RE: Shaping and Molding

RE: Shaping and Molding (Full Version)

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Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 10:43:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Owner, you didn't ask me, but I'll answer anyway. When you say someone needs "shaping and molding", to me, that screams that they are immature, naive, not street smart, less than intelligent, etc. Like a big smart man needs to come along and take a stupid woman and teach her how to be a functioning adult. I'm a grown woman, I'm fairly intelligent, I keep my own house, take care of my kids, work several jobs, balance my checkbook, etc., etc. I don't need a man to come along and change me into an ideal woman. I'm already an "ideal" woman for somebody, somewhere.... now I just have to get him to come and find me! Cali I can see and totally understand where you are coming from on this. Let's say, you have some hobby or interest though, that you've been constantly throwing on the back burner for whatever reasons. Perhaps something you've always wanted to do or explore, or some talent. Yet, you've been more less held back in doing so in previous relationships or whatever else. Along comes somebody who realizes that you've been selling yourself short in the personal growth department, and the encorage you to do these things. Perhaps these lines of reasoning might seem odd to you. Perhaps not.

CalifChick -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:10:12 AM)
But see, I don't view that as shaping or molding. I call it being a good friend, good partner, good whatever. It's what people do for each other. Cali

Dnomyar -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:13:48 AM)
Chicky how can someone find you in Cali if your going to Florida.?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:16:07 AM)
Whenever I see a profile offering a person ready to be "made into a perfect slave" or some dominant saying that he will mold someone into X, I just [:'(] for the reasons Cali offered. I am not anyone's mom. I do not want the kind of dynamic that says that I have to be Perfect Role Model for my sub that needs to be shaped into something other than what he or she started out as. Am I willing to help another person work on some life skill? Of course. Will I support their interests? Certainly. See what Cali said above.

CalifChick -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:25:05 AM)
Ray, it's a round trip ticket. It's not like peeps are pounding down my door to find me where I am now or anything. Sheesh. Cali

RCdc -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:33:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave For submissive/slave types; "What does being shaped and molded actually mean to you personally" It means that I would not be compatable with someone who wanted to do that and I would not consider a relationship with anyone who was into that kind of manipulation. the.dark. I'm rather curious as to why these words, have a negative meaning to you? Apart from yourself, who said I find them negative? They don't have negative meaning in themselves. If you see my reply from the personal perspective as you asked, as I said - if a person approached me stating that they wished to shape and mold me, then we would not be compatable. I am already a person. I do not have to be molded into anything to make me more compatable. I do have the realisation that I may not identify some points of me that could do with enhancement, but to be molded and shaped? No. Unless of course that comes from an objectification POV - but that is something entirely different. But your question was not specific to that - it was open so I am answering from the perspective of when a person approaches me from a one sided view. Dominants who approach with this suggestion and thought process would just not be compatable with me, and often do not realise that molding and shaping is both sides. Doesn't make it negative it is a compatability issue. I strongly believe that molding and shaping occurs over time, for both parties, not just the s-type - due to circumstances and to change. As a parent, taking your thoughts from a daddy dom perspective. I do not mold and shape my children - I open the doors for growth and for them to be both themselves and for their individual gifts to shine. I introduce my ethics and standards, but I encourage them to find their own. But then, I don't own them, I nurture them. I do not make them into what is best for me, but what is best for them - their growth is the priority, not what I want or like because it isn't all about me. the.dark.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:47:23 AM)
fast reply for us (Daddy and i), it means evolving into the person/woman/submissve i desire to be ...not what He wants me to be. He already knows i have the potential yet He's there guiding me towards that goal. ever since being His duaghter and submissive, i've been evolving gradually ...i'm definitely not the same person that i was almost 2yrs ago. i'm much stronger, have more self confidence and esteem about myself as well as i've expounded on my hidden talents.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:53:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave For all the Dom/mes out there; "What does shaping and molding somebody mean to you on a personal level" Depends on which boy you ask me about. With Fox, I am molding him into a more responsible happier boy. He is learning how to prioritize and take care of the important things that go on in his private life. Hopefully I am molding him into a better person. For Angel, it means turning him into what I want as opposed to what he was when I met him. Our relationship is based around the fact that I prefer him as a femenine pet rather than a masculine one. I am creating the person I want, keeping what I like of what he was when I met him and working on discarding the rest. This is what HE wants as well, so it isnt as bad as it sounds. His kink is to be broken down and recreated, destroyed to be rebuilt and I a more than happy to do it. DV

