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When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 12:52:20 AM   
TheKingofKings


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		What do you do when your sub betrays your love?  Your Trust?  Your enduring spirit to live for her as she supposedly lives for you, only to have her drop off the face of the planet and re-emerge with a new love, leaving you there heartbroken and furious.


NOTE: While writing this I am trying to get over the shock of it happening to me, that and it took five minutes because my havds are violently shaking, as is my whole body.


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For the want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost. FOr the want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost. For the want of a steed, the message was undelivered. For the want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.
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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 12:58:50 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheKingofKings

What do you do when your sub betrays your love?  Your Trust?  Your enduring spirit to live for her as she supposedly lives for you, only to have her drop off the face of the planet and re-emerge with a new love, leaving you there heartbroken and furious.


NOTE: While writing this I am trying to get over the shock of it happening to me, that and it took five minutes because my havds are violently shaking, as is my whole body.



First, let me just give you a cyber-hug. There are no words that I can give you that will help you, other than if it was meant to be, it will be. I am so sorry for your pain. King, were there no signs at all that this was going to happen? Or were there red flags and you chose to ignore them?

Hugs to you,

MoGa

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:01:57 AM   
SugarMyChurro


Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline 		This will sound flip, but the real answer is simply this:

You say "Fuck it!" and stop giving your energies over to a person that doesn't want, nor apparently deserve, one second more of your time.

The best revenge is discovering your own happiness.


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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:05:36 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro

This will sound flip, but the real answer is simply this:

You say "Fuck it!" and stop giving your energies over to a person that doesn't want, nor apparently deserve, one second more of your time.

The best revenge is discovering your own happiness.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could turn off a heartbreak and just say fuck it? It is the easiest answer, but most certainly not the easiest thing to do. I do like that find your own happiness IS the best revenge.

MoGa

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:06:31 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I had the same. It breaks your heart, like any other relation would do of course. It takes time.
And their is no "perfect"way to handle it......then time itself.

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:07:31 AM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline 		Like any betrayal of trust, nothing but time does any good. There will be more than enough time later on to figure out things you could have done better, clues you missed. Just don't give in to the devil on your shoulder, be the better man. The best thing you can do is cut off all contact and not pick at the wound.

You're not the first, or the last, it will happen to. You're not alone. Times like these are what friday nights, friends and beer were invented for. Bitch away.

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:15:36 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		It hurts like hell and it can take a while to realise she wasn't the person You believed her to be and that Your trust was misplaced. Unfortunatly thats life, it happens (happened to Me after a 10 year relationship!). You take a step back, re-evaluate and start again, the real work comes in learning not to carry that baggage with You, giving any new sub/slave the benifit of a clean slate... in short, learning how to trust again.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:15:45 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Been there too and it hurts like hell. Also been there from the other side when a former Dom dumped me 3 days before my Birthday to take up with a friend of mine. Hurts on both sides of the slash ... though that time, it proved to be a blessing in disguise as i poured out my heart to a friend ... who has now been my Master 24/7 since June 2004! And He is so much a better man than the other idiot ... whose new relationship didn't last.

Hang in there King ... as has been advised, just be gentle with Yourself for now, let it out to those close to You or here if nowhere else. Once the initial shock has susbided, take the time to examine what happened and learn from it if You can. Don't let a painful experience be just that ... make use of it by being a path to greater self-awareness, and greater future happiness.

Hug
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:16:01 AM   
TheKingofKings


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		No.  No signs whatsoever.

_____________________________

For the want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost. FOr the want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost. For the want of a steed, the message was undelivered. For the want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:41:34 AM   
TheKingofKings


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		I wish to thank you all for your kind words, and the more to come.

_____________________________

For the want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost. FOr the want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost. For the want of a steed, the message was undelivered. For the want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.

(in reply to TheKingofKings)
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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:45:13 AM   
pyrobabe


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		My thoughts are once a sub betrays you like that there is no going back. You will end up always being paranoid about whether or not your he/she is lying to you or not. You were the one obviously all for the relationship and your sub obviously was not. Put all your energies into finding a new sub that won't lie to you and that you can trust. You can not have a relationship with someone that isn’t willing or doesn’t have the passion to make the relationship work.

