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how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:05:19 PM   
submyt


Posts: 127
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		After talking for a bit via forums, eamil and phone, He came to visit for the weekend.  we really seemed to hit it off...or so i thought...through conversation, laughter, as well as physical interaction.  Then, it seems he "got what he came for"...told me to take a shower b4 we would go to lunch.  That's when he packed his bag and split.  And to think he asked me where the gas station was this morning...

The two Doms prior to this had lies and more lies.  The first was married with children, with a girlfriend, and told me he wanted to marry me...even when I busted him he kept on lying.  The second had a long time submissive of many years; had gone to great lengths to prove how "trustworthy" he was when I told him about mr. married/children/GF. 

Every time this happens, not only am I greatly hurt, but left not understanding how one can treat another this way.  But the reason for the post is this.  Do we somehow warn others??  Is there some way to keep other submissives from falling for the same web of lies from these bastards???


< Message edited by submyt -- 4/12/2008 3:07:45 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:07:30 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		No, there isn't a way to warn others. All that you can do is look at yourself and try to see what it is that lets people like this hurt you. Maybe you need to be more careful and take things more slowly. Maybe pay more attention to red flags.

Best of luck,
Aqua


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to submyt)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:08:46 PM   
submyt


Posts: 127
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		it is quite clear that is true.  thanks, aqua

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:09:53 PM   
raisedonsunshine


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/8/2008
Status: offline 		Poor Submyt! I'm sorry you experienced bad situations with hurtful doms.

How long do you know them before you meet?

< Message edited by raisedonsunshine -- 4/12/2008 3:10:29 PM >

(in reply to submyt)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:10:45 PM   
submyt


Posts: 127
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		thanks...so sad today...
not long enough.

only 2-3 weeks

(in reply to raisedonsunshine)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:10:46 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Nope, you can't really warn others.  Well, okay, you can email me in private on the other side with his name so that I don't fall into the same trap, but that's about it. 

Hope he didn't pack up anything valuable of yours when he packed his own stuff... doensn't seem like personal integrity is real high on his humanity scale.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to submyt)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:11:19 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		Nope, sadly, be more careful, less trusting, ask for references and next time meet in a coffee shope--first time meets at someone's place--well--remember the rules of relationships don't change because someone wears a D or an s on their chest.
 
I am sorry you have had a bad time, have a glass of wine, take a deep breath and be thankful he didn't take your wallet or credit cards.
 
 

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to submyt)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:13:49 PM   
submyt


Posts: 127
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		yeah. Cali...he spoke about hocking some of my prescripttions...thought he was kidding...after he left...i looked...seemed ok..hope nothing else

(in reply to CalifChick)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:13:52 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		how many of us fall into the same trap?  and if we told one another who it was that burned us, would we even be believed?  sometimes i wonder, some are popular and seem to be above condemnation...

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to MladyHathor)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:16:50 PM   
adrian28


Posts: 833
Joined: 3/8/2008
Status: offline 		These guys are not Doms. More to the point they're just predators. I'm sorry you had to go through this and hope you're not completely jaded by these incidents. I wouldn't want their karma but, I'm sure karma want them.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:17:38 PM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		I'd believe you...

_____________________________

There's never really a good time for the whole Man to Beast thing...Just kind of~Whaum! and hope for the best...
ToTo from The O.Z.

(in reply to christine1)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:21:15 PM   
lalbobbilynn


Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		As far as i know there is no such place to report those who mislead You. When You pain settles a bit, try to look at the situations objectively and focus on what You could have done differently. In the mean time, know i am sorry for Your pain, and vent until Your hearts content.

b.~

(in reply to christine1)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:22:05 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		It can't be done..
As far as other girl's might be concerned it could just be sour grapes.. it could be that the person warning other girls away has some kind of motive.. It could be any number of things.. But if they don't know you, there are 2 sides to every story, and it would just cause them to question you.
Having been in a similar position myself as far as wanting to warn the innocent and naive out there about a certain man who was once in my life.. i had similar thoughts.
But i was forced to come to the conclusion that it isn't my job to warn others, because i would only be painted as somebody with an axe to grind, and not be believed anyway.. We each have our own lessons to learn. So my advice would be to learn and move on.


_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to submyt)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:23:12 PM   
mystiquenz


Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline 		gives submyt a hug,

some people ask about others.  Sometimes not.  What one person may tolerate another person may not.  Like attracts like they say, but I agree with adrian28 "karma". 

At the end of the day, bdsm communities are small places.  You can only rely on your own gut feelings, and your intuition.  I suggest you sharpen that 6th sense of yours.  maybe take a longer time between meeting the dominant.  Maybe ask if they have played and/or interacted with others known in your local community.  Get involved in local bdsm groups (although that's not 100% fool proof either) ... but you will soon network and sift through the timewasters, the players and the people who are out there for the "land of kink" and not that "relationship" that so many people seek. 

I wish you well.




_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to submyt)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:23:38 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Submyt:  All I can say is I'm stunned.  It's been a long time since someone was able to shock me, but you did.  Next time go slower, meet with no play the first time, in a public place.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to mzbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:25:47 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		You can warn others that you know but you can not warn them here.  As for how to keep them out of your life, my suggestions would be 1)attend munches with them so numerous others could get a take on them before you decided to play with them  2)ask for and get the email addresses of some real life people who can give you recommendations about them.  3)there is no reason he has to come to your house, you can go to him.  If he does not want to meet you at his house/apartment there is probably a reason, maybe a wife or girlfriend who would drop by.

In your profile you say "relationships of any kind take time and communication to grow."  This includes time and communications in vanilla settings before moving onto a BDSM setting.  Seems you need to heed your own advice.

Good luck to you.  I know most of the munch groups out here know anybody that has been doing wrong by the submissives and will say so.  In fact we have some "submissive only" munch groups.

(in reply to raisedonsunshine)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:31:28 PM   
angelwithhonor


Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		all i can say is..hugsssssssssssss so tight....and what a looser...rolls my eyes...dont get ppl these days men or women..... how they lie cheat hurt and have no basic morals of kindness of any kind.......it will bite him in the ass and hopefully not in a pleasurable way..grins

(in reply to lalbobbilynn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:33:07 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		the only issue I take here is the "get recommendations" thing.  that's only worthwhile if the recommendations come from someone who the person asking actually trusts/respects.  Any ol' Joe Blow can give names and numbers.. but if I don;t know the person saying "oh yes he's WONDERFUL", why should I trust their judgement?

just sayin'...........

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to mstrj69)
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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:36:59 PM   
adrian28


Posts: 833
Joined: 3/8/2008
Status: offline 		Well said GT, without your acceptance they are nothing. Trust should earned, not freely given.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 3:38:38 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Unfortunately most of us have been duped at one time or another. Yeah it sucks, but you really can't warn other people, because other people have to make their own assessments. 

I believe a person's character is a person's character no matter who they are dealing with.  In other words, I don't believe someone is kind and considerate with some people but dishonorable with others.  If this person is dishonorable, he will be dishonorable with the next girl as well, but she will have to find out for herself.  Women always think that the guy is going to be different with her, that she's somehow special or he sees her differently than he saw the others, etc.  But they have to learn the old fashioned way, just like you did.  Experience is the only real teacher, and you just can't save the world. 

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to submyt)
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