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RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 3:45:02 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Ah yet again focus you have your head where the sun don't shine - heh feels good being back to not being on the same side of a thread as you, more natural this way isn't it

If you want to waste your time in a pointless pissing contest with someone simply incapable of submitting, go fill yer boots, you are most welcome to all the brats you can handle. Petty game playing, attention seeking bullshit maybe found 'fun' by you? I enjoy a spirited girl, banter, fun.... but won't tollerate disrespectful behaviour, attempts to manipulate or top from the bottom, playing the 'punishment game'. Attempts to brat get closed down..... continual attempts to brat will get the girl kicked out out the door.

you seem to portray it as undominant that someone isn't willing to tollerate such crap... I consider it undominant to do so. So long as your way works for you, good luck with that.

Mate, I couldn't resist having a dig - I read two consecutive posts of yours tonight (different threads) and both times you were advocating "dismissal".... Now I concede your point about not tolerating games etc but I just don't agree with simply blaming the submissive, either!

D/s is a *dynamic* - a submissive submitting to a Dominant who dominates - BOTH have a role to play and respectively unique energy to contribute. I don't subscribe to tolerating whiny brats anymore than merely labelling occasional brattiness as "unsubmissive" and pointing to the door - as you seem to find easy doing.

Perhaps I'm oversimplifying your views (as you've done with mine) but that seems to be the nature of our particular relationship. When something is "broken", I try to fix it as a first response - throwing it away and getting another comes later and only when all else fails...

Nonetheless, it's good to see you back posting. I anticipate many more differences between us.... *wink*

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 41

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 3:53:16 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Im a brat, at least everyone seems to think I am and many call me a game player because of it. Im not a game player. I enjoy this life, and its been a part of me since before I could talk. Im intelligent, sarcastic, smartmouthed and rather adorible ^_^. There is a difference between being a brat and being disrespectful in my eyes. I know what my line is. I might stand directly on it, but I never cross it. Im not a smartass to get attention, Im not sarcastic to manupliate my D type. Im simply me, you learn that from the day you first talk to me. If you leave a door wide open, I cant help but go through it. Many in my life enjoy this, as well as the fact when your acting like a dick, Id tell you.

It sounds to me that one of a few things happened.( these are all my tired brain can think of)
Option 1: You met this girl she was how she was, and thought that you with your godly powers could change her. "It doesnt matter if you call an electric eel a duck, it doesnt change what it is, and god I pity the person who takes a bath with that ducky" If you knew this is how she was and wasnt something she was willing to change in the begining. Im sorry that you took a bath with a duck, that wasnt a ducky.
Option 2: Shes acting out to get you to notice things about her that you need to know or things you arnt doing for her.
Option 3: Shes not the girl for you, and shes being a brat to get you to end it, so she doesnt feel bad.

Sure she could just be an attention seeking whore. I could be the queen of england. The person above me could be a real life actionfigure (sorry person above me) The point of my post is this. Talk to her, find out what is causing this behavior, there might be something in her life shes not sure she can tell you about (no its not an excuse but it does happen) Find out if this is what you want in your life, if this is how its going to always be or if its stress and make your choice. Im sorry Focus But I do not agree with your tactic number three. I think the worst thing you can try to do to a brat is FORCE them to do something or to give up something. It usually leads down a road many do not want to travel...

Sorry for my ramblings...and good luck OP ^_^;;

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to mastervalentine)

Post #: 42

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 4:00:17 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

We are very different people.... whilst both of us actualy believe in the fact that our way works for us but if another way works for someone else, good for them, its fun to get in the sparring ring occassionaly and have a right royal slugfest... especialy when neither are taking the 'jibes' personaly

Bottom line, there are some out there who don't want to submit, they maybe just 'bottoms' which os fine if they are involved with a Top... but such simply isn't compatable with Me. When folks are honest about what they are, no problem as such wouldn't end up in the position of Me having any expectations of them, I wouldn't get involved with such beyond maybe a play session at a club. If however such present themself as a submissive but aren't capable of submitting.... I'm not going to put up with the game playing bratty bullshit, they will be kicked to the curb.

