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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 8:07:00 AM

Madame4a

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I agree with you... I actually find it interesting that new people at meetings and events are usually treated MUCH better in RL than newcomers seem to be treated here.. or perhaps online in general...

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 8:45:16 AM

ResidentSadist

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/flame on
I’m with you, common sense shouldn’t be a rare commodity. SSC flag wavers are annoying twits that are literally ruining the BDSM community by selling it to tourists under the guise of safety so they can get fresh vanilla kink meat for themselves. They should go hang with the swingers and step away from their fluffy socially acceptable floggers and politically correct social postures and leave BDSM for those that actually like the BD & SM parts of it.

I liked the people that were in the lifestyle 20 or 30 years ago when it was a dark, scary and unsafe place that scared tourists away. At least you knew what stereotypes would compose the commmunity back then.

Even the guy who coined that SSC phrase went around the country apologizing for it and said he never meant for the community to pick it up as a banner to exclude the edge players with.

…but I’m into S&M, so I‘m very biased.
/flame off

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 8:47:00 AM

MadameMarque

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No. It does not go without saying, between people who are new to each other, and of course, especially to people new to being active in the scene - it does not go without saying, where the bottom line is, regarding safety, sanity, and consent.

Yes, each person entering into the scene actively should hear the PSA's - the public service announcements. And they should hear them from more than one source, so they'll know that it's a whole world, and there's no one simple answer to those questions, but that they can find people whose ideas and values they relate to, among perhaps many to whom they cannot.

When people of considerable experience, who engage in the more extreme forms of BDSM, such as owner/slave relations, edge play, and consensual nonconsensual scenes - when these people sit around discussing things, they discuss such issues, and they often vary greatly in their ideas.

It is not a mark of stupidity, either, much as you insist it is, that people ask and that people inform each other, just what their ideas are on these subjects. What is unfortunate, and it happens all the time, is for people not to ask, and to find out the worst way, that they've met an individual or a group of people whose ideas and standards of responsibility, care, decency, (or lack there of) are...a mess.

It makes me tired, just thinking of trying to list all the many reasons why talking about these topics at a basic, matter-of-fact level is important. Why one should not just assume that their idea of safety, sane practice, and consent is the same as others'. Why new people should be made aware that what they've heard from one source - one group or organization or book or individual - is not what's held and practiced everywhere.

We like to make things real. Well, how real is real? When are the things we do and say to each other - things which, without consent would be criminal, and even with consent, might be, at base, abusive and harmful - when are these words and acts underlined with love and concern and responsibility, and when are they not? What is sane? What margin of risk is safe? What constitutes consent, and when can it not be withdrawn? How many different answers do you think you'll get to those questions?

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 8:53:22 AM

Madame4a

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

/flame on
I’m with you, common sense shouldn’t be a rare commodity. SSC flag wavers are annoying twits that are literally ruining the BDSM community by selling it to tourists under the guise of safety so they can get fresh vanilla kink meat for themselves. They should go hang with the swingers and step away from their fluffy socially acceptable floggers and politically correct social postures and leave BDSM for those that actually like the BD & SM parts of it.

I liked the people that were in the lifestyle 20 or 30 years ago when it was a dark, scary and unsafe place that scared tourists away. At least you knew what stereotypes would compose the commmunity back then.

Even the guy who coined that SSC phrase went around the country apologizing for it and said he never meant for the community to pick it up as a banner to exclude the edge players with.

…but I’m into S&M, so I‘m very biased.
/flame off

I find that most of what I do isn't sane or safe for that matter... most of the time its consensual.. but it depends on how you define that.. now doesn't it...I'm a black hanky kinda chick

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 8:54:55 AM

chellekitty

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as one of those "communication, communication, communication" posters, i have to defend that point with, if people didn't come to the boards and ask "how do i fix my relationship" and try and prompt an answer that didn't involve communication, i would post that communication is key to a relationship...

oh and not all BDSM involves sex, so some of it would just be assult and/or battery...learn something new today? as for the posting of the SSC or RACK, it's like in kindergarden when they taught us "stop, drop, and roll" if you're ever on fire...i don't know about you but they drilled that into my head, and to this day, i can tell you what to do if i am ever on fire "stop, drop and roll"....same principle (or is that principal...) if you say it enough times, hopefully people will go, is this safe, sane and consensual, or is this risk aware (informed) consensual kink? because people do stupid shit all the time...really intelligent people do dumb shit all the time...they just don't make the news with it...

take care
chelle

edited to add: black and maroon hanky on the right side...

