Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Release request denied


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Release request denied Page: <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Release request denied - 5/26/2008 9:28:09 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

Thanks for your honesty.

We did agree on a monogomous relationship - if He wanted to play with another He just had to be open about it. It was not place to make those decisions. That being said, He also wnated a tradition partnrship, marriage and children, in which case i think i have the right to be upset at his seeking other realtionships.

i did say forever, as a submissive. When i talk about lonliness or coming here to ask the question i originally posed, it was about my submission. i have no issues with seeking and living a nilla life and partnership, he was cheating.

i do not want to lose my 'honour' , for want of a better word, in the community. If it is felt that i have done the wrong thing setting up a profile and seeking a new D/s relationship, like marrying again when already married, because i gave my word and He wont give it back to me, then i will remove it. BDSM is an important part of my life - i dont want to give it up, but will if it is the right thing to do.




Well, personally I do not feel you would lose any honor..the BDSM community?..bah humbug..!! do what is right for you and let the community do what is right for them...If an agreement of monogamy was made then he broke with the agreement thus invalidating the relationship or even his ability to refuse your release..And IMO his honor is in question, not yours...by staying you are in essence giving permission for him to take monogamy off the agreement....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Release request denied - 5/26/2008 9:54:28 PM   
SleepyDom


Posts: 118
Status: offline 		There are BDSM communities???    Loners like me miss out on things like that.  I can't even imagine going to some local munch with bunch of strangers who share this lifestyle.  I consider myself pretty outgoing when I say "hello" to my neighbor (haven't met them yet).

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Release request denied - 5/26/2008 9:58:03 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Snickers.......tell him to get out of his fantasy world.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Release request denied - 5/26/2008 10:32:19 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

Thanks for your honesty.

We did agree on a monogomous relationship - if He wanted to play with another He just had to be open about it. It was not place to make those decisions. That being said, He also wnated a tradition partnrship, marriage and children, in which case i think i have the right to be upset at his seeking other realtionships.

i did say forever, as a submissive. When i talk about lonliness or coming here to ask the question i originally posed, it was about my submission. i have no issues with seeking and living a nilla life and partnership, he was cheating.

i do not want to lose my 'honour' , for want of a better word, in the community. If it is felt that i have done the wrong thing setting up a profile and seeking a new D/s relationship, like marrying again when already married, because i gave my word and He wont give it back to me, then i will remove it. BDSM is an important part of my life - i dont want to give it up, but will if it is the right thing to do.






He broke his word regarding a fundmental part of the relationship. If I were in your shoes I'd consider our agreement broken and either come to a new agreement or leave depending on what suited me.

Also, if you even attempt to live your life by what the "community" tells you to do, you might as well commit yourself now. There is no one point of view and no matter what you do there will be at least one group in the community who thinks you are completely out of line and quite possibly a complete fake.

I'd worry less about your honor in the community and more about what will make you happy in the long-run. If worst comes to worst you can always move and find a new community.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Release request denied - 5/26/2008 10:39:34 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		If you walk out the door, hop in a cab, and never return, what can he really do to make you stay? If you're not in shackles, caged, and locked in, what can he do to really keep you with him?

Fortunatly, Astrailian law does not make people stay bound to there relationship oaths. There's nothing legally he can do to make you stay. You still have rights as a Aussie Citizen to slam the door in his face as you walk out and never return.

As far as this BDSM life style goes, I would never judge a slave who decided to release themselves from there master. Do as you want, there's little to nothing to fear what others may think of you. Thus far, I think 99.999% of people in the life style would think better of you for leaving versus staying and putting up with the bull shit. 

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 3:14:13 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		There is NO loss of honour in leaving a relationship where HE has already broken the trust on which it was founded.

As said, I run a TPE dynamic, if I became the kind of person she couldn't trust, if I turned into somekind of lying decietfull cheat then I instructed her at the very begining of our relationship not to walk away but to run. I am not that type, something she trusts in but I gave her clear instructions what to do if it turned out I was!

NO community worth its salt would blame a girl for leaving someone who she could not trust... trust is vital to WIITWD!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 5:12:24 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		go get a manicure?

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 6:09:00 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

i do apologise, the question was certainly not bait. i am feeling quite embarrassed now, and do now think that it was a strategically poor move to raise the question - as someone else suggested, i been reflectng and i suppose i just wanted some affirmation of the decision i had already made, in my heart.

thanx


I do understand, and believe you that the question wasn't bait.  Back (AGES ago) I needed affirmtion from 'The Church" to feel ok with doing what was right for myself.  By the way, even if the question HAD been bait, there wouldn't have been anything wrong with it.  You are looking, its a sellers market - in your case.  I say market yourself to the best of your abiltiy ladybug.

Now that you know what you need to do, have affirmed it, I'll be diligently waiting to see what what happens next. 

As for your honor, I firmly believe that it is his honor in question and not yours.  I don't see anything wrong in a Dominant doing what he wants, if he has the cajones to be honest about it.  Deception, sneaking around, lying, hiding what you are doing are all traits lacking in an individual's bank of humanity.  Why share a joint account with someone who is working off such a vast deficit? 

Good luck,, best wishes


(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 7:03:52 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Take off the collar and hand it back. You are officially released.

I'm confused about how he can be a wonderful dom while lying to you about chasing other women? Seems to me your relationship is best labeled confused.

