quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Perhaps I'm just suffering a clash of cultures with you and anyone who supports this "anger is a good thing" notion you're trying to sell here...?  We all get angry and venting it is certainly an excellent and healthy pressure release tool.  Most problems arise with the direction and degree some people vent it.  I've seen people getting angry over seemingly nothing at all - there was nothing "hot, sexy, and erotic" about it...!
 
The problem we have here is that I just don't buy the "Emperor's New Clothes" spin you're putting on a subject that all too often has life-altering traumatic and even tragic consequences for many an innocent victim.  Using your warped logic here, I can justify breaking my girl's nose as an example of being in control of my anger by saying "Hey, I didn't break her neck, did I?"
 
Your whole justification and sanitising of anger is a familiar pattern of behaviour - that left is right; up is down and black is white blah blah....  Not all of us are fooled - no wonder we're such good buddies.  :-)
 
Focus.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I was kind of worried about posting this, because as usual the armchair psychologist brigade is out with a lot of assumptions and projections.

A few thoughts after reading this....

1. The incidents and different examples I provided are not connected..

2. I never said "I took my anger out on a submissive." That's a leap a lot of people are making. I mean in the context where I purposefully rile myself up and make myself a little angry to add a hot element to sex. There is different kinds of anger people, just like there is different kinds of love. Think outside the box.

3. Just because I have lost my temper a handful of times scattered through out the course of the 24 years I have been on this planet doesn't equate to some deep seated psychological neurosis requiring therapy. In fact, nobody in my personal life has ever recommended that I needed therapy or anger counselings. Amazingly, the only people who have ever mentioned it are the anonymous Internet entities diagnosing me in this thread. I will have to take that with a little grain of salt.

4. I'm not exactly a walking timebomb. These incidents where I lost my temper weren't a result of someone simply saying "Boo" to me. They were a reaction to serious aggression, a lot of testerone, and a "push-to-shove, in your face" attitude.

5 The only incident where rage led to me physically assaulting someone was when someone physically assaulted me and attempted to pin me down and restrain me.

Edited to Add : Emotional Trigger is probably not the best choice of words. I'm just a fighter. It's part of my nature. When someone gets up in my face, points their finger at me, and tells me to do X, my initial reaction is to growl and tell them to "Fuck off!"

It's cost me a few jobs with some headstrong chefs in the past lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

You ask a question on a public forum

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

Your right. I did ask a question on a public forum regarding the eroticism of anger. I didn't ask for advice about my "anger problems".

quote:

Thank you for your responses. Regardless, they provided some new insights into anger and I will benefit from them.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
 
The problem we have here is that I just don't buy the "Emperor's New Clothes" spin you're putting on a subject that all too often has life-altering traumatic and even tragic consequences for many an innocent victim.  Using your warped logic here, I can justify breaking my girl's nose as an example of being in control of my anger by saying "Hey, I didn't break her neck, did I?"
 

I think you missed this line in MR's post.

quote:

"I absolutely love to get a little riled up and include that emotion during sex."

quote:

He spoke about 'a little riled up' and including that during sex. Granted, a little riled up is subjective but certainly wouldn't be mistaken for blind rage. Unless you break your girl's nose when you are 'a little riled up' your analogy is extreme and doesn't fit with the premise he presented. "Life-alternating traumatic and even tragic consequences" over a little bit riled up prelude to sex? Bit much, don't you think?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Perhaps I'm just suffering a clash of cultures with you and anyone who supports this "anger is a good thing" notion you're trying to sell here...?  We all get angry and venting it is certainly an excellent and healthy pressure release tool.  Most problems arise with the direction and degree some people vent it.  I've seen people getting angry over seemingly nothing at all - there was nothing "hot, sexy, and erotic" about it...!
 
The problem we have here is that I just don't buy the "Emperor's New Clothes" spin you're putting on a subject that all too often has life-altering traumatic and even tragic consequences for many an innocent victim.  Using your warped logic here, I can justify breaking my girl's nose as an example of being in control of my anger by saying "Hey, I didn't break her neck, did I?"
 
Your whole justification and sanitising of anger is a familiar pattern of behaviour - that left is right; up is down and black is white blah blah....  Not all of us are fooled - no wonder we're such good buddies.  :-)
 
Focus.

I would like to thank everyone with above high school level of maturity who either has or will post to this thread without attempting to make me look like a malignant abuser by stretching my OP into a ludicrous argument.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

quote:

Your right. I did ask a question on a public forum regarding the eroticism of anger. I didn't ask for advice about my "anger problems".

quote:

Thank you for your responses. Regardless, they provided some new insights into anger and I will benefit from them.  

I can't tell if this is sarcastic or not.

Back along time ago, when I started posting on the boards, I started a thread similar to this in which I asked about how to negotiate 'anger' in the context of scening.  I knew I have issues dealing with other people's anger.  It induces meltdowns and all sorts of shit.  And I just wanted to think about the best way of cluing in partners to that issue because its terrifying for me and I know if things get intense enough, and I'm driven past the point of terror, I get scary cold like an ice queen and incredibly focused.  I don't get mad back, I get busy and it screws up the power exchange.  I've never been able to repair a close relationship after this has happened.

