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RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 7:10:52 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Ive been sitting here thinking for a long time... I'm seriously thinking about packing it in and just not associating with the lifestyle anymore. Why? Because every day, someone is hurt because of it. People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves over this. Why? There are so many wonderful things to see, but theres just as many, if not more, pitfalls.

Looks like no sleep again tonight...

This happens everywhere not just BDSM, it is called life. You can avoid things because of what ifs or you can live your life. Just because people practice BDSM doesn't make them immune to bad things. People in BDSM are not a special sect that is void of pitfalls.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 61

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 7:13:07 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lauren0221
People also get hurt because they went to school, or drove their car, or fell in the shower. Lifestyles don't hurt people, people hurt people. Hang around with better ones.

Shit... i got hurt cuz i wasn't paying attention and hit a van with my motorcycle... and i PROMISE it had NOTHING whatsoever to do with the "lifestyle." :)

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to lauren0221)

Post #: 62

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 7:17:22 AM

born4serving

Posts: 61
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline

If one is happy, everything will be happy. However if one is in pain, everything around one will appear in pain.

One needs to think of the analogy of the half-filled jug. To the happy person the half-filled jug will appear half-full, but to the person in pain, the half-filled jug will appear half-empty.

No matter where you are or where you go, one can also be happy and one can also be sad, its just a case of being happy with what one has.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 63

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 7:29:37 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

Short, fast answer.

Yes...get the fuck out. Or stop whining like a little bitch.

OMG! lolololol! I knew there was a reason I stalk you!! lol

MoGa

_____________________________

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 64

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 7:59:22 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Merc, dude! I was an excellent putter, and will be happy to ride in the cart for those last minute whacks at the ball!

Geoff, chill! Take a break if you want to, plenty of "us" do. If D/s and BDSM are for you, you will have to come back to it. If it isn't, you'll find other stuff to do. But don't think that the peeps are any nicer or better there.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 65

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 9:07:19 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Ive been sitting here thinking for a long time... Im seriously thinking about packing it in and just not associating with the lifestyle anymore.

Instead of sitting there, thinking about all the things that are wrong about "this lifestyle", why don't you get up and do something about it?

quote:

Why? Do I want to be involved with that? Do I want to condone that?

Although i have never been, "in the lifestyle", i do have a life. And, it seems to me that if you feel like you need to make a change in how you're living your life, including what sort of lifestyle you're living and/or the people you associate with, then you should just go ahead and make those changes.

Why announce it to everyone on this message board that you are considering taking this action? Why question yourself about your concerns on this site? How can the anonymous strangers reading your post know what you "want to be involved with" or what you "want to condone"? If something in your life doesn't feel right to you, why not just do something about it, rather than point fingers at other people?

Or, is it that you aren't really considering leaving "the lifestyle" but, instead you just want to point out the 'bad behavior' of others in the hope that they will see the error of their ways and reform themselves to your taste and comfort zone?

youngsubgeoff, you list yourself as being "From: Planet Motherfucker". So, just how wonderful is that world? Maybe you have something in common with Groucho Marx:
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 66

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 10:12:39 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Ive been sitting here thinking for a long time... Im seriously thinking about packing it in and just not associating with the lifestyle anymore. Why? Because every day, someone is hurt because of it. People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves over this. Why? There are so many wonderful things to see, but theres just as many, if not more, pitfalls.

Is there some part of this lifestlye that appeals to the insane? Does the BDSM community at large sort of look the other way when these things happen? Im not saying these things dont happen in the vanilla world, but they seem to happen more often and to a more extreme degree in the lifestyle.

Again, the questions flood my mind. Do I want to be involved with that? Do I want to condone that?

Looks like no sleep again tonight...

Fast Reply and I have not read the other responses yet as I wanted to answer first off and I probably will be repeating others.

If you don't want to associate with BDSM anymore because of the reasons you stated that I bolded. Then you may as well quit associating with humans on a whole. You may as well check out of living.

In ANY VENUE OF LIFE you will find abusers, robbers, murderers, liars, cheaters, people that commit suicide. Fuck if you can think of it someone has done it.

It has NOTHING to do with BDSM it has to do with society, humanity and people on a whole.

But hey, if you really want to lay all the shit at the feet of the BDSM community then yes please completely stop associating with those that practice, then at least there is one less person bitching about how bad we all are.

Not to be rude but pull your head out of your ass. It happens no more or no less then anywhere else with anyone else that happens to be on this earth.

< Message edited by akisha -- 4/30/2008 10:13:45 AM >

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 67

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 10:19:58 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

If all a person can do is whine about the problem, they become part of the problem.
If all you do is attract the negative or all you notice is the negative then maybe the problem comes from inside and not from out.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 68

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 10:33:32 AM

BoundDown

Posts: 76
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline

Geoff, yup all of life is hard. Take a break then if that is what you need. It will still be here if you want to come back. This is not the end of anything.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 69

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 10:49:18 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

There is no rule that says you cannot date vanilla women, keep your options open and figure out what balance feels right for you. I see such misery when people basically "choose" the lifestyle and reduce or eliminate all other social cirlces. You can enjoy female companionship from ANY social circle and then determine what weight kink will play in your ultimate relationship. If anything, dating outside of "lifestylers" can only ENHANCE your skills with kinky people.

