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Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 11:50:15 AM   
littlesui


Posts: 39
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline 		How many of you Doms are ashamed of your subs...or if not ashamed, keep your sub / BDSM activities under wraps?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 11:51:38 AM   
cruel2bkind69


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/2/2006
Status: offline 		If One is ashamed of Your sub- then why bother?

(in reply to littlesui)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 11:56:09 AM   
jenara


Posts: 11
Joined: 2/8/2008
Status: offline 		ashamed, or like to keep things private? there's a big difference.

(in reply to littlesui)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 12:17:11 PM   
littlesui


Posts: 39
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline 		Sorry - potentially misleading there - I meant ashamed /embarrassed/ potentially threatened by your interest / involvement in BDSM to the extent you want to keep all associations 'under wraps'

(in reply to jenara)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 12:18:23 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We're private, not ashamed. We have lives outside the bedroom or dungeon. Family, friends, business contacts. Why would he drag me along to the lumberyard in 6" heels and a corset to discuss the merits of Sikkens Cetol stain on ACQ as opposed to the use of the modern manufactured woods? What purpose would that serve other than to embarrass the manager of the lumberyard who is a very nice and knowledgable person?

Or go visit my 81 year old father in such an outfit? His heart's in good shape but I doubt he could be anything other than very confused and upset. Or watch my son's baseball game? Highly inappropriate.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to jenara)
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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 12:21:29 PM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

How many of you Doms are ashamed of your subs...or if not ashamed, keep your sub / BDSM activities under wraps?


keeping BDSM activities under wraps in no way indicates shame.  Just because Mistress doesn't walk me through the mall on a leash doesn't mean She's ashamed of me, it simply means we acknowledge proper/respectful public behavior (for US - put the torches and leashes away). 
 
Now, if Mistress were to take me to a munch and tell me that i'm to act like "we aren't together" umm yea, thats a different thing all together and i'd wonder what was up.  Or if She didn't want to be seen in public with me at all, again...red flag!
 
If you are finding yourself with someone that wants NO ONE to see/know you are together, i'd be asking some serious questions and fast. 
 
good luck
 
pj
 
edited to add comment to your second post:
 
if their concern is public events/munches and being "outed" to family/friends/coworkers... is simple really.  If you run into someone at an event umm..they're there too??  Doh!!!  lol.  Just as happened at the munch last night, as Mistress sat across the table from Her Uncle's wife... umm helloooo Aunt ___________, roflol.  Yea, true, happened.  Both looked at each other and said, "I didn't see you here" and laughed. 

 
 

< Message edited by softpjOS -- 4/6/2008 12:25:15 PM >

(in reply to littlesui)
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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 12:27:23 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		I agree with softpjOS. 

Respecting that not everyone wants to know about WIITWD and putting a bag over your sub's head (and I'm not talking about a kink, here) when you're together are two separate things. 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to softpjOS)
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RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 12:41:45 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Admittidly I only deal with slaves, but the question could apply woith them too. If I collar a girl, I will be proud of her for what she is in herself. End of story. regarding hiding things to do with my lifestyle, BDSM and a girl should I have one, burnrd my bridges a long time ago with that. However, there are a couple of Neet's family with whom we don't rub their noses in oit. In their own worfds, "What we don't see we don't officially know." They visit and a girl is simply a close friend. .They just don't want to know and I respect their wishes. 'Tis nothing but good manners and respect. 

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 1:22:15 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Sorry - potentially misleading there - I meant ashamed /embarrassed/ potentially threatened by your interest / involvement in BDSM to the extent you want to keep all associations 'under wraps'


littlesui

untill such time as D/s becomes the societal norm, most os us simply must remain out of the normal viewing eye. My pic appears in a leading business magazine about 4 time a year. There would be alot of client cancellations if they knew!!!!!!!!!!!!

CP

(in reply to littlesui)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 2:14:20 PM   
RedAnhedonia


Posts: 50
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry ... I have used the search menu ... but I don't know what WIITWD means ... can anyone help me out ?

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 2:48:58 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedAnhedonia

I'm sorry ... I have used the search menu ... but I don't know what WIITWD means ... can anyone help me out ?


