RE: ASS…u & me? (Full Version)

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Hippiekinkster -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:31:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I'm going to assume that whatever you're drinking it's delectable...[;)]

No, nothing exciting. Some Ghirardeli cocoa, cane sugar, water, and ice. Like a Yoohoo. It's a way to take care of myself, yanno? I have a big cantaloupe in the fridge I'm thinking of blending up, though.

So, anyway, I guess the way I have been responding very recently is a result of not only recent experiences, but also a concrete example of my own ambivalence and apathy. Major ambivalence. I don't even much care about kink any more, really. I'm not real sure I want to think about my motivations right now, so I'll just leave it at that.



subtee -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:32:53 AM)

That's cool because it seems to me so many threads veer all the hell over the place due to assumptions that are wrong or have nothing to do with what is asked or said. Very cool.



colouredin -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:35:58 AM)

I am like 4 differant types of people, I think i am very diplomatic on here, i dont know why, I really think through my responses and also I hate what it feels like when someone slams you down when you are asking a real question or really concerned so I do try to give the benifit of the doubt to most, not all but most. I also dont want to offend anyone, in real life I tend to be far more argumentative because I know that I can win many arguments, here I dont feel as confident maybe because its text and I am dyslexic and know that sometimes what I mean to say doesnt come out right.

I am differant again on my blog, far more self involved and emotional than here, I like to maintain and air of calm here. On IM I am a total mess, I am a speed typer so I will type every thought that comes in to my head which means I often sound a neurotic freak, someone even said that to me recently. In real life I keep my emotions hidden for the most part, I am very smiley and very sarcastic, I still put my foot in my mouth but on topics that I know a bit about I am very argumentative and have very clear ideas that I simply wont drop, whereas here I would be far more likely to conceed a point. I have no clue why it may seem a bit odd because I dont know any of you guys but some reason I really dont want to offend anyone where as real life it doesnt matter as much, I guess maybe because if i do I will know and I can always give them a big cuddle (I give the best cuddles in the world)



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:38:12 AM)

it wasnt that long ago when gay's were thrown in asylums...even in the 70s and 80s that was happening...and in other countries they are executed.





subtee -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:40:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

I always felt that human exchanges online can be very revelatory. It feels as though because visual and auditory perception is erased, the personality appears nearly parred down to a minimal.

It's cyberbrilliance.


Your brilliance certainly comes through to this cyberworld. I assume you're an egghead with multiple degrees and folks gathered around you waiting for your sage words to fall like fortunes from the gods in the clouds...you is so damn smart.

(ok not an "egghead" but still...) For rizzle.


You see core personalities within posts, cmail, profiles, etc? Maybe I'm making bad assumptions but it seems to me the very requirement of typing allows for contemplation and deliberation that aren't as attendant with words/facial expressions in face to face..




subtee -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:43:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I am like 4 differant types of people, I think i am very diplomatic on here, i dont know why, I really think through my responses and also I hate what it feels like when someone slams you down when you are asking a real question or really concerned so I do try to give the benifit of the doubt to most, not all but most. I also dont want to offend anyone, in real life I tend to be far more argumentative because I know that I can win many arguments, here I dont feel as confident maybe because its text and I am dyslexic and know that sometimes what I mean to say doesnt come out right.

I am differant again on my blog, far more self involved and emotional than here, I like to maintain and air of calm here. On IM I am a total mess, I am a speed typer so I will type every thought that comes in to my head which means I often sound a neurotic freak, someone even said that to me recently. In real life I keep my emotions hidden for the most part, I am very smiley and very sarcastic, I still put my foot in my mouth but on topics that I know a bit about I am very argumentative and have very clear ideas that I simply wont drop, whereas here I would be far more likely to conceed a point. I have no clue why it may seem a bit odd because I dont know any of you guys but some reason I really dont want to offend anyone where as real life it doesnt matter as much, I guess maybe because if i do I will know and I can always give them a big cuddle (I give the best cuddles in the world)


I'm posting all your words again because I think this is a very self-aware, very honest post. You're wise, you know?

[edit: typo]



LilMissHaven -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:44:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

That's cool because it seems to me so many threads veer all the hell over the place due to assumptions that are wrong or have nothing to do with what is asked or said. Very cool.


I try to post before reading other replies.

1. the written or spoken word are not my first language and its sometimes hard for me to hold onto the words I need to get my point across...trust me its as frustrating for me as it is any of you trying to make sense of what I'm saying.

2. sometimes people are just mean and I don't want them to color my message (I don't see what harm it does to reply openly and honestly even if the person or situation doesn't seem realistic).  I don't know that someone is a fake therefore I prefer to see everyone as a real viable person with feelings that can be hurt.

I guess I'm just trying to stick with my personal motto: Do no harm.

