RE: Slave versus Submissive

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RE: Slave versus Submissive - 5/12/2008 9:01:28 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

-=Reality Check=-
Here in “The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet” where you choose to list yourself as either a “submissive” or a “slave”, you are going to tell the guy who posted the question in the OP that it is meaningless? …there is no difference? …there are no rules? …and you imply this also holds true in the real world?

WTF - did you think the staff here at CollarME just decided to toss in some extra nonsense to clutter their database?

You’re killing me guys. I’m serious… I may need hospitalization if I laugh any harder at this BS.

And people have frequently made threads suggesting that CM needs more labels. Let me know when CM adds something for "all in one" or "s-type" instead of forcing people to pick one or the other. In my case, I picked back in the day when I thought there was a difference and hadn't been exposed to actual people and realized that, exactly the same as wife, significant other, boyfriend, lover, etc, people choose their labels for very personal reasons. Reasons that you are completely incapable of deciding for them.

These are relationships and personal labels. When I can legally belong to Valyraen, there will be a defination similiar to that of a legally married wife and husband. Beyond that legal documentation, there will be as many varieties as there are different kinds of marriages. Trying to define exactly what being a slave or a submissive means is as foolish as trying define someone else's marriage for them.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

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Post #: 61

RE: Slave versus Submissive - 5/12/2008 12:09:59 PM

sapphicfire

Posts: 9
Joined: 6/30/2007
Status: offline

I have not read all of these posts yet - but it is my understanding that slavery has nothing to do with submission because you can have a slave, that does not voluntarily submit. Neither is better. In this country - a slave generally submts for life, has no freedoms but those her owner places on her. A submissive, simply chooses to submit on a more regular basis. While everyone actually has the right to leave, as there are no laws regarding anything D/s.... speaking in archaic times, a slave may not leave. When they used to run, they were beat within an inch of life, or killed. But then back then - there were slaves, and there were submissive women, so go figure....

sf

(in reply to RedMagic1)

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Post #: 62

RE: Slave versus Submissive - 5/12/2008 11:15:17 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBug1967

Been here for nearly three years now and this debate has raged on ever since I joined the scene.

You know, it's sort of funny but, it wasn't until i joined this site, in 2005, and started reading these forums, that i learned about the 'big debate' over the difference between a slave and a submissive. The debate seems to be bigger than the evolution-creation debate.

And, all those years, before joining CM, i was just blissfully doing what i was told by the men i had intimate relationships with, even the vanilla men. There was never any discussion or thought given to whether i was a submissive or a slave. i just did whatever they wanted me to do. There was never any label applied to me, back then, except maybe, the wife or the girlfriend. And, i just did whatever the man in my life wanted me to do.

Now, as the debate continues and i am aware of it, i still blissfully serve my Master and do whatever He wants. The debating has been entertaining and informative but, really hasn't changed me or my relationship in any way. It seems to be more of an exercise in futility, to me, since it never gets anywhere or accomplishes anything.

quote:

What it comes down to, call yourself whatever the heck you want to. In the end a relationship either works or it doesn't, and it doesn't matter about "labels" or "titles." It's about what works for you.

This is how i look at it, too. i don't live my life according to the definition of a label. i just live my life in the way that feels right to me and apply the most appropriate label to me, when it's required, such as on this site. i belong to my Master and He calls me anything He likes. Sometimes He calls me His slave and, other times He calls me His whore or other choice words. But, mostly, He just calls me joy.

It seems to me that people can really limit themselves and paint theirself into a little box when they are too rigid in how they 'label themself'. i believe in being flexible and adaptable in both my approach to life and in my relationships.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to LadyBug1967)

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Post #: 63

RE: Slave versus Submissive - 5/13/2008 5:17:00 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
How damn hard would it have been to say: "The difference between a slave and submissive is that a slave doesn’t get to negotiate limits and usually a submissive does."

That is reality… that is what is normally expected when using those words in BDSM company.

Reality?

Reality is that unless you are committing a crime, everyone in a BDSM relationship, regardless of what role or title they take on, has the legal right to leave at any time he/she wants. They have the right to negotiate and set limits and have expectations.

But to think about your reply a bit deeper and apply that to my own household you are correct at a "relationship" level for us.

When Fox was applying to train, he negotiated and could bring up things to be negotiated later on.

When Fox was my submissive, he negotiated and could bring up things to be negotiated later on.

Prior to Fox becoming my slave he negotiated and agreed that once in the dynamic he would have two choices -- obey or leave. Any limits, desires, needs, or whatevers went into that prior negotiation. That's the technical of our dynamic -- it has zero value outside of our dynamic and in fact could likely be used against me if he should go to the police. That is the reality. How we live it is with consideration, affection and communication between us both. We've had to set up new limits over the years to reflect physical realities and exposed psychological conditions that we couldn't have foreseen prior to the slave contract.

So if one wants to talk about REALITY keep in mind that you don't live in a vacuum or on an island you own in international waters folks. You live in a greater community where you need to respect the laws or you may find yourself on the bad of them.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

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Post #: 64

RE: Slave versus Submissive - 5/13/2008 5:23:54 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Slaves are real, submissives are fake .

You really soooooooo confuse me.... at times.

(in reply to kittinSol)

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Post #: 65

RE: Slave versus Submissive - 5/13/2008 6:47:03 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

slaves slice more thinly into strips than submissives ...

some believe this is the lower density of limits, other have theorised it is because slave lack substance in some manner .. other believe that submissives are thicker than slaves, or than Dominats have less sophisticated knife skills than Masters

this is my considered opinion on the matter

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

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Post #: 66