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RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 12:59:00 AM   
Corvidae


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline
For me, I tend to follow the rule of  GIGO (garbage in garbage out)
which means if someone sends me a rude letter I will either dump it or send a curt reply (or if I'm in the mood I'll chew them out a bit)
if someone sends me a polite letter, I'll send a polite reply
I got a lot of crap mail my first few weeks on this site, but now it seems to have petered out.

as for what other people chose to do with their mail, that's their decision.

< Message edited by Corvidae -- 4/10/2008 1:47:38 AM >

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 1:32:02 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
I'm probally going to be playing Devils Advocate here.  I've only read the first couple of pages of this thread.   Hope this contributes something somewhat new.

The marvels of technology.  The internet has made it very easy for people to become involved in online romances.   Just not a BDSM issue, but this issue is hitting home with many couples, families and relationships.  

In short, during troubled periods or rocky roads in a relationship, it's very easy for another person to turn towards somebody else for warmth and affection, or just understanding.

There are all kinds of studies being conducted regarding internet addiction and social interaction and even the effects of using a computer has on the brain.   The fact remains, that it becomes very easy for people to hook up with others.   Often these people are avoiding working out their relationship problems, instead they hope online and spend hours clicking away in IM's, Emails or whatever with other people.  

Mind, I tend to agree with many people about the whole Trust factor here.  One should be able to trust the person in the relationship they have.   However, the evils of technology are changing social interactions and the Internet is a distraction or can become a distraction from spending time together or working on the relationship itself.   Hell some people have become wrapped up in online games, World of WarCrack.

I think many people are not trusting of the technology and how their partner is using it.  Many people are falling victim to cyber additions and developing relationships that can distract from their primary relationship. 

So, my quess is that some of these Doms are insecure, some are simply aware of the risks involved and wish to curve it some.  To keep things under control so that they don't get out of control.

Hell, even kids are spending countless hours clued to the Net in chatrooms and such.   

Everybody talks about Doms having 101 subs on the line online or sub/slaves with a slew of prospective Doms on the line.  Sooner or later there is only so much time you can devote to keeping up with people in your Yahoo IM list or email.  I think many people will have a primary person they are interested, but have a list of fall backs.   It's almost becomes a big game of screening people, talking with them and such.

The Fact remains that there are many Doms/men that are online that don't respect other peoples relationships.  This is an Adult personals site after all, where people come here to meet other people with the hope of getting hooked up.    The very nature of the Other side is for this purpose.    Having a message like this on a profile, will prevent men from wasting time trying to hit on somebody who's already involved.   The sub/slave partner does not have to deal with reading needless mindless emails from guys on here.

Anyways, I guess it all depends upon the motivations of such messages posted on profiles.  A little hard to judge anybody as being insecure just over this little bit of information.   I'm certain a few sub/slaves even get a big warm and fuzzy knowing that their Master/Daddy/Dom or whoever is screening things or that she has been given a Rule or Order to follow.  LOL...

I'm just tossing out a maze of thoughts on this.   Who the Hell really knows who is really secure or not.

I think everybody has some form or level of insecurity, some just have more then others. LOL




(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 3:41:04 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I hate to point out the obvious but sometimes a dominant likes to read the mail his submissive gets because it's funny as hell.
Often the mail control has much to do with exerting authority, being amused and little to do with being insecure.



lol yes..that is sure true. But my girl mails them, if they are of the funny kind.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 6:14:27 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
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Christina, for me, it's not an issue of insecurity or lack of trust, but specifically the actions and inactions of the other people. If someone was to actually cmail me about a post - great. But for whatever reason (maybe it's the threads I hang out in?) I don't get those. I get instead the "nice profile - wanna chat" and cruder variety of contacts. Obviously, someone isn't reading my profile or they'd see the very first line "I am happily owned by Master Lumus..." I can't think of how many cmails I get from people claiming to have checked my profile out yet have no clue what is in it. And they don't show on "Whos Viewing Me", not that that's a clear indicator. I can talk to whoever I want to - I have no restrictions from Lumus. I place restrictions on myself for one main reason: respect for Lumus, myself and our relationship. Maybe that's something different for us though and as we know, there is no "One True Way".   

As for access and passwords to my email, I like hejira's quote -
Knowing my password is not about lack of trust or my ability to fend for myself- it is about transparency.
I have to agree with this statement. I gave my passwords willingly without being asked or demanded. It was about honesty, openess and transparency. Lumus knows I can handle most things on my own, and I do. But I have had a few situations where I needed his help. Primarily, supposed dominants who wouldn't take "thanks but no thanks, I'm involved" for an answer.

