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RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 1:44:32 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		now, if I can just take it to heart...LOL thanks sexy tulip!!

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 2:10:35 PM   
Smith117


Posts: 1447
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd
I am sorry that happened to you. I really am. It is not pity. Honestly no one gets pity from me.. it is a wasted emotion in my book.


That's true. Whenever someone appears to offer or feel pitty in my general direction, I say "Why pitty me? I finally got it. I'm not being used anymore, I've taken charge of my own life and no longer need someone to "complete" me because I am going to be complete on my own. There's no need for pitty there."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd
I think if you did a self invatory of the kind of girl you dated, and where it went wrong.. maybe you could bypass some of the drama.


Oh trust me, I did. You know that old saying if several things don't work out, you have to look at the common denominator, which is usually you? That was totally true in my case. Although I'm supposed to be this wonderful, "super" dom (other's words, not mine), when in a relationship, I totally lost EVERYTHING that made me appealing to them in the first place. Remember how I said that although I have many borderline mysogynistic views here? Same went for r/l. I guess the no bullshit frame of mind is what drew the girls to me. My "confidence" I suppose. However, the moment someone became "more than friends," I became a total sappy pushover.

Part of my realization is that I have to be the real me all the time. And if a girl doesn't like that at some point, that's her deal, and it's time for me to go. In fact, the strangest part of my last relationship was I didn't change AT ALL. I warned her I was an ass ahead of time, and she of course said I wasn't. I never changed throughout the relationship but at one point her argument about my being an asshole ended and she even mentioned it during one argument. I replied "I TOLD you I was an asshole when we met, I haven't changed a bit. Apparently you have, because the rose-colored glasses are now gone, but *I* haven't changed a bit."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd
Good luck on this, or on your gaming.. how ever it turns out. *hugs*


The main difference between my gaming girls is they are always there, they don't care how I look on a given day, and if they start giving me trouble, I just press the power button. ;-)

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 3:53:30 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd
Good luck hun.. I think we all need all the luck we can get!


If there's one thing that this thread brings to light for me, it's that it isn't about luck.  (smiling)

As I like to say to annoying customers, once I have muted my phone, "Um, Ma'am, the problem is you."  And by that I mean me.

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 4:12:42 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

For the most part, I think it's not useful to make a list of what you want ... because what you need may be so different. 


Can we be fulfilled with meeting the needs, rather than the wants?



Hmmmmm.  I think we can if we don't get greedy and keep perspective on our expectations.  Let me unpack that.

A few years ago, I had the priviledge of being a midwife for Amish and Mennonite families in Pennsylvania.  My values were diametrically opposed to theirs -- I was liberal, a feminist, a pagan, college educated, self-driven rather than rule driven, etc, etc.  Their births and their marriages were so spare, so ... workmanlike ...  so seemingly devoid of love and passion, all the things we think we need.

I learned a LOT from them, though.  That a good partnership means to demand/expect less and to accept more, to think of the partnership before the self, maybe that love doesn't have to be shouted from treetops to be "real." 

I think a lot of our ideas about love are more representative of being *in love.*  Lots of us think (and I am prey to this) that that sizzle should always be there, and if it's not, something is wrong.  Do I want that?  Sure.  Am I aware that it's not always going to be that way?  Well, distantly, yes.  (smiling)  There is this ideal that our partner is going to share all our interests, that they are going to be our "missing half."  I think that's beautiful.  I've had moments like that.  But -- for me -- I think that is setting an insane expectation for a relationship.

So I am sure that there are things I want that I won't get.  I'd love to find a man who is interested in the arts, but it seems like a strong possibility that this may not happen.  I want to find someone with a strong sense of spirituality, but he does't have to sit in the same pew that I do.  Stuff like that.  Compromise.  Realism.  All that non-sexy crap.

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 4:36:37 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive
There is this ideal that our partner is going to share all our interests, that they are going to be our "missing half."  I think that's beautiful.  I've had moments like that.  But -- for me -- I think that is setting an insane expectation for a relationship.


