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RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 12:07:20 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I realize that the terms used on both sides seemed pejorative.

I completely agree with you here. I don't look down on "the scene" because, as you pointed out, I know nothing about it as I haven't been involved. Surely there is good that comes of it, else it wouldn't exist. My reasons for not participating have been expressed already, and they have nothing to do with a distaste of "the scene", only that those in my local scene are not people I feel like spending my time with.

I also see those "in the scene" criticize those who do not participate (assuming they have something to hide), when it may simply be that they don't feel a desire to belong to such a group dynamic. I honestly don't find anything wrong wtih either preference, but the nature in which each "side" addresses the other is perplexing to me.

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Post #: 201

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 12:49:48 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I'm likely to give them a slap...

I tip my hat to you, Raven; when it comes to imposing a man's will, a cyber slap is right up there in the dizzy heights of command.

General reply: OwnedGirlie's point is bang on - it doesn't matter whether or not someone is involved in the scene - unless of course you're a nosey fucker who can't keep your hands out of someone else's pies. Attaching the suspect label to someone you don't know, is going beyond the principle of live and let live.

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Post #: 202

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 12:51:27 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

General reply: OwnedGirlie's point is bang on - it doesn't matter whether or not someone is involved in the scene - unless of course you're a nosey fucker who can't keep your hands out of someone else's pies. Attaching the suspect label to someone you don't know, is going beyond the principle of live and let live.

Let me just say, if it's berry pie, I won't be able to keep my hands to myself.

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Post #: 203

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 1:09:02 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

General reply: OwnedGirlie's point is bang on - it doesn't matter whether or not someone is involved in the scene - unless of course you're a nosey fucker who can't keep your hands out of someone else's pies. Attaching the suspect label to someone you don't know, is going beyond the principle of live and let live.

Let me just say, if it's berry pie, I won't be able to keep my hands to myself.

'Never had the pleasure of them....they sound good though....'tell you what, I'll ship you over some meat and potato pies in exchange for a berry pie or two....international relations bolstered by a pie exchange :-)

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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Post #: 204

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 1:17:39 PM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
Attaching the suspect label to someone you don't know, is going beyond the principle of live and let live.

There are things you seem incapable of grasping... probably because you don't want to accept that your actions, by their nature make people more cautious because there is less areadily accessable vailable info for them to check... it you want to be able to bitch and moan at how unfair it is of them to view you that way... fill your boots, because it is just that you preffer to bitch and moan than accept it as a consequence of your own actions and choises.

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Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 205

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 1:26:57 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
Attaching the suspect label to someone you don't know, is going beyond the principle of live and let live.

There are things you seem incapable of grasping... probably because you don't want to accept that your actions, by their nature make people more cautious because there is less areadily accessable vailable info for them to check... it you want to be able to bitch and moan at how unfair it is of them to view you that way... fill your boots, because it is just that you preffer to bitch and moan than accept it as a consequence of your own actions and choises.

Repetition will not further your argument.

Now, in the event you had said "a member of a scene can be vetted by those in that scene, unlike a non-member, and there are obvious advantages associated with this", I would have agreed with you - regardless of the limitations of others undertaking the vetting on your behalf.

But, you're not; you're taking this a step further and labelling them 'suspect'.

Bitch and moan? I vacated that sort of language from the age of 7 onwards.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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Post #: 206

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 1:40:54 PM

RavenMuse

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Bitch and moan is a very applicable lable for your responce to the fact that some will find the lack of information and hence you, to be suspect.

Frankly in this day and age, to err on the side of caution is a rather sensible approach especialy for femsubs, EVERYONE is suspect until checked out and given reason to view with less (Not 'NO') caution.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 207

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 1:49:51 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
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Oh okay then, you win. We'll all play that silly namecalling game: you're suspect because you do things in public. We're suspect because we don't. There.

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Post #: 208

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 1:54:37 PM

MadRabbit

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X-files isn't anything in comparision to BDSM...

The truth is out there...

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Post #: 209

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 3:23:18 PM

LordOfTheMad

Posts: 24
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
Attaching the suspect label to someone you don't know, is going beyond the principle of live and let live.

