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RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 7:01:58 PM   
adrian28


Posts: 833
Joined: 3/8/2008
Status: offline 		Such people aren't deserving of your kind words but, it's your choice and we must respect that. I wish you well in your search.

(in reply to submyt)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 7:09:03 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think I was married to that first one.
But seriously, there are a lot of people who do this because they assume it is easier to find a willing female who will have sex.  I used to know a guy (nilla) who took candid pics of every girl he ever got in his bed.  His entire closet was full of pictures of girls in various undress.  I think there must have been a couple hundred.
Because I run a group, I am often exposed to men who have that same belief in an easy piece.  Trust me when I say this is no small number.  Even people who I now consider normal, friendly, and reasonable may have started doing this with that same mindset of getting someone to touch their engorged bits.
I am not saying I haven't done that quick meet, and play type of thing, because early on I have.  But I set out to do it with no other expectation than to play and run. 
And that is what I think people should have in mind when they do meet and decide to play.  People get hurt because they put all their hope into that one basket.  Problem is you never know when the straw that built that basket is moldy ready for the weave to break off.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to submyt)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 7:15:57 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submyt

Just for the record, Miss...i never said that with the first two anything happened.  For the record, we had quite a number of vanilla dates in public places.  Nothing physical.  And the first guy...was an extremely fantastic liar.  Walk two moons in someone else's moccasins before determining how much better you are than they.


I am sure there were tell tale signs the first guy was married if you had taken your time for example you probably did not have a home phone number for him,  most online contact was probably only at certain hours, if you provide your address I am sure he did not reciprocate, did he provide you with a first and last name? Did you bother to see if it was in the online white pages directory?  Do you ask when meeting in a public place for any proof they are who they claim to be or prior to the meet  inorder to  do checks on for them for example the sex offender registry, or local county or state court  records, being you're in the US you have access to all sorts of information online ...I  know because I have used it to screen one Dom that flew here to meet with me, and when I found something that could be suspicious I brought it up to him and asked him to provide proof  inorder to prove any concern was unffounded before agreeing to meet, which he did.   
The point being if you go around blindly trusting people and do not do your homework to check them out or take your time to get to know them first or agree to play on a first meet, then the odds are good your going to get hurt.   No sense  running around blaming all the Doms you get involved  for your pain, hurt, disappointment if you are going to go into relationships acting irresponsibly yourself.  Both you and the doms you were involved with are at fault for being irresponsible.  If you choose not to actually your own fault......then you will continue getting hurt and  you may not be as lucky next time....because the truth is you have gotten off very easily ...because the next time you decide to play with someone you barely know you may end up savagely beaten or worse.   And yes I do know what it is like and have been sweettalked and lied to before  and like you acted irresponsible and move too fast  ended up getting married after only a few weeks to a very abusive control freak  and I ended up paying a heavy price for my actions, that took me years after it ended  to recover from. Had I used my common sense had not let myself swept up in emotions and took my time I would have nevered ended up in the mess I did... the jerks will always be out there,,, they are not restricted to just to the BDSM communitity they are in every walk of life, you have to be proactive in  making sure who you get involved with is not one of them  before allowing yourself to get emotionally or physically involved with them, just because a person calls themselves a Master or Dom does not mean they are entitle to trust or that they do not lie some here want only play relationship others want long term commited relationships but just because someone states they want long term does not mean once they meet with you  or session with you that you will be the one they want to long term relationship with...which could have been the possible case with the last person ...but they lacked the ability to say so to your face, this is another why it is best not to rush into play because it can result in feeling used. If you  were 15 or 16  years old   and fairly new to relationships   the mistakes made could be more understand able  but you're of an age where you should have enough life experiences  and knowledge to know better and understand you brought your pain upon yourself, so instead of wallowing in self pity, reflect on your relationship so as to learn how to avoid making the same mistakes again and start using some common sense from here on in


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to submyt)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 7:23:11 PM   
submyt


Posts: 127
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		Very good points.  Perhaps we should start a new forum.
 