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 4/11/2008 8:56:36 AM >

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 9:01:19 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord
Isn’t it possible that common sense dictates that you don’t willingly risk your life, your sanity, or your happiness for the sake of sex?

I very rarely ever say anything on threads about SSC or RACK or any such similar ideas. It's fine if those perameters work for you but my definitions of safe, sane, risky, etc. are my own and I don't want to labor under another's definitions since I'm the one taking the "risks," so to speak.

Furthermore, I would add that some people DO take big risks "for the sake of sex" and other enjoyable rushes. I have never been someone whose common sense has been questioned and I've often been told I have an abundance of it (which I do). However, I have engaged in very risky behavior in many areas of my life. It had nothing to do at all with how much "common sense" I did or didn't have. That's comparing apples and oranges. I engaged in "risky" behavior because I got a thrill out of it. Sometimes it involved "sex," but many times it did not.

quote:

We know that it has to be SSC. We know that it has to be RACK or whatever the hell acronym you chose to use.

No it does not. I don't give two shits about anyone else's definitions of safe, sane, or risky. It means less than nothing to me. I don't go to public parties so I am held to no one's "rules" but my Master's. We don't even know what all the details of SSC or RACK are because we don't have watchdogs monitoring what we do in the privacy of our own home. It is thorougly irrelevant.

"Risky," "unsafe," and "insane" behavior is my perogative. I've engaged in it rather frequently and have enjoyed it so, so much. Not everyone who does lacks common sense and some people couldn't care less about other's diagrams for what behavior falls within their narrow definitions of safe, sane or risky. Just a view from the other side of the coin.....................luci

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 9:28:15 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Even the guy who coined that SSC phrase went around the country apologizing for it and said he never meant for the community to pick it up as a banner to exclude the edge players with.

I had missed this statement on my first read-through of this thread. That is exactly what has happened - using it as a "banner to exclude the edge players." Very sad and pathetic indeed............luci

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 9:28:52 AM

Missokyst

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I am a big believer in culling the gene pool. I might offer some personal views on what I see going on but I very rarely call them on safety. From my POV adults should have the sense to survive and that means taking responsibility for their actions. I don't believe that because I am in a community of kinksters, that I need to lead people to common sense, step by step. Let them fall, it is how people learn.
Kyst

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 9:34:35 AM

Pyrrsefanie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

Is it contributory to discussion for someone to say this EVERY SINGLE TIME!? Isn’t it possible that common sense dictates that you don’t willingly risk your life, your sanity, or your happiness for the sake of sex? For those who don’t heed common sense, thank you for removing yourselves from the gene pool. As for communication, well, no relationship can EVER be successful without it, so it seems self-evident.

Never underestimate the stupidity of people. The problem with ignorant people is that they don't realize they're ignorant, and thus cannot remove themselves from the gene pool, but must rely on an accident or God saying "oh man, fuck this guy" and pushing the SMITE button.

The divorce rate in the US is above 55% now if I remember correctly... apparently, as self-evident as it is to some of us, to others, it's a mystery.

And after all, this is the Intarnetz, so you've got to cover all of your bases...

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 9:36:15 AM

chamberqueen

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I had to smile at the fact that you have been on the Boards for two whole months!

I would much rather read a reminder to keep yourself safe and sane then to see a person who has come here with a problem be belittled for not knowing enough. Everyone here has been a beginner at some point, and most have put up with circumstances that the majority of us would run away from. I have gotten flamed when asking a sincere question for my apparent stupidity (in their eyes) and have read and received answers to posts where it seems like the common thought is simply to run away at the first bump in the road. Sometimes people post here simply because they need to be able to express themselves to someone.

You had that right. You got to post a long rant telling how you feel that some people would be better off dead. That is much more offensive that someone saying to communicate well and keep things safe and sane. Wishing someone dead comes under the legal definition of insanity.

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 9:37:55 AM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
/flame on
I’m with you, common sense shouldn’t be a rare commodity. SSC flag wavers are annoying twits that are literally ruining the BDSM community by selling it to tourists under the guise of safety so they can get fresh vanilla kink meat for themselves. They should go hang with the swingers and step away from their fluffy socially acceptable floggers and politically correct social postures and leave BDSM for those that actually like the BD & SM parts of it.

I liked the people that were in the lifestyle 20 or 30 years ago when it was a dark, scary and unsafe place that scared tourists away. At least you knew what stereotypes would compose the commmunity back then.

Even the guy who coined that SSC phrase went around the country apologizing for it and said he never meant for the community to pick it up as a banner to exclude the edge players with.

