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RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 12:53:54 PM

LaTigresse

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Actually, for me, the smartest thing to do is step back and take an objective look at WHY I am even angry to begin with. Usually it is something I need to deal with, within myself.

However, I can only think of 3 or 4 times I have been really angry within the last 10 years.

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Post #: 41

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 1:46:47 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
3. Just because I have lost my temper a handful of times scattered through out the course of the 24 years I have been on this planet doesn't equate to some deep seated psychological neurosis requiring therapy. In fact, nobody in my personal life has ever recommended that I needed therapy or anger counselings. Amazingly, the only people who have ever mentioned it are the anonymous Internet entities diagnosing me in this thread. I will have to take that with a little grain of salt.

Keep in mind, the people who know you in person, know you. The people on this thread only know what they know by way of a few paragraphs you post on discussion board threads. Understand, there is quite a gap of information between the two. When that happens, people tend to fill in the blanks based on their own life experiences, and words like "emotional trigger" "rage" and "warpath" call up personal emotions from readers. I wouldn't get too surprised or bothered by the responses. You opened up a great discussion topic and now that you have clarified what you meant in your OP (and have the opportunity to continue to clafiry), you might have responses more along the lines you were hoping for.

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Good is the enemy of great.

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Post #: 42

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 1:56:03 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

I was kind of worried about posting this, because as usual the armchair psychologist brigade is out with a lot of assumptions and projections.

You just lost points with me...

It wasn't directed at you. I really enjoyed your post and gave me some stuff to think about.

However, there seems to be a lot of reading into and judging regarding the choice of words I've used as if somehow I am supposed to justify or explain myself to the Collarme.com Committee.

This was supposed to be a discussion about anger and play and apparently, a few people are too busy dissecting my entire post and applying for their Junior Psychiatry Merit Badge to realize that.

I provided a list of examples from my personal life to demonstrate varying degrees of anger and used descriptive language to stress the differences, all of which was in a humorous mood to make fun of myself and something I silly I did once in the past. I BRIEFLY narrated one scenario with VERY FEW DETAILS, sharing a personal issue that I struggle with where I do not handle people attempting to intimidate me in a cool and calm way. I didn't even share the exact catalysts that led me to lose my temper in that incident.

What do I get in response?

Pleas for me to join Anger Management for the sake of my future spouse and loved ones....
Accusations of taking my anger out on submissives....
Interrogations into why I used a certain phrase and why (not including the fact that the Internet carries no tone)....

Wow.

WOW!

Maybe I should lose points. Apparently, I am not one of those people who believes they can draw outrageous conclusions, based on a bare minimum of limited information about people I have never once met, without being subject to large margin of error.

I bet if I had posted about how much I love red meat and beer and Playboy magazine, I would be receiving replies about how I am obviously a hateful sexist and oppressor of women.

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 43

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 2:03:11 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I like to play with anger, both his and mine. I love when he's playing with me and it makes me angry. It usually means we are on our way to breaking down some barriers. If he hits me when he is 'a little angry' I find it extremely hot.

But the timing for all that has to be right. After an argument, when I'm on my period and my emotions are on a rollercoaster, when we haven't seen each other for awhile, those are not appropriate times to do it because I feel like our connection is not as strong.

It doesn't sound like you have anger management problems to me. It's human to have those rare instances where you blow up. With an anger problem, I would think you'd blow up more frequently with less provocation.

Thanks junecleaver and to everyone else who posted on topic. This is more or less exactly what I meant. When I get a little riled up and take it into the bedroom in the right context, it adds a powerful element to the fun. For me, it's the energy that comes with anger and for the girl, I beleive it to be the element of fear.

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Post #: 44

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 2:06:52 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
3. Just because I have lost my temper a handful of times scattered through out the course of the 24 years I have been on this planet doesn't equate to some deep seated psychological neurosis requiring therapy. In fact, nobody in my personal life has ever recommended that I needed therapy or anger counselings. Amazingly, the only people who have ever mentioned it are the anonymous Internet entities diagnosing me in this thread. I will have to take that with a little grain of salt.

Keep in mind, the people who know you in person, know you. The people on this thread only know what they know by way of a few paragraphs you post on discussion board threads. Understand, there is quite a gap of information between the two. When that happens, people tend to fill in the blanks based on their own life experiences, and words like "emotional trigger" "rage" and "warpath" call up personal emotions from readers. I wouldn't get too surprised or bothered by the responses. You opened up a great discussion topic and now that you have clarified what you meant in your OP (and have the opportunity to continue to clafiry), you might have responses more along the lines you were hoping for.

After reading countless threads where the repeated instant conclusions of "Dump him!" and "He's cheating on you" are drawn from a two sentence OP, I can't say I am surprised, though it is pretty entertaining to be on the end of it.

Thanks for the welcome back. I enjoyed my hiatus. Drop me a line sometime

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Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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Post #: 45

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 2:08:52 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

WELCOME BACK FROM YOUR ADMINISTRATIVE SABBATICAL M.R. !!
Good to see you posting!

BE GOOD!

