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RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 12:40:13 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

My son is aware that I am involved in BDSM, if he decided to become a member here regardless of orientation it would not bother me, I would rather and want him be true to himself...
If some other family member found me here and decided to bring it up to me in a negative tone and I would be questioning why they were here, .....personal happiness is more important than what others may think of your lifestyle choices even when it comes to family members

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Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

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Post #: 41

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 1:08:09 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Ohboy it would create more of a mess than I'm already in with my family. Two summers ago my 17 year old niece saw my corset photo, within a day the entire family was discussing my prostitution and pornography problem.She was my favorite niece and we haven't spoken since that day. I tried, I emailed her and sent her letters. It showed nothing, (usta be my profile pic) I was fully covered and I still got that reaction. Egads if they knew I was sexually and emotionally submissive they would probably arrange to have me commited and that isn't a joke. However I keep my photo up, I continue to post and journal at another site. If someone really tried they could find me. Part of me keeps doing it (staying online) as a passive screw you to the family and the rest of me keeps doing it cuz......... its me.

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

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Post #: 42

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 1:10:52 PM

Phin

Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

If someone tried to out me on CM my responce would be, "well why were you on there?" and walk away

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"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to FullCircle)

Post #: 43

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 1:20:48 PM

tees

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I actually had something of this nature happen. I "bumped into" the father of one of my very close friends. We chatted a bit about why we were here and that it was probably a good idea she wasnt aware of either of us being here. (She wouldn't have a clue what D/s or BDSM even meant anyway). The only issue I've ever had was that sometimes when she talks about her dad I can't get that stupid "I know something you dont know" smile off my face.

< Message edited by tees -- 4/26/2008 1:21:25 PM >

(in reply to Phin)

Post #: 44

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 1:48:02 PM

HornyToadsMI

Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

Well, anytime you put your life out here, you run the chance of having someone "recognize" you. Here is the deal, you can turn it back on them.....or you just accept that you both are kinky and move on with a new mutual respect.

This is coming from the girl who gave her parents a sex swing for Christmas one year (they had teased us unmercifully about a mysterious eye hook in the ceiling of our living roon of another house). My mom laughed - they already had one. I asked her where they hang it.....she smiles and tells me they have a 2nd smoke detector in their bedroom - it is a fake.....it hides the eye hook.......

So, just smile........

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Post #: 45

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 2:32:18 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

It's a screwed up OP. Mom tells him to come here and he does. So? It seems she could figure out who he is from the posts he has made on this thread. I mean how many mother-son members do we have?

To the larger question, don't use face pics if you have ANY reason not to be seen on here. It would be a killer in my career as it would be for many others I know. Having said that, I love the pics on profiles. Everyone has their own circumstances.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 4/26/2008 2:34:59 PM >

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Post #: 46

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 2:40:32 PM

Dickens1

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

I would most likely ask them what their interestes were and preference of orientation..for starters..why else would they be here too?

(in reply to GimpinDenial)

Post #: 47

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 5:03:31 PM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sandyshores29718

*quick post*

i wouldn't care. i've told my mom i'm into BDSM. lol Didnt mean to, but its done now. my aunt knows also...i really dont care.

I don't care anymore what anyone thinks. My sister, oldest UM (age 20), husband, one of my brothers, and several of my vanilla friends know about my lifestyle. My 20 year old sometimes reads the forums with me, even though she doesn't seem to have any interest in bdsm beyond curiosity. I've been very fortunate that everyone seems to accept it without condemning me.

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)

Post #: 48

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 5:07:44 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

If someone tried to out me on CM my responce would be, "well why were you on there?" and walk away

I see this a lot and until now thought the same thing, but there are a lot of people who use the screen name from CM for other things and just Googling most screen names will bring you here.So just cuz someone finds you at CM, doesn't mean they are into BDSM (they could just be stalking your nick

)

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Phin)

Post #: 49

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 5:31:41 PM

dove967

Posts: 102
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline

Oh my...it actually happened to me! Not on CM,but, another D/s site I posted on regularly. I was in the middle of a nasty divorce, and my little brother -who is some kind of computer geek- was siding w/my ex. My ex took the hard drive of our computer to my brother and he printed out every website I'd ever been on, everything I had ever posted. Added up to about the equivalent of 2 reams of paper. My ex's bulldog bitch lawer then tried to present them to the judge as evidence of "mental instability", but, before that, my brother let everyone in our immediate family read through them. They knew EVERYTHING about my involvement in the lifestyle now. My mom and my little brother then came to my house to discuss how "dangerous" they felt this was and that they were seriously concerned about my well being. It was a BDSM intervention for cryin out loud! I didn't deny anything, but, I refused to discuss anything they had read in the papers. I simply tried to educate them about "safe, sane, and consensual" and that my mind was more than sound enough to decide for myself what kind of life I wanted to live. They wouldn't listen. Only kept asking me questions about exactly what activities I had participated in and my mother wanted me to go into the bathroom w/her and disrobe so she could see if I bore any bruises. I respectully refused and asked them to leave my home. As for my divorce, well, the judge wasn't allow to look at the papers because it's consider "hearsay",but, my ex's lawer knew that was going to happen. All she wanted to do was plant the seed of BDSM in the judges mind and let her uneducated predjudices do the rest. Although she ruled that we share joint custody, she awarded physical custody of my two children to thier father and granted me liberal visitation and child support obligations. This female, conservative, republican, catholic, judge then look down at me from the bench and declared that although she was not a mental health professional, she did not feel this lifestyle was healthy for ANYONE. Since then, my brother still do not speak to this day-6 years ago-but he hunts the web regularly for any posts of mine that he can then forward to my mother to show her I am still practicing this lifestyle and should be cast out from the family. Thank goodness my mother has grown tired of it all and doesn't even read them anymore and is now focusing more on our renewed, and loving relationship. I will continue to be involved in BDSM without apology to anyone. Now that I have discovered the freedom of being a submissive and living my life as such , I will never go back to a vanilla way of life. I've worked too hard to get where I am and I'm happy here.