softness -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:53:16 AM)
I never used to like the idea that I was imperfect ... and so I was hostile to the notion fo being changed "shaped or molded" .. I used to be particularly snappy about suggestions I could be slimmed down. that has changed. I think maybe its a maturity thing, I think its also learning that just because some things need to change - it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with what is there .. just that things could be better I see it like this, we are all imperfect beings, we can all do with improvement. Now that improvement is best done by ourselves, we all know however how easy it is to find excuses for not getting something done - and self improvement is often on that list. Who better then than your trusted loved one to encourage that change, perhaps even direct it? In a healthy, positive well balanced relationship shaping and molding will most likely be improvement. Also, it isn't always just the submissive that changes, often the relationship can shape and mold the Dominant's behaviour (for instance into the habit of eating real food, rather than surviving on a diet of popcorn chicken and quadruple strength coffee) though this is likely to be a secondary/indirect effect. I need to be in a relationship where my Owner holds me to account for what I lack and guides me to improvement - that is the type of man I want to be around and share my life with. I look at shaping and molding as a positive thing - without it I wouldn't be losing weight and getting fit, or I would still be smoking, or I would still be sucking my thumb, or biting my nails, or suffering from low self esteem, or self doubt, without shaping and molding I would still be flailing around unfulfilled rather than having a clear, focussed and well thoughout out plan for my life that I am totally at peace with. Without being shaped and molded I would still be going to sleep at night with a vague sense of unease, that something was out of place or missing .. rather than ending the day smiling and looking forward to tomorrow. Sir has said to me often, I dont just want you - I want the highsest standard of you, the best version of you there can be. I am already a better person for having been trained, guided, shaped, molded .. whatever you want to call it ... it works for me .. and it is making me exceedingly content.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:54:18 AM)
quote: .... I am already a person. I do not have to be molded into anything to make me more compatable. I do have the realisation that I may not identify some points of me that could do with enhancement, but to be molded and shaped? No. Thank you for sharing... quote: Unless of course that comes from an objectification POV - but that is something entirely different. LOL... very true. quote: But your question was not specific to that - it was open so I am answering from the perspective of when a person approaches me from a one sided view. Dominants who approach with this suggestion and thought process would just not be compatable with me, and often do not realise that molding and shaping is both sides. Doesn't make it negative it is a compatability issue. Thank you again, and yes a compatability issue. I'm actually sitting here laughing, because it is so very true about it being both sides.. quote: I strongly believe that molding and shaping occurs over time, for both parties, not just the s-type - due to circumstances and to change. As a parent, taking your thoughts from a daddy dom perspective. I do not mold and shape my children - I open the doors for growth and for them to be both themselves and for their individual gifts to shine. I introduce my ethics and standards, but I encourage them to find their own. But then, I don't own them, I nurture them. I do not make them into what is best for me, but what is best for them - their growth is the priority, not what I want or like because it isn't all about me. the.dark. In terms of parenting of children I'm with you 100% on that one. In terms of Daddy Dom in D/s M/s relationships, more of subject of interest at hand here. The whole comparison and contrast to raising one UM's verses a D/s or M/s relationship. To be said, that this really is not about the raising of UM's but how the concepts applied to lifestyle relationships. Again, thank you for sharing.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 11:58:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness I never used to like the idea that I was imperfect ... and so I was hostile to the notion fo being changed "shaped or molded" .. I used to be particularly snappy about suggestions I could be slimmed down. that has changed. I think maybe its a maturity thing, I think its also learning that just because some things need to change - it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with what is there .. just that things could be better I see it like this, we are all imperfect beings, we can all do with improvement. Now that improvement is best done by ourselves, we all know however how easy it is to find excuses for not getting something done - and self improvement is often on that list. Who better then than your trusted loved one to encourage that change, perhaps even direct it? In a healthy, positive well balanced relationship shaping and molding will most likely be improvement. Also, it isn't always just the submissive that changes, often the relationship can shape and mold the Dominant's behaviour (for instance into the habit of eating real food, rather than surviving on a diet of popcorn chicken and quadruple strength coffee) though this is likely to be a secondary/indirect effect. I need to be in a relationship where my Owner holds me to account for what I lack and guides me to improvement - that is the type of man I want to be around and share my life with. I look at shaping and molding as a positive thing - without it I wouldn't be losing weight and getting fit, or I would still be smoking, or I would still be sucking my thumb, or biting my nails, or suffering from low self esteem, or self doubt, without shaping and molding I would still be flailing around unfulfilled rather than having a clear, focussed and well thoughout out plan for my life that I am totally at peace with. Without being shaped and molded I would still be going to sleep at night with a vague sense of unease, that something was out of place or missing .. rather than ending the day smiling and looking forward to tomorrow. Sir has said to me often, I dont just want you - I want the highsest standard of you, the best version of you there can be. I am already a better person for having been trained, guided, shaped, molded .. whatever you want to call it ... it works for me .. and it is making me exceedingly content. This is 100% dead on the money, to what I was trying to express! thank you!

