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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 2:05:56 PM

HizBabyGirl

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I did not say I was happy with the phone sex. Please tell me where I said that? I said I wanted a total relationship.

You can't read well I guess.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 2:07:57 PM

HizBabyGirl

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Joined: 8/28/2007
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I don't know about the vampiric thing, but I guess in my heart I know he is a loser. I must have a magnet somewhere in my body for losers as I certainly do attract them easily enough.

Thank you kindly for your thoughts.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 2:16:01 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

I don't know about the vampiric thing, but I guess in my heart I know he is a loser. I must have a magnet somewhere in my body for losers as I certainly do attract them easily enough.

Thank you kindly for your thoughts.

Listen to your heart, it sounds wise.

We all attract losers, but the mistake is in granting their every wish and fantasy BEFORE you find out they're losers, and keeping them around and hoping they'll change when you realize they are losers. Slow down and take your time before you start having cybersex, roleplay sex, phone sex, naked webcam, etc. The losers will disappear if they don't get it from you, and you'll have a better chance of being left with the winners, who are guys who are interested in you as a person, not as a wanker call.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 2:33:23 PM

whoislikeMichael

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Joined: 4/16/2008
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quote:

I don't know about the vampiric thing, but I guess in my heart I know he is a loser. I must have a magnet somewhere in my body for losers as I certainly do attract them easily enough.

Thank you kindly for your thoughts.

HizBabyGirl

BabyGirl,

While a lot of questions remain one thing stands certain. As many posters here have already attested to it is most unwise to proceed into a relationship when your gut is telling you to run for the hills. Make no mistake, submissives (slave or not) carry a quiet dignity into their service. Kink is all about choice even if you ultimately choose to give another "control" over you. Such control, SSC or RACK, entails the willingness for one to give it and the willingness for another to accept it.

My suggestion is take a step back, look, listen, discuss with mature, trusted ones in kink, and then allow some time to pass before you offer yourself to ANYONE. Life won't pass you by by doing this but the risk involved with an online or telephony "Dom" makes it all the more critical you stay out of harm's way.

My alpha slave (switch/Domme) is very learned, very experienced, and very empathetic. If you wish, contact Me via profile and I'll hook you up w/her online. Or at the very least, LISTEN to what the vast majority have said concerning you and Mr. Dom. We all could be wrong, of course-- He could be the most giving, loving benevolent SOB for you. I'm simply saying the consensus should be a huge red flag for you.

Be well,

-Michael

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 6:05:02 PM

kyraofMists

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I can't answer whether you should go or not. That is a decision for you to make and I suspect you have already made it.

What I can say is that it is entirely possible to be a slave, a friend, a lover, a confidant, etc. with the same person. I know because that is the relationship that he, Alandra and I have with each other. If that is what you want in your relationship then do not settle for less.

However, don't expect that you can have that type of relationship with just any dominant. And just because he isn't the right match for you doesn't make him a bad person. He just isn't right for you.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/23/2008 8:50:22 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
However, don't expect that you can have that type of relationship with just any dominant. And just because he isn't the right match for you doesn't make him a bad person. He just isn't right for you.

Nor does that make you a bad or inadequate person because you don't want such a Dominant.

Finding the right person is difficult... both have to agree.... it takes two to tango so to speak. It is not a bad thing if one says Yes and another says No to starting or ending a relationship. For a relationship to be successful.. it has to be Win Win... both saying Yes. I don't consider it wrong or bad for aperson to say No. It might be sad .. It might be difficult... but in the end... I think it is important that people make choices towards their individual happiness and not just existing for someone else's happiness. I don't think existing for someone else's happiness at the expense of ones own happiness is never a good thing in the long run.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 2:26:24 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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You know what you want in a relationship. You know this guy isn't supplying what you want in a relationship. He is dangling the 'need you / marry you' like a carrot.... do you really want to the donkey he's dangling it for?

Sometimes it hurts to be alone. During those times it's natural to second-guess our needs and think we should maybe lower our expectations in order to not feel alone. There are better ways to chase away the lonlies. And there's a huge difference between lowering ones criteria and broadening ones criteria.

Best wishes to you. my advice? don't go.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 3:37:54 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
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I am sorry, but I couldn't possibly advise you on whether you should go to meet this fellow or if you are wasting your time, but your original question in the subject line is a bit more answerable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

Am I looking/expecting the impossible?

