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RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 5:34:13 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Heh, heh, heh. The innocent little owned slaves that I have gotten into innocent little conversations that ended in innocent little meetings that ended in innocent little play.

Having said that, do I trust a submissive to be a good little girl? Yep, because even if I don't, she will never know. It leaves the power with me not to constantly check on her. When I start telling her to do this and that because I want her to, instead of her wanting to please me, it weakens my domination. Keep that in mind, boys and girls.

i'm going to gently disagree with you, ExSteel.

as a mother...i have found that yes, sometimes the implings wish to please me. they like the praise they get when they are good, and do things correctly. its much nicer than having to do the same thing again and get it *right* this time.

the same thing has gone on with how Daddy expects me to act, and how to please him. if he doesnt make it clear to me how he wishes things done, then NO MATTER how much i wish to please him, i am going to not be able to....because i dont know what he wants from me. once that is clear, yes, he doesnt have to keep telling me because i have learned it, or written it down lest i forget. (and i do. Daddy knows and accepts this about me.) but i cant be expected to just *know* what he wants before he tells me.

you might like your s-type to have a certain drink ready when you get home, to have the tv set to your preferred channel, to have the paper folded just so and placed to the right of your easy chair, and be prepared to remove your shoes and socks, massage your feet, and be prepared to be your footstool. that's all well and good, you're the master, you're the boss. but until your s-type is taught what you expect....you arent going to get it the way you want it.

you know?

kitten, who has a little list here and there of what Daddy expects of her. just in case of forgetting.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 61

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 6:09:24 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

...or subs/slaves so unsure of themselves that they will not let anyone of the opposite sex contact them?

Just because one prefers not talk with some of the opposite sex is not an indication of insecurity. It might be but not always.

quote:

Personally, I have enjoyed (non-sexual) conversation with both men and women on the collarme side of the site.

You know what... so have insecure people and secure people.

quote:

But I've noticed that many women say that c-mail from men will be deleted unread, and/or that their daddy or master will deal with them.

yup.. notice that too... and their alot of reasons for that ... of course... one is assuming that it actually a woman that owns the profile.

quote:

I guess if it works for you...but, honestly, I think you lose out on friendships and other views due to the fact that someone has, or does not have, something between their legs. Seems a rather flimsy basis on which to deny a friendship.

obviously it a lost they ok with... otherwise they would change their decision. Or maybe they don't see a lost. Just because you see it... doesn't mean they share that opinion... just maybe they have the friendship in that group they want ... who knows... and frankly... I don't care.

quote:

I also wonder a bit about doms who order their subs/slaves/pets to write this in their profile. If you are a dom, and if you are secure with what you own, why would you worry about your property having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex? Does your property have to refrain from talking to the opposite sex while at work? If she sells real estate, can she only sell to and from women?

you of course assuming that the Dom worries about that... becaue you can't seem to look beyond the reason you believe it happens. Not everything happens for the reasons you think. There is alot of different reasons that people have for taking similar actions... When one finds out the actual motivation... it makes it easier to understand ones actions... but it's foolhardy to decide one action = one motivation.

quote:

It's very seldom that I receive a 'troll' c-mail from a man.

lucky you... some are not so lucky.

quote:

Quite often though, gentlemen will write to me to either clarify, compliment or disagree with something I've posted. I also get complimentary c-mails on my smile, or something I'm wearing in my pics. I thank them usually, and that is the end of it. HoneyMaster is secure in the knowledge that I am owned, and doesn't even bother to read my c-mail, let alone dictate it.

I hardly doubt that HoneyMaster is secure because he doesn't bother reading your emails and more than a Dominant that does read their submissive's emails.

quote:

So, I guess I'm just curious as to why someone would order something like this if they are secure with themselves and with theirs; I'm also a little baffled as to why someone would miss out on another's opinion just because of that person's sex...

you don't sound all that curious... you sound like someone that already decided and is looking for proof to your opinion.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 62

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 6:15:51 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
you don't sound all that curious... you sound like someone that already decided and is looking for proof to your opinion.

