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RE: Release - 4/8/2008 8:41:51 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

OP, you seriously remind me of my ex husband (notice the EX). Once he got an idea in his head, it didn't matter what I said, he knew he was right. It didn't matter if I explained something, showed him evidence, nothing mattered. Because he KNEW what was really going on, yes, he KNEW. Dealing with someone who has that sort of delusion is very difficult. Go ahead and release her, and quickly. She doesn't deserve your assumptions.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 41

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 8:43:31 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

OP: If you are waiting for someone to pat you on the head and tell you you are perfectly right in your decison to release her over a website she belonged to before she met you and which she still checks on occasion, you are in the wrong place. All that does is make you seem insecure.
I know Angel has profiles on several sites. Some he still checks, some he does not. He likes to look at the pictures. Big friggin deal. AFF amuses the hell out of me. I joined a long long time ago, and I love reading the profiles as comedy relief now. It never had much real appeal, but until I joined and created a cut and paste ad on there, Id never have known that. You cant actually see anything until you sign up.

Honestly, letting it all go becasue you were searching through her history and found out where her websites were and dont approve doesnt sound cld. Its sounds incredibly immature. You expected her to stop behaviors without telling her you disapproved of them, and now rather than trying to fix the situation you are just tossing it away. That doesnt sound dominant, or mature. It sounds like you are glad to have a quick reason that you can get rid of her.

I found out Angel had declared himself in a relationship on one of his sites. This was after being collared for about 8 months. The relationship wasnt one with me. So I asked him exactly what was going on. The explination I got was extremely funny, and I verified it with a mutual friend. No flying off the handle, and absolutely no release. If she is worth so little to you that her web cache is enough to gain her freedom, she is definately better off without you.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 42

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 8:51:24 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

OP, you seriously remind me of my ex husband (notice the EX). Once he got an idea in his head, it didn't matter what I said, he knew he was right. It didn't matter if I explained something, showed him evidence, nothing mattered. Because he KNEW what was really going on, yes, he KNEW. Dealing with someone who has that sort of delusion is very difficult. Go ahead and release her, and quickly. She doesn't deserve your assumptions.

Cali

your ex and my ex must be related - mine was the same way.

he would naturally assume i was cheating even if i said i'm going to the grocery store or to the doctor's for an appt (to make it worse i would have to bring my daughters with me). however i wasn't allowed to question where he was going when he decided to go out all night long with his brothers ...even told his co-workers that i couldn't get a sitter at a holiday party which he failed to tell me. yep he was very insecure even up to the day the divorce was finalized in which he accused me causing the breakdown of marriage because i had an affair with another man - not true.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 43

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:07:36 AM

beautyImurDaddy

Posts: 58
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

He came... he saw... he conquered.... .NEXT!!! Thats the mentality i am getting out of this. So she logged into AFF? Big deal! Did you tell her she was forbidden to go there? or your feelings about it? I am numerous sites.. and yes .. some of them are adult natured sites. But not everyone I have met on them I want to jump into bed with. Some I simply log in to get a good laff and see what dufus has sent me a message that day...I dont see where you ever mentioned what this "stray comment" ever was... nor the person who told it to you... was it someone with an alterior motive? If you want to release her... thats your perrogative... but I think she has a right to full disclosure of why exactly she was released. If as you say you are there to care for, nuture, and teach... then TEACH her what she did wrong.. and dont leave her wondering... Stand up and be a Dom.. or at the very least.. a man!

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 44

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:22:54 AM

sassysexygirl

Posts: 213
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline

greetings E/everyone
greetings WickednU

the answer to your question, for me ~~ tell me why, explain it. i want details so i don't make future mistakes.

now as to what You wrote. first, i didn't see that you Own her nor that she is collared to You. so first question, did she promise or did You request that she not play or fuck anyone else?

second, what does AFF have to do with it? i've belonged there. hell, 3/4ths of the folks i know have belonged there are one time or another. doesn't make any of us more or less Dominant/submissive. that seems a bit ridiculous.

third, when i discussed with Master Sky the change to my profile here and on alt to include Him, He said "i've never seen the profiles." He doesn't really do on line, although His slave does. i had no clue He didn't know what i had written ever. never occured to me. also never occured to me to mention AFF. when it was brought up, i was like "oh crap, really?" and sent Him copies of my alt and collar me profiles, and the link to my AFF account so He could see the pics and what it said.

personally, it seems to me You're awfully closed minded and self-centered (not in a good way). i have to go with Michael, lanie, Dynomar and about half the other posts on this one too.

gemmie

< Message edited by sassysexygirl -- 4/8/2008 9:32:21 AM >

(in reply to WickednU)

Post #: 45

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:23:50 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

~FR to no one in particular

I don't understand these reactions. He is the dominant, he makes the rules. If he doesn't want her on AFF, then? If she then defies him and goes there anyway, then?