*sniffs* btw - I never get cmail from you..... *winks*

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 7:47:45 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline
LadyRainfire. You seem to have something in your eye. You never get mail from me either.

(in reply to LadyRainfire)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 9:36:08 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

LadyRainfire. You seem to have something in your eye. You never get mail from me either.


  And why is that, Dnomyar??? I post regularly. *sniffs, sniffs*

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 10:00:59 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
Interesting thoughts! Thank you for sharing.

Owned G; yes, I thought of that the other night, I agree.

Lumus, I do TOO flirt with you; but I don't chat with anyone. I just don't enjoy it.

LRF, uhm...nice profile, wanna chat? ; )

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 10:01:16 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
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Mmmm Ladyrainfire I don't have a soft side. Try that on Justme

(in reply to LadyRainfire)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 10:12:54 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Mmmm Ladyrainfire I don't have a soft side. Try that on Justme



I am not soft right now, I am hard

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 11:03:13 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696


quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Mmmm Ladyrainfire I don't have a soft side. Try that on Justme



I am not soft right now, I am hard


Sigh.... And all I was hoping for was a little cmail. Oh well, I tried.

Hey, blushes, bring it on - lovely profile ain't it? *laughs*

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 11:35:34 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline
Did you ever stop to think it's not about insecurities but about just another form of control one in charge can take over one giving charge up?

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

...or subs/slaves so unsure of themselves that they will not let anyone of the opposite sex contact them?
Personally, I have enjoyed (non-sexual) conversation with both men and women on the collarme side of the site. But I've noticed that many women say that c-mail from men will be deleted unread, and/or that their daddy or master will deal with them.

I guess if it works for you...but, honestly, I think you lose out on friendships and other views due to the fact that someone has, or does not have, something between their legs. Seems a rather flimsy basis on which to deny a friendship. 

and if you are secure with what you own, why So, I guess I'm just curious as to why someone would order something like this if they are secure with themselves and with theirs;

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 11:40:04 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
I have now.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 12:16:28 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
Poachers probably have a bit to do with it as well.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 1:12:38 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
But, how can someone poach someone who belongs to you?
Unless they don't.
In which case, you should thank them, wish them well, and send them a present.
(preferably something sparkly or something chocolate)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 1:34:01 PM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline
Mmmmmm, chocolate. Wasn't this recently discussed ELSEWHERE, young lady?  

*laughs*

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 1:34:09 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
Doesn't mean they want to deal with them though. While it's not the way we do things at this time, I can definately see the perks to having such a system. Hell, if someone is hitting on me at a party Valyraen doesn't expect me to handle the situation by myself. I don't need the protection but it's awfully nice.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 3:06:19 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
Let's not forget that there are little chicken hawk poly subs out there hunting fresh meat for thier "masters" too.

We can do without "friendly mail" from them as well.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 4:10:03 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Let's not forget that there are little chicken hawk poly subs out there hunting fresh meat for thier "masters" too.

We can do without "friendly mail" from them as well.


Hahaha, I'm glad someone besides me said that. Hardly friendly sub to sub email is it?  

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 4:19:35 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
Huh. That's weird. I write to other subs sometimes. Just because of something they said in a post or their profile, or even asking where they bought something. Trust me when I tell you I'm not looking for a sub for myself or HoneyMaster. I'm just communicating.
Not saying that it doesn't happen.
But my answer for that is the same as a dom attempting to poach what is yours.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/10/2008 4:29:12 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:


But, how can someone poach someone who belongs to you?



Blushes, some submissives appear more poachable when they are publically claiming the ails and stresses of their relationships.  It's the perfect opportunity for a "White Knight" dom to come in and try to rescue (or disguise themselves as such).  You see a new submissve post, "I don't trust my Master" and how much do you want to bet she has mail the next day from more than one dominant who wants to help?  And if she is someone who hasn't quite found her footing and is unsure of herself, she might be an easy poaching target.   Look at the variety of ways domination is reflected on these boards and how differently some dominants can be from one another.  All it takes is a dominant to convince the untrusting submissive how wrong her Master is...and there you go.

And while there are those who think we should all be highly functional, secure, don't need any help in life people, the truth is that everyone here is not necessary strong and developed in who we are.  We are all growing in various areas of ourselves.  So an owner of such a submissive might be setting forth measures to protect what he sees as great potential.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 100
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