RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from?

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LilMissHaven -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 5:23:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalista07 i'm not sure if i'm replying to this post because i'm that smart, that stupid, or the pneumonia is killing me.... At any rate, i must admit that i've participated in this "online protector" thing. i've shared my experience with this previously, but have opted to do it again. The first 'dom' who was my online protector was nothing more than a spineless weasel who wanted in my pants. And he got there... And i became the person he created me to be and then he bailed on me.... The second time i agreed to have a dom act as my "protector" or guardian, the situation was vastly different. i was dealing with a whole lot of crap at that point...My dad had recently died, i was struggling with depression majorly, i was dealing with unresolved bullshit that i really thought would have died with him and it didn't, and i had been raped, beaten, and assaulted (by someone i had met through this website.) The second Master who was my protector was an awesome person, and still is. He will always be a hero to me. He taught me so much about myself, about the lifestyle, about my needs and wants. He taught me how to stand up for myself and how to not accept unacceptable behavior. He taught me how to live in my own skin and frankly got me to a point where i could grow and flourish in the relationship i am currently in. i realize that not everyone's experience has been as positive as mine, but i do not think we should throw the baby out with the bath water. Dear Kalista, Your far from stupid, we all at some point in our lives trust the wrong person. I'm glad that someone was there to help you pick yourself up and give you the courage and strength to continue growing as a person. Its not that I think online protectors are a bad thing, I've met quite a few individuals on this site I'd feel comfortable with. My problem with the practice is that its an awful lot of stress to put on another person. I've always felt that my being deaf was enough stress to put on any relationship I have whether it be D/s or a 'nilla friendship, nobody has ever made me feel this way its just a feeling that has developed over time. So, adding to that "protect me too" it just seems unfair. That and I have a pretty mean, 2 year old, temper tantrum, independant streak going on...its nothing for me to cross my arms, stomp my foot and yell "I can do it by myself!" And last but not least there's that small part of me that right now loathes the thought of having to rely on someone else. If I can't count on myself for mental/physical/emotional well being then I'm pretty fucked. I wish you the very best Haven

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 5:43:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KMsAngel ruffles?[8\|] Remember all those bad 1970's shows where the pimps wore those velvet suits with the ruffled shirts?

mistoferin -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 5:53:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toolking He puts u in His well, Oh my God! Lassssssssssssie!!! Come quick, there's a subbie in the well! LOL! Just kidding....I just had to do it, I laughed my butt off when I saw that. Seriously though, you did bring up good points. Protection in the form of planning out the future in the event something happens is a smart thing. For all other purposes....phoooey! If you need to be protected from yourself....stay in bed. If you need to be protected from some online Dom.....sell your computer. If you need to be protected from the big bad Doms at the local munch.....don't go to Walmart anymore because I hear they shop there too sometimes. People, put on your big people underpants and act like adults. Take responsibility for the protection of yourself. Use your head. Think. Exercise common sense.

ShaktiSama -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 6:25:00 AM)
I'm not going to reply to any one person, just re-iterate a few of my real points, because I think they've been obscured by domiguy's Straw Man bs. 1. I have already distinguished between real "protection" and the BS variety which some men use to piss on a submissive woman's leg and mark their territory. The majority of the benefits you get from real protection, you can get from ANY good friend who understands and participates in D/S--including a more experienced submissive, or a sub/dom who has a different sexual orientation from you. I think there is something somewhat special about it when a submissive receives this kind of care and friendship from a dominant of the right orientation and sex, though, because it helps to create a context for the behavior of your potentials--i.e., it helps to have a dominant friend who can call bullshit on that guy who says "ALL TWUE SUBMISSIVES Do X--" 2. People who keep hammering on the "having a friend who cares about you = being a weakling" theme are incredibly off the mark, in my opinion. The major tool and best friend of ALL ABUSERS is good old-fashioned isolation. There is only one reason why a dominant would want his/her submissive to have no friends and no one else to talk to about feelings, desires and experiences--it's because that person is an abusive, controlling creep. This is just as true of the so-called "Protector" who tries to keep a submissive from getting out there and meeting and falling in love with the right dominant as it is of the jerk who locks the door and takes the phone cord with him every time he leaves the house, so that you can't call for rescue. Thee relationship you're supposed to have with a real protector is more like having a mentor or a more experienced friend who doesn't want you to get hurt. A lot of male dominants in this thread apparently cannot imagine having any friendship or desire to look out for a person they do not personally own. That's fine, I guess--takes all kinds to make a world--and so long as you and your own subs are happy, I have no beef with you. However, not all dominants feel this way; some of us are more than capable of being friends with people we do not own. It's not the same investment you make in your own submissive, but it's not nothing either, and it doesn't have to be demonized as some sort of Great Conspiracy to Make Femme Subs Pathetic, or whatever the hell the rationale here is. Personally, I think people who have no one to talk to and no one to call on when they need help are a helluva lot more pathetic than people who do. "Isolated" does not necessarily equal "strong".

