RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime

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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 5:56:50 PM

frenchdungeon

Posts: 85
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline

life lesson, are sometimes learned the hard way, its good that you reveal, this sort of activity, far too many profiles here, are based on lies, sorry to hear, that things like this still happen...hopefully someone else might learn from this

avoid a dominant if he/ or /she

1- wont meet in neutral grounds first
2- wont give you his phone #
3- cant provide references
4- cant provide you with clear picture of face
5- repeately puts of meeting

after all this is a sort of dating site, we are all here for the same reason, some more devious than others

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 81

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 6:06:25 PM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

When you start chatting online with some guy, don't get yourself all wrapped up in the "I loveYou" or "Oh you are so beautiful" because that is what gets most women in trouble, and those that are good at getting pieces of ass are experts at using flattery

And adult women should be able to see that for what it is. Now, I have told a couple women (subtee, for one) that I think they're fine-looking women, but that's just a statement of fact (or opinion, whatevah).

quote:

focus on what else he is saying ...how much of the conversation how much is on getting to know you as a person and how much focused on sex and if mostly on sex ...is it easy to get him into another topic of conversation or does he ignore the attempt to change topics or drifts right back to it. Those that want just a temporary sexual relationship with kink will focus most of their conversations on just that .....those that want relationships will touch on sex talk about kinks to know your interest, boundaries and experiences but little of it becomes the main topic on conversation , they are interested in getting to know you the person and what other interests you have and share their interests with you. When a conversation is mostly about sex don't go expecting a longe term relationship with that person they are infact telling you what they want from you regardless of what else they say inrder to wrap you around their finger in order to snare you. They may start off talking to you as a person but if a meet then becomes planned .....pay attention !!!....is the conversation now drifting to one based mostly of a sexual nature?? Hint ..Hint

I rarely talk about sex. I figure the parts will fit together, everything else will become known or negotiated at some future point. Talking about sex is fairly boring to me.

quote:

if they want to scene with you on the first meet chances are they are not viewing the meet to get to know you as a person and don't have that much respect for you as such ....Another Hint are they asking you for nudey pictures of your self or asking you to cam nude??? Hint ...Hint!!

I've seen a lot of naked women. They're all pretty much the same. As far as sex on the first date, only if there is an immediate attraction and the acknowledgement that it isn't a one-nighter, 'cause I'm not interested in those anymore. I don't "scene" anyway. I prefer "making love" but that's me.

quote:

All the flowery flattery means nothing until after you have met a couple of times and it is at that point you can start basking in it...until that point pay attention to the rest of the conversations your having ....it will tell you a lot about the person and their intentions and help you to have a lot more successful meets

I've got a dinner date coming up, and I am far more interested in getting to know her (particularly since we've both had restaurants). If we connect, well, it only gets better. If we don't, well, I've met a new friend. Win/win.

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 82

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 7:40:36 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

how would i warn others?

by simply telling them not to bring strangers into their home for a play date then wonder why they got hit and ran.

(in reply to submyt)

Post #: 83

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 7:58:15 PM

umisprite

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hippiekinkster
I rarely talk about sex. I figure the parts will fit together

I love this! Do you mind if I use some variation of this next time it's appropriate?

_____________________________

My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)

Post #: 84

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 8:01:30 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

The answer is obvious....By some means knock them out and apply some sort of a surgeon's warning on their forehead.

Or maybe you are really gross..."It's not me it's you."

_____________________________

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 85

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 8:12:33 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

The answer is obvious....By some means knock them out and apply some sort of a surgeon's warning on their forehead.

Or maybe you are really gross..."It's not me it's you."

*adores Domi*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 86

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 9:41:36 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

It's hell getting out. especially when you make what THEY consider to be a wrong move. they go straight from possessiveness to the 'do-the-hell-what-you-like-dropping-you and find yourself begging to get back their perverse sense of protection.

It isn't hell getting out, it just takes WAKING THE FUCK UP and to stop being a fucking insecure powerless nitwit who needs some pathetic loser as protection.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 87

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/14/2008 3:49:42 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

It's hell getting out. especially when you make what THEY consider to be a wrong move. they go straight from possessiveness to the 'do-the-hell-what-you-like-dropping-you and find yourself begging to get back their perverse sense of protection.

It isn't hell getting out, it just takes WAKING THE FUCK UP and to stop being a fucking insecure powerless nitwit who needs some pathetic loser as protection.

Dearest Micael; it was hell getting out. But it was my hell. My hell was you seeing me wake-up so maybe. maybe we could compromise on what my hell was?
It's also very hard to abmit I was a powerless nitwit who felt she needed a pathetic loser as protection.
Sometimes two negatives make a positive and the pathetic loses get partnered with the powerless nit wits anyway and it all turns out great.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 88

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/14/2008 4:54:41 AM

BigDirty

Posts: 18
Joined: 2/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

how would i warn others?

by simply telling them not to bring strangers into their home for a play date then wonder why they got hit and ran.

Not to be cruel, but your should really take this advice

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 89

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/14/2008 6:38:22 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagicGoddess

Reputation means NOTHING

Or it could mean the person is a snob and the way they treat you will be based on the size of your bank account.

