When a slave hates something...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

When a slave hates something...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When a slave hates something...

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 5:49:45 PM

sslaveO

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

Do you think it is not submissive for a slave to seek a Dom/me who doesn't particularly do or like an activity that said slave doesn't like?
For example, say a slave doesn't enjoy a lot of sexual acts themselves. Would it be not so submissive to turn down a Dom/me who wants a lot of intimate sex from their slave? Or if a slave thinks golden showers are gross, the slave wouldn't say no, but the slave looks for a Dom/me who isn't into g/s on a regular basis, does that make the person not so much a slave?

These are just two random examples by the way, not per se particular to me (in case one was wondering).

Post #: 1

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 5:52:52 PM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sslaveO

Do you think it is not submissive for a slave to seek a Dom/me who doesn't particularly do or like an activity that said slave doesn't like?
For example, say a slave doesn't enjoy a lot of sexual acts themselves. Would it be not so submissive to turn down a Dom/me who wants a lot of intimate sex from their slave? Or if a slave thinks golden showers are gross, the slave wouldn't say no, but the slave looks for a Dom/me who isn't into g/s on a regular basis, does that make the person not so much a slave?

These are just two random examples by the way, not per se particular to me (in case one was wondering).

Everyone has a right to their personal preferences and limits; there is a tension in BDSM between what a Dom wants and what a slave is willing to do / enjoys.

There is no pat answer here. Everyone will have to find the balance that works for them, but having limits and preferences is hardly "unsubmissive". There is a C in SSC for a reason, after all.

_____________________________

Send lawyers, guns, and money.

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 2

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 5:58:08 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

In my book, having preferences makes you human, not dom or sub.
And smart, if you look for a person you match well before setting up camp with anyone.

(in reply to Real_Trouble)

Post #: 3

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 6:03:31 PM

Smoothicen

Posts: 17
Joined: 2/16/2008
Status: offline

There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and going after it...slave or otherwise.

Everyone seeks compatibility and you'd be doing yourself and your master a serious diservice if you know that you're mis-matched yet choose to be their slave anyway.

< Message edited by Smoothicen -- 4/15/2008 6:04:08 PM >

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 4

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 6:03:33 PM

CMastersen

Posts: 63
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline

I find that most everyone has thier own definition of slave and Master and everyting in BDSM and possible in Life!
I my book many who say they are a slave mean sub.
That is the way English is, and also what makes English so flexiable.
I try to determine and make clear as early as possible just what I mean by Master and slave so that no one is expecting one thing and finds another which just waste My Time! :( :)

(in reply to Real_Trouble)

Post #: 5

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 6:05:31 PM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

If you have personal preferences or limits, then it is your right as a human being to seek a person who fits what you are looking for.. Otherwise you would only really be faced with incompatibility issues long term in my opinion.
i certainly wouldn't imagine that it's "unsubmissive" .. my Master's limits match my own quite closely, no suprise there.. If He had been into something that i disliked enough to "hate" then this relationship is not one that i would have persued.

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 6

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 6:08:39 PM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

There is nothing wrong with having preferences.

(in reply to metalmiss)

Post #: 7

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 6:09:15 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

What sort of dominant would want someone with no standards and who would submit to a firehydrant if it had its first letter capitalized...

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 4/15/2008 6:35:48 PM >

(in reply to metalmiss)

Post #: 8

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 6:19:25 PM

dodedo

Posts: 48
Joined: 11/2/2005
Status: offline

It's like asking if a person is not really a slave if they're not attracted to another self identified slave... does it make them less submissive to avoid a person who would insist on being dominated themselves?

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 9

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 6:42:11 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I have never subscribed to the theory that you prove yourself submissive by doing tons of stuff you hate. But I prefer a win-win situation where we both wind up happy at the end of the day. And for me, that requires a lot of compatibility.

We're compatible in lots of ways, from being animal lovers to playing mini golf. From preferring bondage and having very little interest in s & m. We like the same kind of books and most of the same kinds of food.

Our major incompatibility issue is that he likes to watch CSI before bedtime and if I watch it, I'm afraid to go to sleep. He'll snooze on the sofa while it's on while I need to stay up with the lights on after. I admit it, I'm a wuss. He watches it without me as a result.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to dodedo)

Post #: 10

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 6:52:29 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

That's pretty much how it happens.

People don't state hard limits because they WANT to do them.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 11

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 7:18:35 PM

sslaveO

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

I am not talking about someone just jumping and serving the first emailer. I am talking about an intelligent slave who seeks out the right Dom/me and situation for him/her.

I also am talking about a slave who is seeking to be a completely owned slave and is controlled in every facet of his/her life. Hard limits stated... some things are not a hard limit but are completely undesirable to the slave.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 12

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 7:52:34 PM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

Does wanting some one with similar likes and dislikes make me less of a slave? I don’t think so, it just makes me a smart women. Master and I both put a great deal of effort into getting to know each other and the result has been a 4 year M/s relationship.