Yeah, I know some people are like that....  I suppose we have to decide what we must have, and what we can live without. But, still, there's that little voice in the back of my mind, thinking of the Ideal....

quote:

So I am sure that there are things I want that I won't get.  I'd love to find a man who is interested in the arts, but it seems like a strong possibility that this may not happen.  I want to find someone with a strong sense of spirituality, but he does't have to sit in the same pew that I do.  Stuff like that.  Compromise.  Realism.  All that non-sexy crap.

Mss


Some of that non-sexy crap can look pretty good to someone that has had to do without them, ya know. Don't give up.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 6:01:10 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Perhaps one of the most frustrating aspects of what we're talking about, is that we can't make others conform to our wishes, if they're not willing. It's maddening.
 
There are others out there, though, Gwyn. I believe that 100%, and I can't say that about many things.


*hugs* thank you for that.. it means more then you know my friend.. more then you know.

I have had the very good fortune to be very well loved in this life. It is however rare for me to love just as deeply though. I think that is where my fears reside.

Love finds me.. but will I find it?

Gwyn


Do you know why you don't seem to love as deeply? Does it go back to self-protection, and/or holding out for the Ideal? And, is there a chance that it's an incorrect perception on your part, that you don't love back the way you are loved?


I think it is a combination of both to be honest.

In my youth I was afraid.. so afraid of being hurt. I am still a bit. Esp. of males. I watched my mother pine after my father when he left. I found and read her love letters to him. So sad.. utterly crumpled when he left us. I was determined to become an semi approachable Ice Queen. Never would any one move me to the point of distroying me like she allowed him.

He was my mothers 6th marriage. She had in total 7. This horrifies me honestly.

I wanted one and only one.. if at all. I am still not convinced I will ever walk that isle. It will take one hell of a person to lasso me. *chuckles* I love the concept of love.. I am an intimacy junky... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBiVG8Zsbyg 
I love being part of a couple. I love the hunt.. the flirt.. the small every day things. Nothing is trivial. Small love notes left everywhere for them to find.

I think because of my fear.. and my holding out to find the soul mate I have held a huge part of me back. Also with willfuly and on a subcon. level chosing those whom I knew were nowhere near equals.. when I knew they were not him.. I knew it would never work~ so I held myself aloft from those truly deep emotions.

It was unfair to both of us.. but I did chose those who needed healing in a way I am capable of giving. each of them have moved on in life and become much more successful, and healthier.

Some side realationships I do for healing for them. I am put in thier path to be that healing force in thier life. I need to step away from all of that for now.. and work on me though.

Gwyn


_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 6:08:44 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Gwyn....

remember...SCREENER!!  *SMOOCH*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 6:09:40 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Or perhaps you love as MUCH, but differently than your partners. *NOTE* Use of the word you in this post is meant generically* Sometimes, you see your partners love as being such a shining thing..but when you start comparing your style of showing love to your partners you feel as if it's not measuring up because IT ISNT THE SAME.  This isn't necessarily true, it's like comparing apples to oranges. And we all need to learn that if you are giving your heart you may offer it on a silver platter and your partner may offer theirs with a broadway production - but it's still being given..right?

god I hope that made sense!



You are just so damn smart you know that?

I did love each of them.. just not in the flowery wanna get married way most times.

It changed, and formed into a love for them that fit the situation. If I took care of them as you would a child I had a motherly love for them.. ect.


Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 6:16:37 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		yeah, I know (wait..I mean I know about how ya show your love..not that I'm so damned smart..LOL I just have the rare flash of insight).  It's when the comparisons to HOW youre showing each other your love start that the damage can be done, IMO.

it's like another thread said: zero sum game

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 5/11/2008 6:17:32 PM >

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 6:32:36 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive
There is this ideal that our partner is going to share all our interests, that they are going to be our "missing half."  I think that's beautiful.  I've had moments like that.  But -- for me -- I think that is setting an insane expectation for a relationship.


Yeah, I know some people are like that....  I suppose we have to decide what we must have, and what we can live without. But, still, there's that little voice in the back of my mind, thinking of the Ideal....

quote:

So I am sure that there are things I want that I won't get.  I'd love to find a man who is interested in the arts, but it seems like a strong possibility that this may not happen.  I want to find someone with a strong sense of spirituality, but he does't have to sit in the same pew that I do.  Stuff like that.  Compromise.  Realism.  All that non-sexy crap.