I thought that, too. Most often these types of threads are little more than thinly veiled jabs at the topic at hand and I don't personally see this one as any exception.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 63

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 6:19:14 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I hate to point out the obvious but sometimes a dominant likes to read the mail his submissive gets because it's funny as hell.
Often the mail control has much to do with exerting authority, being amused and little to do with being insecure.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 64

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 6:29:05 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I'm sorry you feel that way.
Obviously I can't prove to you what is in my heart, but, I honestly, I swear to goodness, wanted to get some differing viewpoints.
I have, and there were some very good ones, which I acknowledged and thanked them for the clarification. One was by your lovely Kyra.
I have gotten to the point that while I don't get upset when I have on-line disagreements with others, I just wish that when someone honestly has a question, they are permitted to learn from it, and to grow, instead of just argue.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 65

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 6:29:37 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

...or subs/slaves so unsure of themselves that they will not let anyone of the opposite sex contact them?

No hon but they might just be queer.
(Sorry couldn't resist the poke xx)
PS contact me anytime

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 66

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 6:39:44 PM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

Blushes

{but, honestly, I think you lose out on friendships and other views due to the fact that someone has, or does not have, something between their legs. Seems a rather flimsy basis on which to deny a friendship. }

I agree.

I don't have those restrictions put on me...and I don't put them on myself.
I'm open to friendly and casual conversation : )

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 67

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 7:04:03 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

...or subs/slaves so unsure of themselves that they will not let anyone of the opposite sex contact them?

No hon but they might just be queer.
(Sorry couldn't resist the poke xx)
PS contact me anytime

*lol* I forgot about that! Waves at Prinsexx...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 68

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/8/2008 8:14:38 PM

MusicalBoredom

Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
Status: offline

First I have to say that I don't personally user CM as a dating site. I did join as a way of networking in a somewhat small town. For the most part it has worked out that way. I have several messages to people whose profile I see everyday due to my filter being set to my state. If there is something I liked in a journal post or some event in the area that seems relevant to something they posted I usually send a short note. Something I get a thanks or something similar, sometimes I get "I am owned didn't you read response" or even the "I'm a lesbian I don't talk to men response." Now I have known quite a few gay or lesbian people in my days and I have never known one that didn't talk to people of the opposite gender.

One in particular was noticed by a younger lesbian frind of mine who is still too shy to join. She wanted me to send her a note giving the other girl her myspace name and a pic. I sent it and it was rejected unread. I had to laugh. My friend was a young, very attractive, lesbian submissive in the same town who wanted to meet for coffee. Oh well.

As far as monitoring, I go out several nights a week with someone who is "mine." She's cute, funny and a tremendious flirt. She works it with buys and girls while we are out while I'm talking to friends and such. I never worry about what she is doing at all. To me submission is she has chosen to submit. She has no reason to do that except for her own desire. I don't think I need to control that at all. As far as safety, we have a signal if she's in a bind with someone. Although being a very fiesty black-belt red head "I pity the fool..." in the words of Mr T.

Damn I typed a freaking story. Sorry!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 69

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 11:32:01 AM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

When i mail a sub/slave because I like something I read in her profile, I get replies like " you live to far away". So I reply back..well that is why the internet is so handy...I don't need to visit you to talk.
I don't want anything from people, besides a nice chat. But afther many of such replies...and knowing there are many asses on here also (both D aswell s) the fun of contacting people goes away.

"...and knowing there are many asses on here also (both D as well s)" Really???? Interesting. Well - if you spot it, you got it.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 70

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 11:44:11 AM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

...or subs/slaves so unsure of themselves that they will not let anyone of the opposite sex contact them? Nope, just hopefully obedient.

Personally, I have enjoyed (non-sexual) conversation with both men and women on the collarme side of the site. But I've noticed that many women say that c-mail from men will be deleted unread, and/or that their daddy or master will deal with them. Good for you honey, so why do you care if others do the same thing?
I guess if it works for you...but, honestly, I think you lose out on friendships and other views due to the fact that someone has, or does not have, something between their legs. Seems a rather flimsy basis on which to deny a friendship. Are you talking from experience?

