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RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 4:09:18 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Some excellent advice here, OP. Did you think wrong? Yes. Have people been harsh or critical? No. Direct and blunt? Yes. You've asked for advice and thoughts, you've received it. What you do with it is now up to you. As for expectations, they are the root of the problem here. You  have placed your expectations on other people, assuming that they will do something just because you think they should or you want them to, and when they don't, or they don't do it the way you want them to, you get upset and make another thread that sounds like you're whining about it. You claim that you are not a newbie, that this is just a new ID. Ummm, if that's that's the case, you'd know that this is the way we are here in the forums. We're adults here, to share information, good times, bad times, funny times, sad times but ultimately, we have to accept responsibility for ourselves. No one can do that for you but you.

And yes, drama llamas get ripped. So do attention whores. *grins* Unfortunately, I don't have the beautiful cleavage of Aileen to get away with bitchiness.... Greedy, do you still love me???   

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 4:33:13 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire
Unfortunately, I don't have the beautiful cleavage of Aileen to get away with bitchiness....


I have no clue what you're talking about. 

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 4:59:08 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: mydestiny2043

Of course this is just my opinion,and I actually agree with most  of what you said.Just not how you said it,it's like you went out of your way twice to be even more rude than you accused her of being,then added a dash of hatefulness and nasty just to rub it in. It just took me aback when I read it.And  you are not the first or last who I have seen respond in such a manner,and why I rarely post .Sorry guess it does seem a tad more facetious than I intended.

I do that. It is in my manner that my point gets made. I am aware that being nice usually gets one further down the road. But it is also my experience that being brutal with honesty gets people to think about what they will ask me before they ask me a question and hence lowering the amount of stupid in questions they may ask me. It also (as you have already stated in blue above) gets people to not post as many posts with out first thinking about what they are going to post. So yes my ways are mean and or rude. But for me, they work.

Just doing my bit to contribute to the site and to the better ment of the "life".


So, you're being rude to stop people from asking you stupid questions? Is that what your saying? Is it working? Have people stopped asking you stupid questions?


(in reply to HerLord)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 5:03:22 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

and pup is sooooooooo lucky...
I couldnt behave well enough... I have not the restraint of will.
Me neither! lol Ain't it grand that We don't have to?

I am hoping this is in reference to being D as oposed to not being yours.... LOL
Yes it is grand I am not in a position to deny my lusts... My will is less than strong enough to deny myself the base pleasures...

 Yes I am referring to us both being D's! lol

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 5:04:55 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		She quoted Simplymichaels post and then she replied to it...at the bottom of her post it also says (in reply to SimplyMichael)

So yea, I can see why you thought it was aimed at you, I mean it has to be about you, doesn't it?

(in reply to HerLord)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 6:39:43 AM   
mydestiny2043


Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Please don't assume anything,thats why there were two separate posts.I wasn't trying to put anyone elses words in your mouth,so give me a tad bit of credit that I won't mix you up with someone else.And for the record if you go back to my second post to you I said that for the most part I agree with you completly.You aren't obligated to anyone or anything except yourself. . I wasn't even trying to convince you to change the way you think,what took me aback was how you accused the op of being rude and then you just go off and take it out to the left field and get down right ugly. OK... Since you are SOOOOO interested in a strict answer to what you asked... Yes. You have it wrong.
Is that better?
Or were you hoping to get an answer that better suited what you were looking for, as do MOST NEWBIES. New or not to the forums and or the "life", This type of expectation from one to another is rude. It is presumptuous at best to assume that just bewcause you have questions or curiosity that the experienced, and or appropriately titled (with or with out experience but solely based on a title as you proclaim) take time out of thier day to pissant around with people who may or may not be truly interested in furthering thier progression into "the Life".

Why the hell do SOOOO damn many of you have this misconception that My life is so much less important than yours to me that I would drop everything I am doing just to help you make a few bullshit definitions clearer? Or other assorted trivialities? Your wants of a mentor are NO ONE's responsibility. YOUR desires for whatthefuckever do not over ride ANY one elses priorities. If you want a mentor. Find one. If you want a guide, Find one. Do not expect the entire community to drop to thier knees just to welcome you. You are not that special. It is not written in some "Book of Rules" that we as a community be nice, helpful or in any other way do any damn thing that is not in our interest to do so.

Let my forwarning serve as a discouragement for all newbies who think that I have to do something to make them feel anything. It is not our job. It is not in my contract... not to mention the fact that I have no contract so how could it be in there? If you are searching for something, take your own accountability for your success or failure. Leave the rest of us out of it.