In a word, yes, but please bear with me as I explain why I believe that is so...

quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

... I'm a very "touchy feely" kind of person, physically and with words/emotions. I like to talk and share my feelings. I want a dom who likes to do the same.

I can relate to your wanting someone that you can talk to and share with on an emotional level. I don't believe that desire is anything particularly unusual but I do think it is unlikely you will find that type of dom. It is rare to find a man who likes to talk much about his own feelings, but it is even rarer to find one willing to really listen to someone else talk about theirs. It can happen and I'm sure there are plenty of doms here who will step in to protest that "true" doms are very interested in learning the emotional state and well-being of their property, but I believe there is a fundamental difference in what men feel is adequate knowledge and discussion and what women want.

Thing is, in a male dominant/female submissive relationship, the man is going to expect his wishes will be the ones that win out. Go figure, eh? As a submissive, you need to realize you aren't going to get your way in this. While you might find a man who truly is interested in keeping track of your emotional state, you probably won't be able to discuss your feelings to your heart's content. Develop some female submissive friendships where you can all enjoy reveling in your feelings for hours on end or keep a journal where you can pour your heart out, but don't expect your dominant to make you the center of his attention like that.

With this particular dom, he has already shown that he does not like to talk and share feelings. You cannot change him no matter how much you wish for him to be the dom of your dreams.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

Well, I want both, I want a master/daddy who will be just that with me but also be loving and nurturing and I thought I made that clear in my profile ... But though I have told him I want things like just notes, quick ones, to say hi or whatever, they never happen. The email I send him rarely gets any response. He calls me maybe once a week and it seems he wants help getting off (sexually).

Funny thing about dominants... they are somewhat self-centered and want what they want. They're really bad about following instructions, too. Can you imagine?

The trick is finding a dominant who wants the same things that you want. Just be prepared to accept that it may take some time to figure out if your wants are truly in accord.

Think of it this way... if a man says he wants to buy a new car and you say you want to buy a new car, it may seem that you are in agreement. But it might turn out that his idea of a new car is a previously owned, souped up pick-up truck and your idea is a brand new four-dour sedan. Remember, men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

It would probably be helpful for you to realize that it is doubtful that any dominant is going to give your the amount of attention that you crave. Shoot for the stars, but be ready to be happy with the moon.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

Every time I try to talk about emotional needs he gets exasperated. He's always either sick, busy, worried, tired.

"Again with the talking, woman? Shut up and suck my dick."

Sound familiar?

I'm sorry, sweetheart, but men can be like that. You can carefully explain to them that you want a deep and emotional relationship, and they are like, "Oh yeah... absolutely, so do I. Now suck my dick."

Bad part about it is that when you take on a man who is also a dominant, they expect you to put up with it.

I don't mean to sound so blunt and cruel. I really am sympathetic to your desires. But I do believe your expectations will lead you to many disappointments.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 3:48:37 AM

VenerableHouse

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/5/2008
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quote:

The email I send him rarely gets any response. He calls me maybe once a week and it seems he wants help getting off (sexually)

Never make someone a priority when they only view you as an option.

If this feels so wrong now it won't likely get better. Go with your gut.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 4:46:50 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

I "met" this guy online and he says he is a dom and he wants to be my dom.

But it has not had the right feel to it.

Now, we have not gotten together yet,

He says he wants to collar me and eventually marry me.

The email I send him rarely gets any response. He calls me maybe once a week and it seems he wants help getting off (sexually).

Tonight he said he wants me and we need to get together. (He lives about 800 miles from me).

Run.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 7:11:42 AM

julietsierra

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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Y'know what? I'm going to be the opposite of everyone else. Go. Meet the guy. Really.

You've got red flags galore waving in the wind.
You've asked for opinions and people have said in droves "run"
You've qualified and quantified your first post
You've made sure we all know what you're "sure" we misunderstood (oh yea...cause we can't read)
You've admitted that he's probably a loser and that you feel like a loser magnet.
And still you are going on about the possibility of relocating because you have the freedom to do that."

So go!

