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another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:21:17 PM

justnewsub

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

This is just my opinon and I was hoping to hear what other people thought...

I have seen a few messages on why are female sub/slaves are so demanding, or have so many standards/criteria they put in their profiles.....

When I first joined CM I was wide eyed and wanting to try everything... open to everyone and what they had to offer. I had read over and over again about subs saying something about being a doormat (as in don't be one)... and I thought to myself how do you know when you have hit that point from being submissive to being a doormat... I found out the hard way...

I now find myself 7 months later feeling a bit jaded... and now trying to resist putting down in my profile some criteria of what I will not tolerate in a Dom. How I don't want to be approached with the "kneel down before me and see me as the Dom I feel I am", or the "Hi, how are you... would you like me to _insert fetish/sexual act__ to you?" And expect me to write back all hot and bothered and begging to be their submissive

I guess I'm wrong to want to get to know you a bit first before trading kinks and/or trading on-line sexual fantasies...

I know I will have to kiss alot of frogs before I find my prince... or as a friend told me recently pull alot of weeds to find the flower hiding in there... ;)

Ok vent done... so do you feel as a sub or a Dom that you have become a bit jaded since joining CM?

Post #: 1

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:27:50 PM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub
I now find myself 7 months later feeling a bit jaded... and now trying to resist putting down in my profile some criteria of what I will not tolerate in a Dom. How I don't want to be approached with the "kneel down before me and see me as the Dom I feel I am", or the "Hi, how are you... would you like me to _insert fetish/sexual act__ to you?" And expect me to write back all hot and bothered and begging to be their submissive

This has been pointed out before, but the people you are trying to ward away are precisely the ones who will not read the warnings that you have posted. Ergo, attempting to do this is something like trying to teach the illiterate by writing a book.

There really is no better option than filters, ignore, and delete right now. There probably never will be, because people are stupid.

quote:

Ok vent done... so do you feel as a sub or a Dom that you have become a bit jaded since joining CM?

No. I was seriously jaded before I ever joined CM.

_____________________________

Send lawyers, guns, and money.

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 2

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:30:19 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

I'm not jaded, only watchful.

It's not all that difficult to fend off hngs and unreasonable fantasy seekers.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 3

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:34:43 PM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

so do you feel as a sub or a Dom that you have become a bit jaded since joining CM?

No.

First, I do not make the next person pay for the crimes of the previous person. I've never appreciated that kind opf injustice in others, and do not intend to perpetuate it.

Second, I've never been under any illusion that the slave I seek is common. Anyone who is sincere, dedicated, intelligent, honest and seeking a relationship as opposed to a kink-filled evening is going to be quite rare.

Third, I've been aware for some time that bdsm attracts those with personality disorders and other psychological problems. Such individuals have all sorts of problems initiating and sustaining a healthy relationship.

So I am no more jaded now than I was when I arrived.

When seeking a needle in a haystack, a lot of patience is required.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 4

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:35:13 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I think it's wise for a sub/slave to pick a Dom/Master that they can become a reflection of and vice versa. If two people with very little in common or mindset pair up it's not going to turn out well in the end.

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 5

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:39:38 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

I don't see why it's jaded to have a personal preference. Sub, slave, dom, chef, teacher; whatever you are you are still a human being. No matter how submissive someone is they're still human first and human beings usually can't help but like and dislike certain things.

I so no problem in not wanting to spread legs for every dom that e-mails. I also see nothing wrong then using your profile to make it known what you want and don't want. Usually when people find what they want they're happy to enter into whatever relationship. I think that thing that makes people submissive is because they LIKE it. Why do something you don't like in some way shape or form?

What I find on this site is people forget how to act like normal people. When you say hello to someone, you are polite. I don't care if the person is a sub or slave, the art of conversation should still be respected until the point comes up where they WANT to talk kinky or whatever.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 6

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:45:39 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Actually, I put all that stuff up when I first made my profile.
I had been reading the forums and knew what I would put up with and what I wanted to avoid.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 7

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:50:57 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

so do you feel as a sub or a Dom that you have become a bit jaded since joining CM?