Mss


Some of that non-sexy crap can look pretty good to someone that has had to do without them, ya know. Don't give up.


Dude.. you got space back behind there?  

I want it damn it.. I want it all...

Oh fuck. I will prob. end up alone with 20 cats. Or feeling up the nurses in an old folks home. *chuckles*

Neeeeeeah.

I just want some one who is Emotional, Mentaly, Spiritualy and Physicaly sound. ( Yeah not asking for much there eh?) who is kinky as hell... can take all my shit... I am one Dominant Chickieboo. Hell have been since I was 4 and ordering around the neighborhood kids. That's why I am here. Vannila men dont deal well with that. It is scary to them. Who doesnt mind going to church with me.. will deal with my community service stuff I do.. hell even maybe help? or do his own... has to be wicked smart.
and maybe some artistic something.. and is cool with the whole SCA thing. and my having an Um. Also has to be great at oral sex.

Had to throw that one in there.

Yeah I know it is a tall order. But Damn it... *sighs*

Willing to brush my hair and suck my toes a big bonus. *chuckles*

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 6:34:35 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		(holding up a finger)

Toe Sucking.  Need.  Not want.

(laughing mischeviously)

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 6:36:12 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yeah, I know (wait..I mean I know about how ya show your love..not that I'm so damned smart..LOL I just have the rare flash of insight).  It's when the comparisons to HOW youre showing each other your love start that the damage can be done, IMO.

it's like another thread said: zero sum game


We do tend to rip each other up when the love is differnet dont we? *huggles*

Yes my dear screener. As soon as I have some serious prospects I will bat them your way.

Gwyn



_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 6:39:40 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

(holding up a finger)

Toe Sucking.  Need.  Not want.

(laughing mischeviously)

Mss


If you saw how well I climax from them.. they would go solidly into the need box. *chuckles*

They might be a want.. but damn I need a pedicure and my piddies pampered on a regular basis. I do not feel the slightest bit bad for putting this down as a need.

Besides it was a little signal to a gentleman I would like to get to know more about.

*smiles*

Those are 2 of my faves.. and he had them both in his profile.. and talked about. *big smile*

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 7:12:48 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		dammit, Gwyn.. ya had me until the toes thing...LOL

(we've had pussy issues here today.. no blood or hair.. but had to separate them while I was at work..Amos is SUCH a bitch)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 7:16:11 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

dammit, Gwyn.. ya had me until the toes thing...LOL

(we've had pussy issues here today.. no blood or hair.. but had to separate them while I was at work..Amos is SUCH a bitch)


*chuckles about the toes*

sorry about my wild pussy.. at least there is no blood. They will settle back down soon.

You are taking such good care of my pussy!

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 7:17:08 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Well this is a timely thread!  Before I forget, bonus points to ya Gwyn---any psychobitch who is tracking you really doesn't deserve any extra consideration, IMO.  Her world is not being held up by that man, it's held up by her own rage, so it is a pretty tough construction, I'm willing to bet!

I've had a few people in my life that I really loved, and they've all left me for various reasons.  For years I just pushed anyone new away before they could leave, under the guise of being picky, or whatever.  (Sometimes it was common sense, too!)  Now I find myself launching into a new relationship.  I am obviously insane.  Too far away, family issues, who knows what all.  I'm trying not to look at bad things at this point, since I don't want to find myself creating an exit strategy before anything's gotten started.

When I was young, (like five yrs old) I told everyone that I wasn't getting married until I was fifty, and that I wasn't going to have any kids.  No one believed me, of course, but I look back on that as the most sensible decision I ever made!  (yeah, life did kind of head south after kindergarten).  The funny thing is, no one in my dago family ever pushed me to get married.  I could have had a fabulous submissive husband right out of college, too, but those crawly worshippy types creeped me out back then, too!

