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RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 10:25:07 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Yes, but if I don't ask questions how will I know the answers?

HM doesn't keep track of me; He trusts me to do what's right in all areas.


He owns you. I assume you usually obey, even if you don't want to. I assume he knows where you usually are, at least by city or state. By keep track I don't mean he slaps a GPS on you.

To a vanilla person, the things happen even in the tamest d/s relationship can scream insecurity.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 10:31:02 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		He's considered it though.
I think it would be a great idea.
He calls me 'Miss Direction' for a reason...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 10:35:39 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

...or subs/slaves so unsure of themselves that they will not let anyone of the opposite sex contact them?
Personally, I have enjoyed (non-sexual) conversation with both men and women on the collarme side of the site. But I've noticed that many women say that c-mail from men will be deleted unread, and/or that their daddy or master will deal with them.

I guess if it works for you...but, honestly, I think you lose out on friendships and other views due to the fact that someone has, or does not have, something between their legs. Seems a rather flimsy basis on which to deny a friendship.


You can look at it from that perspective if you wish but there are many different reasons that could also motivate this. 

My profile asks that anyone who wants to talk to me to send an email to him first.  It has nothing to do with trust or security within our relationship.  It is a simple request to see if the people who wish to interact with Alandra or I are capable of respecting the type of relationship that we have with him.  We are his slaves and keep no secrets from him and if you can respect that, then there shouldn't be an issue.

If I am losing out on friendships because they don't want to email him first, then what am I really missing out on?  They are not willing to respect our M/s relationship, so why would I want them as a friend?  They can't respect a simple boundary that I stated.

I cannot think of any person who has sincerely approached him about wanting to talk with me or Alandra that he has refused.  Some interactions only lasted for a few emails and others have lasted for a couple years now.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 10:36:58 AM   
ChemistryMaster1


Posts: 73
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

CM am I to understand that you wou't have a relationship with someone who you can trust. I don't think that trust has anything to do with this. Some people are just plain nosey. The only time I would read other peoples mail is it was a sports magazine.


Trust has several levels in my book and it has to be earned daily!! and No, I wont have a relationship with someone I can NOT trust...... It will take time to build it tho, To Me,Reltionships are not like instant coffee, they need time to brew and develop.... and by talking to/with someone doesnt mean that I trust them one bit.

_____________________________

Pharoh

<<<(...Duty First...)>>>

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 10:57:07 AM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I would certainly understand why some Masters would want to screen or control that portion of there subs life however I think some woman are just jumping the shark when it comes to a lot of it.  A lot of the woman I have spoken to on here back and forth have problems with the concept of not being wanted sexually. Dont get me wrong a lot of them do understand but some just seem to think that oposite sexes cant talk...lol

(in reply to ChemistryMaster1)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 11:20:17 AM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

If I am losing out on friendships because they don't want to email him first, then what am I really missing out on?  They are not willing to respect our M/s relationship, so why would I want them as a friend?  They can't respect a simple boundary that I stated.

Knight's Kyra


  Let's see...Let Me find the biggest, boldest print here...Wait...Got it...
                                     
                                              BINGO!!!!!

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 11:34:07 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuffkinks

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

If I am losing out on friendships because they don't want to email him first, then what am I really missing out on?  They are not willing to respect our M/s relationship, so why would I want them as a friend?  They can't respect a simple boundary that I stated.

Knight's Kyra


Let's see...Let Me find the biggest, boldest print here...Wait...Got it...
                                    
                                             BINGO!!!!!


Sure, except every once in a while I write to someone whose post has touched me in some way, (anger, agreement, laughter) and write them wishing more info and/or advice. I actually think I *did* do this to Kyra at one point, and didn't bother reading her profile first, and hence, I guess, I was rude.
I didn't mean to be though.
She's someone whose opinion I respect, and in some ways I feel like I *know* many of the people who post here, and think nothing of dropping them a line every once in a while. I suppose I could read the profiles of everyone before I write to them, but, since it's just a friendly gesture and/or a question most of the time, I usually just go ahead and send the note.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Cuffkinks)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 12:03:33 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		i've never understood this myself either.. i always at least read my mail, no matter who it's from.
i agree with you that conversation does not have to be sexual.. and as such i do not treat every single approach i get via c-mail as somebody trying to work their way into my knickers.
In my opinion the people who don't even bother taking that chance are loosing out because i have also made some very valued (non sexual) friends here and on other sites through random mails i have recieved commenting on my profile & my blog. Sure.. i get troll mails.. but most of the time they just amuse me.. and they're worth putting up with for the few genuine people that occasionally come through. *smiles*
Each to their own i guess.