SimplyMichael -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 12:08:17 PM)
When I had been in the scene a while but long before I became who I am now I had a dominant woman as a mentor. She claimed and I have some first person experience with the "results" (she did NOT do this to me, strictly a "mentor" relationship) with taking lesbians and molding them to enjoy men's cocks. Pretty intense molding and shaping if you ask me, now I did NOT get to see if this molding was permanent or more of "doing it for Mistress" sort of thing. We parted ways because I came to see some other things that I felt were not up to my ethical standards but people can be shaped rather extensively. To ME, I cannot imagine being in a relationship where I didn't mold and shape my partner. There are behaviors, tastes, preferences, desires I want to highten, eliminate, or modify to suit me. BSB understands this which is only one of the many reasons she is my partner. Remember, even the most beautiful rose needs careful pruning...

CreativeDominant -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 12:13:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness I never used to like the idea that I was imperfect ... and so I was hostile to the notion fo being changed "shaped or molded" .. I used to be particularly snappy about suggestions I could be slimmed down. that has changed. I think maybe its a maturity thing, I think its also learning that just because some things need to change - it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with what is there .. just that things could be better I see it like this, we are all imperfect beings, we can all do with improvement. Now that improvement is best done by ourselves, we all know however how easy it is to find excuses for not getting something done - and self improvement is often on that list. Who better then than your trusted loved one to encourage that change, perhaps even direct it? In a healthy, positive well balanced relationship shaping and molding will most likely be improvement. Also, it isn't always just the submissive that changes, often the relationship can shape and mold the Dominant's behaviour (for instance into the habit of eating real food, rather than surviving on a diet of popcorn chicken and quadruple strength coffee) though this is likely to be a secondary/indirect effect. I need to be in a relationship where my Owner holds me to account for what I lack and guides me to improvement - that is the type of man I want to be around and share my life with. I look at shaping and molding as a positive thing - without it I wouldn't be losing weight and getting fit, or I would still be smoking, or I would still be sucking my thumb, or biting my nails, or suffering from low self esteem, or self doubt, without shaping and molding I would still be flailing around unfulfilled rather than having a clear, focussed and well thoughout out plan for my life that I am totally at peace with. Without being shaped and molded I would still be going to sleep at night with a vague sense of unease, that something was out of place or missing .. rather than ending the day smiling and looking forward to tomorrow. Sir has said to me often, I dont just want you - I want the highsest standard of you, the best version of you there can be. I am already a better person for having been trained, guided, shaped, molded .. whatever you want to call it ... it works for me .. and it is making me exceedingly content. I couldn't agree with Owner's assessment of this any more. This was nicely said and expresses my way of looking at it. Before I start, I am going to use the following disclaimer. If you are sensitive to words, understand that I am not trying to offend someone with the use of a specific word. If you don't like or you disagree with my idea, then I can go from there. But to pick one word out of something I say is not something I am going to fight about. Since getting into D/s, I have tried to pick someone who lines up with what I want in the first place. But since I see submission partially as something that is to be guided and nurtured, then that involves shaping and molding. Do I realize that, in helping my submissive to be the best that they want to be and to be the most pleasing to me, I am also being shaped and molded in my actions? Yes. Do I realize that her gratitude, love, affection, positive response to my training also helps to shape and mold me? Yes. I see nothing wrong with the terms used...training, shaping, molding...and I see no reason why age should be a barrier to either being the trainer/shaper/molder or the trainee/shaped-molded one. Thought process? Yes, I can see where that would be a barrier but here is where being upfront about what is going to happen and what things you would like to have happen AND being patient, understanding and communicative really comes into play. It seems that some people resent certain terms right from the onset..."training", "shaping and molding", "discipline", "punishment", etc.. While I agree that there are terms that can strike you at a base level, if you never hear what a person means by it when they use it, then your distate for the term comes from past experiences...I find that a bit ironic, given how often we see it stated on here that communication is a big factor in most D/s dynamics, that we don't communicate with a person about a "new" term introduced into conversation before we automatically assume that we know what that person means by it.

gypsygrl -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 12:20:40 PM)
quote: "What does being shaped and molded actually mean to you personally" I guess I look at it in terms of 'influence.' If I were involved with a d-type s/he would be the primary influence on my life. This, not just on how I act but how I think and feel. That influence would be more or less deep depending on the relationship. For a long time, I wasn't sure how far such an influence could go. I was pretty sure I was already 'done' and could only change externalities (I'm 41 years old. Development's over!). I didn't think a d could enact a major characterological transformation, say turn an fundamentally honest person into a dishonest one. Recently, I caught a glimpse into the abyss and am pretty sure its at least possible. But, I think, as others have mentioned, thats where 'shaping and molding' fades into 'breaking.'