SimplyMichael -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 8:07:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama I'm not going to reply to any one person, just re-iterate a few of my real points, because I think they've been obscured by domiguy's Straw Man bs. 1. I have already distinguished between real "protection" *and the BS variety which some men* use to piss on a submissive woman's leg and mark their territory. *A lot of male dominants in this thread apparently cannot imagine having any friendship or desire to look out for a person they do not personally own.* Domi is either a bigger asshole than I am or is less afraid of Mod 11, however, you rankle me just as much. Your posts all too often seem to single out men as being "bad" as there are women who do the exact same stuff. When you get called on it in threads like this you then often go on to talk of rape and violence to distract from your sexist attitudes.

WillowRain -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 9:16:35 AM)
Protection, means different things to different people, here are some examples of ways I consider healthy that dominant folks I care for have offered me this aspect. I very much dislike accidentally touching strangers/being touched by strangers. Hate it actually. When I slip behind and to the side of someone, it's not me being formal or trying to follow some protocol, I am avoiding the other people on the street. I've had Dominant friends who knew this, and who would actively physically shield me from stray touch, or ease me behind them in crowded elevators, or let me walk behind even though that makes conversation in groups harder. For me, that is a very desireable form of protection. My ex husband when I would be photographing in fetish clubs would make himself a human barrior while I was blind behind the camera. If I leaned back far enough to get a certain angle, I knew that the back of my head would settle on his chest. He kept people from stepping on my fingers, or jarring my camera, or touching me, lovely. Sometimes, I have needed help in setting appropriate boundaries and not doing too much. I like to help and that is a positive, but sometimes I don't always think about my own energy reserves, and I have at times had someone in my life who could help me make more balanced choices about what I worked on and what I didn't, in ways that helped me from being too over extended. An example that is hard to admit, is that I once had to mayday to a dominant friend because I couldn't stop myself from being kind to someone who was being anything but kind to me. I actually had to ask this person to step between myself and the source of conflict to provide a buffer, and say anything that needed to be said. It's completely retarded not to be able to stop yourself from being kind to someone, but I did face that, and I did need help. I like all the subtle things too, when some one is protective. Heck, even as a submissive, I am a person who is protective of others. I watch out for my friends and loved ones. I personally find it a feature when they like watching out for me too. Just my thoughts... quote: ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven I've searched the site and found many places where protection is discussed but never quite to my satisfaction. I'm constantly barraged with emails from Dom's driven to protect me and for the life of me I can't figure out what they are protecting me from that I can't already protect myself from. Are we under attack? Have aliens landed? I know I'm coming off as sarcastic but I'm seriously confused, in this day and age if a woman can't protect herself there probably isn't much chance someone else can.

OldBastardly1 -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 9:58:03 AM)
Maybe they are talking protection being safe sex...and that they are willing to be your personal condom....and they will take all the evil sperm so you don't have to. [sm=dontfeedtrolls.gif]

Cuffkinks -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 10:38:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah It was mainly this fact that brought me to truely RESPECT and find your Master an Honorable Man...... Think about it there are only Two Zoobles in the entire world. He is a good man and you are equally a good woman, The two of you together are the reason I keep at this as I have. I believe that there is a goal to be achieved. Steel Thank you brother.