Please honor my request and CLOSE  THSI THREAD.
 
thanks, guys

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 8:55:54 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Edit to close for OP's request.  HUGS and hope you find some happiness!

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 4/12/2008 8:57:19 PM >

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 11:02:35 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I keep picking losers...{made up quote/summary}


YOU are the common denominator,  you don't know how to choose partners.  Ugly truth but a truth non the less.


< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 4/12/2008 11:03:13 PM >

(in reply to submyt)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/12/2008 11:52:32 PM   
TeachMeTonight


Posts: 67
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline 		I am the opposite.  The more forthcoming the person is, the more I am willing to trust them.  Personally, I want these references even before I meet someone for coffee.  The one exception might be, hey I go to the North End munch, you can meet me there.

_____________________________

Yours in Leather
Teach Me Tonight


(in reply to raisedonsunshine)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 12:15:13 AM   
TeachMeTonight


Posts: 67
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline 		Integrity counts a lot here.  Like many responding on this thread it is not about warning others away from the assholes you have encountered.  It is about sniffing out the assholes before you submit.

First and foremost, no one deserves your submission because they come along and create a profile for Master Right Now.  The guy who deserves to find a submissive is the guy who is willing to demonstrate his integrity in many ways,  Not the least of which is being patient and willing to let you know who he is as a man.  Things you have a right to know...  relationship status, job status, full contact information, references, intentions (i.e. is he looking for a play partner, a single scene, a second or third relationship, or a life partner). 

I look for the same things in a submissive partner.  I also want to know that submissive partners are discriminating and that choosing me is about the same kinds of things.  Dr. Phil says something I think is applicable to this:  "We teach people how to treat us."  The only person you can really warn here is yourself.  The warning is, "take your time."  Just because you have decided you want to submit does not mean you set aside your standards, hell if anything, I think you should raise the bar!

_____________________________

Yours in Leather
Teach Me Tonight


(in reply to laura2161)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 12:16:54 AM   
MagicGoddess


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline 		Reputation means NOTHING

I just got burned really bad by someone with an excellent reputation in my local community. Everyone knows what he he did to me. Nobody cares. Everyone still loves him.

I was just thought to be new person- the obviously crazy outsider trouble maker who dares to speak ill of him.

His reputation in the community is still quite pristine as I am no longer a part of that community. 

< Message edited by MagicGoddess -- 4/13/2008 12:24:11 AM >

(in reply to mystiquenz)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 6:07:01 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

I keep picking losers...{made up quote/summary}


YOU are the common denominator,  you don't know how to choose partners.  Ugly truth but a truth non the less.



That's exactly what I was thinking.  There are always red flags from married, creeps, etc.  You chose not to see them.

_____________________________



(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 6:51:28 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submyt

I am hereby requesting that this forum be closed.  I thank you for your words of advice, and yes, we can all learn not to act in haste.  The Dom in question may have made a quick decision; we have discussed the whys and wherefores.  To include him in the category with the losers and vultures of the D/s world would be innappropriate and hurtful, and for that, I do apologize to him.



WTF?????

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to submyt)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 7:01:15 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		What she's saying is *he* saw the thread, was not happy, convinced her of a 'good reason' he did what he did, and now she doesn't want people dissin' on him.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 7:16:24 AM   
juicy22


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline 		Well.....There aren't just a few on CM.  There are alot alot alot of wankers, cons, manipulators, married men on the prowl, or women for that matter.  The most important thing is to educate yourself. 

There are many wonderful educational tools online to educate people on the D/s dynamics in a relationship.  Educate yourself in as many ways as you can If you have never been in a long term D/s relationship.  The cons on here don't.  They don't care to.  They're to busy looking for the "kink piece of ass."  They go from one to the next until they find a sucker. 