You are not the Queen of LALA Land so, leave us to our own individual responsibilities, wants, needs. and we will not barrage you with idiocentric nonsense about what an idiot you may or may not be!

*note; Not everything I say is applicable in all situations. Some of what I say may be of use to some, but all of what I say is NOT of use to all*

*Note for the mods; "you" is used here and elswhere as a generallity and not a direct insult or compliment to any one specific moron*
And thats why I did the cartoon thing to begin with,which     admitted came across a bit facetious.It just struck me that you went off on someone for being rude,and then proceed to take that rudeness to a whole new level.As I said before thats just my opinion,but it's one I felt I needed to say ,just as you did with yours.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 6:54:05 AM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mydestiny2043

Please don't assume anything,thats why there were two separate posts.I wasn't trying to put anyone elses words in your mouth,so give me a tad bit of credit that I won't mix you up with someone else.And for the record if you go back to my second post to you I said that for the most part I agree with you completly.You aren't obligated to anyone or anything except yourself. . I wasn't even trying to convince you to change the way you think,what took me aback was how you accused the op of being rude and then you just go off and take it out to the left field and get down right ugly.And thats why I did the cartoon thing to begin with,which     admitted came across a bit facetious.It just struck me that you went off on someone for being rude,and then proceed to take that rudeness to a whole new level.As I said before thats just my opinion,but it's one I felt I needed to say ,just as you did with yours.

Well put... I think I like you. Not that you should care... LOL. And no... it was not the rude thing I went off on... It was the presumption that I should cowtow to anothers whims... Me a Domly type cowtowing to a subbie type... I should have my card revoked and my dues unimbursed... lol.

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"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 7:26:39 AM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

So, you're being rude to stop people from asking you stupid questions? Is that what your saying? Is it working? Have people stopped asking you stupid questions?


As a whole... directly to me.. YES. Unequivicably, screaming at the top my my lungs, YES. it works. Not only do they not ask me stupud questions, but in general they leave me the hell alone and let me get on with my day of taking newbies to the park, holding thier hands accross the streets and basicaly leaving them completely free to their whimsical thoughts about how life SHOULD be while I tend to their every need. It has been a beautiful thing to see happen.

And as for the next point... well... I was in fact being referenced, and I was not objecting to such reference nor did I take offence. Why did you? Unless what I had to say in some way implicated you to fault, how does this in any way concern you? You are subbie type... This conversation is DIRECTED AT ME and my type, you know the Domly types? Now don't any one go getting thier panties in a twist... Thankfully their is only one of me and none of you are likely to actually run into me, so have no fear.

So other than being abusive to me... did your post actually contribute anything to the OP. All of mine did. Can you say the same?

And now back to the OP, (if only to make the last sentance of my post true).
Again, Is it even fair to expect some one you don't know to give up some thing of themselves for you, who has been rude in the presumption that they SHOULD? Other than that I have mostly said my piece on this topic.

Unlike some others, I will not put words in the mouths of others and so I ONLY speak for myself,  but looking at the replies here... I get the feeling I am not alone in my thinking on this, even if I am not as nice as some of the others.

And just to make you aware... Hijacking a thread to be rude or flame another individual is against TOS. Being as you did not address the OP or the spirit of the thread I take your posts to be what the mods have explained to me as hijacking.

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 8:11:44 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Personally I think that every word that I read, every opinion that I'm granted access to and every thought that I put down is part of what guides my life.  Though I don't have any single person that is a mentor to me, I keep what resonates with me in other's words.  In my opinion you never know when that grain of insight is going to present itself, you never know who will be the bearer of the knowlege that you seek nor do you know how it will be presented.

Sometimes Domiguy's snark will have that glimmer if you read with an open mind, sometimes Ron and Jeff's banter will sneak up on you with that spark of insight, almost always it's found in LA, DesFIP and .thedarks thought out replies.  What I've found with my own personal insights are that I won't even know that I've got them until I start typing and they just flow from my finger tips.  Often I will solve my own ponderings just by freeflowing the thoughts out into print.

So anyway-- life itself is basically my mentor, my guide and I appreciate that I have my eyes open enough to take in every lesson that is presented to me in all the different fashions that they are given.