There are things you seem incapable of grasping... probably because you don't want to accept that your actions, by their nature make people more cautious because there is less areadily accessable vailable info for them to check... it you want to be able to bitch and moan at how unfair it is of them to view you that way... fill your boots, because it is just that you preffer to bitch and moan than accept it as a consequence of your own actions and choises.

What actions? Not going to something is not an action, it's an inaction. There are billions of people who do not go to munches that happily get together in loving and trustworthy relationships and cited examples of people who were popular and considered trustworthy in the scene and turned out quite the opposite. This is going in a circle because next you'll be denying you cast any aspersions on non scene people.

I don't think it's unfair, I just think it's wrong. Lastly, if you think by not going into a scene and limiting myself to a small amount of people, whilst scaring off others with a knobby reference ideal , that people are more likely to go without then har har

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 210

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 4:39:48 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
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I think the poor animal is dead.

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Post #: 211

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 6:11:48 PM

SimplyMichael

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Nope, I am going to give the animal a speed enema and see if we can't get a few laps.

First off, the insults. If you really are so happy with your private life then what the fuck do you care what any of us "in the scene nutjobs" think? I am curious how many of those who feel "pressure" from "us" put pressure on people to get out of chatrooms and actually meet people? Many are perfectly happy in chatrooms...

Now I am going to appologize for my use of the word "suspect" as clearly the meaning under which I am using the word makes all of you suspicious of my intent and makes me suspect my usage was suspect and thus not as clear as I had meant to be. I suspect that this will not coddle some of you enough but I hope for some a sincere apology will help as I never meant to imply the meaning some of you believed I was.

I am going to substitute the words "wonder about" for "suspect". When I see someone stating they are a presenter or a group leader, I always "wonder about" their motivation and assume the worst till proven otherwise. When I run into someone claiming to be a mentor/trainer I wonder about their integrity. When I run into someone who says they have been doing this for 25 years but have never set foot in the scene, you can bet your ass I wonder about why.

I don't think the scene is something perfect and I certainly don't make it my life. Ironically, I am arguing AGAINST the scene in SF over a D/s event someone is trying to throw and TYPICALLY, some whiners want to go but don't want to participate in the D/s. There are a million parties in SF but they want to come to ours. ARGGGG.

So to those who think I was implying you are doing something wrong, I appologize. I hope the words "wonder about" will make more sense. However, I hope I am not soon "wondering about" my sanity for taking one last stab at this.

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 212

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 6:52:00 PM

Leatherist

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Joined: 12/11/2007
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I was once out in a scene, and I decided I didn't care for the majority of the people in it.

I think that what gets to me is the immediate assumption by some,that if you make this choice, you must have done something "wrong". No one in this thread has pointed that finger at me that I can see-it's the holier than thou ones where I live that do it, that piss me off.

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Post #: 213

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 7:34:49 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am going to substitute the words "wonder about" for "suspect". When I see someone stating they are a presenter or a group leader, I always "wonder about" their motivation and assume the worst till proven otherwise.

Not to hijack the thread, but I'm curious about the above. I happen to know that at least three of us on this thread fall into this category. Might I ask why you would "wonder about" the motivations of those of us who fit this description?

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Post #: 214

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 8:00:27 PM

chellekitty

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am going to substitute the words "wonder about" for "suspect". When I see someone stating they are a presenter or a group leader, I always "wonder about" their motivation and assume the worst till proven otherwise.

Not to hijack the thread, but I'm curious about the above. I happen to know that at least three of us on this thread fall into this category. Might I ask why you would "wonder about" the motivations of those of us who fit this description?

no offence, but i wonder about the motivations of those who state they are a presenter or a group leader as well...it is a tactic used by predators to prove some sort of authority, not saying that anyone that posted on this thread is a predator, but most, if not all, of the people on this thread who have stated that they are presenters or group leaders, have fulfilled the other half of Michael's statement...they have proven otherwise...again, not trying to offend anyone, this is just an observation of a tactic i have seen used...

chelle

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Post #: 215

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 8:31:23 PM

laura2161

Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
When I run into someone who says they have been doing this for 25 years but have never set foot in the scene, you can bet your ass I wonder about why.