I'm going to bet that there were signs, but you are to angry and emotional right now to see them. I realize and learn new things all time about past relationships and past experiences as time goes by. Try and figure out when and how she/he lied to you, and then come up with ways to know whether or not the next sub is lying to you or not.

Either way heartache sucks and it sometimes feels like the end of the world, but its not. Life always gets better and you will find the right sub for you.

This is one more lesson that you get to take with you, use it to the best of your advantage.

Good luck

Hugs

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:53:39 AM   
AbsitInvidia


Posts: 164
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline 		I don't get what you mean by 'disappear off the face of the planet' in your post. Was this an internet thing or did she move house and change her phone number so that you couldn't find her or what?

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-=SixFoot and Soshi=-

What most people call rights are merely social norms, they are expectations - but expectations can and will be violated on a daily basis. On her knees. In the mud. Hard, and savagely. Expectations likes it like that.

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 1:59:03 AM   
blissy


Posts: 94
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		There isnt a rewind button on life, its a one way thing...forward! i'm really not good at advice so i'll just ((hug)) Ya & hope you resolve this quickly & move on to someone who deserves You!  


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i give my opinion - it's just my two cents - not words to live by - not written in stone.

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 2:01:36 AM   
TheKingofKings


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		I lost contact with her.  She didn't call, IM or email.  Not even comment me on here.

_____________________________

For the want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost. FOr the want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost. For the want of a steed, the message was undelivered. For the want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.

(in reply to AbsitInvidia)
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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 2:32:59 AM   
Goddess2002


Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline 		The feeling sucks and there's no getting around it...best to let time heal your wounds. In My book once betrayal has occured there's no going back and no second chances. You'll find someone who truly desrves you (Hug).

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 4:30:03 AM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		edited for wrong poster....correction below.

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"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 4:31:47 AM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		You have my deepest sympathies.  Please message me on the other side if you need a shoulder.

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Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 4:49:53 AM   
MissLily


Posts: 146
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		I'm really sorry for your pain.... Been there and the pain is just horrible. Just like any relationship. Only time can make you feel less.

Take care of yourself and spend as much time as possible with your friends. I find it helps Me.

Good luck and take care,
Miss Lily

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 4:50:38 AM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheKingofKings

I lost contact with her.  She didn't call, IM or email.  Not even comment me on here.


First let me say no matter if it is a normal relationship or one of MS or any combination when it breaks it hurts. Please do not fall into drinking and try to avoid depression, or at least recognize the signs and get help if you need it. Casual dating that falls apart is relatively easy to deal with, one where you have invested emotions, time and trust take time to recover from. It is far too easy to fall into a pity loop and very hard to climb out of it. Take time, bitch with friends your trust and when you are ready you will move on. Expect unless you actively work to avoid it that the next relationship will be viewed through the fog of this one and be prepared.

One thing confuses me however. Apparently you live apart by some distance, if you are relying on email, im and phone. You have met face to face and been involved or is this primarily an internet based relationship? The only reason I ask is it can affect to some degree what you can do to help yourself move on. If you spent time together in person pack up those things of hers that are still around your place and deliver them to her effectively closing the door. If you can do it in person great, if not, the mail man has delivered such packages before. If it was primarily internet based, send her a final email, then block all access by her. Put her on your ignore lists and stick with it. Basically she may have ended it, but you have control over whether she can restart it and in putting paid to it for yourself. Take control.

Hugs and Good Luck

poenkitten

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RE: When your sub betrays you. - 4/4/2008 4:51:48 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Taking your post at face value, it is part of life that happens to everyone. Your problem is that you didn’t know her well enough to see this coming. If you are not sure about trustworthiness, avoid letting your emotions run rampant. You can still be in a relationship without putting everything on the line.

To me, it seems the Doms who have many submissives at once have a very practical cop and blow attitude, not that I’m one of them. They find many submissives, play and control them, but if they lose one, it is all part of the game. There’s always another. Matter of fact, they want to keep them leaving after the newness wears off. Maybe there’s something to be said for that mindset if you are not sure of someone.

Choosing to commit to one makes you vulnerable, as you now know.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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