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what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:42:26 AM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline

so, the last few doms i have attempted to pursue something with have all decided to switch on me. mind you, these are men who advertise themselves as dominant, not switch. it starts off well and good and by the 3rd or 4th date they are "curious as to what it would be like if i topped them." why does this keep happening? does anyone else have this problem?

Post #: 1

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:43:47 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I havent ever had that, Maybe its simply the type of person that you are attracted to?

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Post #: 2

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:46:16 AM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline

these are people that i have met on collarme...so i don't really see how this could be something that i would just be drawn to...

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 3

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:46:49 AM

TwistedLeather

Posts: 189
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

Do you come across as dominant yourself? Your personality i mean? i know i can at times... takes someone very strong to bring out my natural submissiveness. Otherwise, i'm just "faking" it and they can tell the difference.

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Wishing you lots of whacks and giggles!

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(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 4

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:49:34 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Quote: Why does this keep happening.

I went and Perved your profile and I read this

quote:

I recently ended a 3 year D/s relationship in which I was the Domme. My recent relationship was very much
topped from the bottom, it's a long and convoluted story, but needless
to say, it didn't work out. Life is a little hectic for me
at the moment and I feel this desire to have at least an aspect of it
controlled for me as it were. I suppose you could say that I've been into kinky sex as long as I've been aware of sex. I'm finally allowing myself to go for what I want--submission.

I think it is because what you are presenting in your profile. You say that you are wanting submission but admit that you have a history of Topping from the Bottom and of being a Domme. I would think that the people who review your profile see that and it may even attract those who wish to try the bottoming aspect with still being a Dominant.

I liked what I read in your profile because I LIKE honestly but as for what you have been getting I can see that this may be an issue. Perhaps you are possible only attracted to Dom's who can be manipulated or topped from the bottom.

Always in situations like this look inward first especially if it happens alot and the only common factor in all of them is .... You.

Happy Hunting.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to wanderingastray)

Post #: 5

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:50:14 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

They are subs, playing bait and switch.

Mayvbe you should make it clear that playing this game with you is a waste of time, and you will dump them the first time that they attempt it.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 6

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:50:45 AM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline

i don't think i necessarily come across as dominant, i mean, i switch on occasion but in general i don't put that out there, especially with someone i am pursuing as a dom.

(in reply to TwistedLeather)

Post #: 7

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:52:24 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingastray

these are people that i have met on collarme...so i don't really see how this could be something that i would just be drawn to...

Why not? I am drawn to specific types of people be it online or in real life, it just happens

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to wanderingastray)

Post #: 8

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:53:34 AM

DS4DUMMIES

Posts: 180
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingastray

so, the last few doms i have attempted to pursue something with have all decided to switch on me. mind you, these are men who advertise themselves as dominant, not switch. it starts off well and good and by the 3rd or 4th date they are "curious as to what it would be like if i topped them." why does this keep happening? does anyone else have this problem?

It's called "I-am-not-really-a-dom-but-i-believe-that-women-on-bdsm-sites-might-be-more-loose-than-women- i meet-in-bars-and-so-maybe-i-can-get-them-to-top-me-if-i-order-them-to-syndrome"

Actually, I've heard many women voice this frustration in the past, so you;re not alone. Adding a line to your profile that says "...anyone who meets me professing to be a "dom", and asks me - or even HINTS at asking me - to top them, is going to be instantly and unceremoniously thrown out on their ass, never to return...", will help. That's not satire.....

Ds4

_____________________________

"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.” Patrick Overton

(in reply to wanderingastray)

Post #: 9

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:54:09 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingastray

these are people that i have met on collarme...so i don't really see how this could be something that i would just be drawn to...

Why not? I am drawn to specific types of people be it online or in real life, it just happens

Should I add Magnets then cause nothing I do seems to be working peaches. LOL

Hope life is better colourdin

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 10

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 11:57:22 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Aww *hugs Steel* thankyou very much sweetie.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 11

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 12:06:04 PM

AdventurousLife

Posts: 72
Status: offline

So, given that the OP says she was a "Domme" does that mean she's not really a Sub but she's heard that guys on BDSM sites are gullible for women posing as submissives?

I've got two very good friends- they've been married over 20 years- both of them have had sex with people of their own gender in the past. Does this mean their marriage is a sham? That they're really gay and just pretending to be straight? What if they had a three way with someone- would that mean the marriage was a fraud?

< Message edited by AdventurousLife -- 4/3/2008 12:08:25 PM >

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 12

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 12:11:21 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Steel wasnt attacking her he was trying to explain why it may be that these are the people that she comes in to contact with,a dn his reasons actually make a lot of sense. Sub-consciously we are attracted to things if we think there is a certain characteristic in a person that we secretly desire we may be drawn to them without realising it, or maybe its more conscious, maybe these people go, ahhh well shes done it before and I would like to experiment.