I also wonder a bit about doms who order their subs/slaves/pets to write this in their profile. If you are a dom, and if you are secure with what you own, why would you worry about your property having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex? Does your property have to refrain from talking to the opposite sex while at work? If she sells real estate, can she only sell to and from women? OY - now i understand completly why there's sooooooo much controversy over real slaves.

So, I guess I'm just curious as to why someone would order something like this if they are secure with themselves and with theirs; I'm also a little baffled as to why someone would miss out on another's opinion just because of that person's sex...gee (scratching her head) - maybe - well - uhm - just a wild guess here - but could it be CONTROL??? What a concept - something it appears you know little about.

People who find it necessary to come on here and pull apart what other people do - WHY? What's the point? Do what you want to do and be done with it. Allow others the same. It's just amazing - if someone doesn't do it your way, then that means they're insecure or losing out or something like that. No - it simply means they're not doing it your way.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 71

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 5:42:51 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Ok...I'll attempt not to try to understand others any longer, or ask questions that could help me understand. From now on I'll just bellow my thoughts, and not listen to what others have to say.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to slavemaia)

Post #: 72

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 5:52:22 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Very rarely is insecurity TRULY "unhealthy." We use the words "healthy" and "unhealthy" all the time when we talk about emotions; all it shows is how badly we've been duped by psychologists and other self-help experts. Someone who is PATHOLOGICALLY insecure? There are people like that, but they tend to be institutionalized, because they're incapable of living independently. Usually when we call an emotion "unhealthy" we mean little more than "more noticeable than in me" or "expressed in a different way than I'm familiar with."

By the same token, I have to take issue with the OP's assumption that someone who doesn't want e-mail from a member of the opposite sex must be "insecure." It all depends on the purpose of your profile. I can understand why a lesbian might not want mail from single straight guys.

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

I believe insecurity of our other leaving us for another runs through this life at a pretty high level and a much greater percentage then most other couple dynamics. I think anyone who does not think the whole obedience and suffering has a strong undertone of if I do this or if I see this other person do this for me that soothes our insecurity is fooling themselves.

All people have insecurities and for most of us they are perfectly healthy ones but some people it goes into unhealthy security and that to me is what you might see when dominants will not let their submissives write and monitor all communication.

As far as a submissive who does it on their own it always sounds to me as self esteem issue or a little online role playing.

Also for both cases this can be perfectly healthy way of control that both people get something out of. The only real way of knowing is case by case basis where you truly know their motivations for doing it.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 73

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 5:56:23 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Ok...but WHY would a lesbian not want to speak to men?

This is...confusing to me.

How do you know, before speaking to someone, whether they are worth talking to or not?

Unless, like me, they talk too much on the forums?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 74

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 5:58:22 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Maybe she's not on Collarme looking for Platonic friends. Who knows? But I don't think the lesbians who say "No mail from single men!" (or whatever) are all just insecure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Ok...but WHY would a lesbian not want to speak to men?

This is...confusing to me.

How do you know, before speaking to someone, whether they are worth talking to or not?

Unless, like me, they talk too much on the forums?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 75

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 6:02:22 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Well, sheesh...of COURSE not ALL of them are. That would be silly.

I do wonder though, about doms who tell their subs that they are not allowed to speak to other doms...

It's my assumption that most of the time it's not because the women are not capable of handling it themselves.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 76

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 6:05:53 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

It's my assumption that most of the time it's not because the women are not capable of handling it themselves.

Look at it this way. You have said (on a different thread, I believe) you're a slow learner regarding certain subjects. Maybe, in the cases of women not being able to handle these things themselves, they are, too, and their Master's are helping them manage a particular area of their lives rather than watch them fail at it.

It's ok to be incapable at something, and it's ok to be incapable at things others are very capable of. It's what makes us all unique, after all.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 77

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 6:09:11 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Owned...you look absolutely nothing like I pictured you to look. I imagined you to be blonde.
Fantastic photo.

_____________________________

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 78

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 6:10:51 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Thank you, Aileen. Definitely not blonde. :)

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 79

RE: Are doms so insecure... - 4/9/2008 6:15:16 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

To the OP [blushes]:

I don't mind the other L talking to men. But I notice you rarely chat with, or flirt back with, me.

Stones in glass houses, bebeh.

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 80

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