ShaktiSama -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 10:49:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Domi is either a bigger asshole than I am or is less afraid of Mod 11, however, you rankle me just as much. Your posts all too often seem to single out men as being "bad" as there are women who do the exact same stuff. In the social sciences, statistical averages actually mean something. There is a far greater percentage of male dominants who offer "protection" as a scam than there are female dominants who try the same tactic. This has nothing to do with the relative moral worth of female dominants versus male ones. Female dominants have their own negative tendencies and abusive behavior which male dominants do not share for the most part. Funny, but it seems to me that when the negative tendencies of some female dominants are mentioned--like unreasonable and unearned demands for "tribute", for example--no one bothers whining and crying that "men do the exact same thing". 'Cause hey, guess what? The obvious fact of the matter is that the overwhelming majority of dominant men do not. I'm not sure why some of you Dominants with Dicks are so threatened by factual observations, but if I "rankle" you so badly when I speak, you have two options: block my posts or do a little soul-searching to figure out why you are so incredibly over-sensitive to any perceived criticism of a person with a penis. Either one is fine with me.

softness -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 10:50:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy Cougars....They are the only thing in this Country aside from a grizzly that take down a charging sub. Be afraid...They are everywhere. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351337,00.html i thought you were talking about slightly older women going for younger men, hehe this is my retirement plan for when I have blown Dark Victory into an early grave these middle aged men with their fragile hearts ...sighs

SteelofUtah -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 10:56:40 AM)
ShaktiSama, I have read your posts and up till now I have found you to be simply stateing your beliefs and so I respected what you had to say, however this last post is simply a dig and not something I can respect. You stopped taking the Moral high road and now it seems you are no better than those you chastize for thier actions. Being a Female Domme is eaqually as difficult and as easily manipulated as being a Male Dominant, I don't think that anyone is questioning this, however you seem to be playing the gender game like it's a chip on your shoulder so I suggest you take your own medicine and ask yourself why you feel the need to make these same points over and over. This in all honesty is NOT an attack on you or your view point it is only me wishing to point out a different point of view other than your own. Steel

mistoferin -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 11:06:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama Dominants with Dicks Not sure why....but I like it in a weird sort of way...it's kind of catchy. T-shirt slogans bumper stickers a new snack food (maybe they will need to be "protected" from the hungry subs) Olympic flogging teams (The Germans are beating the pants off those Americans) WWDWDD?

aidan -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 11:43:15 AM)
She's not singling out "men" as an all-encompassing group. She's speaking about a specific subset. There are opinions between "all (blank) are/is good" and "all (blank) are/is bad." Personally, I've had a protector/mentor before. When I first started, I joined a chatroom with a very supportive group of Dommes and other sub, and one woman in particular took me under her wing and kept me from metaphorically sticking my dick in an electrical socket more than once and just gave me a lot of lessons on ettiquete and how to be a generally good sub. I didn't realize a lot of what was going on in that relationship at the time, but now I'm extremely thankful for what she did, because yes, it's a dangerous world out there, and our little subset of it is no different (and in a lot of ways especially dangerous.) All this "survival of the fittest" mentality seems to forget that those who can co-operate and bolster communities are measured as "fit" by natural selection as well.