The OP was about whether he should go into detail about why he was releasing her, not whether or not he should. He's being dom enough (in my opinion) to have made up his mind, he wanted perspective as to whether others would feel they would be better off for receiving/giving detailed explanation for the release, right?

I must be missing something?

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to beautyImurDaddy)

Post #: 46

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:27:35 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I think he's embarassed to have found the information in the way he did, and doesn't want to tell her. It might make him look less 'domly'. At least I think that's what he's thinking.

Also, he seems to have jumped to a lot of conclusions with very little evidence, but, I could be wrong.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 47

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:34:13 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

I'd say tell her. If I were her, I'd be glad to be rid of someone who jumped to release instead of talking to me about something.

Particularly when you are a member of the site yourself.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 48

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:37:47 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

~FR to no one in particular

I don't understand these reactions. He is the dominant, he makes the rules. If he doesn't want her on AFF, then? If she then defies him and goes there anyway, then?

The OP was about whether he should go into detail about why he was releasing her, not whether or not he should. He's being dom enough (in my opinion) to have made up his mind, he wanted perspective as to whether others would feel they would be better off for receiving/giving detailed explanation for the release, right?

I must be missing something?

Yes hon...I think you missed that he isn't the sort of guy who was asking for a perspective. There isn't a perspective on a one track train that coming to release you at a humdred miles per hour just cos your on the AFF platform.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 49

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:44:08 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

A stray comment with no communication about it and immediately you're releasing her. If that's your style, then the sooner she's free, the better for her.

Talk about being declared guilty without a trial.

What she said.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 50

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:47:02 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

It doesn't seem that he made his expectations clear, subtee. So how could she know he didn't want her to do something, if he never told her? So yes, he should tell her, "I'm releasing you because you cannot read my mind and do what I want."

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 51

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:47:38 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

~FR to no one in particular

I don't understand these reactions. He is the dominant, he makes the rules. If he doesn't want her on AFF, then? If she then defies him and goes there anyway, then?
I must be missing something?

He never said he didnt want her there, he found out about her being there AFTER the fact and he is reacting to not having liked her being there. He never told her not to. THATS why we are reacting the way we are.
IF he said he didnt want her there and she defied him, Id be completely on his side with the anger, but Id still think dismissal was a bit harsh for a first offense. But that wasnt what I read as the case here.

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 52

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:52:26 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

I'm clueless! Honestly!

quote:

Her profile is blank, but it is her. That, in itself, doesn't bother me. There is room to learn in many places, room to find similar thoughts, room to talk. Again, I'm not an insecure man. It's the join date and the online dates that kind of cork this bottle. Her join date was 6 weeks ago. Her last online date was the day after our last session. Which makes me wonder if you can ever take AFF out of a person, and what you have to do to teach someone that there is no reason to hide. That is the part that boggles my mind, because it is something I teach from day one and something in which I firmly believe. If you have to hide, or feel that you must, then something is wrong. I could care less who she talks to. That isn't the point.

He doesn't want her to do things hidden from him. I don't find the mandate unreasonable. He found out that she did indeed do something hidden from him; this the something which he had taught she ought not do "from day one and something in which [he] firmly believe.

I don't think it has anythign to do with AFF, it's his rule; (paraphrased) "don't hide things from me."
[edited to add: what's with the damn lines going through my words? Re-edited to add...now they're gone...]

< Message edited by subtee -- 4/8/2008 9:55:52 AM >

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 53

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:54:03 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I don't find "failing to mention" to be the same thing as "hiding."

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 54

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:55:30 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee
I don't understand these reactions. He is the dominant, he makes the rules. If he doesn't want her on AFF, then? If she then defies him and goes there anyway, then?