No.

First, I do not make the next person pay for the crimes of the previous person. I've never appreciated that kind opf injustice in others, and do not intend to perpetuate it.

Second, I've never been under any illusion that the slave I seek is common. Anyone who is sincere, dedicated, intelligent, honest and seeking a relationship as opposed to a kink-filled evening is going to be quite rare.

Third, I've been aware for some time that bdsm attracts those with personality disorders and other psychological problems. Such individuals have all sorts of problems initiating and sustaining a healthy relationship.

So I am no more jaded now than I was when I arrived.

When seeking a needle in a haystack, a lot of patience is required.

Hello you.
have missed you.
Prin

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Loveisallyouneed)

Post #: 8

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:52:06 PM

SwtJadedGrl

Posts: 60
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with Real.(edited, opps sorry) I was totally jaded coming into this, and though i still have some things to deal with and overcome, i have met a lot of really good people on here who have respected my boundaries and want to help me be the best i can be. the vanilla world is what jaded me, it is the world of D/s that is slowly healing it all.
I do agree however that as a sub/slave on CM you get a lot of "doms" (lower case used on purpose) lol who have the bow before me mentality. i try to respond to everyone that emails me, it gets hard to email those ones but i normally just respond with a polite " thank you for your interest but i am not currently looking for your type of play" sometimes it works, other times it does not. In the end i can be proud of myself for being polite.

< Message edited by SwtJadedGrl -- 4/18/2008 6:31:06 PM >

_____________________________

~~I'll never claim to be your equal, but never mistake me for weak~~

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 9

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:52:32 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

What I find on this site is people forget how to act like normal people.

I'm sorry. I try to keep normal for my day job. (wit)

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 10

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 5:55:32 PM

mystiquenz

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I guess I'm wrong to want to get to know you a bit first before trading kinks and/or trading on-line sexual fantasies...

Greetings justnewsub

No you are not wrong, in fact, if they insist on sharing their fantasies without getting to know the real person then move on. That old foundation it is better to have a firm foundation than no foundation rings true, and equally if there is no ccommonality then what's the point unless your looking for a casual fix, and in my mind there is no point in going there unless you have covered the basics.

my advice would be get involved locally, as well as keeping an online presence for the private players, keep the options open. keep away from destinations that are likely to be a nil return.

keep your head clear and your eyes focused on your realization and see what unfolds.

happy gardening!

_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 11

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 6:01:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You're going from one extreme to the other. Instead try to find the point of reasonability.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mystiquenz)

Post #: 12

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 6:01:39 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Jaded
1 : fatigued by overwork : exhausted
2 : made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by surfeit

Am I jaded? Eh, I don't think so. Then again, some people may come to collarme expecting an unrealistic fairytail thing, where the dom in shining armor floats through the window to his/her rescue. Instead, they get- "ON YOUR NEES AND SUK MAI COK" spamming their inbox. Yayy! You've just met a wanker, congratulations. (I don't care if humiliation like that is your kink, at least spell it right. )

I know what I like, and I know what I'm not looking for. Most emails I get don't get a response, usually because even a "No, but thank you" will be met with a pouting, rude response. Usually, there's a lot of "Well, I have 5 other slaves anyways!!"

Learning how to say no isn't being jaded imo, it's being smart.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 13

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 6:04:45 PM

Bethnai

Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline

I'm not.
I just redid my profile and I made it pretty basic. I tried to look at lots of profiles so I could get an idea of what I wanted to do. Lots of people already stated for those interested to think about their approach. Someone would have to be a bonehead not to have come to the conclusion somewhere down the line that it doesn't score any points to act in that manner.

I like my delete option.

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 14

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 6:04:49 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

It's so sad. I am now jaded. I came here expecting things to be different then everything I had experienced in my past.

I couldn't understand it the first time that someone was not completely honest about their past, age, weight and what their actual intentions were.

I have only dated three women in my life...They all were long term relationships that bordered upon perfection. Damn you cancer!!!!

