seriously considering leaving the lifestyle

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youngsubgeoff -> seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:10:26 PM)
Ive been sitting here thinking for a long time... Im seriously thinking about packing it in and just not associating with the lifestyle anymore. Why? Because every day, someone is hurt because of it. People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves over this. Why? There are so many wonderful things to see, but theres just as many, if not more, pitfalls. Is there some part of this lifestlye that appeals to the insane? Does the BDSM community at large sort of look the other way when these things happen? Im not saying these things dont happen in the vanilla world, but they seem to happen more often and to a more extreme degree in the lifestyle. Again, the questions flood my mind. Do I want to be involved with that? Do I want to condone that? Looks like no sleep again tonight...

Lynnxz -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:12:07 PM)
Stop telling yourself that BDSM is special. Life is messed up no matter how you live it, you just have to suck it up and move on.

ThundersCry -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:12:56 PM)
<points to the door>

Leatherist -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:14:46 PM)
I used to tell myself that when I was an idiot who struck out all the time. It made me feel better. Eventually I got over my bullshit, and realized that the dysfunction was mine-not everyone else's. [:D]

KnightofMists -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:16:25 PM)
geoff.... And where would you go?.... Could you please point me to a given lifestyle that doesn't have it's beast? Could you point to a lifestyle that is nothing but beauty? With life comes the beauty and the beast.

Level -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:18:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Ive been sitting here thinking for a long time... Im seriously thinking about packing it in and just not associating with the lifestyle anymore. Why? Because every day, someone is hurt because of it. People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves over this. Why? There are so many wonderful things to see, but theres just as many, if not more, pitfalls. Is there some part of this lifestlye that appeals to the insane? Does the BDSM community at large sort of look the other way when these things happen? Im not saying these things dont happen in the vanilla world, but they seem to happen more often and to a more extreme degree in the lifestyle. Again, the questions flood my mind. Do I want to be involved with that? Do I want to condone that? Looks like no sleep again tonight... Geoff, like you said, it happens to everyone. Bad stuff knows no lifestyle boundaries. As for being involved with it, that is soley up to you. YOU create your life. You have to decide how important this is to you. There isn't a wrong answer, as long as it's an honest one, for you.

youngsubgeoff -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:19:34 PM)
Im not trying to be offensive, but it seems to me that there is a higher percentage of fucked up people in this lifestyle.

SmokingGun82 -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:22:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Is there some part of this lifestlye that appeals to the insane? Does the BDSM community at large sort of look the other way when these things happen? Im not saying these things dont happen in the vanilla world, but they seem to happen more often and to a more extreme degree in the lifestyle. I'm currently reading a biography of a mafia contract killer... who from all accounts was really prudish when it came to sex. He killed people for money, but would only have sex in the missionary position. It's not only kinky people who do fucked up things. And more importantly, it's not only kinky people who look the other way when people do "bad" things. I'm willing to bet you're just noticing it more when reading lifestyle articles, etcetera. Like people that claim Friday the 13th is lucky for them- it's not, just another day, but they're paying more attention. Unless you're moving to a cave to become a hermit, you're not escaping "bad" things. So leave if you want, but don't expect it to be a magic potion that turns the world into a perfect place.

Quivver -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:22:42 PM)
If there appears to be a higher percentage here, it's only cause we communicate about it. The one's you need to watch out for are the silent ones!

domiguy -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:27:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Im not trying to be offensive, but it seems to me that there is a higher percentage of fucked up people in this lifestyle. I agree with you 100%...Just one more reason to be extremely careful. Don't let the shitheads get you down. Just rev up your fuckstickdar....And away you go.

KnightofMists -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:27:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Im not trying to be offensive, but it seems to me that there is a higher percentage of fucked up people in this lifestyle. Your perception may or may not be correct.... but the accuracy of it is rather irrelevant. What is relevant... is do you enjoy your own personal aspect of this given lifestyle? And do you enjoy doing it with individuals that are "not fucked-up"? I suppose if the answer is Yes to these question... then you need to fine and be within individuals you don't find so "fucked up"....... Of course... you can't let others decide for you what you going to do.. and regardless if you enjoy it or not.. .you leave the lifestyle because of the fucked-up people that is in it.