*disclaimer* there are also many more insightful people on these boards whom I've neglected to mention for lack of grey matter in my brain to retain all the names and the amount of space provided to list everyone.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to HerLord)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 8:13:22 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Basing presumptions on stereotypes is seldom a good idea.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 8:31:22 AM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		~fr~

*sigh*
I can understand the expectations of a person new to the phenomenon known as BDSM. I was new not so long ago. Here you are - you've found something that makes you feel wonderful, and it seems to explain a lot of feelings and thoughts you've had maybe for years. It's like discovering a new activity such as skydiving (pardon me while I shudder at that thought).

Suddenly here you are wanting to learn everything about this new thing that seems to have taken over your life. And here are people who have been doing it for yonks. The expectation is that these experienced people want to share their wisdom and knowledge with a novice - that they are still as thrilled with the wonderfulness of it all.

I can also, however, understand the utter frustration of those experienced people. It seems that almost daily there's a new person clamoring for information and tripping over their parachutes as they pack them. Tor the experienced person, the thrill is still there (otherwise why do they still do it?), but it takes concentration and focus, and to be pestered with annoying questions is a distraction. Some patiently explain things over and over again (many times to the same novice); some share their knowledge grudgingly; some get rude and lash out at the novice like a cat that has been over-teased.

It's human nature. It's painful to the novice. In a perfect world the experienced people who have little or no patience would hold back on their snappishness out of respect for the tender feelings of the novice. In the real world, that will not happen, and the novice must learn to realize that.

OP - you seriously need to grow a thicker skin. and you need to pick your battles and wage them wisely. If something someone says raises your hackles, you have the right to tell them so. But to continue to kvetch gets very old very fast.

pip, persistence in the face of certain and continual failure is stubbornness

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There is none so blind as he who will not see.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 4:57:44 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		mydestiny2043,

I wish to god I had someone as "brutal" as LA or some of the other posters here when I entered the scene.  Instead I got the same soft mushy "every kink is okay" with all dysfunction defined as kink and the sort of relationship mumbo-jumbo that flows out of overly romantic chatroom and CastleRealm bullshit.  I STILL learn things here and it is by far the most amazing bdsm place I have ever found save for a couple of TINY discussion group in San Francisco.  If I had had someone bitch slap me long ago with a heavy dose of reality I would look back and get on my knees and thank them.

Reality is often unpleasant but I see many of the same people you think are mean and rude posting deeply revealing things about their mistakes and their past, not the typical "I have striven to be the rock of gibraltar I am today as a pillar of ...bullshit" that one normally sees.

At the same time, when someone comes here with a genuine issue and it is clear they are being honest and willing to look at themselves, the outpouring of support and positive advice is amazing.

Which is why I adore this place, I am on lists from San Francisco and they have nothing that compares to CM.  I think a panel with people like LA speaking about relationships at leather events would go a long way to reducing the daily deluge of posts about fucked up relationships.

(in reply to mydestiny2043)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 8:18:11 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

   and let me get on with my day of taking newbies to the park, holding thier hands accross the streets and basicaly leaving them completely free to their whimsical thoughts about how life SHOULD be while I tend to their every need. It has been a beautiful thing to see happen. 


You forgot to tell me that I shouldn’t use my blow dryer while taking a bubble bath....and no mention of seatbelts or how it might be unwise to meet a stranger named CHAINSAW at an abandoned farm house…...sheesh, how can a poor submissive figure this stuff out without your help? 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 9:27:56 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

   and let me get on with my day of taking newbies to the park, holding thier hands accross the streets and basicaly leaving them completely free to their whimsical thoughts about how life SHOULD be while I tend to their every need. It has been a beautiful thing to see happen. 


You forgot to tell me that I shouldn’t use my blow dryer while taking a bubble bath....and no mention of seatbelts or how it might be unwise to meet a stranger named CHAINSAW at an abandoned farm house…...sheesh, how can a poor submissive figure this stuff out without your help? 

It's just a hell of a lot o work, I really just don't wanna have to do...

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 10:23:18 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

  It's just a hell of a lot o work, I really just don't wanna have to do...


~grabs a fork and sticks it in the toaster~ ..