The warning signs are in your gut, your intuition, the red light that flickers in your head!  Listen to it!  Do not ever ignore it. Don't ever listen to someone who says you are crazy for asking questions when those warnings go off inside of you.  If they anger easily at you for asking questions...run like hell!  A person who lives the D/s dynamics will not anger knowing that you are only being safe and smart and your feeling safe is of the utmost importance to them.  A person who knows the dynamics of the D/s will respect you for your fears and concerns and will work with you to comfort those and I don't mean by meeting you at Motel 6 for a good spanking!

Some things that make the red light flicker in my head?
1.  Only call or emails you from work.  Not available after those hours.
2.  Loses your phone # from Friday until Monday.
3.  His first questions to you is ..What are your hard limits?  A true person wants to get to know you as a person,  not wether you like anal or giving head!
4.  A 56 year old man continually calls you from "his mothers cell phone."
5.  Second question.  What toys do you own and do you  like butt plugs....lol
6.  Third question.  Do you live alone because you can never come to my house.  I live   with my mother.

These are some of the humerous things that I have run across.  I can type all day on more but you get the drift.  In closing...educate yourself, ask questions,  ask the same question over if needed,  let them talk alot...liars and cons screw up.  "Listen" to what they say and keep it in memory.  They can't keep up with all the lies.  And Don't forget..."If it doesn't makes sense, It isn't true."

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 7:25:55 AM   
theGuideGoddess


Posts: 135
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		Or stick it on their foreheads!  Here's your sign!
 
The Guiding Goddess

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 9:13:46 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		THOSE are priceless!
 
Especially the hi My name is, what are your hard limits?..

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to juicy22)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 9:27:30 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		sorry, the jerks and wannabes of the dominant section don't come with warning labels. you have to use your instincts more and trusting too easily less. 

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to submyt)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 10:51:34 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Parts of this thread bug me.  I LIKE just meeting someone and fucking the shit out of them or just using them and being done.  I think it is more polite to ask about anal than where someone works or lives.  Some of the best women I ever did were married. It is interesting drinking beer and watching TV with your woman sitting at your feet and her husband sitting next to you on the couch.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 4/13/2008 11:22:42 AM >

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 11:14:04 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
it is interesting watching beer


REALLY?

huh.

Who knew?



_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 11:38:26 AM   
LostLittleSoul2


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Some things that make the red light flicker in my head?
1.  Only call or emails you from work.  Not available after those hours.
2.  Loses your phone # from Friday until Monday.
3.  His first questions to you is ..What are your hard limits?  A true person wants to get to know you as a person,  not wether you like anal or giving head!
4.  A 56 year old man continually calls you from "his mothers cell phone."
5.  Second question.  What toys do you own and do you  like butt plugs....lol
6.  Third question.  Do you live alone because you can never come to my house.  I live   with my mother.


Indeed, and I also use the quick elimination of no pic no long chat. He might receive 1-3 emails without a pic, if he his lucky,but when until then he cant be bothered to send me a pic, then i am unable to take him serious. that took out many timewasters in the past with funny replies such as "apologies, my divorce takes so much time..."

or like recently where i have been in touch with a fairly genuine appearing dom who received 2 more up to date pics (in addition to the profile) who mentioned rapidly, once we went on the chat "but now i want to see more of you..." pardon???

there is no need for such a rush and therefore good bye. when it isnt enough for a guy on the first day to have seen 4 of my pics (inclusive the 2 who are on my profile) then i think he would also be too fast in his expectations if he would ever be serious to meet. Also I am not up for webcam until I am in touch with someone for a fairly long time and when i decide it is ok for me....i might be wrong sometimes, but in general i dont think i am wrong with that approach and went well with that way. 
I am in no rush, am in great contacts on here with some guys for a fairly long time and therefore won't rush for anyone. Also I agree to previous posts and would not easily meet at my place. It is important to stay careful on here and not to undervalue yourself.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: how to warn others/ deal with asshole Doms in realtime - 4/13/2008 11:49:23 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Please honor my request and CLOSE THSI THREAD.


Ah, you aren't the decider.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to submyt)
Profile   Post #: 60
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