I got very much the same types of response as you did and it was a little frustrating because my question was only indirectly addressed.  I received alot of diagnoses and well meaning advice instead of an answer to my question.  At the time, I did what I could to work through all the replies and left it at that deciding the best thing was to just be upfront and honest with partners about my own reactions to other people's anger and not mess around anything that would involve pretend anger except in the context of a close relationship.  I wouldn't mess around with it in a casual scene.

Months and months later, I was in a situation where 'anger' became a real issue and I was having a hard time because I was so scared.  I knew I wasn't making good decisions and knew I was imploding but I couldn't seem to do anything about it.  I was in a state of helplessness.  And, then quite randomly, I remembered a comment on that thread that reframed everything I was experiencing so I could what needed to be done.  I can't emphasize enough how important that single comment was.

So, and to get to my point, alot of the comments here might not be meaningful now, but you never know when something someone said might come to mind, and help you prevent something really bad from happening. 

The only thing else I have to add is:  if you're going to be experimenting with this stuff, pay as much attention to how your partner reacts to your anger as you do to keeping your own emotions under wraps.  Its not just about you. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

I think anger is seen as negative because showing it upsets people.  
 

quote:

That reminds me of something I read by Epictetus where the action or object isn't inherently bad, but the opinion of that action or object is what is bad.
It certainly provides some insight into the wide range of responses to this issue.   

quote:

Has anyone else included the element of anger in their play, scening, or sex with positive results?  

quote:

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Perhaps I'm just suffering a clash of cultures with you and anyone who supports this "anger is a good thing" notion you're trying to sell here...?  We all get angry and venting it is certainly an excellent and healthy pressure release tool.  Most problems arise with the direction and degree some people vent it.  I've seen people getting angry over seemingly nothing at all - there was nothing "hot, sexy, and erotic" about it...!
 
The problem we have here is that I just don't buy the "Emperor's New Clothes" spin you're putting on a subject that all too often has life-altering traumatic and even tragic consequences for many an innocent victim.  Using your warped logic here, I can justify breaking my girl's nose as an example of being in control of my anger by saying "Hey, I didn't break her neck, did I?"
 
Your whole justification and sanitising of anger is a familiar pattern of behaviour - that left is right; up is down and black is white blah blah....  Not all of us are fooled - no wonder we're such good buddies.  :-)
 
Focus.

I would like to thank everyone with above high school level of maturity who either has or will post to this thread without attempting to make me look like a malignant abuser by stretching my OP into a ludicrous argument.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
 
The problem we have here is that I just don't buy the "Emperor's New Clothes" spin you're putting on a subject that all too often has life-altering traumatic and even tragic consequences for many an innocent victim.  Using your warped logic here, I can justify breaking my girl's nose as an example of being in control of my anger by saying "Hey, I didn't break her neck, did I?"
 

I think you missed this line in MR's post.

quote:

"I absolutely love to get a little riled up and include that emotion during sex."

I read MadRabbit's post in its entirety and responded to what was relevant to *me*.  So you thought wrong, I didn't miss a thing.

quote:

He spoke about 'a little riled up' and including that during sex. Granted, a little riled up is subjective but certainly wouldn't be mistaken for blind rage. Unless you break your girl's nose when you are 'a little riled up' your analogy is extreme and doesn't fit with the premise he presented. "Life-alternating traumatic and even tragic consequences" over a little bit riled up prelude to sex? Bit much, don't you think?

Yanno, I don't even recall mentioning angry sex or even a "little riled up" sex...!  My "premise" is how MadRabbit is rather fond of redefining, indeed, reinventing the language to paper over behavioural issues affecting himself - for which I gave an example of that logic.  To answer his topic title, a resounding YES, anger is often that bad when expressed towards other individuals.
 
The only thing that's a "bit much" here is how you presume to reapply the substance of my comments to a context of your own making then dare to hold me accountable for your outrageous actions.  Bigger than even elephant's balls....
 
Focus.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
Has anyone else included the element of anger in their play, scening, or sex with positive results?

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

The only time you should ever need to throw a tantrum is when you are physically threatened or see another person physically threatened and there is an immediate need to resort to a maximum reaction. There is no time to think, reason, discuss, ponder, etc.... immediate action is needed. Other than that, there is no reason EVER to lose your cool. It is counterproductive to personal growth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

People who boast about having wildly overreactions to irritations that are not life threatening and that could be solved calmly

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
people who boast about having lost multiple jobs due to their anger are people with anger management problems.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave
gentlemen...

No offense intended.  To me, you guys kind of remind me of this.

Have a nice day. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

If you actually read my clarifications, it wasn't a minor irritation that I was reacting to. My roommate was backing me into a corner, yelling, and shoving his finger in my face. I didn't provide all the details, because this thread wasn't about me.