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RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 7:16:01 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

The problem so many people have is they start in chatrooms (happened to me too) and their head gets filled with all sorts of bullshit.

People can be whomever they want in a chatroom, when they are angry or horny they can come in and use a different name and so you only see "CrappyDom" when his dick is dripping precum and he is looking for a victim but the rest of the time he is "CaptainSaveASubbie" and he is kind, caring, and considerate. Real life isn't like that.

Real life people get pissy, wake up grumpy, act selfish, overreact and in general are imperfect.

Take the forums here, these are not real life, there are facts about mine that would disappoint the few misguided souls who look up to me, there are things I enjoy (guns being but one) that would turn many off, and things I do that would melt the heart of others that I don't discuss here. You get a picture of the posters here as one thing and while if you post long enough a good bit of you comes through, it is still just a tiny snapshot of a larger picture.

But you aren't even doing that much, instead you are meeting people who just run across your profile and email you and you wonder why you have problems? If you keep picking men that disappoint you, look in the mirror to find out why you do that?

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 21

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 7:21:23 PM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Not to be harsh. but when you ask for an opinion, not everyone is obligated to tell you what you want to hear. Its kind of the nature of the beast.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 22

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 7:29:55 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teganlee

smiles and greets A/all , being new to posting on here , i posted a question on the ask sub/slaves about is there hope.. in doing so because my profile is new on here one of the first replies was more like a lecture than advice ,now being in the lifestyle for just ove r5 yrs i always believed Doms/Dommes should be seen as mentors/guides when a submissive/slave seeks answers or help ,have i been thinking the wrong thing? is that not what lifestyle is about to guide learn and grow?

Learn and guide and grow. And in a healthy relationship, both people take on both roles.

We're the SUPER freaks. You might be more comfotable with the types who know everything about the role that YOU should play but nothing about fulfilling the role of a life partner.

But people (from what I can tell) don't generally come here looking for more than a quick, uncomplicated diversion from real life. You probably aren't either if you think that "the lirfestyle" is about someone else teaching you how to be.

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 23

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 7:43:16 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Okay, you've spent the 45 years of your existence thinking every male on the planet owes it to you to be a selfless guide and mentor. And you've been disappointed countless times. But you haven't put it together that your disappointment is due to your expectations.

Don't have those expectations and you won't be disappointed.

Now I like a teacher/student dynamic, he does too. But I don't go around staring worshipfully at every Tom, Dick and Harry coming down the block bleating please guide me and looking like a sheep too stupid to run from a wolf. And he doesn't go up to strange women saying "I will teach and guide you". Why? The fact that this is my kink doesn't mean it's everyone else's.

And when it comes down to brass tacks, it's just plain rude and tacky to demand this stuff from people without their agreement. Unless they consent to guide, teach, mentor etc and I agree to be led, taught and mentored there's no consent. And that's wrong. Without consent, it's unethical on both sides.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 24

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 7:57:18 PM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Dominants in general are not here to guide all newbies and neither are submissives willing to befriend all newbies. Your own dominant will guide you, and you will grow together. However, there is ample opportunity to learn a great many things on your own. That being said, it is beneficial to make friends with people on both sides of the whip, so to speak, who are willing to answer questions and offer assistance in any way they can.

When I first came to this site, I had already been reading forums and chatting on several other BDSM sites for a year before venturing into the realm of real life. I was contacted by someone here who is local to me, and he offered me a ride with him and his lady friend if I ever wanted to go to a munch so that I didn't feel so intimidated. He also offered to check up on anyone I was interested in if he didn't already know them personally. I was invited to attend several get togethers which I didn't take him up on since I very quickly met someone, but I did ask him about this "someone" and got an A-OK. I later had the pleasure of meeting him in person anyway. Now that I'm "back" as it were, he has reiterated that I'm more than welcome to attend things when I can and to drop his name to the people working the door so they can kind of watch out for me. Even though I have yet to make good on his offer, which was made without expectation, it has made me more confident and willing to go places when I have the opportunity.

