MySweetSubmssive
Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd
I have met someone I have such a spiritual draw with even though he isnt with me here I can feel him.. and know his moods. We have that kind of link. It simply wasnt ment to be for us this go sadly. I have held myself in check in relationships waiting to find that kind of bond.. waiting for *that* very thing. Waiting for him mayhaps? *shrugs* but it will not be. So now I am set free from this self imposed holding back in each and every realtionship. Or not having relationships. I know what it is like. I hope it is possible with another other then him. I would hate it if the universe put all my eggs in one broken assed basket. LOL
So I guess my question to you all is.. have you or *do* you have some pre-concived notion of how love, or your romantic life is supposed to turn out that has held you back, or might be holding you back now?
I'm going to respond to the second part first.
I read a book several years ago that said when we have too many choices, sometimes we fail to make a choice. One of the examples the author gave was jam. When people taste tested 4 types of jam, they often chose one to take home. When they taste tested 12, they were less likely to do so because they didn't want to make the wrong choice. The author said this was operative with chosing a partner as well. Thirty, forty or fifty years ago we were less mobile and we met our partners in a relatively small sphere. Now we move so much more, we have so many ways of meeting someone (i.e. through the internet), and ironically, more of us are *not* finding our parters. There are *so* many choices that you can fall prey to the idea that someone better is out there.
I do have some notions of whom I am looking for, but they are pretty broad -- he's probably in his thirties, he has a keen intellect and an open and spacious heart, he wants to have children, he's imperfect and -- distantly -- he might be submissive. Like Level, I have decided that if it's a choice between love & family and D/s, it's a no-brainer. I would like for him to be a rural liver, because I want to move (back) to Vermont. For the most part, I think it's not useful to make a list of what you want ... because what you need may be so different. In my marriage, it turned out that perfection was a skinny-assed, Reader's Digest reading, chain-smoking computer programmer who was 27 years my senior. Who knew?
More than anything, what has prevented me from finding a/my partner is a profound self-protection. I know what I want -- I will feel it when I'm there -- but I get in my own blessed way. What suckitude! My concern is that when I meet my partner I may not be ready for him. God knows he will have to have a lot of patience. Recently, I pursued a man who is long, long distance from me. He is, in many ways, what I think I need. At first I blew it off as some kind of long-distance infatuation. Then I realized I was an idiot for thinking that, that we could create happiness with one another. So I pursued him. Clearly. Openly. And, I think, open-heartedly. That was so strange for me. And after consideration, he felt that there were too many barriers (in terms of geography and other things) to make it workable. It made me sad. But I am really, really happy I put myself out there.
I once dated a man whom I had a strong, uncanny connection to. It was so much that he knew what I was thinking from the way I was breathing. I know that sounds bizarre -- it was -- but it was real. He also had a partner, and I spent many hours wondering what this meant, and why we had met each other. In a fuzzy-brained kind of way, I believe that we knew each other in a different life. After a while, I realized this was a life where it was a chance meeting, an "almost" opportunity, but this was not our time. It helped a little (but not much).
Mss
_____________________________
"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."
--Miss Moneypenny
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