Everything that I have ever read or seen on tv made me think that everyone was honest and truly held my best interests at heart. I have found this not to be true...I know...Talk about an Oprah "oh my gosh" moment. I was floored!

Do you know that there are some people that will meet for the sole reason of just wanting to fuck? Wow. They really turn my stomach. What could make people behave in such a manner?...Poor upbringing? Lack of self worth? My minister at church said that they are lacking the Lord in their lives....If I wasn't so pissed I would prey for their souls.

This site is not for me....I have heard that there is a site called eharmony....Everyone there is honest, caring and loving....Just like mom and dad. Wouldn't it be something if I could find my next soulmate out there?....I hope she doesn't have cancer and loves to snuggle....I'm so there.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 4/18/2008 6:09:16 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 15

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 6:07:53 PM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwtJadedGrl

I have to agree with Steel.

You should probably wait until he posts to agree with him.

_____________________________

Send lawyers, guns, and money.

(in reply to SwtJadedGrl)

Post #: 16

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 6:09:46 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

The problem with putting criterion and expectations in your profile is that a lot of men will pretend to want the same things you do. For example: If you don't want to talk about kinks at first, they will read that in your profile and simply conform (temporarily) in order to make you think they are well-suited for you. Worse yet, they will pander to exactly what you say you are looking for and tell you that they want the same thing. A lot of men will tell a girl anything to get her panties down, and the more you give away about yourself in your profile, the more material they have to work with, then you have to decipher through it all and figure out what's true and what's bullshit. I would rather let them be themselves and just weed them out in the first couple of talks. Why should I tip them off? ie-- If a dude says to me.."So...what are you into?" or "what are your limits", I know right away he's either looking for wank fodder or wants to talk about the sexual aspects before getting to know who I am. I think it's best to see this right off the top of the bat, it gives me the upper hand in the assessment process. Some are a bit smoother and it will take longer to smell their bullshit, but at least you can rule out the sloppier ones right away. Yeah, I guess I'm a little jaded, but I have found that these types are the rule rather than the exception.

On top of all this, when I run into a profile that is a list of everything they DON'T want, it reads like a list of complaints, makes the person look like a loser and repels me immediately. It's very tempting to put that rough edge into your profile writing, and I know it can feel satisfying on some level, but I think it puts most people off.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to justnewsub)

Post #: 17

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 6:16:53 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It's so sad. I am now jaded. I came here expecting things to be different then everything I had experienced in my past.

I couldn't understand it the first time that someone was not completely honest about their past, age, weight and what their actual intentions were.

I have only dated three women in my life...They all were long term relationships that bordered upon perfection. Damn you cancer!!!!

Everything that I have ever read or seen on tv made me think that everyone was honest and truly held my best interests at heart. I have found this not to be true...I know...Talk about an Oprah "oh my gosh" moment. I was floored!

Do you know that there are some people that will meet for the sole reason of just wanting to fuck? Wow. They really turn my stomach. What could make people behave in such a manner?...Poor upbringing? Lack of self worth? My minister at church said that they are lacking the Lord in their lives....If I wasn't so pissed I would prey for their souls.

This site is not for me....I have heard that there is a site called eharmony....Everyone there is honest, caring and loving....Just like mom and dad. Wouldn't it be something if I could find my next soulmate out there?....I hope she doesn't have cancer and loves to snuggle....I'm so there.

*snort*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 18

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 6:19:24 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

For some reason people seem to think that submissives don't get a choice about who they're with. It's like some Dom decides he likes you and you're supposed to just roll over and be grateful.

One thing that training as a relationship counselor taught me.....if you're not specific about what you're looking for, chances are that you'll never find it.

So, I think it's perfectly acceptable to say exactly what you're looking for, spelling out things that people like to manipulate and getting rid of the people that don't fit. And there will always be people that don't fit because people like to think they're the exception. So, just chuckle and move on.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 19

RE: another jaded sub - 4/18/2008 6:28:20 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

What you need girl is a good trainer...

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 20

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