Ever been punished or let go for something you didn't know was wrong? That's what the reaction is. For all we know, someone wanted her to see something funny on the site so she created a blank profile to look at it. He never said she wasn't allowed to be on there. If there was a rule in place to get his permission prior to joining other sites and she didn't, then some discipline would be in order. But to dump her without communicating? It seems any submissive with him will be playing a skittish guessing game. No thanks.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 55

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:56:00 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

This is like the "you haven't told me in less than 24 hours, so you must be withholding information" thing from "Ask a Sub". Since he hasn't bothered to talk to her about it, he doesn't know if she is hiding it or if she just didn't consider it important enough to tell him.

There are things that I do that Val doesn't know about because I don't think he is interested in how many apple slices I ate for lunch or which kink sites I visited. If he ever explains that he does want to know, I'll happily tell him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I'm clueless! Honestly!

quote:

Her profile is blank, but it is her. That, in itself, doesn't bother me. There is room to learn in many places, room to find similar thoughts, room to talk. Again, I'm not an insecure man. It's the join date and the online dates that kind of cork this bottle. Her join date was 6 weeks ago. Her last online date was the day after our last session. Which makes me wonder if you can ever take AFF out of a person, and what you have to do to teach someone that there is no reason to hide. That is the part that boggles my mind, because it is something I teach from day one and something in which I firmly believe. If you have to hide, or feel that you must, then something is wrong. I could care less who she talks to. That isn't the point.

He doesn't want her to do things hidden from him. I don't find the mandate unreasonable. He found out that she did indeed do something hidden from him; this the something which he had taught she ought not do "from day one and something in which [he] firmly believe." I don't think it has anything to do with AFF, it's his rule; (paraphrased) "don't hide things from me."

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 56

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:58:54 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I have read and re read your post and my comment is this.
You made no communication that having profiles on other sites was not appropriate. You did not tell her she was to ask permission. Not her mistake - but yours.
Do you own her? If the answer is no, and it has been only six months, then what profiles she starts is up to her unless you were CLEAR in the beginning.
You have made a decision based on second hand and limited knowledge. You have not chosen to discuss it, but instead make a ill informed judgement. That shows poor judgement and coupled with your comment of 'so sore between her legs that she cringes when she pees is a good thing in my book' shows a worrying consistant lack of common sense.
She is safer without you, and as for yourself - you need to do some soul searching.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to WickednU)

Post #: 57

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 9:59:33 AM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

~FR to no one in particular

I don't understand these reactions. He is the dominant, he makes the rules. If he doesn't want her on AFF, then? If she then defies him and goes there anyway, then?

The OP was about whether he should go into detail about why he was releasing her, not whether or not he should. He's being dom enough (in my opinion) to have made up his mind, he wanted perspective as to whether others would feel they would be better off for receiving/giving detailed explanation for the release, right?

I must be missing something?

I got that she had previously been on AFF (before him) and that counted as a huge strike against her. Then she made an off-hand comment, so he went snooping and found that she had joined a D/s site (this one perhaps) and had not mentioned it to him.

And so now he is going to release her for it.

He never says that he forbid her to join any sites, and that he "does not mind" as there are many places to learn from.

But he feels that since she did not tell him first or that because she logged on the day after their last session, that she was "hiding" it from him.

It sounds to me that he is making too much stew from one oyester.

He is not ever going to trust anyone that was once a member of AFF. No matter what the reason is.

He also feels that instead of talking and asking about her membership, that it is more "trustworthy" of him to hack her computer. And then reason from way too little information.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 58

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 10:08:09 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

I guess most are assuming he never talked to her about it; I am assuming he did. The reason that I am is that it's his OP, we can't know her side, and because he said he broke a "soft personal rule" in accepting her after she had been a member there. They've been together 6 months...6 weeks ago she got a new profile on AFF.

I guess if he doesn't come back we won't know, but I don't see anything to indicate that he didn't talk to her about hiding and his feelings about AFF.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 59

RE: Release - 4/8/2008 10:14:40 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I guess most are assuming he never talked to her about it; I am assuming he did.

He didn't communicate that he had talked to her about it, so I am basing my answer on the information he provided. He simply said he saw her there and won't ask her about it.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 60

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