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 70

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 11:40:17 AM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff
...every day, someone is hurt because of it. People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves over this. ...but they seem to happen more often and to a more extreme degree in the lifestyle.

Geoff, let me say this:

every day, someone is emotionally healed because of it. People are comforted, elevated, supported - even financially. People are honest and ethical. People have been brought up from severe depression, even from the brink of suicide. This happens everywhere, but it also happens within and because of BDSM and the type of relationships that can be built within the framework of BDSM.

I have spent most of my adult life running away. I don't like the weather - I move to someplace with a better climate. I don't like the job market - I move to someplace with more openings. I don't meet enough men - I move to someplace with more prospects (although that does not explain why I moved to San Francisco [grin].) I was obese - did I try to lose weight? No - I moved to someplace where the people had not known me as anything but obese.

The point of all that rambling is this: when I moved, I did nothing to change myself. I didn't change the way I thought about the weather; I didn't change my attitude about where I wanted to work; I didn't change my thoughts about men; and I certainly didn't work to change my outward appearance - at least not then. Being more or less out of choices in most of these areas, I now know that I must change myself, or nothing I do will change anything.

If you want to leave the lifestyle, that's your choice. But don't leave it for the wrong reasons. Leave it because you don't feel the burning need to submit to someone, not because you don't like what others are doing.

pip, don't leave what you are

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 71

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 12:20:53 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

if your still leaving can i have all your kinky toys and dvd's and books ?

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

Post #: 72

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 12:34:49 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff
Why? Because every day, someone is hurt because of it. People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves over this. Why? There are so many wonderful things to see, but theres just as many, if not more, pitfalls.

I could say the same thing about the music business darlin'. I certainly could say it about the art world and the modeling industry. I could say the same about any situation where people have big dreams that they desperately need to come true.

There will always be sharks swimming in the waters of hope, for the same reason that there are always sharks hunting where a river empties into the sea. Hungry predators go where the fish are.

Anything worth having in life is sometimes hard to get. Love is no different. And BDSM is no different from any other set of emotional or physical needs that drive people. Jeffrey Dahmer didn't have any trouble finding people to go home with him--does that mean you have to be "insane" to be gay?

You can get hurt, lied to, scammed, and destroyed by anyone you try to love or trust. The choice you make is whether you take the risk while trying to get what you really need, and what will really make you happy--or whether you take the exact same chance for a hat full of ashes.

Your call.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 73

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 1:35:37 PM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Im not trying to be offensive, but it seems to me that there is a higher percentage of fucked up people in this lifestyle.

As long as there are people, there will always be a category called "fucked up".

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 74

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 1:49:43 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Dear OP, if you hope to try for better on a vanilla dating site, all I can say is good luck. I have female friends on those sites who tell the same story, men who are flakes, no shows, dysfunctional, liars, stalkers, etc.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 75

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 2:38:00 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

leave; don't leave. makes no difference to me.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 76

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 3:50:59 PM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

"All things can be found, depending on the spirit of the quest". J.Conrad

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 77

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 6:56:10 PM

HornyToadsMI

Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

Wow....what can I say? Are you going to move into a cave? A bunker? Live on a deserted island??

This is life - doesnt matter what lifestyle you are in....vanilla or kink. Each lifestyle attracts weirdos....we have an overabundance of cheaters in our other lifestyle. Stalkers, and crazy people miserable with their marriages so they try to f*ck up yours. Well, We CHOOSE not to associate with those nutjobs. Sorry for your losses, but we all have free will....we choose our own path.

Good luck in your choice....but you cant hide from life.......

_____________________________

i have the best job in the world - my Boss whips me!!!

Go with your gut - yes, I am being a Smart Ass!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 78

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 6:57:35 PM

HornyToadsMI

Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

As long as there are people, there will always be a category called "fucked up".

Damn, that says it well........

_____________________________

i have the best job in the world - my Boss whips me!!!

Go with your gut - yes, I am being a Smart Ass!

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 79

RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle - 4/30/2008 7:02:32 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff
...every day, someone is hurt because of it. People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves over this. ...but they seem to happen more often and to a more extreme degree in the lifestyle.

Geoff, let me say this:

every day, someone is emotionally healed because of it. People are comforted, elevated, supported - even financially. People are honest and ethical. People have been brought up from severe depression, even from the brink of suicide. This happens everywhere, but it also happens within and because of BDSM and the type of relationships that can be built within the framework of BDSM.

I have spent most of my adult life running away. I don't like the weather - I move to someplace with a better climate. I don't like the job market - I move to someplace with more openings. I don't meet enough men - I move to someplace with more prospects (although that does not explain why I moved to San Francisco [grin].) I was obese - did I try to lose weight? No - I moved to someplace where the people had not known me as anything but obese.

The point of all that rambling is this: when I moved, I did nothing to change myself. I didn't change the way I thought about the weather; I didn't change my attitude about where I wanted to work; I didn't change my thoughts about men; and I certainly didn't work to change my outward appearance - at least not then. Being more or less out of choices in most of these areas, I now know that I must change myself, or nothing I do will change anything.

If you want to leave the lifestyle, that's your choice. But don't leave it for the wrong reasons. Leave it because you don't feel the burning need to submit to someone, not because you don't like what others are doing.

pip, don't leave what you are

Awesome post, pip!

I used to work with someone who had the sigfile "No matter where you go, there you are."

I'm also fond of Gandhi's "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

Post #: 80

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