub who has been where you are.  i will not say "don't"...except to say don't be surprised if you wind up heartbroken.  That's not to say there won't be some purely blissful moments...but in the end, if someone is married and intends to stay married...and you want more...well it will be your fault for wanting more of what you can't have.  Doesn't mean he won't love you...guide you...put you in that deliciously sexy submissive mindset...and even more so, because the constant yearning for forbidden fruit is heady...i've been there...and i've also been at the point where a meeting was cancelled by last minute visits from sick in-laws, where you get no contact for the holidays because "Christmas is family time"...where you can only have 30 second phone calls...or phone sex while his car sits in the garage, and you never got to cum because "...Oh shit...gotta go"...click!  i also learned some important lessons...and i often think if pain breeds insight...woud i NOT go through the pain of i had a choice to do things differently?  Not bloody likely.  But my emotional masochism threshhold may be higher than yours...so beware.  You know in the end, it's all about your choice...{{{hugs}}}

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/30/2008 8:36:10 AM   
subdevra


Posts: 37
Joined: 3/28/2008
Status: offline 		if it is not what you are looking for then don't settle.

i was seeing and then collared to a married man for a total of over a year.  and as you said you will be his but he will never be yours.  as soon as there was some chaos in his life (of which i had no part in) i was still the first to go.



(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/30/2008 11:14:53 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		For me, collaring to a married man would be a definite stop right there.  I don't even play casually with anyone married unless the spouse knows of the alternative life.  He/she doesn't necessarily have to approve, they just have to know.  Marriage is one sanctity is I will not break without that knowledge and I will not be a party to deception.  Just MO.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to subdevra)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Married DOM"S - 3/31/2008 10:11:49 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lmystery

i was wondering what other Dom's view's are on a un owned sub talking with a married Dom. it really isn't what i seek but he is the type of Dom that i am searching for just that i know i may end up His but He will never be mine. Please i could use some advice.

Thank You
lmystery



I suppose the first question to ask is if this guy is hiding his relationship with you from his spouse.  If so, I imagine there will definately be some very significant problems.

~Thorns 

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to lmystery)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Married DOM"S - 4/12/2008 3:40:43 PM   
Subana


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		For me , if someone is married and the wife doesn`t know nothing, that man isnt and cant be dom, cause a really dom isnt a coward.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Married DOM"S - 4/14/2008 5:14:37 AM   
BigDirty


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/9/2008
Status: offline 		I think you answered your own question.   My wife knows, and have met all of my slaves and sub.  She knows them very well and they resepect her.  She has been there during some of our sessions, but the lifestyle does nothing for her, she is still more into swinging.  But if he is cheating on his wife, then he is a pig anyways, so that being said, good luck

(in reply to Subana)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Married DOM"S - 4/14/2008 10:12:03 AM   
SeaDogret


Posts: 50
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline 		I know a very experience subbie, who is married to a vanilla who has no knowledge of her dark side, she however will only scene with married Doms, with a hard limit of no intercourse, BTW ismy friend, nothing more. Otherwise she is game for the life. I am married to a vanilla, who has no knowledge of my dark side, my sub's prefer me since can scene and play, but they can have a life too. My sub's know up front where I stand, this is very important.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 40
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