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Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 5:34:10 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		"I don't need you"... said in the right tone can be the most hurtful of phrases.  Then again, I've heard some say, in the most complimentary of ways, that "you aren't needed... you are wanted."

Recent threads have got me to thinking about how we view the concept be being needed and wanted.  It almost seems to be a given that submissives are expected to need someone to be submissive to... someone to serve.  Yet I've not seen many discussions on the inherent need of dominants for someone to dominate.  In a way, it appears that dominants are expected to be self-sustaining and needing no one.

Do you feel this is true?  Do you need to be wanted or needed, or is it something you merely want?  Do you prefer to be wanted or needed?  Do you feel that it is affected by your orientation (i.e. dominant, switch or submissive)?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 5:40:27 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I would rather be wanted. Need to me implies an abnormal or "broken" feeling.   Want is from a healthy perspective in that they can live with out me , but choose not to . Need feels co-dependent, as if i have to be able to make the other happy - which is so  not my job.

I had a relationship where the other said i didn't need him. My counterclaim was that i wanted him and that was so much better. He didn't understand.  We split.

I "need" food.
I "want" love.
I "need" shelter.
I "want" my Sir.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 5:43:17 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Do you feel this is true?  Do you need to be wanted or needed, or is it something you merely want?  Do you prefer to be wanted or needed?  Do you feel that it is affected by your orientation (i.e. dominant, switch or submissive)?



I have no desire to be Needed for the Well-being of my girls... I have every desire to be Wanted for the Enhancement of the Well-being of my girls.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 5:49:06 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Do you feel this is true?  Do you need to be wanted or needed, or is it something you merely want?  Do you prefer to be wanted or needed?  Do you feel that it is affected by your orientation (i.e. dominant, switch or submissive)?



I have no desire to be Needed for the Well-being of my girls... I have every desire to be Wanted for the Enhancement of the Well-being of my girls.


But do you feel it is need that you have someone to dominate, or is it merely a want for you? 

I guess what I'm getting at is purpose... does dominating someone fulfill a need within you, or would you be completely content without alandra, kyra or anyone else to dominate?

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 5:50:57 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline 		Need is where something is necessary to have the life we want or are living.  Want is that you desire something, whether you need it or not.  I think everyone wants a good relationship, but may not need it right now.  I think if someone wants a happy family, etc. then they need the right person for that (good person, share comon interests and goals, values you and the relationship, willing and able to work on the right things, compatibility).  Whether they want the right person, depends on them.  You know, we all know the people who always want the wrong people...

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 5:57:01 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		This is a bit of a personal mind bender for me, because I've been asking myself a few questions lately that relate to this.

This is longest period of time in the last 16 years, that I've been single.  Meaning that I've not been in a 24/7 live in relationship.

In many regards this has been a major adjustment for me.  16 years of Symbiotic living for the most part.   There is Symbiotic nothingness at the momemt.  Big readjustments, and it's not always easy. 

Basically, got into the whole routine and being wanted and needed, and in wanting and needing somebody type of stuff. 

OK, it's a little new and different.  At times loney, peaceful, still a strange empty feeling, I miss many things, many things I don't miss.  

I don't think this has anything to do with being a DOM per se, it's a more natural human thing.  Sure there are moments when I just have the Burning desire to DOM use somebody!  But that's just sexual or kinky frustration.  Same said for a single submissive who misses the sexual or kinky play aspects.  

I know I miss the Symbiotic aspects because I got so used to things.  However, I am doing ok, single.  I don't honestly need somebody, I want somebody.  But just not anybody either. 

Hope this some how makes sense...

EDITED: There are moments I miss of just being together with somebody, affection.  Moments of missing the presence of somebody in bed.   Moments of missing so many things it's not funny.  Just wanted to add to this post.  More thoughts and depth of what it is I miss at times.

< Message edited by Owner4SexSlave -- 5/20/2008 6:00:32 PM >

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 5:58:16 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

But do you feel it is need that you have someone to dominate, or is it merely a want for you? 


There is no feel here.. no more than I feel hungry... I eat and I don't feel hunger anymore  In time I get hungry again and will eat.

Now to eat is to fill a need...but... My choice of what I eat is exercising a want.

It the same way with my intimate relationships.  I need to be Dominant in the relationship for it to be viable.  But.. I choose who and how this will occur is an exercise of my want.


quote:


I guess what I'm getting at is purpose... does dominating someone fulfill a need within you, or would you be completely content without alandra, kyra or anyone else to dominate?


I could Dominant anyone else and this would feed the need... just like eating food would sedate the hunger... But it is fulfillment of the Wants that cause my life to thrive and be enhanced.

Frankly... fulfilling needs is rather easy.....it's the wants that I see so many struggle with.  To me.. people seek to thrive in there daily life... fulfillment of needs don't cause a person to thrive only exist.. it's our wants that bring the sweetest juices. 