She lubs hunting wabbits

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Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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Post #: 46

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 2:09:05 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
After reading countless threads where the repeated instant conclusions of "Dump him!" and "He's cheating on you" are drawn from a two sentence OP, I can't say I am surprised, though it is pretty entertaining to be on the end of it.

*Grinning* Welcome to the club! We can share notes between your anger management and my mental illness treatments.

quote:

Thanks for the welcome back. I enjoyed my hiatus. Drop me a line sometime

I will!

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 47

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 2:15:44 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
After reading countless threads where the repeated instant conclusions of "Dump him!" and "He's cheating on you" are drawn from a two sentence OP, I can't say I am surprised, though it is pretty entertaining to be on the end of it.

*Grinning* Welcome to the club! We can share notes between your anger management and my mental illness treatments.

It just makes me want to throw stuff and break things.

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Advice for New Dominants
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Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 48

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 2:25:37 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
It just makes me want to throw stuff and break things.

LOL Makes me want to drool in my straight jacket.

OK, I won't hijack your thread anymore. Enjoy!!

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Good is the enemy of great.

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Post #: 49

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 2:35:38 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Welcome back Rabbit!

My Master and I use play and rough sex to help relieve stress from the frustrations of life.

Sometimes it is really hot, (dare I say, angry?) sort of sex that ends with us both exhausted, but relieved of that stress.

I tend to keep things bottled up inside and often need a good cry to release pent up emotions about various things that aren't related to Him or our relationship. Impact play is one way that He helps me with that..... He hurts me enough to bring me to tears so I can get it all out..... and when He sees that I've reached that point, He ends play and holds me while I cry.

Sometimes, He is the only one that is stressed and I am His "whipping post" or "willing rape victim" if you will, to relieve the stress.

Personally, I think it's all about knowing yourself and your partner and what is or isn't healthy for you and your relationship. But hey, that applies to anything doesn't it?

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 50

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 3:11:04 PM

BitaTruble

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Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

But when we talk about anger, it always seems to be synonymous with a loss of control and therefore something we should stay away from and never ever touch.

I don't entirely agree with this.

I consider anger to be very much like lust and sexual arousal. Just like I can control my own sexual arousal when stimulated and keep from fucking someone in the middle of a train station, there has been many many times when I have gotten angry and kept it under control.

I've even managed to use it to constructive ends. The best workouts in a gym I have ever had were when I was angry.

Then there is the real point of this thread...the fact I find it to be downright hot, sexy, and erotic. I absolutely love to get a little riled up and include that emotion during sex. It adds a powerful and intense energy that is just downright "HOT".

Has anyone else included the element of anger in their play, scening, or sex with positive results?

I read this part of the OP several times and kept coming to the same conclusion .. this sounds very similar to what Himself and I do when we get into some deeply animalistic or feral scenes or sex .. the sort of play which ends up with us both spent and bleeding, but smiling. Sometimes it can lead to the most amazing scenes/sex when you poke the lion with a stick. ::chuckles:: It's definitely intense and, yeah, hot as hell. I think, too, there is a difference between angry sex and sex while angry. When you know how much is enough ("a little riled up") and you stop it from going further, then I would have to say that rather than being out of control, it sounds like someone who is in complete control of themself and the scenario in which they are engaged.

To me, this seems to be more about angry sex rather than sex while angry. When I'm angry, I don't think about sex or scening, I'm thinking about why I'm angry. For me to get to a place where the anger isn't in control, I need to process and understand that first. When I'm engaged in angry sex, if I'm thinking at all, it's certainly not about being angry and it's not the emotion of anger which has my attention though to an outside observer it may certainly appear as though Himself and I are trying to kill each other what with all the growling, snarling, biting and such. Bottom line .. I'd say that we both adore angry sex but tend to avoid sex while angry.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 51

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 3:41:20 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Way to pour cold water all over your opening statement...!

Being in denial is one thing; but you're actually sanitising your position with examples of your defacto anger management techniques et al....?? And the coup de grace - anger is a good thing; hell, it's "downright hot, sexy, and erotic"...!!!

Yikes!

Focus.

Hey buddy,

I know I've made you look really silly a few times on these boards.

Lol, not only is this more of living in denial, it's an actual example of "transferance" that SimplyMichael alluded to....

quote:

I know it's really hard for your ego to take that which leads you to following me around on threads, waiting to twist my words around and say something derogatory.

That's it; be positive; beat that chest; pump up the self-esteem - it's all good.... *wink* Seriously, izzat how it works; that anyone responding to a topic you post is "following you around"?

quote:

But the adults are trying to have a serious discussion here, ok?

Good news - I'm an adult, too! <gasp> Or does that only qualify for those in agreeance with your own opinions?

Perhaps I'm just suffering a clash of cultures with you and anyone who supports this "anger is a good thing" notion you're trying to sell here...? We all get angry and venting it is certainly an excellent and healthy pressure release tool. Most problems arise with the direction and degree some people vent it. I've seen people getting angry over seemingly nothing at all - there was nothing "hot, sexy, and erotic" about it...!