…but I’m into S&M, so I‘m very biased.
/flame off

I find that most of what I do isn't sane or safe for that matter... most of the time its consensual.. but it depends on how you define that.. now doesn't it...I'm a black hanky kinda chick

You gotta' love a black hanky kinda' chick! One of my my fav T-shirts is from Dungeon Outfitters in Chicago and it says, “Unsafe, Insane and Nonconsensual”.

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 9:38:27 AM

Poetryinpain

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~fr~

I'm sure the Old School Boys (and Girls) get tired of seeing the same PSAs showing up on the boards all the time. But you know what? They aren't aimed at you. They are aimed at someone who does need to read them.

If you don't smoke, do you need all those "stop smoking" PSAs flashing on your TV screen every hour or so? No, you don't, but there are those who do. And for their sake, we endure them.

As a Customer Service rep, I have frequently answered the same question over 100 times in one day. I may get tired of saying it, but each time I say it, the customer is hearing it for the first time. I have to keep remembering that.

As much as you may like the idea of letting all the stupid people make their own mistakes and remove themselves from the genetic pool, this is an idea that many of us can't live with. So we try to share what we've learned with others in order to help them have a better, more fulfilling experience with this new way of doing things.

And, BTW, I get kind of tired of reading things that indicate that just because a person isn't into hard-core BDSM, they don't belong and should just call themselves 'kinky vanilla.' It isn't anyone's prerogative to presume to judge anyone else's level of involvement.

pip, ever the teacher

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 9:40:50 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
You got to post a long rant telling how you feel that some people would be better off dead. That is much more offensive that someone saying to communicate well and keep things safe and sane.

That's certainly a matter of opinion

. I find it pretty majorly offensive to constantly hear how everyone should bend to SSC or RACK which, frankly, are just someone else's opinion of what I should do. Communicating well is all good, IMO. But what if I don't want to keep things "safe" or "sane?" Sometimes gettin' buck wild and unsafe and insane is the hottest thing in the world. I don't want some person I don't even know dictating to me that I should operate within their narrow belief system. Now THAT'S offensive................luci

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 9:58:56 AM

AquaticSub

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~Fast Reply~

Simply because you've read it a million times doesn't mean the OP has ever heard it. Here's some common sense: Don't like it, don't read it.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/11/2008 9:59:32 AM >

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 10:02:04 AM

Madame4a

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I have two I wear regularly...

"Don't worry, its not my blood"

and.. one with a black widow on it that says...

I'm hungry
Let's f*ck

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 10:10:04 AM

Emperor1956

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FR: Hey, if you didn't have all the "SSC" and "RACK" posters reminding the world of those concepts, then all the really twue, hard ass, resident sadists, black hanky girls and other oh-so-superior types would have to find someone ELSE to snark at.

Just a thought....

E.

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 10:11:34 AM

Madame4a

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hey.. not all of us are snarking.. see my previous response... I see the value.. trust me on that one... I do

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 10:21:05 AM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain
And, BTW, I get kind of tired of reading things that indicate that just because a person isn't into hard-core BDSM, they don't belong and should just call themselves 'kinky vanilla.' It isn't anyone's prerogative to presume to judge anyone else's level of involvement.

/flame on
Kinky vanilla is not something I am opposed to. I just don’t think vanilla kinksters into rough sex should be selling SSC etiquette to BDSM societies or influencing so many newcomers in this online age. If you look at pansexual BDSM and its social roots as a spin off of the swingers societies, there was nothing wrong with ‘kinky vanilla’ or rough sex. Go sell SSC to the swingers.

Rough sex should be just that, not BDSM. Swingers had great parties and spanking, feathers, bondage, masks, role-play and fuffy painless floggers were all kinks they enjoyed. That's called swinging baby, and it is very safe, sane and consensual.

Hardcore BDSM is where it started and it has slowly become unfashionable in the fluffy SM (stand & model) politically correct SSC crowds. I understand that BDSM has D/s in the middle of it but that is where it belongs, in the middle, not on top of a soapbox proclaiming we need a SSC set of etiquette rules. BDSM did just fine back when kinky vanilla attended swingers parties instead spouting SSC in our dungeons and at newcommers to our community.
/flame off

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 10:47:08 AM

AquaticSub

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And heaven forbid that someone refuse to fit in a box.

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RE: This aint PBS, I don't need a PSA - 4/11/2008 11:08:30 AM

lanie38

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I think it's quite redundant anyway...'cause I know for a fact that *my* safe, sane and consensual is someone else's nightmare...

I just skip over those posts...

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