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 6:04:36 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		There is a fine line between being `wanted` and being `needed`. 
Both are things that speak to Me but I've learned too much of either is a bad thing. 
On the flip side of that many times I go over board in an attempt not to need or want, which creates it's own set of issues.


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 6:34:39 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I don't need anyone who is going to be a detriment to my life and enjoyment.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 6:49:49 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Do you feel this is true?  Do you need to be wanted or needed, or is it something you merely want?  Do you prefer to be wanted or needed?  Do you feel that it is affected by your orientation (i.e. dominant, switch or submissive)?



I prefer to be wanted, although there are various ways of interpreting what "need" means.  I have both needed and wanted my Master, for various reasons.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 7:14:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm pretty sure I'm co dependent- I want him to want me, I want him to at least need me for his sense of fulfillment in the relationship, and I certainly know that I need him for mine.  It has often scared me with the idea of that ending.  I supposed I'd survive, but it's really a darkness I take no pleasure contemplating so I really just don't.

And I'm ok with knowing that I may be that co-dependent.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 7:35:11 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		want and need...sometimes they seem to go hand-in-paw, really.  i need to be wanted, i want to be needed.   TheEngineer is absolutely capable of running his own home.  he doesnt have to have me there,

but he seems to think that i'll make his life better if i AM there.  he knows he can trust me to keep things going when he has to go out of town, he knows that i will be a pleasing companion to him, and he's very happy that my libido and his are on a very compatible level.  his "need" for me is against being lonely...and a result of the long friendship we've had that makes us think we have a good chance to make this work.

he understands my insecurities, and encourages me to grow my strengths.

Daddy is happy that i'm going to where i'm wanted and needed and loved, although he's very sad about me not being here, where he wants and needs and loves me,

you cant have everything you want...but i am wanted and needed and loved, and will continue to be so.

kitten, at a stalled place in the packing and in the less-than-a-month-away till moving mindset

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 7:40:38 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I would want to be wanted ,  and would "need" to feel wanted if I am going to be in a relationship

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 7:42:13 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		My Daddy has told me a few times....He needs to be wanted ....and wants to be needed....And I do.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 7:46:58 PM   
TermsConditions


Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		I am needed. The catbox will always need to be cleaned. Stuck jar lids will always need to be opened. Some tasks will always be too odious or expensive to contract out.

I am wanted, when I am needed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

"I don't need you"... said in the right tone can be the most hurtful of phrases.  Then again, I've heard some say, in the most complimentary of ways, that "you aren't needed... you are wanted."

Recent threads have got me to thinking about how we view the concept be being needed and wanted.  It almost seems to be a given that submissives are expected to need someone to be submissive to... someone to serve.  Yet I've not seen many discussions on the inherent need of dominants for someone to dominate.  In a way, it appears that dominants are expected to be self-sustaining and needing no one.

Do you feel this is true?  Do you need to be wanted or needed, or is it something you merely want?  Do you prefer to be wanted or needed?  Do you feel that it is affected by your orientation (i.e. dominant, switch or submissive)?



_____________________________

TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 7:56:40 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		i'm needed, i'd rather be wanted... if i were wanted, i'm sure i'd rather be needed. 'S the way things work 

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 8:16:44 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		i want bigger boobs
i need money for that
i want a vacation
i need a place to go
i want to have sex
i need a miracle for that



_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 9:20:51 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		needs are the function of a want.

if i want to live, i need food, i need water, etc, etc.
if i want to be happy, there will  be needs to meet in order to accomplish that.

yet no one needs to live, or to be happy as a default; needs always serves as a means to fulfill a desire.

when i think of how "i want to be needed", what i'm really lingering on is the hope that in them wanting to be happy, i will be what they need in order to be so. 

i don't want to be a mere convenience any more or less than i want to be an absolute necessity, i simply want to be wanted, and that's what i need to be happy~

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 5/20/2008 9:23:17 PM >

_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 9:37:01 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Do you need to be wanted or needed, or is it something you merely want?  Do you prefer to be wanted or needed?  Do you feel that it is affected by your orientation (i.e. dominant, switch or submissive)?


I do not NEED to be wanted or needed, but I strongly prefer it. I desire my boys to need me. I desire them to be dependant on me, while I am not dependant on them. I do not want to be dependant on anyone. I already know the boys want me, they wouldnt stick around so long if they didnt. Fox needs me, for sure. Angel is starting to learn that he does as well.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Needing or Wanting to be Needed or Wanted... - 5/20/2008 9:43:00 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To me, a person can be wanted for a variety of reasons..and possibly not necessarily in the way we may prefer..To be needed is also dependant upon the need ,and the person who is in need...In a relationship dynamic..I wish to first be wanted, and after a deep bond develops, I wish to be forever needed as well...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)
Profile   Post #: 20
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