The problem we have here is that I just don't buy the "Emperor's New Clothes" spin you're putting on a subject that all too often has life-altering traumatic and even tragic consequences for many an innocent victim. Using your warped logic here, I can justify breaking my girl's nose as an example of being in control of my anger by saying "Hey, I didn't break her neck, did I?"

Your whole justification and sanitising of anger is a familiar pattern of behaviour - that left is right; up is down and black is white blah blah.... Not all of us are fooled - no wonder we're such good buddies. :-)

Focus.

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(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 52

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 4:06:58 PM

HerLord

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To a degree, I have to argue that angry sex can be amazing. This only holds true when and if the anger is contained to no more than a controlled frustration but it does give a certain... spunk that would otherwise be not attained. My Love and I have more than once "fucked angry". It was certainly not "sane". It may have only been partially "safe". But it was absolutely incredible. She got off like I aint seen her do in... well since the last time we fucked angry.

Let's not get ourselves to high and mighty that we disallow ourselves to feel. Anger is a natural emotion. Felling it is not wrong. Allowing it to control us, is... just plain silly. But to enjoy for what it is, and harness it, to our mutual sassyfication... is divine.

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(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 53

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 4:19:19 PM

BitaTruble

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From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

The problem we have here is that I just don't buy the "Emperor's New Clothes" spin you're putting on a subject that all too often has life-altering traumatic and even tragic consequences for many an innocent victim. Using your warped logic here, I can justify breaking my girl's nose as an example of being in control of my anger by saying "Hey, I didn't break her neck, did I?"

I think you missed this line in MR's post.

quote:

"I absolutely love to get a little riled up and include that emotion during sex."

He spoke about 'a little riled up' and including that during sex. Granted, a little riled up is subjective but certainly wouldn't be mistaken for blind rage. Unless you break your girl's nose when you are 'a little riled up' your analogy is extreme and doesn't fit with the premise he presented. "Life-alternating traumatic and even tragic consequences" over a little bit riled up prelude to sex? Bit much, don't you think?

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 54

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 4:28:48 PM

SimplyMichael

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BSB and I play with a tiny bit of anger. She likes to be told what a manipulative cunt she is and I enjoy getting even with all the manipulative cunts I have had to deal with. It is all in good fun be we can get all riled up. Actually, the only time I enjoy flogging is doing it when I am playing with anger. I don't know shit about floggers but a friend who makes some of the best made one for BSB that is loud but doesn't hurt. So I can beat the living shit out of her, wrap all over, beat her kidneys and she gets a nice massage out of it.

I get where Rabbit is coming from but think there is an elephant, albeit a small one, squatting in his living room.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 55

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 4:38:55 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

BSB and I play with a tiny bit of anger. She likes to be told what a manipulative cunt she is and I enjoy getting even with all the manipulative cunts I have had to deal with. It is all in good fun be we can get all riled up. Actually, the only time I enjoy flogging is doing it when I am playing with anger. I don't know shit about floggers but a friend who makes some of the best made one for BSB that is loud but doesn't hurt. So I can beat the living shit out of her, wrap all over, beat her kidneys and she gets a nice massage out of it.

Now...you've lost some points with me

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 56

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 4:40:06 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

To me, this seems to be more about angry sex rather than sex while angry. When I'm angry, I don't think about sex or scening, I'm thinking about why I'm angry. For me to get to a place where the anger isn't in control, I need to process and understand that first. When I'm engaged in angry sex, if I'm thinking at all, it's certainly not about being angry and it's not the emotion of anger which has my attention though to an outside observer it may certainly appear as though Himself and I are trying to kill each other what with all the growling, snarling, biting and such. Bottom line .. I'd say that we both adore angry sex but tend to avoid sex while angry.

Thank you.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 57

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 4:44:31 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Edited to Add : Emotional Trigger is probably not the best choice of words. I'm just a fighter. It's part of my nature. When someone gets up in my face, points their finger at me, and tells me to do X, my initial reaction is to growl and tell them to "Fuck off!"

It's cost me a few jobs with some headstrong chefs in the past lol.

Here's my flip response:

Yes but looked at positively it also probably helped to get the human species thuis far.....
if we 'lose' the anger genotype altogether? what then?
Anyway i think there's enough oestrogenisation of the planet to put us all into a premature hazy phasy lull of apthy soon enough....where would bdsm be without the control of anger

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Post #: 58

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 4:45:44 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
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Hmmmmm...

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Post #: 59

RE: Anger: Is it really all that bad? - 4/11/2008 4:53:25 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

BSB and I play with a tiny bit of anger. She likes to be told what a manipulative cunt she is and I enjoy getting even with all the manipulative cunts I have had to deal with. It is all in good fun be we can get all riled up. Actually, the only time I enjoy flogging is doing it when I am playing with anger. I don't know shit about floggers but a friend who makes some of the best made one for BSB that is loud but doesn't hurt. So I can beat the living shit out of her, wrap all over, beat her kidneys and she gets a nice massage out of it.

Now...you've lost some points with me

HEY!

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 60

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