That is different than what occurs with an actual submissive who is just needing control, I do that as a matter of course. My current girl was thought to be a brat by many who knew her because she would constantly push... thing was, every time she pushed, the people she was pushing gave ground.... till she met Me. she isn't and never was a brat, it isn't a game, just her needing someone who will hold those drawn lines, those rules and bounderys and not let her away with it.

she is still a cheeky little cowbag on occassion, but most of the pushing is no longer there because she is now secure, knows her place and knows she can't get away with it. The banter and resistance play is good though, she is still a very spirited girl

I have no wish to waste My time on brats, they are simply not compatable with what I require.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 43

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 4:34:38 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Don't get involved with people you aren't compatible with in the first place? Nah, takes too much work.

Look, if she's bratting up to get a response, then that shows you that you need to fix the communication between you. Because she wouldn't be acting out if she were getting her needs met. So what did you lead her to believe you were interested in that you actually aren't? And why did you pull a bait and switch?

If you aren't actively dominating, then don't expect her to actively submit. If you create a power vacuum then do expect her to fill it. Go find a doormat if all you want to do is sit in the recliner and drink beer.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 44

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 6:23:02 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: devil1963

How does one deal with a “brat” ? They seem to have no idea of where there head is.
To me it feels like nothing more than attn grabbing ……….. any ideas?

It's something you chose for..
I grew bored of My rebel, so I set him free.
I don't want to struggle about everything and anything I simply don't have time for such.
I've more things to do in life.

I wish You enough.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to devil1963)

Post #: 45

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 8:45:53 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

It sounds like you just aren't compatible, imo. One person's brat is another person's perfect submissive.

In our relationship, the consequences of behavior are laid out and well-known. If I did something bratty, he would realize that it was another way of asking for attention or maybe some s&m play, because we've talked about it many many times before. To me that is not manipulating or topping from the bottom, he knows my intentions and I know he has every right to tell me to stop or send me away if he's not in the mood. Most relationships have a line drawn and a submissive isn't suppose to cross that line, right? Our line is just drawn further back in the sand and moves periodically. I've been in the kind of relationship where I was not free to brat and be playful and it was not nearly as much fun as this one.

So you are clearly not okay with her behavior....but does she know that? You need to explain how it comes across to you because she probably thinks it's all in good fun.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 46

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 9:19:14 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: devil1963

How does one deal with a “brat” ?
To me it feels like nothing more than attn grabbing ……….. any ideas?

I deal with Brats the same way I deal with any pest. I get rid of them. S.A.M's and Brats IN MY OPINION are counterproductive to what I am trying to accomplish in my life. If I wanted someone who would act up and be a Pain in my ass, I would have remained in Vanilla relationships.

I know there are Dom's out there who like this behavior and allow or encourage it and to them I truely hope they are happy, I just don't want to be around it.

Idea's ?? Yeah Stop shacking up with Brats and you won't have to deal with them anymore.

Now being Bratty at times and being a Brat are Two VERY different things.

Happy Hunting

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to devil1963)

Post #: 47

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 10:00:31 AM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

I think you must have meant your response for someone else. I didn't say you shouldn't get involved with someone your not compatable with. It is though probably a good idea.

As for communication, it doesn't solve everything.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 48

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 10:19:46 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm with Focus. If he isn't dominating, then I will act up. And Raven, you wouldn't have to dismiss someone like me, because I would have identified a power vacuum from day one and wouldn't have entered into the relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 49

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 10:39:11 AM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

DesFip....It goes without saying that you would act up.

And, leadership or dominance will not always straighten out a chronic, attention whore. When folks imply that the slut just needs a strong, focused dominant, I have to shake my head. I would not go there in the first place.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 50

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 10:47:23 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm with Focus. If he isn't dominating, then I will act up. And Raven, you wouldn't have to dismiss someone like me, because I would have identified a power vacuum from day one and wouldn't have entered into the relationship.