Nothing anyone says here is inducing you to change your mind. Nothing this man has said/hasn't said/has done/had failed to do has convinced you that you two aren't the right kind of match - even though you're saying it really seems like you're not. There's something inside of you that for some reason is holding out hope even though you say you know there are some significant differences in how you each approach relationships - differences you say matter. (Or, as my mom would say, "desperation can make coal look like diamonds.) Furthermore, nothing anyone can say WILL help you to see what is blatantly clear from what you've told us - because you don't want to look at it.

So go.

See for yourself. Make sure you're as safe as you can be in a place where you know no one while someone you've never met before who doesn't know you at all other than your conversations and the sound of your orgasms over the phone deludes you with promises of collarings and marriage, and oh yea... approaches you with the full expectation that you two will make what happened on the phone a fact face to face because you've allowed him that intimacy before - even if he wasn't right there.

Yep.. no real introductory conversations, no time spent getting to know you (the real you, not just how he's imagined you to be over the phone) - no chance for you to get to know the real him (verses how you've imagined him to be over the phone)... just the process of going from "hi. nice to finally meet you" to sexual situations (cause well, there IS 800 miles between you both and time is of the essence).

And when it's all done with and hopefully, you're home, you can come back here and tell us how you feel about him then. Cause if he doesn't match with you when you're conversing, just why do you think he's suddenly going to become all you've been looking for just because you're in front of one another.

But I'm curious. If you are already dissatisfied with his lack of "touchy feely" inclinations and you've never even met; if he isn't already contacting you more adequately by your standards while he's in pursuit of you (always a more intense time than any other) just how're you going to handle it when he's had you and that intensity has mellowed and he contacts you even less? How're you going to handle it when his lack of touchy feely begins to feel like rejection?

Have a great time.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 5/24/2008 7:41:42 AM >

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 9:23:44 AM

azropedntied

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Ya know in this day of cyber dating love safety seems to get tossed out the window , a parade of red flags go waving by with the band playing and your still not sure ..!?Go out and rent strange land , or if you like the phrase " it puts the lotion on its skin " there is always silence of the lambs . Follow the advice given when asked walk away , run away whatever just get A way ,press ignore and move on .

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 2:01:47 PM

HizBabyGirl

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I did not say I would accept his collar or his "marriage". I said it would depend on how we got on together. But yes, most men IMO, run from talk of marriage.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 2:03:15 PM

HizBabyGirl

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I don't know about psychological point of view, but from my experience, as i said above, I find it differnent (strange).

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 2:04:28 PM

HizBabyGirl

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Never said I didn't want to go. I asked for opinions on whether or not it was wise/useless/futile/possibility to go.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 2:06:01 PM

HizBabyGirl

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Thank you, although I'm not sure what you meant by

Does not appear tp me your looking for nor expecting to...much.

Why wouldn`t anyone...

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 2:10:43 PM

HizBabyGirl

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Those are my feelings in a perfect world. The fact is, though, I am not getting any younger and I really don't want to think about never finding someone special

However, in my heart of hearts, I am not willing to be with an abusive person (been there, done that, twice) (and isn't ignoring someone's needs and desires abusive, when he puts his first) nor do I want to be with someone I can't stand and I think I know in my mind that I would soon find myself not liking him.

I cannot understand why, when I feel I have a great deal to give (a truthful person, honest, who wants many of the same sexual desires as the rest of us here, someone who could be faithful) I fail continually to find the right person.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 2:12:37 PM

HizBabyGirl

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That is what a male friend of mine tells me, to respect myself enough to expect more. I think you are right. There is a part of me that thinks that is impossible since my entire life until now I have not met (deserved?) that, so why would I think it would happen now, when I am getting older and not nearly as attractive?

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 2:16:17 PM

HizBabyGirl

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Thank you for taking the time to reply. I think you are right. I will probably not end up going, almost certainly. your words give my thoughts merit.

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RE: Am I looking/expecting the impossible? - 5/24/2008 2:19:36 PM

HizBabyGirl

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I think you are right. The last relationship I was in two years ago comes to mind now (and yes, red flags are appearing, now I need to heed them). Its starting to sound very similar, these two. Two years ago the one I was with did not like being physically close (no cuddling) except during sex. If I accidentally touched him at night he got angry, even if it was an accident, he would say tha† it wasn't but that I was trying to "fuck" with him, now this one sounds very similar.

Do I have a damn sign on my back that says all losers line up here?

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