_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 12:09:17 PM   
LilMissHaven


Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		My profile is hidden for the moment but I still receive emails.  I don't really bother those that send one word emails though.  Otherwise, I do try to keep up though lately I've had a hard time with the extra shifts keeping up with the amount of mail I receive a day.  I've always enjoyed the interaction I've had with those I've met from here though most have moved to being added to my messenger so the emails are starting to dwindle thank goodness.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to Luciferica)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 12:20:06 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Heh, heh, heh. The innocent little owned slaves that I have gotten into innocent little conversations that ended in innocent little meetings that ended in innocent little play.

Having said that, do I trust a submissive to be a good little girl? Yep, because even if I don't, she will never know. It leaves the power with me not to constantly check on  her. When I start telling her to do this and that because I want her to, instead of her wanting to please me, it weakens my domination. Keep that in mind, boys and girls.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to LilMissHaven)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 12:27:55 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

Keep that in mind, boys and girls.


nope :P

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 12:31:33 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

Keep that in mind, boys and girls.


nope :P


Justme696, keep in mind, that statement is in support of the last part of my post about why it's not a good idea to limit a slave from talking.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 3:43:11 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

Keep that in mind, boys and girls.


nope :P


Justme696, keep in mind, that statement is in support of the last part of my post about why it's not a good idea to limit a slave from talking.


I know ;)  but the boys and girls part ruined it :P  .  you teacher!!!!

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 3:49:26 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I've seen it a lot.   I never truly understood all the reasons behind it.  I imagine the isolation makes them feel secure. 

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 4:18:46 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChemistryMaster1

I call it putting the rules and regulations into effect. Trust no one period.
How would any Dom/Domme protect you if They are unaware of what is going on?


Not every sub needs to be protected and if you can't trust their judgment including choosing  you, and has the potential to be swayed to choosing someone else over you...  thenn why would you want to remain with them?  Is forcing them to stay with you some how better???    If my partner is so weak that they can stray without me keeping a tight rein on them  than they are not for me,  I would much rather have someone that is dedicated and wants to be with me rather than one that is forced to by me preventing outside influences,   and there is only one way to know if that person is dedicated to me or not and that is to allow them the freedom to choose. 

....... another point is that a sub cannot nor should not give consent   for others,  mail/email  involves 3rd parties be it friends, family and business associates who have not given consents  to be involved in your lifestyle and have the right to believe their messages and thoughts are private with the person they are speaking to, it is a violation of their trust  and privacy to have their messages read by a third party(dom/me), they are entitled to trust, respect and know what they discuss with you will be kept in confidence.    Any new Dom that would order me to turn over my passwords, would be told to go fly a kite .  If I was living and married to a Dom he may be entitled to more "if" it impacts our rellationship directly example family but business associates if he is not directly involved in my business then no, my business associates still have right to respect and privacy  unlesss I felt their was a reason to share that info and it should be with the business associates consent/knowledge,  there are many times my adult son just needs a sounding board or just to get another viewpoint and will want to talk to be a bit about an issue in confidence trusting me not to keep it private.......no Dom in the damn world has to right to demand to know or order me to divulge  what we discussed, just in the same way if a Dom discusses something private with me would be entitled to privacy as well knowing I would not be discussing/blabbing what he told or showing his private messages to  me to family members and friends. 




_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to ChemistryMaster1)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 4:21:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		LOL oh we haven't discussed this THAT many times really. 

The majority of the time it is insecurity and a way to keep poachers at bay (in theory) and an easy quick buzz to give the sub her fuzzies.  A lot of subs also can't stand saying no and aren't strong enough to do it well, so this allows them to avoid learning that skill.

BUT sometimes it's just how it works for them.  It's just how they need and want things to go and they see plenty of benefits to cutting down communication and no real downsides.

I think banning communication based on gender or orientation obviously only works in the internet world where you literally have to allow someone in before you converse with them.  Offline- you are only making a best guess at their gender or orientation and it would be fairly awkward to constantly fend off every hello from every person. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 4:26:20 PM   
lilabbotsfordgrl


Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

...or subs/slaves so unsure of themselves that they will not let anyone of the opposite sex contact them?
Personally, I have enjoyed (non-sexual) conversation with both men and women on the collarme side of the site. But I've noticed that many women say that c-mail from men will be deleted unread, and/or that their daddy or master will deal with them.

