quote:

ORIGINAL: WickednU

The question isn't if. I will release my submissive soon. Not through email or chat but face to face as it should be done. That takes a few days given she is married. The question is how much of the why I will tell her, and perhaps why I broke something of a personal rule in the first place with her.

Some background. I've been in the lifestyle long enough to no longer care for the players. We're talking most of my adult life if you want "long enough" in terms of years. Some of that time was while I was married in a vanilla relationship. I know... and it weighed upon me until I left that relationship in the right way - which was not for anyone other than what I knew I needed out of life. Sometimes no matter how much you care for someone, it's almost a service done for you both if you go separate ways. Fast forward to about 6 months ago. I met someone from another site. Intelligent, fairly new to D/s, but not naive either. We talked, chatted, met, and finally came together for our first session after a couple of months. Somewhere along that time, I learned she was an ex AFF member. This is the gray area of the personal rule. I've avoided AFF rejects for a long time, and usually been short and not so friendly with them. I just can't stand the mentality. Somewhere along that road where I lost interest in the players, AFF people dropped to a caste lower than swamp water.

Even so, I'm not a micro-manager. What's done is done. What's history is history. My own history has had its not so brilliant moments and I'm not one to judge another's past. The sessions were intense from the first. I took my time with her since she was relatively new, but the intensity was there and was strong. I'm still taking my time with her or have been until recently. I know what I want. I don't have to guess or fumble or try and figure it out. Each session has had its lessons attached, its moments of intensity broken by time to talk, time to laugh, just time. We're talking long sessions here, 8, 9, even 10 hours at a time. I sent her home sore in every part of her body, some of it from the discipline, some from cumming so much. Aside from knowing what I want and will have, I also generally know what I'm doing. A submissive wandering around work with marks on her from her Dom and so sore between her legs that she cringes when she pees is a good thing in my book. It is a good reminder.

I knew she had a lot of contacts from her past. I didn't bother me. I'm not an insecure man. I know what I can do to a submissive and know there are very few who can make them feel the same way. That's not bragging. It's simple truth. I view D/s in terms of an enveloping mind/body/emotional aspect. When all three of those are touched, it's something past powerful. It is erotic. It is intense. It is warm, safe and comforting. It is freedom. She learns to lean, to trust, what you expect her to give and what you will give to her. She learns she can trust, and for some that simple fact can be as powerful as anything else.

So why are we at the point of release? That too is simple. A stray comment brought took me to a D/s site and there I found her. Her profile is blank, but it is her. That, in itself, doesn't bother me. There is room to learn in many places, room to find similar thoughts, room to talk. Again, I'm not an insecure man. It's the join date and the online dates that kind of cork this bottle. Her join date was 6 weeks ago. Her last online date was the day after our last session. Which makes me wonder if you can ever take AFF out of a person, and what you have to do to teach someone that there is no reason to hide. That is the part that boggles my mind, because it is something I teach from day one and something in which I firmly believe. If you have to hide, or feel that you must, then something is wrong. I could care less who she talks to. That isn't the point. The point is, she is there and without the stray comment, I would never have known. If I'd not been involved in D/s for a long time, that stray comment would have had no meaning. I won't question her about it. I don't chase submissives in that manner. It's not something I've ever done, nor something I will start now.

So I will release her. Maybe that makes me cold because the feelings are growing. I'm sure some will say that having that ability to shut it down makes me cold. The truth is, it doesn't shut down.. it's just not healthy nor worth the time to continue. That may make sense to some, not to others.

The question I have then is simple and applies to both sides of this conversation. As a submissive, how much do you want to know when release comes? As a Dominant, how much do you feel the need to explain when a basic concept is broken? And this is one of the most basic for me. I'd have given my blessing had she asked or told me. That's the point that I've made with her from the start. Don't hide. There is no reason to. And yet, we're here.

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ORIGINAL: subtee

I guess most are assuming he never talked to her about it; I am assuming he did. The reason that I am is that it's his OP, we can't know her side, and because he said he broke a "soft personal rule" in accepting her after she had been a member there. They've been together 6 months...6 weeks ago she got a new profile on AFF.

I guess if he doesn't come back we won't know, but I don't see anything to indicate that he didn't talk to her about hiding and his feelings about AFF.

quote:

So why are we at the point of release? That too is simple. A stray comment brought took me to a D/s site and there I found her. Her profile is blank, but it is her. That, in itself, doesn't bother me. There is room to learn in many places, room to find similar thoughts, room to talk. Again, I'm not an insecure man. It's the join date and the online dates that kind of cork this bottle. Her join date was 6 weeks ago. Her last online date was the day after our last session. Which makes me wonder if you can ever take AFF out of a person, and what you have to do to teach someone that there is no reason to hide. That is the part that boggles my mind, because it is something I teach from day one and something in which I firmly believe. If you have to hide, or feel that you must, then something is wrong. I could care less who she talks to. That isn't the point. The point is, she is there and without the stray comment, I would never have known. If I'd not been involved in D/s for a long time, that stray comment would have had no meaning. I won't question her about it. I don't chase submissives in that manner. It's not something I've ever done, nor something I will start now.

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ORIGINAL: subtee

~FR to no one in particular


I must be missing something?

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ORIGINAL: giveeverything

My answer is taking a cue from the online subbie guy who's mistresses all "disappeared" mysteriously:

OP... don't even bother talking to her... instead... how about faking your own death. 

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ORIGINAL: WickednU

The question isn't if. I will release my submissive soon. Not through email or chat but face to face as it should be done. That takes a few days given she is married. The question is how much of the why I will tell her, and perhaps why I broke something of a personal rule in the first place with her.

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

She's married and you are cutting her loose because of an empty profile started after she met you?  I confess that I just don't get it?  There must be some morals at play I do not understand? 

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ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

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ORIGINAL: CalifChick

OP, you seriously remind me of my ex husband (notice the EX).  Once he got an idea in his head, it didn't matter what I said, he knew he was right.  It didn't matter if I explained something, showed him evidence, nothing mattered.  Because he KNEW what was really going on, yes, he KNEW.  Dealing with someone who has that sort of delusion is very difficult.  Go ahead and release her, and quickly.  She doesn't deserve your assumptions.

Cali

your ex and my ex must be related - mine was the same way. 

he would naturally assume i was cheating even if i said i'm going to the grocery store or to the doctor's for an appt (to make it worse i would have to bring my daughters with me). however i wasn't allowed to question where he was going when he decided to go out all night long with his brothers ...even told his co-workers that i couldn't get a sitter at a holiday party which he failed to tell me. yep he was very insecure even up to the day the divorce was finalized in which he accused me causing the breakdown of marriage because i had an affair with another man - not true.