Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (Full Version)

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atljerbear35 -> Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 2:44:54 PM)

This is really aimed at the subs, but A/all feedback is welcome.
We all come to this lifestyle from different backgrounds, professions, and even educations- and I'm wondering if other subs have encountered or dealt with this problem- What if you are smarter, more worldly, or just far better educated than your Dom/me or One that you are considering applying to?  Can such a relationship work, or even be worth exploring? Can TPE even be a legitimate option if such is the case?



Lumus -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:12:31 PM)

(geek moment)

The following program is intended to address the question at hand.  If anyone sees any glaring errors or omissions, please feel free to add:

WHERE Education(Value)

Education<>Manners
Education<>Understanding
Education<>Respect
Education<>Empathy
Education<>Patience

Intellect isn't all it's cracked up to be.  I'm both intellectual and cracked, therefore I like to think [but do not assume] I know whereof I speak.

Edited for the omission  of "to think".  Me is smart an sum time dum.



mbes -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:13:58 PM)

I do best with someone who is roughly my equal, but that's just a personal preference.
What obstacles do you see to it working?
There are all kinds of "smarts", by the way, perhaps one has one area of expertise, and the other has another. That would seem a good possible situation, where each covers the other's areas of comparative weakness.



camille65 -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:29:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: atljerbear35

This is really aimed at the subs, but A/all feedback is welcome.
We all come to this lifestyle from different backgrounds, professions, and even educations- and I'm wondering if other subs have encountered or dealt with this problem- What if you are smarter, more worldly, or just far better educated than your Dom/me or One that you are considering applying to?  Can such a relationship work, or even be worth exploring? Can TPE even be a legitimate option if such is the case?
 I tried for 20 years to overcome the differences in background and it never worked.If effort is made, communication kept open and expectations known then I do not see any reason why a relationship (TPE or otherwise) couldn't work out. There can be a gap between people that is insurmountable, for some this could be it and for others it could be worked through. I can't see this as 'X means that a relationship is doomed' thing, there are just too many other things involved. Is it something that permeates the relationship? Is one person left explaining things to the other 'unworldy' one?Or is the unwordly one really the person with the most confidence and capability of moving through new things? People.. it is just another way to mix people together and sometimes it works, other times it doesn't.



daddysliloneds -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:33:12 PM)

i've found that i can never stop learning; whether that be from a fifth grader or from a 98 year old, and if anyone tells you otherwise, i'd challenge them to play the 'are you smarter than a fifth grader' game and spend a day talking with a few elderly people along the way[;)]

but seriously, i could see it working if a balance could be created in the areas that one persons strengths could make up for the other persons weaknesses; otherwise, it's hopeless, or so it was for me wayyyyyyyyy back when.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:42:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: atljerbear35
What if you are smarter, more worldly, or just far better educated than your Dom/me or One that you are considering applying to? 

Do you consider those qualities as weapons to allow you to compete and prove how great you are, or do those qualities place more responsibility on you to improve the world, and the lives of the people you touch?

Relationships based on one-upsmanship are pretty gross, even if they last a long time.  I prefer relationships based on mutual support. 

Please remember that an honest person with a heart of gold is harder to find than someone who got straight A's in college.  Which person is more worthy of your respect?



batshalom -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:46:31 PM)

Would it work in a vanilla setting?

If the differences are that startling and noticable to the "smart" s-type, probably not. If you're always going to feel better, smarter, and more worldly than your partner, it's less plausible for a satisfying long-term outcome than one in which people are more alike. I'm sure there are "person who" stories in which this scenario works grandly but it doesn't seem like a good combination for a variety of reasons.



abqowner -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:47:17 PM)

quote:

We all come to this lifestyle from different backgrounds, professions, and even educations- and I'm wondering if other subs have encountered or dealt with this problem- What if you are smarter, more worldly, or just far better educated than your Dom/me or One that you are considering applying to? Can such a relationship work, or even be worth exploring? Can TPE even be a legitimate option if such is the case?


All I can tell you is how it ended for me.  I started as a slave and quickly found out that if I could out think my owner I couldn't serve them.  I ended up as an owner myself and I'm much happier now.  I truly tried - one time for several years - to make it work.  But in the end the difference in IQ / education / travel / ambition was what ultimately broke the relationship.  It wasn't so much that they weren't as smart, but that I was making some really stupid choices.



hejira92 -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:49:59 PM)

I have discussed this before here. And I agree with Lumus. Education means squat when it comes to the most important aspects of any relationship.
 
In my life, I have found that there is no direct proportion between education and wisdom, wit, intuitiveness, empathy, humor and compatability.
 
A very large part of this lesson I learned from Master. His formal education ended with a GED. Mine goes beyond a doctorate. His mind constantly amazes me and He is always at least a step ahead of me* (it's a wonderful thing to always be a bit off balance).
 
*a step ahead in relationship and D/s things. He would never try to get me on, oh, anatomy or physics let's say. And that's part of His intelligence- He is not intimidated in any way by my education. I am His, so all I am reflects well on Him. So different from some of those "educated" men who felt the need to compete with me to prove their own worth.
 