I guess if it works for you...but, honestly, I think you lose out on friendships and other views due to the fact that someone has, or does not have, something between their legs. Seems a rather flimsy basis on which to deny a friendship.

I also wonder a bit about doms who order their subs/slaves/pets to write this in their profile. If you are a dom, and if you are secure with what you own, why would you worry about your property having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex? Does your property have to refrain from talking to the opposite sex while at work? If she sells real estate, can she only sell to and from women?

It's very seldom that I receive a 'troll' c-mail from a man. Quite often though, gentlemen will write to me to either clarify, compliment or disagree with something I've posted. I also get complimentary c-mails on my smile, or something I'm wearing in my pics. I thank them usually, and that is the end of it. HoneyMaster is secure in the knowledge that I am owned, and doesn't even bother to read my c-mail, let alone dictate it.

So, I guess I'm just curious as to why someone would order something like this if they are secure with themselves and with theirs; I'm also a little baffled as to why someone would miss out on another's opinion just because of that person's sex...


You spent a lot of time saying that you don't like how other people run their profiles.
Seriously, spend some time offline.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 4:31:40 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I'm home sick today and this is my entertainment.
If you would have read my post, and my answers to other posters, perhaps you wouldn't think that.
I wanted an insight, and I do appreciate those who provided it.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to lilabbotsfordgrl)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 4:54:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		About passwords, of course he has them. He's the computer tech in the household when his 16 year old is busy. He set up the new computer, including email, and he decided on the new password, which is the old one with a number on the end.

However, since he's working out of town a lot with no email access, I have his email passwords and I check his mail and read him the business ones. The funny forwards are left for him to look at if he's bored enough.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 5:09:55 PM   
ChemistryMaster1


Posts: 73
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChemistryMaster1

I call it putting the rules and regulations into effect. Trust no one period.
How would any Dom/Domme protect you if They are unaware of what is going on?


Not every sub needs to be protected and if you can't trust their judgment including choosing  you, and has the potential to be swayed to choosing someone else over you...  thenn why would you want to remain with them? 

....... T/they choose me above the R/rest for I fill their mind on a larger scale by making love to their minds. W/women fall for it all the time. As for the why I stay? .... the SEX is good.

Is forcing them to stay with you some how better???   

.......No, they are/will be in my life by their own choice, if I really have to work for it, it wont be worth it to me as we dont connect on the mental level, so it will NOT be worth the hustle.

If my partner is so weak that they can stray without me keeping a tight rein on them  than they are not for me,  I would much rather have someone that is dedicated and wants to be with me rather than one that is forced to by me preventing outside influences,   and there is only one way to know if that person is dedicated to me or not and that is to allow them the freedom to choose. 

....... To each his own, and I only get the O/ones who are willing to give it all, body, and soul. T/they will feel the freedom of knowledge and wisdom as I allow it. I have two doors in my house' Enterance" and Exist. and T/they can exist at anytime.


....... another point is that a sub cannot nor should not give consent   for others,  mail/email  involves 3rd parties be it friends, family and business associates who have not given consents  to be involved in your lifestyle and have the right to believe their messages and thoughts are private with the person they are speaking to, it is a violation of their trust  and privacy to have their messages read by a third party(dom/me), they are entitled to trust, respect and know what they discuss with you will be kept in confidence.  

......My House, My Rules!! I heard that somewhere.

Any new Dom that would order me to turn over my passwords, would be told to go fly a kite .  If I was living and married to a Dom he may be entitled to more "if" it impacts our rellationship directly example family but business associates if he is not directly involved in my business then no, my business associates still have right to respect and privacy  unlesss I felt their was a reason to share that info and it should be with the business associates consent/knowledge, 

There is no New and Old Doms, a Dominant person is born to Lead /Discipline those whose place is to follow.

there are many times my adult son just needs a sounding board or just to get another viewpoint and will want to talk to be a bit about an issue in confidence trusting me not to keep it private.......no Dom in the damn world has to right to demand to know or order me to divulge  what we discussed, just in the same way if a Dom discusses something private with me would be entitled to privacy as well knowing I would not be discussing/blabbing what he told or showing his private messages to  me to family members and friends. 

.... It is all about the chemistry that makes us all different.



_____________________________

Pharoh

<<<(...Duty First...)>>>

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 60
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