RE: Dating/Closet Vanillas

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Dating/Closet Vanillas

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RE: Dating/Closet Vanillas - 5/25/2008 7:51:57 PM

lilygurl

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/7/2008
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Why look for the vanilla/dating aspects of a relationship? My opinion (much like many of the others) is in order to build trust. I've found I prioritize myself in strange ways. Body, heart, then mind. First it's getting to know someone well enough to trust them with my body, that they will not harm me physically. But that does not mean I will trust you with my heart. And only once I can entrust my heart into the relationship am I willing to give my mind. Body and heart can be broken and mended....my mind is something I'm not willing to have broken. Yup, long process lol but I'm patient why shouldn't they be?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: Dating/Closet Vanillas - 5/27/2008 9:53:13 AM

Aiden

Posts: 39
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: roland23

I have met many subs who seem more interested in dating and/or finding a boyfriend than finding a dom. Are they "closet vanillas"? Don't get me wrong, I'm into travel, dining and hanging out at BDSM clubs/events but is it really neccessary to spend a prolonged amount of time dating? Do I really have to meet Auntie Em and ride dirt bikes(or whatever) to get a sub?

IMHO the answer to the closet vanilla question is not necessarily. You and the prospective subs have different comfort levels regarding the amount of time that needs to be put into the getting to know you phase of things. Maybe you need to sort out exactly what you want. Is it someone who will bottom for you regularly or a deeper Ds relationship? If its the former, there's nothing wrong with "just" kink. If its the latter, consider what the sub must give over to you and also that there's no having your cake and eating it too, you can't play casually while expecting her to give you her all. I'm sure the Dom-sub equivalent of love at first sight happens now and then. Holding your breath waiting for it is probably a bad idea. You see more male submissives than females offering instant submission but some are around. From what I've seen relationships that shallow are a fast rollercoaster ride, seldom outliving the impulses that fueled them. You get what you pay for and will just have to just bite it, but hey, Auntie Em probably makes good pie.

aiden

(in reply to roland23)

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Post #: 42