Like I said sweetheart, I only deal with girls capable of submitting. I can't be manipulated into tolerating petty brattish game playing. I'm not about to jump through hoops for you or anyone else, if you want someone who will then go seek a service Top.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 51

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 10:58:53 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

*Squick*

Calling someone sweetheart when you disagree with them, comes off as being very patronizing. You know, you don't have to force it down everyones throat that you are dominant, why not take it down a notch so you aren't so condescending.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 52

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 11:11:30 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

You know-- I'm gonna have to agree with you on this one. To a point.

I spent years and years in the vanilla works and a spoiled little princess/brat. Why? Because I could and because I always wanted to see if the man I was with would stop the bad behaviour. Either way he was in a loose/loose situation.

I had to figure out what I was doing and why. Then I had to figure out how not to get into the relationship that would cause me to want to act that way.

I don't act that way now because I don't feel the need to and I don't want to. I have a man in my life that I don't feel the desire to take extrodinary measure to make him prove who he is and what our roles are within the relationship.

I would say from my own personal experience that if she is acting out so bad that it causes concerns (because we all have our impish moments) that the two are not compatible and they would both be happy finding someone else.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 53

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 11:20:59 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Quite, I have a somewhat impish and sprited girl Myself but there is a world of difference between fun banter with the occassional slip of going too far which needs 'adjusting' and someone who is simply willfully bratty and disobedient as a baseline.

There is no 'power vacume' or 'passive Domination'... simply lifestyle. Sure I am capable of throwing her around by the hair like a neandertal on speed... when *I* wish to, but I am not going to go through a power struggle each and every time I want a coffee made.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 54

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 2:10:09 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

That is different than what occurs with an actual submissive who is just needing control, I do that as a matter of course. My current girl was thought to be a brat by many who knew her because she would constantly push... thing was, every time she pushed, the people she was pushing gave ground.... till she met Me. she isn't and never was a brat, it isn't a game, just her needing someone who will hold those drawn lines, those rules and bounderys and not let her away with it.

she is still a cheeky little cowbag on occassion, but most of the pushing is no longer there because she is now secure, knows her place and knows she can't get away with it. The banter and resistance play is good though, she is still a very spirited girl

And there's the gist of what I've been saying to the OP - ie, live up to being the 'Dominant' tag he's chosen in his profile and see if the brattiness continues....

Glad to see I'm rubbing off on you...! <grin> Errr, at least, I think I'm glad.... ;-)

I've met my share of (alleged) brats, too! To borrow from Celeste's (DesFIP) analogy, the brattiness lasted for as long as there was a power vacuum. I think even pre-schoolers have a formula for solving this conundrum of "brattiness" - "I'll show you mine if you show me yours".... What could be more reasonable in this instance...? lol

And contrary to what you believe, I don't desire a perpetual brat, either! In fact, I can't even say I've met one within the lifestyle. But I DO appreciate spirit and a bit of playful mishief in a submissive - and it can be a light-hearted way for her to initiate a dynamic, too! And how far she takes it is ultimately up to me! If that's "games", then I guess I'm a game player, afterall...!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 55

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 2:30:21 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

There is nothing better then a Master with a sense of humor who knows how to Play!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 56

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 4:21:38 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

There is nothing better then a Master with a sense of humor who knows how to Play!

I concur.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 57

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 5:16:08 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

There is nothing better then a Master with a sense of humor who knows how to Play!

I concur.

Great minds do think alike!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 58

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 6:06:38 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Some people are just assholes.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to devil1963)

Post #: 59

RE: Brats…brats…brats - 4/4/2008 6:41:46 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Being that I am originally from Wisconsin I consider myself an expert on the topic of brats and what should be done with them.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 4/4/2008 6:43:44 PM >

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(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 60

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