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ORIGINAL: whoislikeMichael

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I don't know about the vampiric thing, but I guess in my heart I know he is a loser. I must have a magnet somewhere in my body for losers as I certainly do attract them easily enough.

Thank you kindly for your thoughts.

HizBabyGirl

BabyGirl,

While a lot of questions remain one thing stands certain. As many posters here have already attested to it is most unwise to proceed into a relationship when your gut is telling you to run for the hills. Make no mistake, submissives (slave or not) carry a quiet dignity into their service. Kink is all about choice even if you ultimately choose to give another "control" over you. Such control, SSC or RACK, entails the willingness for one to give it and the willingness for another to accept it.

My suggestion is take a step back, look, listen, discuss with mature, trusted ones in kink, and then allow some time to pass before you offer yourself to ANYONE. Life won't pass you by by doing this but the risk involved with an online or telephony "Dom" makes it all the more critical you stay out of harm's way.

My alpha slave (switch/Domme) is very learned, very experienced, and very empathetic. If you wish, contact Me via profile and I'll hook you up w/her online. Or at the very least, LISTEN to what the vast majority have said concerning you and Mr. Dom. We all could be wrong, of course-- He could be the most giving, loving benevolent SOB for you. I'm simply saying the consensus should be a huge red flag for you.

Be well,

-Michael

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
However, don't expect that you can have that type of relationship with just any dominant. And just because he isn't the right match for you doesn't make him a bad person. He just isn't right for you.

Nor does that make you a bad or inadequate person because you don't want such a Dominant.

Finding the right person is difficult... both have to agree.... it takes two to tango so to speak. It is not a bad thing if one says Yes and another says No to starting or ending a relationship. For a relationship to be successful.. it has to be Win Win... both saying Yes. I don't consider it wrong or bad for aperson to say No. It might be sad .. It might be difficult... but in the end... I think it is important that people make choices towards their individual happiness and not just existing for someone else's happiness. I don't think existing for someone else's happiness at the expense of ones own happiness is never a good thing in the long run.

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ORIGINAL: eyesopened

You know what you want in a relationship. You know this guy isn't supplying what you want in a relationship. He is dangling the 'need you / marry you' like a carrot.... do you really want to the donkey he's dangling it for?

Sometimes it hurts to be alone. During those times it's natural to second-guess our needs and think we should maybe lower our expectations in order to not feel alone. There are better ways to chase away the lonlies. And there's a huge difference between lowering ones criteria and broadening ones criteria.

Best wishes to you. my advice? don't go.

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ORIGINAL: VenerableHouse

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The email I send him rarely gets any response. He calls me maybe once a week and it seems he wants help getting off (sexually)

Never make someone a priority when they only view you as an option.

If this feels so wrong now it won't likely get better. Go with your gut.

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Y'know what? I'm going to be the opposite of everyone else. Go. Meet the guy. Really.

You've got red flags galore waving in the wind.
You've asked for opinions and people have said in droves "run"
You've qualified and quantified your first post
You've made sure we all know what you're "sure" we misunderstood (oh yea...cause we can't read)
You've admitted that he's probably a loser and that you feel like a loser magnet.
And still you are going on about the possibility of relocating because you have the freedom to do that."

So go!

Nothing anyone says here is inducing you to change your mind. Nothing this man has said/hasn't said/has done/had failed to do has convinced you that you two aren't the right kind of match - even though you're saying it really seems like you're not. There's something inside of you that for some reason is holding out hope even though you say you know there are some significant differences in how you each approach relationships - differences you say matter. (Or, as my mom would say, "desperation can make coal look like diamonds.) Furthermore, nothing anyone can say WILL help you to see what is blatantly clear from what you've told us - because you don't want to look at it.

So go.

See for yourself. Make sure you're as safe as you can be in a place where you know no one while someone you've never met before who doesn't know you at all other than your conversations and the sound of your orgasms over the phone deludes you with promises of collarings and marriage, and oh yea... approaches you with the full expectation that you two will make what happened on the phone a fact face to face because you've allowed him that intimacy before - even if he wasn't right there.

Yep.. no real introductory conversations, no time spent getting to know you (the real you, not just how he's imagined you to be over the phone) - no chance for you to get to know the real him (verses how you've imagined him to be over the phone)... just the process of going from "hi. nice to finally meet you" to sexual situations (cause well, there IS 800 miles between you both and time is of the essence).

And when it's all done with and hopefully, you're home, you can come back here and tell us how you feel about him then. Cause if he doesn't match with you when you're conversing, just why do you think he's suddenly going to become all you've been looking for just because you're in front of one another.

But I'm curious. If you are already dissatisfied with his lack of "touchy feely" inclinations and you've never even met; if he isn't already contacting you more adequately by your standards while he's in pursuit of you (always a more intense time than any other) just how're you going to handle it when he's had you and that intensity has mellowed and he contacts you even less? How're you going to handle it when his lack of touchy feely begins to feel like rejection?

Have a great time.

juliet

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

HisBabyGirl, you don't have a sign on your head that attracts them... but it does seem you have offered an invitation. Look, I can understand that getting older and not wanting to be alone, but when a guy who isn't honorable can see this, he has an open invitation in your need for that final goal and will use it to get what he wants. There are those that will prey upon others when they see a weakness and it is a weakness if feeling the way you do, you seek and don't remember past lessons in life. He can only get away with what you allow him to.

Step back, think about it... while you are wasting time with a guy who is clearly taking advantage, you could be missing out on a great guy! You suffer the aloneness... it hurts... it's hard... but think of how hard it is if you accept less than what you are worth? You spend time with this bad one or another and find yourself even older and still alone. Might as well stick it out now and not waste that time.

Getting involved with other things is no replacement for a loving relationship and keeping busy is in my opinion, a stalling tactic, but you can get sick and tired of the game and for your own sake find a way to handle that alone and dim look at the future. How about looking around or doing a search to see how many do find that love of a lifetime when they are older and everything is sagging? Love is not a numbers game and age is not a limitation. I know many who have found love after the wrinkles and sags set in. Find ways to fill your life with laughter and stop focusing on the need to have someone and the fear of not having someone. Set your expectations high and one day... it will all fall into place. Stop thinking that it could be too late, because that isn't true!

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ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

Thank you. I think you are right, that many dominants believe that because they are the dominant that you will bend to their wishes, even if it means abandoning your own needs.

I need to be very careful not to give myself to someone like that because I think it would always end in resentment for me.

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ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

I suppose the thing that gave me hope of finding someone like that is because I did find someone like that. Unfortunately, before we met, he was introduced to another who captured his heart.