Leatherist -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:28:45 PM)
The BTK killer looked like the guy next door to most people-He's wasn't. So did Ted Bundy.

SailingBum -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:31:31 PM)
hmmm maybe BDSM is not the issue. Perhaps You are. Dude life is what you make it. It's a sick world and I'm a happy man. BadOne

Sirandlil1 -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:33:54 PM)
youngsubgeoff states he is thinking of leaving the lifestyle Because every day, someone is hurt People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves. He asks......Why? ...it is not this "lifestyle"....it is life...sometimes it sucks...and if anyone ever told you life was fair they lied to you.....so you leave and enter the vanilla world and find every day, someone is hurt People are abused, debased, robbed of everything in they're lives. People are scammed, lied to, all the time. I knew people that have killed themselves. then what????????????????

laura2161 -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:34:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Is there some part of this lifestlye that appeals to the insane? Does the BDSM community at large sort of look the other way when these things happen? Im not saying these things dont happen in the vanilla world, but they seem to happen more often and to a more extreme degree in the lifestyle. No, I don't think this 'lifestyle' (I very much dislike that term) appeals to the insane. What I do think tho, is that it appeals to people who have the undercurrent of abuse. They will use BDSM as a guise, pretend they are something they are not in order to 'cause harm and damage' I'm not talking about Doms or Dommes or Sadists; I am talking about men and women who stumble upon a BDSM site, realize they can humiliate,hurt,harm,abuse, and defile another person simply by saying they are something they are not. But the blame MUST go both ways. So many of us choose not to notice the red flags, we turn our heads and let common sense fly out the window, and then wonder why their bank accounts are empty and their self esteem is at an all time low. And sometimes....The person doing the abuse is such a master manipulator that you (a general you) will end up getting it all turned around in your own head. It's what they do. And they are very good at it. But they are not part of this 'lifestyle' They just pretend; Its a good place to hide and actually to hide in public view. Do we, as a rule, turn our heads? Nah, I dont think so. I think that many just get so frustrated with seeing sensible people lose their senses because of a so-called lifestyle that after a while ya feel like you're just banging your head against a brick wall trying to get them back to reality.

PanthersMom -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:43:43 PM)
wait til you get blindsided by someone out there in the nilla world who you thought had it all together and it turns out they're worse than anyone you ever "met" here. mean rotten people are everywhere, the folks here don't have a patent on cruelty. i've met some pretty nasty folks who had nothing to do with bdsm. PM

miali -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:44:39 PM)
Your argument is universal. You could replace "it" in your original post with most any type of "lifestyle" and it would still be accurate. Everyday someone is hurt over traditional monogamous relationships. Everyday someone gets robbed or scammed, divored, abused, or left because of traditional type relationships. I have known people who killed themselves over losing the so called "love of their life". It's the same thing everywhere. If you want to leave the lifestyle, leave and no one's stopping you, but don't make it about saving the world from itself or escaping the crazies. Kitten

chya -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:44:45 PM)
Been there, done that... now I just stay on my own.. it is better that way....

Hippiekinkster -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:50:27 PM)
I'll be 55 come August. I've been pervy for as long as I can remember. I mean, when I was in my single digits, I was putting sticks and stuff in little fem bottoms. I'm not in a "lifestyle" I play drums, but I'm not in a drummer "lifestyle". I have a modest collection of Wedgwood Jasparware, but I'm not in a Jasparware "lifestyle" When I hear some people talk about "lifestyle", it sounds like they are accessorizing. I did join the left-handed blue-eyed blonde lifestyle some time back, though.

domiguy -> RE: seriously considering leaving the lifestyle (4/29/2008 8:52:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff Im not trying to be offensive, but it seems to me that there is a higher percentage of fucked up people in this lifestyle. Since I don't attend munches and have never participated on any other forum...This is all I have to go by...So maybe it is a forum kind of a thang? It does seem that there are a lot more people out here that just ain't quite right in the noggin'...There also seems to be more "sickness" out here than you would find in your normal walk through life. I look at the posts. I see daily where people make horrible decisions and are doing or reacting to some fairly fucked up shit. I don't know...just sayin' ...maybe I run with a healthy and sensible crowd on the whole? I don't know what the dealio is?...I just don't think you can so easily discount what our beautiful and ever so lovely youngsubgeoff is suggesting.

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