MastrVran -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 12:06:53 PM)
Ok...I will toss in my viewpoint. Over the years I have been in this lifestyle, I know many, that are submissive to some extent and in some areas, and have little or no need for any real protection, online or in real. Then as some have said, they actually do have problems, with making wise decisions about certain aspects of their lives. Others need help monitoring there own actions because for what ever reason, they seem to almost always be submissive and have a hard time saying no. For them having the easy out of, "I cant talk to you or obey you unless my protector says its ok" helps keep them safe. Is that kind of protection reasonable for most people? Heck no. Nor is it needed, wanted nor would it be appreciated at all. Then as some have mentioned you have the person who is your safe call, will come get you when you are drunk and cant drive, or any of a number of real life useful situations develope, like please come bail me out of jail for this traffic stop, and they are there or will be when called. The real problem as most have described, is the guy who out of the blue without knowing anything about you, wants to protect you. He can't have a clue of what protections you might need, if any. So yeah, protection from someone like him is what you really need protection from. Over the years I have even on occasion been an online protector lol. And no, I cant really do a tremendous amount as such, but I can be a sounding board, help guide someone with issues in a better direction, since not everyone is able to make wise choices and those that know they cant, really do need some help. For those of you who are sure you and everyone else is as capable as you are, I am sorry, you are wrong. Some people simply, for what ever reason, constantly make bad choices. And no, its not my responsibility to fix them. But should I choose to help them, then it does become my responsibility to do so as best I can. MV

Lordandmaster -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 12:54:19 PM)
And you know this how? In the social sciences, statistical averages aren't the same thing as some arbitrary impression of the world originating from ShaktiSama. quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Domi is either a bigger asshole than I am or is less afraid of Mod 11, however, you rankle me just as much. Your posts all too often seem to single out men as being "bad" as there are women who do the exact same stuff. In the social sciences, statistical averages actually mean something. There is a far greater percentage of male dominants who offer "protection" as a scam than there are female dominants who try the same tactic.

lateralist1 -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 1:20:56 PM)
There is a difference between helping someone to learn the process of making good decisions and making those decisions for them. The first enables the second disables.

MistressOfGa -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 1:30:08 PM)
quote: WWDWDD? [sm=mademyday.gif] [sm=rofl.gif]

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 1:40:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama Dominants with Dicks Sheesh! Even their Wangs get capitalized? I'm going to have to get me one of those. meant in all silliness

slavegirljoy -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 1:42:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain I went to a large party under the "protection" of a dominant once. It basically meant, "Oh, sweet little naive submissive, come to me and let me protect you from other nasty, mean dominants who only want to use you. In the meantime I want to use you for exactly the purposes I'm 'protecting' you from and wave you around like a trophy." I know that's not what it means to everyone, but that's what it meant in that situation. The one and only BD/SM event that i have ever attended was as the invited guest of the Dominant i was dating at that time. He and i went together and i felt that i was under his protection, even though that wasn't stated. He was the one taking me there and i was his date and i looked to him to be watchful over me, and he was. While watching a medical play demo, another female, standing nearby me, used the walking stick she was holding to reach over and lift the hem of my dress. As soon as this happened, my Dominant boyfriend took immediate action and stopped her uninvited trespassing on my body and made this violation known to the host. Of course, my boyfriend could do anything he wanted with me, as that was the sort of relationship he and i had. This is the same sort of "protection" that i grew up expecting any boyfriend or date of mine to take on my behalf, if someone made an unwanted advance toward me. This might seem to be old fashioned or chauvinistic to some but, for me, it's just the way i have always been treated and the way i like being treated by a man. When i have been out on my own, then i have taken care of protecting and defending myself. But, when i am out with a man, i'm used to him taking that responsibility and, i would never be in a relationship with a man who wouldn't take that responsibility on, of his own accord. Of course, in his absence, i am still perfectly ready, willing, and able to take care of my own protection and defense. joy Owned servant of Master David

SimplyMichael -> RE: What exactly are Dom's protecting us from? (4/16/2008 1:49:19 PM)
quote: I'm not sure why some of you Dominants with Dicks are so threatened by factual observations, but if I "rankle" you so badly when I speak, you have two options: block my posts or do a little soul-searching to figure out why you are so incredibly over-sensitive to any perceived criticism of a person with a penis I don't have to search anything, your sexist bullshit is clear as a bell. As for my two options, thanks but I will take a third. Entertain the intelligent by pointing out your blatant hypocrisy and deep seated hostility. I mean how would you feel if we started referring to female dominants as dripping PMS reservoirs or some other stupid ass name? I think it is time for you to return to the Mistress forum and your various sycophants who agree with everything you say regardless.

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