DominantJenny -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 12:22:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Owner, you didn't ask me, but I'll answer anyway. When you say someone needs "shaping and molding", to me, that screams that they are immature, naive, not street smart, less than intelligent, etc. Like a big smart man needs to come along and take a stupid woman and teach her how to be a functioning adult. I'm a grown woman, I'm fairly intelligent, I keep my own house, take care of my kids, work several jobs, balance my checkbook, etc., etc. I don't need a man to come along and change me into an ideal woman. I'm already an "ideal" woman for somebody, somewhere.... now I just have to get him to come and find me! Cali Emphasis added...because my response is...are you? Really? Completely someone's ideal, with nothing they might want to change even a little? I suppose it's possible that someone in the universe wants me exactly as I am (although how I am now is not how I was 10 years ago, which is another point...and I've been with one man that whole time)...Now, I molded and shaped myself, because I'm a dominant personality...but I based that molding and shaping on what was best for him and our relationship. So it's really just a trick of perspective. Have I molded and shaped him? Well, he was vanilla, never a kinky thought in his head, till after we were married and I realized living this was possible and came out to him about it. Fortunately, he was willing to give it a shot. So, yes, I have shaped and molded far more than a lot of people, actually. Did I do it in such a way that it was disrespectful to him, to who he was or who he became? No...at least, neither he nor I think so. Did I do it in such a way that it harmed him? He doesn't think so, but his mother might disagree if she knew! Do I continue, even now, to work on the fine details of shaping and molding him into as close to my ideal as it is possible for him to be? Yes...and he works with me to shape and mold himself, too. I'd rather do all this shaping and molding with someone I love wildly, deeply and completely (even WITH his flaws, though that doesn't mean I don't want to change them if I can!) than push that person away because in this way or that he didn't automatically meet my ideal.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 12:27:12 PM)
For me it doesn't mean changing who I am just "training" me to be his slave. He can't change my personality or who I am in general but can teach me to serve him in the way he wants. Which is definitely something that should be discussed prior to engaging in a relationship with that person.

softness -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 12:32:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave This is 100% dead on the money, to what I was trying to express! thank you! You're welcome smiles

laura2161 -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 12:58:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave For submissive/slave types; "What does being shaped and molded actually mean to you personally" You know, I actually have something about this in my profile. I wrote more or less that I hope the Man that finds me does not want to mold me into someone new, that I am who I am. I also mention that change for the better and learning new things is always good. When someone tells me they want to 'mold' me, it does have a negative connotation with me. What I hear, is that I am not acceptable the way I am, and he therefore has to mold me into someone different to be with him. Something I have learned from this thread tho, is that is does mean different things to different people and the next time a man tells me he wants to mold me, I will ask explicitly what he means before thinking the worst.

kiwisub12 -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 1:14:43 PM)
Shaping and moulding is something i do to jello (jelly for British/Australian/New Zealanders). I force it to accept my shape choice. For me, i willingly accept what my Sir wants. Is that shaping and moulding? For one thing , it is a conscious decision on my part to participate in this activity. Shaping and moulding seems to have (in my thoughts) an unconscious element to it, that the shape and mouldee will be moulded wheither they want it or not, and a feeling that it is something that one does to an inanimate or less-than- human intelligent creature. My Sir may be able to knock some edges off, but i don't think i am going to morph into a new shape at this stage in my life. I feel that he is more about bringing out in me what is already there. Sort of like coaxing a bud to bloom, of bringing to fruition a possibility or potential. I realise that both of these ideas are about the same, but the bring out what is already there seems more positive to me than moulding me into what he wants. Ah well, now i have talked about fruit and jello, i need to go eat something. Or maybe an cup of tea, or something......

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Shaping and Molding (5/20/2008 1:23:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laura2161 quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave For submissive/slave types; "What does being shaped and molded actually mean to you personally" You know, I actually have something about this in my profile. I wrote more or less that I hope the Man that finds me does not want to mold me into someone new, that I am who I am. I also mention that change for the better and learning new things is always good. When someone tells me they want to 'mold' me, it does have a negative connotation with me. What I hear, is that I am not acceptable the way I am, and he therefore has to mold me into someone different to be with him. Something I have learned from this thread tho, is that is does mean different things to different people and the next time a man tells me he wants to mold me, I will ask explicitly what he means before thinking the worst. I've recently come to understand that it carries negative weight and connotation with others, as well. I suspect in part because of past negative experiences. I hate to cast generalizations at times, because not everybody will fit into generalizations so well. But I tend to find two schools of thinking that Dom/mes follow when it comes to dealing with submissives. One school, is the I'm gonna break you down (literally) and make you nothing and rebuild you however I want line of thinking. The Other School, is I'm going to take who you are and help shape make you a better person and submissive, breaking the submissive of bad things, and nurturing more positive things aspects. I hate to Generalize two schools of thinking here, because there are always exceptions and things somewhere inbetween.

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