I'm a broke college student. The guy I got burned really bad by was religious and worked at a religious college. Thought since he was against sex before marriage and wanted to go into the whole thing with me as "working toward a relationship" there was no way he could use me. Then I found out he wanted to do sexual things (just no intercourse) and call me his "buddy" while he took other women on dates and referred to them as gf's. So why wasn't I worthy of the same respect as the other women? I decided to find out by contacting him on a fake myspace profile. When he thought I was someone else, he kept asking if I enjoyed my job, what type of job I had, if I owned my home or lived in an apartment. I told him I slept on park benches lol.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to MagicGoddess)

Post #: 90

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/14/2008 6:44:29 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: adrian28

These guys are not Doms. More to the point they're just predators.

Couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, lying about intentions and a partner's consent being based on those lies is perfectly legal while being caught pissing outside can land you on the registered sex offender list.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to adrian28)

Post #: 91

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/14/2008 6:45:01 AM

WillowRain

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

I would recommend going MUCH slower perhaps in your case. Maybe build a face to face friendship with a Dominant person that you can respect, and then start to consider play and service? There is something telling in not just getting to know the person, but getting to know their friends, their family. Meet some people who have known them for years, not just months.

The sad truth is that there isn't much to say or do. This person wasn't right for you. A one visit bonk wasn't right for you, but that might be right for someone else. In my opinion people tend to show their own colors, you don't really have to say anything.

Be wiser next time, don't rush, finding a good companion isn't a race.

(in reply to submyt)

Post #: 92

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/14/2008 6:59:11 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

No, you can't warn anyone, at least not on here. Can't warn them about the asshole subs they will meet either. All you can do is advise people to use common sense when interacting with others. Make sure you know someone before you invite them into your home and life. I find it's a lot easier meeting at munches and events and getting to know them from there.

(in reply to submyt)

Post #: 93

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Dom's in real... - 4/14/2008 7:28:59 AM

LatexHer

Posts: 56
Joined: 11/16/2006
Status: offline

We certainly do not wish to stick up for the losers you have had, but do wish to comment on your method of choice. As a Dom of over 30+ years we have evolved to assist those amongst us that may benefit from our experiences. Perhaps you can learn from some of our observations as well?

First and foremost we recommend that you obtain the potential owners home and office phone numbers, as well as his/hers home address. Although there are many owners who still remain "in the closet" by obtaining this personal information, it makes it more difficult for you to become fooled by dishonest ones. Men are not the only liars about being married or in a relationship!

Second, don’t be so quick to jump into their dungeons, take time to talk, learn about them, their position, and their habits. A man or woman that is unavailable in patterns such as never on a Monday, or on weekends, may have something to hide. They may hide a spouse or even another slave - there are many players out there!

Third, discuss with your potential owner all the things that are important to you, and learn the things the he/she also desires. We have witnessed far too many relationships split up due to miscommunication! A Dom who is more into giving pain for example, does not do well for a sub/slave who seeks more confinement, and humiliation than pain!

Fourth, discuss the potential relationship in long term. Will you perhaps be their exclusive? Will you be given to others to enjoy? Will you be marked, and if so how? Will you be allowed to pursue your career, or will you become homebound? How about family ties - will they object to seeing your family? Discuss health, medications, allergies, STDs, even lifestyle things like pets may become important.

Some owners have far reaching plans for you - while you may object to them. Ownership to me personally is like a marriage of partners - you would not get married to just anyone, so choose your Dom/Domme wisely! The items I have listed only skim the surface of the needed discussions between Dom and slave. Write me if you wish to learn more.

Master LatexHer

(in reply to submyt)

Post #: 94

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Dom's in real... - 4/21/2008 5:30:25 PM

juicy22

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline

When they give your their name and exactly where they live...Do "a Zabasearch." My name is on there with the addresses I have had in the last 20 years. My numbers where all unlisted too and it has my name, address and phone number!. Great way to check someone out. Chit...Might even have the husband or wives name on there!

(in reply to LatexHer)

Post #: 95

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Dom's in real... - 4/21/2008 5:55:25 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

wow! cool! I just ran a childhood friends name through that site... and I think I found her!

oops.. sorry, back to your regularly scheduled thread....

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to juicy22)

Post #: 96

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/21/2008 6:21:26 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submyt
submyt signing off...it has been an interesting time spent here...thanks to those who offered support and friendship.

I see she trashed her account.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to submyt)

Post #: 97

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Dom's in real... - 4/21/2008 6:28:47 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

If we don't take risks we can end up doing nothing with our lives.
Ok certain sensible precautions are necessary but you can know someone for years without really knowing them.
It's amazing what I've found out about how my aquaintances think since I came out as a Domme.
I can be telling the absolute truth and some people don't believe me.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 98

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/21/2008 8:22:35 PM

UncleNasty

Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline

[/quote]
similar happened to me: four years with a Dom who turned out to be married.
[/quote]

I don't understand how this kind of thing happens. I hear about it from various folks. I was even courting a girl who was involved for 8 years with a supposed Dom that had an entire other family, and she was even living with him. No real surprise our thing didn't work out. That level of cognizant dissonance potentially brings with it a lot of other dysfunctions and it was beyond me to be able to overcome hers. She had extreme aboandonment issues, coupled with an almost complete inability to trust. A fairly defeating combination - "You can't leave me like everyone else in my life has, but while you're with me I won't trust you at all."

So, how does this happen? How can you miss for so long the obvious lack of truth, and the obvious lies? I know we can all be fooled in the short term by someone skilled at the art of deception. But how does it happen over so long a period of time? My enquiring mind really does want to know.

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 99

RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/21/2008 8:24:50 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

A background check will always find a marriage certificate.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to UncleNasty)

Post #: 100

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