WIITWD = What It Is That We Do

(in reply to RedAnhedonia)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 2:50:20 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		If I was ashamed of them why in the hell would I have them? 

Mike


(in reply to RedAnhedonia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 2:57:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The reality is- lots of them.  Especially the ones who are cheating.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 3:09:25 PM   
Chrissys2127


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		I read your profile and it looks like you're the sub in question. There's no reason why you and your partner couldn't present a vanilla exterior relationship to the rest of the world. Nobody needs to know your personal business. If he's keeping all associations under wraps then you have to ask why he's excluding you from other aspects of his life and wonder what it is that he has to hide. If this is more a BDSM community issue, simply put, not everyone is comfortable with that. But being overly discreet and meeting you only in secret is a red flag to me.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 3:17:32 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		Daddy isn't ashamed of me - why should He be? He's proud of my success in career that i love and enjoy. we tend to keep our relationship and activities to ourselves.

with my pet, our relationship is the same way - private and behind closed doors.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to littlesui)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 3:31:37 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		With Angel, our association is pretty well known, but everyone vanilla assumes I am simply an extremely close friend. There is no indication that there is an involvement BEYOND friendship, so out D/s is very tightly under wraps becasue there is no benefit to his bieng outted with the real life associations he has and had before he met me.

With Fox, everyone knows us as Boyfriend/ girlfriend. Most of the people I work with acknowledge out relationship as "backwards" where Fox is the housewife and I am the Man in the relationship. Its accepted, and no one realy cares. Several coworkers even know about our D/s involvement, but again, its to each their own.

Because D/s is private, we dont clunt it. Its like going around advertising your sexual proclivities... unnecessary. However, I coudl not imagine not wanting to be involved in my boy's lives beyond the playtime. If that is all they are good for then why bother keeping them?

DV



_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 5:21:45 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I was ashamed of a girl I had once upon a time.....   I suppose that is why it is "had" and not "have".

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to littlesui)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 5:25:12 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		I'm not ashamed of my relationship, but I'm not going to go stick it in peoples eye either. If I was in a "normal" relationship (Does anyone have a normal relationship??)  I wouldn't go around announcing to everyone  that I had a boyfriend... and I've never been much for public affection... holding hands is about as far as it goes for me.

I do have a little bit of an exhibitionist streak in me, but I reserve that specically for when it's appropriate, like at a dungeon or a play party or something. I'm the happiest naked person ever, but you aren't going to see me streaking through walmart with just a collar on. ^_^  If people don't want to see something, I don't want to force it on them, you have to respect the people around you.

Now, if he's ashamed to be around you when you are at munches and things like that, I'd reconsider your relationship. I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound quite right to me. 


(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 5:29:29 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

Sorry - potentially misleading there - I meant ashamed /embarrassed/ potentially threatened by your interest / involvement in BDSM to the extent you want to keep all associations 'under wraps'
I have found that a large majority of people that wants to keep "all associtions under wraps" even within the BDSM community are doing so because they have something to hide. It's usually cheating, lying or a bad reputation.

There's one guy locally, that gives his potential subs the song and dance that he hates the local group. The reason why he hates the local group is because he made a jackass of himself towards me.....in public. It's still talked about and any new submissive of his in the community would hear about it. So, he hides from the community.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littlesui)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Ashamed of your sub?? - 4/6/2008 5:31:38 PM   
littlesui


Posts: 39
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chrissys2127

I read your profile and it looks like you're the sub in question.


Sorry - i'm not clear why my profile suggests i'm referring to myself?  I'm not - it was a general question.  The very fact 'we' enjoy WIITWD doesn't render 'us' the type of girl / bloke many would want to take home to meet mum.  I'm referring to the 'BDSM for fun / vanilla for my mum' scenario.  Though i'm guessing anyone with the latter mindset probably wouldn't own up to this - well not where their sub / slut / slave is likely to read it so the answers are probably going to reflect that...



< Message edited by littlesui -- 4/6/2008 5:36:42 PM >

(in reply to Chrissys2127)
Profile   Post #: 20
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