The BDSM limits weren’t as important to me a basic values, such as UMs come first. I also learned early on that BDSM limits change and evolve as time and once trust is built. There were something’s that weren’t limits but I had awful fears of and they were totally undesirable to me; like needles *smiles* Master hates any kind of Medical play.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 13

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 8:05:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

If it's not ok to decide who to get into a relationship to, you'd be forced to be with the first person who would take you in- no matter whether they were dominant, or sexual or anything.

The fact that you get to choose anything shows you can choose everything. That's that whole informed consent thing.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LaMspeach)

Post #: 14

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 8:31:16 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sslaveO

Do you think it is not submissive for a slave to seek a Dom/me who doesn't particularly do or like an activity that said slave doesn't like?
For example, say a slave doesn't enjoy a lot of sexual acts themselves. Would it be not so submissive to turn down a Dom/me who wants a lot of intimate sex from their slave? Or if a slave thinks golden showers are gross, the slave wouldn't say no, but the slave looks for a Dom/me who isn't into g/s on a regular basis, does that make the person not so much a slave?

These are just two random examples by the way, not per se particular to me (in case one was wondering).

When you commence a relationship with anyone in and out of the kink dynamic or “lifestyle”, I would hope that and logic indicates, you do so with the highest expectations. If your expectations are of a successful relationship and happiness, then surly it is reasonable that you will choose a partner with similar interests, objectives and likes/dislikes of your own. If your expectations are failure and misery, why then you simply choose a partner who opposes all you venerate and believe in. If you disclose to your potential partner, before any agreements are entered into, your fears and “hates” it is up to them to take this on board and choose if you are right for them too…. .

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 15

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 8:41:00 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sslaveO
Do you think it is not submissive for a slave to seek a Dom/me who doesn't particularly do or like an activity that said slave doesn't like?

If a slave has limits, then seeking out someone who requires thos activities thet are the slaves limits would be counterproductive. When you are seeking out a partner, you want to find someone you fit, and having similiar interests is part of that. If one partner (D or s) hates something the other loves, they either have to live with not doing it, or limp along with the other partner merely humoring them when they do so. I'd prefer to find someone who enjoys what I want, rather than someone who is willing to humor me and play along.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 16

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 8:52:28 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

FR~~

I get what you're saying. You think if you guide the choices, you are not being submissive or slave-like (slaverly?). I think what you're looking for is a good balance. For instance, I have certain fears and phobias that I do not like having. I want someone that I can trust enough to explore those fears. But it cannot be someone that insists we do that thing right away, every single time we're together. That's not exploring a fear; that's terrorizing me. You have to choose someone that is compatible enough with you to suit you, that can help you be the best person you can be.

One of my likes is frequent sexual intercourse. I am unhappy when I'm in a relationship and I'm not getting that. Should I seek out a relationship that is guaranteed to cause me frustration in that area? Good lord no, I've had enough of that to last an entire lifetime. Does that make me unsubbly? No, I think that means that I am smart enough to identify something that I need and to seek that out in a person. I know that when I have been unhappy because I wasn't getting enough, then the guy certainly wasn't happy either. I'd rather go for the win-win than the lose-lose.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 17

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 8:59:25 PM

softpjOS

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sslaveO

I also am talking about a slave who is seeking to be a completely owned slave and is controlled in every facet of his/her life. Hard limits stated... some things are not a hard limit but are completely undesirable to the slave.

What I'm taking from this quote is you're asking about boundries being pushed and what if you discover it's not just something you don't like but something you find yourself completely repulsed by?

Again, it comes back to honest, clear comminucation and consent.

Within my relationship, Mistress had me fill out this impossibly long check list of activities. I mean a LONG list. Many of the things on that list i had no idea what they were, some i listed as umm ok, i'll try it, others i said oh HELL no! The only hard limits i listed were things that i felt crossed moral lines with me.

Years later, Mistress had me look at that list again and compare my answers then to now. What an eye opener. Many things i said "Oh hell no" to are now "special treats" lol. Some things i truly thought i'd be ok with are (for now) off limits.

As the relationship grows, trust builds and you find yourself willing to try new things, things you swore you'd never want to try. And you may discover things you can't handle. No matter how a new experience works out, you must be willing and able to communciate your feelings on it. Nothing is set in stone unless you allow it to be.

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 18

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/15/2008 11:39:13 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Most would call it pre-collaring negotiations. But there are myriad little things that a slave may dislike intensely that just don't come up in discussion. People can't be expected to think of just everything all the time. I would probably have a clause in my contract or something that intense dislikes are open for discussion at the time and that no, sometimes the Dom may not have the last decision in the matter. It's the niggly little details that can bite you in the ass. After all, if a Dom can be released from being "on" all the time, so can a slave/sub. And there are some days, the "on" switch is broken.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to softpjOS)

Post #: 19

RE: When a slave hates something... - 4/16/2008 2:31:07 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Before she is Owned she Owes nobody anything, she is not theirs. Like everyone else she seeks compatability, whatever critiria she used to try and find that compatability is upto her. Whether others think she is right or wrong in doing so is of no consequence as bottom line, she is only accountable to anyone else once she submits and then only to Them.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to sslaveO)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When a slave hates something...

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.113