Am I getting the jest of the original question?



subtee -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:47:41 AM)

~Looks at her Diet Rite "One"; looks at Hippie's "yoohoo"~ Sigh.

What you're saying here is what I think I mean; we're coloring what we're reading; how can we not?

Now, do you feel you are choosing the direction in which your assumptions lead? Or is it an un-asked-for expression of where you are?

(At any point---none of my damn business, HK)



Hippiekinkster -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:49:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

That's cool because it seems to me so many threads veer all the hell over the place due to assumptions that are wrong or have nothing to do with what is asked or said. Very cool.

I meant more in my private exchanges, but I suppose some are applicable to the forums here and elsewhere as well.

I know I'm as guilty as anyone going off-topic from time to time.



domahpet -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:51:32 AM)

i always try to give a person the chance to get their point across cleary
before passing judgement, so to speak, on them.
i treat everyone the same online and in life. if someone is serious but have trouble
getting their point across ill wait it out, sometime for a long time. if someone
is pulling my chain (ie: its in ask a master), ill call them on it in a heartbeat.
sometimes people feel disreaspected, but yes it is hard online with out facial expression etc.
i always try to add as much 'feeling' as i can to my typed words, most of the time people get me.



subtee -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:54:44 AM)

quote:

I try to post before reading other replies.
I have never done this, but I think it's a great idea.
quote:

1. the written or spoken word are not my first language and its sometimes hard for me to hold onto the words I need to get my point across...trust me its as frustrating for me as it is any of you trying to make sense of what I'm saying.
You do damn well!

2. sometimes people are just mean and I don't want them to color my message (I don't see what harm it does to reply openly and honestly even if the person or situation doesn't seem realistic).  I don't know that someone is a fake therefore I prefer to see everyone as a real viable person with feelings that can be hurt. [emphasis added] This is exactly what I mean; we don't know, can't know! We are left assuming some things, so how come we so often seem to choose negatively? (I don't mean anyone personally, just in a general sense.)




colouredin -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:56:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

That's cool because it seems to me so many threads veer all the hell over the place due to assumptions that are wrong or have nothing to do with what is asked or said. Very cool.


Its also semantics and confidence, for example if someone sees a word that presses a switch in their head (SSC did it on a post yesterday, and specifically the word sane) people will grab at it, especially if they have no knowledge of the actual question being asked or no interest in it. People aregue that the sub vrs slave debate is boring and annoying yet they are the most wild threads because people have strong opinions and they are just opinions. If a person feels confident in their ideas of something then they will write more on it. I think thats a large reason for threads going AWOL.

Semantics, well a lot of debates here seem to be about what a word means to differant people, the topic of D/s especially is very personal we have applied our own meanings based on our own life experiance, we may feel personally attacked if someone uses a differant word or meaning. Something as simple as someone saying more submissive will cause world war three because we feel we have to defend our own position, the idea that submission is based on a sliding scale causes us to question ourselves, are we enough, and no one likes that and a good old argumaent reinforces our own sense of self worth.

and thankyou tee, that was a lovely thing to say :D



Hippiekinkster -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 10:59:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

~Looks at her Diet Rite "One"; looks at Hippie's "yoohoo"~ Sigh.

What you're saying here is what I think I mean; we're coloring what we're reading; how can we not?

Now, do you feel you are choosing the direction in which your assumptions lead? Or is it an un-asked-for expression of where you are?

(At any point---none of my damn business, HK)

No, I don't mind sharing. I don't know that I am "choosing" so much as clicking my heels together three times, you know? I'm not entirely aware of my motivations. We all have drives and desires which are not conscious, we know that. My assumptions are expressions of those desires, you know, for companionship, for love, for fulfillment, for meaning, for a reason.

It's a combination of both, Tee.  Part of my ambivalence is a result of some very early (around 2 yr old) childhood trauma that was uncovered late last year. Knowing what it is, and where to go from there, are two entirely different things.



subtee -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 11:14:08 AM)

Domah, I think most people get you too. Awesome.

Let me ask you this...for the folks who get offended quickly or seem, I don't know, too sensitive (judgment, judgment judgment), what are they assuming? There was much talk a while back about ladies auxillary, etc., and the polarization from that surprised me. I thought, "no one really thinks that, do they?"
Hmmmmm....



subtee -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 11:24:09 AM)

Right on, Coloured:

quote:

Semantics, well a lot of debates here seem to be about what a word means to differant people,
And as a lover of words this both consternates and (more often), amuses me.

quote:

Something as simple as someone saying more submissive will cause world war three because we feel we have to defend our own position, the idea that submission is based on a sliding scale causes us to question ourselves, are we enough, and no one likes that and a good old argumaent reinforces our own sense of self worth.