(in reply to GimpinDenial)

Post #: 50

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 5:36:22 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Wouldn't bother me a single bit. I"m already out to family, and if they are really curious, there's far more information about me on the Internets than I could ever dare to post myself.

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(in reply to GimpinDenial)

Post #: 51

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 5:37:09 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

My younger brother aske me how come he hadnt seen the picture in my profile before, and wondered if I tok it at th ewedding I went to. He said I have strange relationships, he thinks Fox is cute, but I need more pictures of Angel. And then, he said, oh and by the way, you are lucky mom and dad dont know how to actually research thigns online, your kinda easy to find.

*shrug*

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 52

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 5:57:23 PM

MsRosemarie1369

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

My family knows about me, but I was outed before. I am friends with Mick and Dee Luvbight, and my picture is on their website. One of my sister's friends came up to her and told her about me being on their website. I'm not sure what all was said or who said it, because my sister won't tell me, but she freaked out. She went off on how embarrassed she was. I finally got tired of listening to her and told her it was probably no worse than going to the grocery store and having a clerk tell me that my sister was in buying more wine (she is an alcoholic).

Out of the THOUSANDS of pictures on the website, there are only a handful of me, and you would have to be looking quite a while to find them. I did contact my other sisters and my niece and told them, gave them the website and said I'm sorry if they are embarrassed, but it is my life. My other sisters and my niece said they didn't care.

So, basically, I don't try to flaunt my involvement, but if someone is on this or another site and find me and find it offensive, then they shouldn't have been on the site to begin with.

(in reply to FullCircle)

Post #: 53

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 6:12:07 PM

MzMinx

Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

I had my brother in law recognise me at another site ( that allows bdsm as a selectable interest). Even without any pictures on it, I had described myself well enough with words that he was sure it was me and he showed it to my sister (he used to run parties and was useing the site to send party invites out ) .... They made a joke about it and left it at that and I just smiled.

I am very lucky that my siblings and I respect and admire each others differences, and support each others choices and the diverse pathways that our lives have taken.

Although I will say I have shied away from pushing it into their faces, and I have kept my nephew (now 19) from really seeing the full extent of my lifestyle, but we have always ensured he was exposed to all sorts of differnt lovings from all perspectives.

They all know I lead a very alternative lifestyle and I have off center prefernces in all sorts of things, relationships being only one of them. They know I have multiple partners and that generaly my partners are very considerate of my desires. I dont think its important to share that I am a sadist or use terms like dominant, what is important is that they know I am happy and that my relationships are positive things for myself and my partners/friends. Also I dont always clarrify whether a someone is a friend or a lover, as I dont think its important, they just know that they are special to me.

It wouldnt worry me if my friends or family saw any of my profiles, but I dont put pictures on them as I prefer to keep my social/private life seperated from my profesional work life. I am easily recognisable and work with large numbers of people on a continuously changing basis. I just prefer not to have to deal with any more preconceptions than I do already do in that arena, and in reality they have nothing to do with each other.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 54

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 7:42:04 PM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

I guess more difficulty would arise if someone who found me on this site decided to tell others. If someone is on the site already, I figure that I have nothing to hide. However, due to my career and the gossipiness that lives at schools, I have no pictres up. Perhaps when I'm not teaching any more. Although my family wouldn't get it, I am WAY more concerned about the parents of my students knowing this about me. I don't want them to have any of the details of my sex life, since I think it would make us all uncomfortable.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 55

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 7:43:06 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Just laugh and say-"See what you did?"

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 56

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 7:45:23 PM

KCherry

Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline

No one to really be outed to, my family and friends know I am a perv, they wouldnt be suprised in the least. Besides my dad cant even turn a computer on.

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Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

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Post #: 57

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 7:57:03 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I have a couple of alter ego's running around CollarMe, that I created years ago.

I don't need everyone to know my every action, thought or mood.

I never thought of it really as a big deal.

Have fun.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/26/2008 8:00:20 PM >

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to GimpinDenial)

Post #: 58

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 8:09:44 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

I'm not too concerned what family members think....my sister knows and my Mother is always shocked by what I do. I've given up trying to make her understand me.
I'm slightly more concerned about employers. That would be more difficult to explain. However, part of me being more open and honest about myself and the choices I make in this life is accepting that risk. I haven't posted anything here that I wouldn't or haven't said in "real life".
I'm sure at some point, someone I know will put two and two together and figure out my alter ego..........so be it.
If they choose to judge me.....that's their issue. I would prefer to not have judgemental people in my life so this would and is an easy way to weed them out.

(in reply to GimpinDenial)

Post #: 59

RE: Outed on CM?.... - 4/26/2008 9:03:15 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

It's funny that many of you say you don't care...remember that ProDomme that was outed a few months back? They sent shit to her employer, the parents of the students she taught...She caught all kinds of shit...Lost her job and the whole kabootle. Some people work in a profession that would not be so forgiving.

You think it is no big deal? lol.

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(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 60

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