Sorry, got side-tracked there......
 
 
 
 



smilingjaguar -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:50:18 PM)

I think it can work.  I also think there are many types of "smart".  I'm extremely book smart; Sir is what I would call a mechanical genius.  He can tear into things that he's never seen the inside of, fix it, and put it together with no manual or other guidance to go by.  It amazes me, quite frankly.  What he has done is put that big brain of mine in service to him.  I handle finances, retirement funds, benefits packages, etc.  In other words, I do the paperwork.  I come to him with what I think are the best options, and he tells me what his ideas are.  I research what he wants and if it is the best for us and basically present what the best options are and why.  He then makes the decision and I handle the details of getting it done.  In short, my mind is another tool at his disposal.  He may make use of it or not; it's up to him.



windchymes -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:51:55 PM)

What other way is there???  [8|]



StormsSlave -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 3:59:42 PM)

I'm speaking from personal experience when I say that in any relationship, it's better to be on an equal level intellectually.  Of course, "smart" and "intellectual" are two very different things, but they both matter.

I was married to a man with the vocabulary of a 7th grader.  That was tough, because when we argued, I'd often have to stop and define the words I used for him.   Talk about frustrating.  I once tossed a dictionary at him, and told him to get a fucking vocabulary.  This might explain why he's my ex-husband.

I am generally smarter then most of the men I meet.  I'm not bragging, it's just fact.  Even the intelligent men that I have been with are often not as "smart" as I am.  My Lord is the exception.  He can keep up with my conversation, occasionally outsmart me, and has a huge amount of common sense.  It's a good match, which I think is important.

Can it work?  Probably.  I don't think it can work for me.  Hell, it only took me 15 years to figure that one out.  [:)]



AquaticSub -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 4:01:58 PM)

Sure. Valyraen has said many times that what he loves most about me is my big sexy brain. He has commented that it is possible I'm smarter than him, though we don't feel a need to get some tests done. I see it this way: My body works for his needs, why not my brain?



TiedDreams -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 4:09:16 PM)

Formal education doesn't always translate into intellect. Intellect doesn't always flow into perceptive practice. I feel that relationships need common threads. How one puts their life experience into practice is far more important than a score card of degrees or world travel. It's all about the fit after the thrill settles down; and a wider view of just what the hell am I getting myself into wakes up. All ventures and relationships should have those moments of 'fit' evaluation and discussion periodically.
But then again; I am far more process driven than task oriented. The destination is often surprisingly  skewed from first moments of bliss.  If I can't carry on general conversations outside of theme or scene; then there is little to look forward to embracing once our heart rates calm.  
I have always sought out those that have ownership of goals and self identity. Then again; I have no fear of growth and learning...regardless of its source.



noonnap -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 4:19:23 PM)

i dont think it should matter much. if the Dom is aware of the difference and makes use of the subs intelligence then the Dom owns the intelligence. i cant think of a better way to say what i mean sorry.



Lumus -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 4:20:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: noonnap

i dont think it should matter much. if the Dom is aware of the difference and makes use of the subs intelligence then the Dom owns the intelligence. i cant think of a better way to say what i mean sorry.


you said it fine [;)]



tolovetolaugh -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 4:50:26 PM)

So long as they can mindfuck me, manipulate me mentaly before I notice -and be able to continue to do so after I do- and can keep up with me in conversations, I'm good. =)
I will still kick their butt in scrabble though.






OldBastardly1 -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 4:57:06 PM)

If the s-type thinks they are somehow "better" than the D-type there will be issues.  I have seen many people that are severely afflicted by a condition called TME.....Too Much Education. Sadly, education does NOT indicate an equal amount of intelligence.
I used to be involved with a sub that had a higher education than I had, she thought she was the shit because of it, but was actually dumb as a box of rocks...no common sense at all. There would be a group of us together ( some with higher education ) having fun and telling jokes. She would always be standing there with a stupid, confused look on her face because she didn't understand the jokes. Needless to say, it didn't work.
When I see in people's profiles that intellectual discourse is quite important to them, I will pass them by. Not that I can't hold my own or that I don't also enjoy it, but because it tells me alot about that person. Nothing wrong with it. It is just something that tells me that we would not be a good match. Not something I would be interested in pursuing



hejira92 -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 4:57:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

So long as they can mindfuck me, manipulate me mentaly before I notice -and be able to continue to do so after I do- and can keep up with me in conversations, I'm good. =)
I will still kick their butt in scrabble though.






Amen. But for me, it's boggle. 

and welcome to the forums- love your sig line. My favorite series. Waiting on the sixth book.  



tolovetolaugh -> RE: Does D/s work if "s" is smarter than "D"? (5/6/2008 5:07:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

So long as they can mindfuck me, manipulate me mentaly before I notice -and be able to continue to do so after I do- and can keep up with me in conversations, I'm good. =)
I will still kick their butt in scrabble though.






Amen. But for me, it's boggle. 

and welcome to the forums- love your sig line. My favorite series. Waiting on the sixth book.  


Thanks :)
And I know a site that has interactive scrabble... If you've got a boggle one I'm game. ^^




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