So the assumptions fly both ways: "you're not hearing what I'm saying (I think) so you mean XYZ"; "Oh ho! So now you're saying I'm ABC, huh?" Cyber blows ensue...

We seem pretty insecure at times, no? (Not meaning anyone in particular)



Gwynvyd -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 11:29:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

I always felt that human exchanges online can be very revelatory. It feels as though because visual and auditory perception is erased, the personality appears nearly parred down to a minimal.

It's cyberbrilliance.


I have to agree with you and DV.

When you are in an online forum.. and getting to know people... you do not have the physical distractions. If they change thier style of dress, or how they wear thier hair.. gain or lose weight.. you will not be effected by it.. it will not enter your mind even. You have only thier words. I think over a good amount of time you *can* gleem the basic intent and personality of a person if they are open and honest enough. I know many here who I would wish nothing more then to have them move near by so I could see them on a normal friendship basis. (thankfuly I have Greedy!) *smiles* and there are some who in my mind have proven by thier writtings here over time that We could never see eye to eye, and I would never want anything to do with them.

It is (IMHO) very wrong to judge someone on thier looks, appearance, creed, color, sexual orientation.. ect. However if you form an opinon on a person solely based on how they act, what they write.. thier thoughts and how they treat others.... then personaly I see nothing wrong with it. It is the very basis of how we chose our friends.. and how we chose those we do not wish to associate with. Just as I would not wish to sit next to Hitler and sing Kombiya... I do not waste my time and energy on those I do not find mentaly or emotionaly stimulating.

I am not a saint... and I get fustrated as any one does.. esp when people further someones illness, or eggs someone on to become more of a prick by stating assinine statistics, or does not back up thier info. Will telling these people they are being unmittigated asses help? Most likely not.. however if it was merely a mistyped phrase.. or a misunderstanding I would rather know it.. then think they are a jerk. It might also make them more self aware that not everyone thinks as they do.. and what is wrong with open debate. (at least in politics) Most threads I simply just back out of if I know there is nothing positive I have to add... or if I feel like a rant is comming on.

Gwyn



Gwynvyd -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 11:37:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hippiekinkster

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

~Looks at her Diet Rite "One"; looks at Hippie's "yoohoo"~ Sigh.

What you're saying here is what I think I mean; we're coloring what we're reading; how can we not?

Now, do you feel you are choosing the direction in which your assumptions lead? Or is it an un-asked-for expression of where you are?

(At any point---none of my damn business, HK)

No, I don't mind sharing. I don't know that I am "choosing" so much as clicking my heels together three times, you know? I'm not entirely aware of my motivations. We all have drives and desires which are not conscious, we know that. My assumptions are expressions of those desires, you know, for companionship, for love, for fulfillment, for meaning, for a reason.

It's a combination of both, Tee.  Part of my ambivalence is a result of some very early (around 2 yr old) childhood trauma that was uncovered late last year. Knowing what it is, and where to go from there, are two entirely different things.


*hugs hugs hugs hugs*

Gwyn,
Who loves Ghirardeli.. but uses it to make fudge.



subtee -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 11:38:04 AM)

~droooooooooolllllll~

anyone got a wet nap?



subtee -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 11:56:47 AM)

[snip]
quote:

It is (IMHO) very wrong to judge someone on thier looks, appearance, creed, color, sexual orientation.. ect. However if you form an opinon on a person solely based on how they act, what they write.. thier thoughts and how they treat others.... then personaly I see nothing wrong with it.

I agree that assumptions/judgments shouldn't be made on superficialities, but when we are face to face we have the benefit of enhanced communicative information, it seems to me.

[snip]
quote:

...and what is wrong with open debate. (at least in politics) Most threads I simply just back out of if I know there is nothing positive I have to add... or if I feel like a rant is comming on.

I don't have a problem at all with open debate, although the older I get the less I am interested in participating. But I will tell you that doing that very thing--backing out without commenting is what started me thinking about assumptions. Yesterday I read about "personal responsibility." It seemed to me that many were saying, (in so many words), "you really need to own your shit" and then posting their own examples of personal responsibility with caveats and explanations, even while ultimately saying, "but I take responsibility for my part..." It seemed to me it about looking outward and I believe the OP was about looking within.

What I would have said, but chose not to, because I believed it wouldn't be understood due to assumptions, is this: "I don't care if a woman lays down nude in the middle of the road at 3 a.m., if she says 'no,' it is rape."

How do you think that would have worked out for me?

Tee hee

[Edit to fix de dam boxes]



kittinSol -> RE: ASS…u & me? (4/1/2008 12:22:44 PM)

I didn't mean I was cyberbrilliant; but brilliance is sometimes used for vision. It's a little like perceiving things through a medium. Sorry if I came across as conceited [X(] (again).



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