In the past forty years, I have gone back and forth and around over what I wanted. I'm  a very lonely person, and that led me into serious disaster once, so I am more than a little paranoid about being my own worst enemy! I've never believed that we have only one "soulmate" kind of person, but I do believe in those deep connections that seem to come from somewhere else.   Do I have one now?  I'm trying not to think about it~



_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Realizations - 5/11/2008 7:42:43 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive
There is this ideal that our partner is going to share all our interests, that they are going to be our "missing half."  I think that's beautiful.  I've had moments like that.  But -- for me -- I think that is setting an insane expectation for a relationship.


Yeah, I know some people are like that....  I suppose we have to decide what we must have, and what we can live without. But, still, there's that little voice in the back of my mind, thinking of the Ideal....

quote:

So I am sure that there are things I want that I won't get.  I'd love to find a man who is interested in the arts, but it seems like a strong possibility that this may not happen.  I want to find someone with a strong sense of spirituality, but he does't have to sit in the same pew that I do.  Stuff like that.  Compromise.  Realism.  All that non-sexy crap.

Mss


Some of that non-sexy crap can look pretty good to someone that has had to do without them, ya know. Don't give up.


Dude.. you got space back behind there?  



Yeah, get on back here with me and Mss.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Realizations - 5/12/2008 10:14:43 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Well this is a timely thread!  Before I forget, bonus points to ya Gwyn---any psychobitch who is tracking you really doesn't deserve any extra consideration, IMO.  Her world is not being held up by that man, it's held up by her own rage, so it is a pretty tough construction, I'm willing to bet!

I've had a few people in my life that I really loved, and they've all left me for various reasons.  For years I just pushed anyone new away before they could leave, under the guise of being picky, or whatever.  (Sometimes it was common sense, too!)  Now I find myself launching into a new relationship.  I am obviously insane.  Too far away, family issues, who knows what all.  I'm trying not to look at bad things at this point, since I don't want to find myself creating an exit strategy before anything's gotten started.

When I was young, (like five yrs old) I told everyone that I wasn't getting married until I was fifty, and that I wasn't going to have any kids.  No one believed me, of course, but I look back on that as the most sensible decision I ever made!  (yeah, life did kind of head south after kindergarten).  The funny thing is, no one in my dago family ever pushed me to get married.  I could have had a fabulous submissive husband right out of college, too, but those crawly worshippy types creeped me out back then, too!

In the past forty years, I have gone back and forth and around over what I wanted. I'm  a very lonely person, and that led me into serious disaster once, so I am more than a little paranoid about being my own worst enemy! I've never believed that we have only one "soulmate" kind of person, but I do believe in those deep connections that seem to come from somewhere else.   Do I have one now?  I'm trying not to think about it~




Yeah it might hurt not being with him or around him.. but she is damn toxic. I feel bad he is in it.. but that is his decision. He made his choice. *shrugs*
I think a lot of people push folks away in fear. My roomies um is doing that to me. Her mum ditched them for drugs, and a young hot guy. Right now her idea of women and mommie type folks just sucks. but we are hangin in there. She sees me on the daily.. and knows I am not like that.. and I am a decent person. ( after coffee of course) ~ ok.. even before.. but I have to keep up some of my rep folks.

I am with you.. the " I am but a worm, oh Mistress please let me grovel at your feet" types make me wanna puke. *ugh* have a brain.. use it.. have a heart.. show it to me when the time comes. If I wanted blind love and obiedeance.. I would have gotten a German Shepard.

*hugs* heres to us all being happy!

Gwyn,
Climbing behind the suddenly overcrowded couch.

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Realizations - 5/12/2008 11:27:37 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Gwyn..tell roomie I say hi, and I hope his knee heals quickly *snicker*

(oh, and the pussies are playing again! )



_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Realizations - 5/13/2008 6:55:27 AM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Gwyn..tell roomie I say hi, and I hope his knee heals quickly *snicker*

(oh, and the pussies are playing again! )




*chuckles*

He is in a leg brace now... that should teach him not to get all fiesty... but his spirits are up so that is good.

Speaking of good spirits.. I downed a bottle of wine with a good friend last night after one of my meetings. You should meet her. She is a drop dead goreous red head. Dont worry.. no screening nessasary yet.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 80
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