I think it does depend what you mean by topping though because i know a few Dominants that enjoy their submissives topping them, doesnt make them any less Dominant

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to AdventurousLife)

Post #: 13

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 12:11:53 PM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Quote: Why does this keep happening.

I went and Perved your profile and I read this

quote:

I recently ended a 3 year D/s relationship in which I was the Domme. My recent relationship was very much
topped from the bottom, it's a long and convoluted story, but needless
to say, it didn't work out. Life is a little hectic for me
at the moment and I feel this desire to have at least an aspect of it
controlled for me as it were. I suppose you could say that I've been into kinky sex as long as I've been aware of sex. I'm finally allowing myself to go for what I want--submission.

I think it is because what you are presenting in your profile. You say that you are wanting submission but admit that you have a history of Topping from the Bottom and of being a Domme. I would think that the people who review your profile see that and it may even attract those who wish to try the bottoming aspect with still being a Dominant.

I liked what I read in your profile because I LIKE honestly but as for what you have been getting I can see that this may be an issue. Perhaps you are possible only attracted to Dom's who can be manipulated or topped from the bottom.

Always in situations like this look inward first especially if it happens alot and the only common factor in all of them is .... You.

Happy Hunting.

Steel

it comes across as that i was the one topping from the bottom? perhaps i should edit because i meant that my former "sub" was topping from the bottom. i definitely do not want to top from the bottom and don't have a history of that. but i totally agree that i am the common factor amongst these three situations, i'm just at a loss as to what to do about it.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 14

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 12:24:23 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Most of the Doms I've met like to be topped now and then. I can understand why your profile would attract Doms that like to occassionly play bottom. Talk to them about it and see if they actually want to be dominated or just topped now and then.

(in reply to wanderingastray)

Post #: 15

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 12:25:27 PM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdventurousLife

So, given that the OP says she was a "Domme" does that mean she's not really a Sub but she's heard that guys on BDSM sites are gullible for women posing as submissives?

I've got two very good friends- they've been married over 20 years- both of them have had sex with people of their own gender in the past. Does this mean their marriage is a sham? That they're really gay and just pretending to be straight? What if they had a three way with someone- would that mean the marriage was a fraud?

thanks AL!

(in reply to AdventurousLife)

Post #: 16

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 12:27:07 PM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

Maybe you should seek out people with a lot more experience of modify your filtering proccess.

(in reply to LadyPaige)

Post #: 17

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 12:27:30 PM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPaige

Most of the Doms I've met like to be topped now and then. I can understand why your profile would attract Doms that like to occassionly play bottom. Talk to them about it and see if they actually want to be dominated or just topped now and then.

i certainly don't mind topping now and then, the problem is that guys who professed to be dominants are wanting either a fully switch relationship with me or for me to be the dominant. and this is after we have negotiated my submission.

(in reply to LadyPaige)

Post #: 18

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 12:56:27 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingastray

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPaige

Most of the Doms I've met like to be topped now and then. I can understand why your profile would attract Doms that like to occassionly play bottom. Talk to them about it and see if they actually want to be dominated or just topped now and then.

i certainly don't mind topping now and then, the problem is that guys who professed to be dominants are wanting either a fully switch relationship with me or for me to be the dominant. and this is after we have negotiated my submission.

If you've negotiated and they still do it, then I'd say your profile, while maybe attracting them to begin with, is not at fault. You get this from every designation; there are people who want what they want and they figure once they've "got you" they can change the terms, let their real personality show, etc.. If your profile is a factor (or you) perhaps it's that they figure if you can be topped from the bottom maybe you can be maniupulated.

< Message edited by LadyPaige -- 4/3/2008 12:58:12 PM >

(in reply to wanderingastray)

Post #: 19

RE: what's with doms switching on me all of a sudden? - 4/3/2008 2:23:01 PM

wanderingastray

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPaige

quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingastray

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPaige

Most of the Doms I've met like to be topped now and then. I can understand why your profile would attract Doms that like to occassionly play bottom. Talk to them about it and see if they actually want to be dominated or just topped now and then.

i certainly don't mind topping now and then, the problem is that guys who professed to be dominants are wanting either a fully switch relationship with me or for me to be the dominant. and this is after we have negotiated my submission.

If you've negotiated and they still do it, then I'd say your profile, while maybe attracting them to begin with, is not at fault. You get this from every designation; there are people who want what they want and they figure once they've "got you" they can change the terms, let their real personality show, etc.. If your profile is a factor (or you) perhaps it's that they figure if you can be topped from the bottom maybe you can be maniupulated.

that makes sense, thanks LP.

(in reply to LadyPaige)

Post #: 20

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