And what if their answer to that question is as simple as 'He or she doesnt feel the need to be in the scene' ? What if they go on the say that their relationships are one on one, they play in private because they are not comfortable playing in front of others? I'll go further...What if another answer is they do not feel the need to mingle with others at munches because they already have social lives and friends,so they do not need that from a munch?

See what Im getting at? Hmmm..although, the more I think about it- Someone like what I just described above and someone like you would most likely never cross paths anyway so it's all really a moot point isnt it? -smiles-

I think there are many valid reasons for people being 'in the scene' just as I think there are many valid reasons for not being 'in the scene'. To each their own.

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Post #: 216

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 8:40:16 PM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
When I run into someone who says they have been doing this for 25 years but have never set foot in the scene, you can bet your ass I wonder about why.

And what if their answer to that question is as simple as 'He or she doesnt feel the need to be in the scene' ? What if they go on the say that their relationships are one on one, they play in private because they are not comfortable playing in front of others? I'll go further...What if another answer is they do not feel the need to mingle with others at munches because they already have social lives and friends,so they do not need that from a munch?

See what Im getting at? Hmmm..although, the more I think about it- Someone like what I just described above and someone like you would most likely never cross paths anyway so it's all really a moot point isnt it? -smiles-

I think there are many valid reasons for people being 'in the scene' just as I think there are many valid reasons for not being 'in the scene'. To each their own.

Or, on a like note, what if they have spent plenty of time in the scene, but don't feel the need to constantly trumpet at every opportunity what important members of the community they are?
Lots of folks, come, go, learn, enjoy and don't let their insecurities cause them to make a big deal about such things.

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Post #: 217

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 8:44:13 PM

SimplyMichael

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It is quite simple, the world exists to be judged by and for me and the sooner you little people realize that the better off we will all be. I sit in judgement of you because I am simply better, why else would I have this name? I sure wouldn't pick a crappy one like any of you...

I now realize that bringing that animal back to life was a gift I should not have given but at times my abundance of generosity overwhelmes my intense modesty.

I return you all to your discussion of how many angels rest atop a pin...

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Post #: 218

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 9:01:23 PM

RedMagic1

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Michael can answer for himself, Laura, but I'll talk about something that bothers me.

If people with a completely private BDSM or D/s practice want to stay private, more power to them. However, there are a lot of people -- including some on this very message board -- who give "advice" to others that seems completely outside the realm of reality. This busybody "advice" often comes from people who "refuse" to check out their local scene, or who claim to be big shots in the "lifestyle" without any possible verification.

The non-advice "advice" falls roughly into two camps: (1) end the relationship at the first sign of difficulty ("run, don't walk"), or (2) everything will be perfect if you just try harder ("Master ordered me to do impossible thing X, and it was hard for me, but I did it without ever complaining, and now our relationship is all CastleRealmy"). Both are immature fantasy reactions by people who don't know what they're talking about.

Anyone who has dealt seriously with real human beings in real life knows that BDSM, and relationships, are hard. Yeah, sometimes you might have to leave, and sometimes things are wonderful, but it takes a lot of W-O-R-K before you get to either place. Fantasizers are unable to explain this in their posts, because they've never had to deal with the grit of other human beings outside their own heads.

Meeting someone in person adds legitimacy to who they are. Period. Those who get pissed because someone puts greater trust in people who are open and willing to be known in real life, are acting awfully defensive, and demonstrating to me that they might not have any real-world experience at all.

As always, the reader is free to think I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground.

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(in reply to laura2161)

Post #: 219

RE: Not into the local scene. - 5/13/2008 9:06:35 PM

Vigilantejustice

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vigilantejustice
I don't think much of anyone is saying:
Public= Non-Scummy
Private=Scummy

What they're trying to say is:
Public=Harder to hide possible scumminess
Private=Easier to hide possible scumminess

Yep you got what Archer, Michael and Myself where saying... Glad someone has as I was starting to wonder if IQ's had dropped sharply around here...

And that's why I'm known as Queen of Summarization.

Simplifying for the masses,
Corinne
House Vigilante

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 220

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