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/29/2008 11:48:38 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/30/2008 11:36:54 AM   
mydestiny2043


Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		SM,
At first I was just going to walk away when I read this,because it started  out  between me and someone else in fact you had already made your point a few times and  I had no issue with that.But then you read the exchange of words Iwas having with someone else and  decided to join the band wagon and in my opinion it was for no other reason  than to be hatefull,and make their life miserable by going off on them like they were a piece of shit,and why because in your own words most newbies come equiped with baggage and you aren't going to play that game.I spoke up because I thought you were way out of line and so I spoke up and gave my opinion and would have left it at that.But after reading your last  post  I'm not going to lie I sat here for nearly an hour basically telling you off until I realized what I was doing and checked myself.
And now I'm back with a revised response.First let me set the record straight, please do not assume you know me or my reality.And I get that you didn't like my post, or the fact that I stood up and said something when someone was being trashed and belittled by the majority,and then you go on to insult my intelegence by telling me they deserve to be treated like a piece of shit  because #1 they're a dumbass newbie asking stupid questionsand #2 you think said newbies just want to add drama to the mix and that pisses you off so after 200,000,000,000 you feel justified in your actions  because after all stupid people  don't get it unless you hit them with a clueby4.I  think you must be confusing me with someone from your past because  you want to tell me about people bringing  pillars of  bullshit into the mix when i READ THIS  I went and dug out my hip boots,because I come from a long line of bullshitters so yes I know one when I see one.I wish to god I had someone as "brutal" as LA or some of the other posters here when I entered the scene.  Instead I got the same soft mushy "every kink is okay" with all dysfunction defined as kink and the sort of relationship mumbo-jumbo that flows out of overly romantic chatroom and CastleRealm bullshit.  I STILL learn things here and it is by far the most amazing bdsm place I have ever found save for a couple of TINY discussion group in San Francisco.  If I had had someone bitch slap me long ago with a heavy dose of reality I would look back and get on my knees and thank them..
I don't remember LA  in our conversation at all ,Nor was anything said about her being "brutal",reality is often unpleasant but I see many of the same people you think are mean and rude posting deeply revealing things about their mistakes and their past, not the typical "I have striven to be the rock of gibraltar I am today as a pillar of ...bullshit" that one normally sees.Unless you are trying to insinuate that theres a correlation some how from the statement I made to HerLord yesterday.And just to let you know  you i picked up on the other not so suttle enuendos you keep wanting to attach to me./Or something I said.That is shit we use to do in grade school for christ sake. Hence why i went for the hipboots .
Ok for the record,I don't have a problem with people being brutally honest,and if  I am in need of a reality check by all means bring it on.And if I'm way out of line on something and get called on it(more than likely my first reaction is going to be your full of shit or after I've sat and thought things through I'm going to be remorcefull and embarressed and do whatever it takes to make it right).And last but not least is my need to champion for the underdog and it doesn't even matter if they're human or animal if it looks like the odds are stacked against them in anyway I'm going to help hell I don't even have to like you i would would still not just walk away.That's what I had an issue with yesterday,And  I'll also  repeat what  I said yesterday Gee, every crack dealer I go to turns out the same, the first one is free but they always start charging me after that.  Then when I can't fend for myself and pay for it they whore me out.  Why can't I just meet a decent crack dealer?

We are not harsh, trust me.  When you see your 2,000,000,000 post about "I met a dom in chat yesterday and he broke my trust/outed me at work/sent pictures of my ass with slut written on them to my grandmother" you sort of get sick of the utter stupidity of some people.  The problem with stupid people is they just don't get clued in unless you hit them with a clueby4.

Would it be better to tell the little crack whore, "you poor girl, cheer up, the next one will be better" or "Stop fucking dating crack dealers dumbass"?

I KNOW I am not alone in this but I bet that many of us can read a post by a newbie and predict her next few drama's.  Is that prediction always true?  No, just right about 85+% of the time.  They don't listen because they don't want to hear THEY have the problem, they want a hug and a kiss and support to do it all again.  Sorry, some of us are just NOT going to play that game. No because you're doing your own thing being as ugly and rude  as others I have seen since joining this site.I guess my problem is somtimes I feel like the people that make posts such as this(not the part that makes sense mind you)just the really rude and down right uglyness you feel you have to add to try and belittle someone because they're a newbie that comes equiped with drama.I guess 2,000,000,000,000 or whenever you were a newbie people treated you in this manner so now it's your turn to do it to others?I  guess I must fit in your category of the dumbass newbies also because I will never understand how  putting people down and  being as nasty as possible helps anyone other than  the person saying it.If it pissed me off that bad I would have to just walk away.It doesn't make me a better person by putting others down and being hatefull towards them.But again thats just me,and I'll do just fine going back to just reading the forums  and using what works for me,and  leaving the rest.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/30/2008 11:44:54 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Hon, seriously, lay off the caffeine.

Breaking that up into paragraphs, using the quote feature, doing something to help make that more readable would be faboo.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to mydestiny2043)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/30/2008 11:47:55 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you, Cali!

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/30/2008 1:15:16 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Multi-colored fonts hurt my old eyes. 

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 60
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