The point of all this is that I never expected anything of the sort, but I appreciated it more than he knows. I think his offer was kind and sincere, and I wish there were more out there who were willing to reach out and welcome newbies.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 25

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 8:37:09 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

When I see someone offer that "you will learn, you will grow, I will guide you" stuff I always wonder where they picked up the skills to teach me anything. I am an adult. I went to school, got a job, raised my family and in general survived to reach my age without too many hardships. Life taught me. What better teacher is there than living?
So.. why do so many people assume that they are there to grow, learn, be guided. To what end?
Life is life. If along the way you develop some skills, great! If along the way people touch your life with meaning, fabulous! If along the way you have had fun.. all the better.
Can someone teach me that? Or do I learn it as I experience life?
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 26

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 10:11:05 PM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

Damn........................

for sharing

!!!!!!

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 27

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 10:14:25 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mydestiny2043

Damn........................for sharing!!!!!!

Uhhh.... funny (i think) Not sure what it means... Maybe I am just slow tonight

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to mydestiny2043)

Post #: 28

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 10:36:40 PM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

Of course this is just my opinion,and I actually agree with most of what you said.Just not how you said it,it's like you went out of your way twice to be even more rude than you accused her of being,then added a dash of hatefulness and nasty just to rub it in. It just took me aback when I read it.And you are not the first or last who I have seen respond in such a manner,and why I rarely post .Sorry guess it does seem a tad more facetious than I intended.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 29

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 11:39:39 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mydestiny2043

Of course this is just my opinion,and I actually agree with most of what you said.Just not how you said it,it's like you went out of your way twice to be even more rude than you accused her of being,then added a dash of hatefulness and nasty just to rub it in. It just took me aback when I read it.And you are not the first or last who I have seen respond in such a manner,and why I rarely post .Sorry guess it does seem a tad more facetious than I intended.

I do that. It is in my manner that my point gets made. I am aware that being nice usually gets one further down the road. But it is also my experience that being brutal with honesty gets people to think about what they will ask me before they ask me a question and hence lowering the amount of stupid in questions they may ask me. It also (as you have already stated in blue above) gets people to not post as many posts with out first thinking about what they are going to post. So yes my ways are mean and or rude. But for me, they work.

Just doing my bit to contribute to the site and to the better ment of the "life".

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to mydestiny2043)

Post #: 30

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 11:54:43 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Gee, every crack dealer I go to turns out the same, the first one is free but they always start charging me after that. Then when I can't fend for myself and pay for it they whore me out. Why can't I just meet a decent crack dealer?

We are not harsh, trust me. When you see your 2,000,000,000 post about "I met a dom in chat yesterday and he broke my trust/outed me at work/sent pictures of my ass with slut written on them to my grandmother" you sort of get sick of the utter stupidity of some people. The problem with stupid people is they just don't get clued in unless you hit them with a clueby4.

Would it be better to tell the little crack whore, "you poor girl, cheer up, the next one will be better" or "Stop fucking dating crack dealers dumbass"?

I KNOW I am not alone in this but I bet that many of us can read a post by a newbie and predict her next few drama's. Is that prediction always true? No, just right about 85+% of the time. They don't listen because they don't want to hear THEY have the problem, they want a hug and a kiss and support to do it all again. Sorry, some of us are just NOT going to play that game.

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 31

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 1:13:09 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

You are not the Queen of LALA Land

MoGa

_____________________________

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 32

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 1:31:36 AM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

and pup is sooooooooo lucky...
I couldnt behave well enough... I have not the restraint of will.

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 33

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 1:47:43 AM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

We are not harsh, trust me. When you see your 2,000,000,000 post about "I met a dom in chat yesterday and he broke my trust/outed me at work/sent pictures of my ass with slut written on them to my grandmother" you sort of get sick of the utter stupidity of some people. The problem with stupid people is they just don't get clued in unless you hit them with a clueby4.

Would it be better to tell the little crack whore, "you poor girl, cheer up, the next one will be better" or "Stop fucking dating crack dealers dumbass"?

I KNOW I am not alone in this but I bet that many of us can read a post by a newbie and predict her next few drama's. Is that prediction always true? No, just right about 85+% of the time. They don't listen because they don't want to hear THEY have the problem, they want a hug and a kiss and support to do it all again. Sorry, some of us are just NOT going to play that game.

No because you're doing your own thing being as ugly and rude as others I have seen since joining this site.I guess my problem is somtimes I feel like the people that make posts such as this(not the part that makes sense mind you)just the really rude and down right uglyness you feel you have to add to try and belittle someone because they're a newbie that comes equiped with drama.I guess 2,000,000,000,000 or whenever you were a newbie people treated you in this manner so now it's your turn to do it to others?I guess I must fit in your category of the dumbass newbies also because I will never understand how putting people down and being as nasty as possible helps anyone other than the person saying it.If it pissed me off that bad I would have to just walk away.It doesn't make me a better person by putting others down and being hatefull towards them.But again thats just me,and I'll do just fine going back to just reading the forums and using what works for me,and leaving the rest.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 34

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 2:00:59 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

and pup is sooooooooo lucky...
I couldnt behave well enough... I have not the restraint of will.

Me neither! lol Ain't it grand that We don't have to?

Oh, to the OP...What Aileen said, except I took off the smiley face to show you that she can be a bitch, but she has a great cleav..I mean smile, so she gets away with it. Get used to it! <grins>

quote:

Oh please. Grow up. Life sucks. Life is hard. Only the strong survive.

_____________________________

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 35

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 2:10:58 AM

mydestiny2043

Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

I can handle someone being brutally honest just like I can be brutally honest myself.I guess I'm just from another school of thought because I can do that without being nasty or down right ugly.And please don't get me wrong I'm not trying to judge you or anyone else (I don't have that kind of clout like the man upstairs)but I do tend to stick up for anyone and anything when I feel like they're being bullied or mistreated just because they rub someone the wrong way.I'll go back to lurking now and let everyone do their own thing.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 36

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 2:14:26 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Okay, you've spent the 45 years of your existence thinking every male on the planet owes it to you to be a selfless guide and mentor. And you've been disappointed countless times. But you haven't put it together that your disappointment is due to your expectations.

Don't have those expectations and you won't be disappointed.

What is the source of all human disappointment? Disappointment is what we feel when other people do not do, act, or say what we expected them to. Period. Expectation is the seed of disappointment. Period. To stop being disappointed, don't have such specific expectations of a group of total strangers. In your other post, you got the opinions of others and i didn't notice anyone being rude to you. Now you are here kvetching that we didn't meet your expectations, just like the emails you received didn't meet your expectations. It's a public website, a public forum, it's not a life-changing event.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 37

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 2:15:37 AM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

Ok... since you addressed me to begin with, i will assume that somehow you are referencing me again. I did not belittle any one in particular. I am not sure how you can take what I said and turn it into belittlement. I made a point. I didn't do it nicely. It was an intentional decision that got my profile viewed by the mods. AGAIN. But I have NEVER been accused of being nice.

What if, just maybe, I come to these forums to find like minded folk to have INFORMED discussions about this or that.

Does that automatically qualify me as an instructor?

Does my participation in s discussion board make me somehow worthy of educator status?

What is it about this life style that has so many nubes confused? Why is that this more so than others that automatically instills in nubes the thought process that "all I have to do is say, 'I wanna learn' and every one will come running to me to teach me everything I ever thought I wanted to know"?

Has the public idealism of the life become so vannilla-ized that these people assume that we are all best freinds and there is no dissemination amongst the ranks?

Why is it nessacary for me and apparently everyone to take time out of my/our day to coddle those who come into the life?

And what if I just want to find the nearest set of titties to grab hold of and suspend from my rafters?

Why must WE all suffer the expectations of others?

As for the rest... I already explained that Asshole is my method. It is my life. It is ME!
And I am getting nearer to not frequenting these boards so much for it. I am surprised as hell at the level of patience displayed by those who have been here longer. I am new on THESE boards still in comparison. But I still am surprized at the patient, the few, and the new. Some of them make me smile, but most as in the rest of my life... just piss me off.

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to mydestiny2043)

Post #: 38

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 2:22:05 AM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

and pup is sooooooooo lucky...
I couldnt behave well enough... I have not the restraint of will.

Me neither! lol Ain't it grand that We don't have to?

I am hoping this is in reference to being D as oposed to not being yours.... LOL
Yes it is grand I am not in a position to deny my lusts... My will is less than strong enough to deny myself the base pleasures...

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 39

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 3:20:03 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

No - dominants are not the mentors you expect them to be. Your first mistake is placing unrealistic expectations on people you do not know. The advice you gained on the other thread was all pretty standard and as you have been here before under another name, you should have gained insight on how people post.

Go and remove this profile - start another - wait a few months - then get your story straight before you begin posting again so you do not mix up and then people will have forgotton you.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 40

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