Sit down and talk to him. Tell him that his presence on other dating sites has caused you to lose trust in him. Tell him that his desire for offspring, which is not something you want, makes this relationship suitable for short term only.


Personally, I think he wants you around until he finds someone he wants to marry and have a family with. If that's okay with you, stick with him. If it isn't okay with you, then allow your answering machine to screen your calls. After six months of no contact he will get the message that you aren't his any more.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 7:05:59 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		You want out then leave, you don't have to wait for a verbal "release" from him. I would let him know why your leaving and wish him well.

Good Luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 7:06:19 AM   
MstrVik


Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

i been reflectng and i suppose i just wanted some affirmation of the decision i had already made, in my heart.



I think it is a very natural reaction to reach out for confirmation in a situation like that. -
I'd like to say as well that since he was the one that breached the agreement between you, then I cannot see how you could loose honour by leaving him, and I think it's actually to your honour that you consider that aspect carefully. - Yes, I also think that your decision was already made. Best of luck to you!

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 9:45:07 AM   
MistressYlwa


Posts: 263
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique 

i do not want to lose my 'honour' , for want of a better word, in the community. If it is felt that i have done the wrong thing setting up a profile and seeking a new D/s relationship, like marrying again when already married, because i gave my word and He wont give it back to me, then i will remove it. BDSM is an important part of my life - i dont want to give it up, but will if it is the right thing to do.


Seems all of your concerns have been addressed. As for your "honour", I think the support you have gotten from this community says it all. This board is the best reflection of how a local community will see your situation, in my opinion.

You have gotten advice from some of the best, so there isn't much else I could add.
I can only suggest you decide how you want to spend your life. You are the only one who can make that decision.  Read and digest the information you have been given here, and then act. I haven't any doubt that, if you do what you feel is right for you, you will be a happier person.

_____________________________

Mistress Ylwa

You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

(in reply to MstrVik)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 9:54:04 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

He broke his word regarding a fundmental part of the relationship. If I were in your shoes I'd consider our agreement broken and either come to a new agreement or leave depending on what suited me.

Also, if you even attempt to live your life by what the "community" tells you to do, you might as well commit yourself now. There is no one point of view and no matter what you do there will be at least one group in the community who thinks you are completely out of line and quite possibly a complete fake.

I'd worry less about your honor in the community and more about what will make you happy in the long-run. If worst comes to worst you can always move and find a new community.


I agree with everything AquaticSub said here.  He broke the foundation upon which the relationship was formed.  Therefore, there is no longer an agreement.  Your commitment to him was based on certain agreements and commitments he made.  When he breaks those agreements, you get to start back at square one again. 

Just like when two people make vows in a marriage and one person breaks a vow - the commitment for life can also be re-evaluated at that time as well.  Or do you believe one's honor is at stake if they get a divorce... 

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 11:40:59 AM   
charlotteS


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

i do not want to lose my 'honour' , for want of a better word, in the community.


This was what I imagined you were feeling and was going to respond to before I even saw your clarification.

In my personal opinion honor within a community is only maintained when one stays true to one's own principles.  Trying to make sure that no one feels you have done the wrong thing will leave you confused and always offending someone.  The question I would suggest you ask yourself is "Will I lose respect for myself if I end our relationship this way? 

Ultimately you have the legal authority to leave at any time.  Everyone views the begging release issue differently.  Personally I wouldn't gain or lose respect for you depending on which action you took.  I would gain respect for you if I saw you holding yourself to your own personal sense of honor.  When I make a promise I try to keep it unless I feel the other person has violated their side of the agreement.  Even then, sometimes I still make personal sacrifices to make sure that I uphold my end of a deal.  I might end up losing something but in the end I respect myself for the principles I hold myself to.  The choices I make are mine and based on personal accountability, not on rules formed by some community that is as diverse as ....well...the human population.

Best of luck,

charlotte



_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella


(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 4:05:56 PM   
darkeangelique


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/25/2008
Status: offline 		Thanx Winsome :)

We have spoken since, i have tried to raise some of the issues suggested here, and He still blames me for His looking and chatting - He wasnt 'getting enough at home' and maintains that it was only chat, titilation, therefore nothing wrong with it. He says He didnt meet in real life so doesnt count, chatting a harmless addiction. Two hours after i had made an appointment at the fertility clinic he was chatting up women on a site - my sister on a nilla site. He says i am wrong to not be able to let it go, that i am not without sin to throw the first stone.

But inside - in my heart and mind i know that rightly or wrongly i cant trust Him again. Regardless of others' opinions, and i thank everyone here for there honesty and support, i have to honour my own. i have to leave. i am not perfect or without things in my cupboard i cringe at, but i know that i cant continue. There is a lot more background to this as well which is not appropriate to discuss here.

i do not mean to undermine His character here. He is, on the whole, a good man, a great Dom. But not my man or my Dom. we just werent good together, and i really do want Him to find someone to be happy with.

So the next part of my journey begins. New beginnings.

It's a bit scarey really  but i am sure it will worth the effort.

thanx again

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 4:14:52 PM   
frazzle121


Posts: 116
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline 		Have i lost the plot???

You want out, you leave.

A relationship, nilla or bdsm, is a 2 way street. You either both get what you need/want or you go your separate ways.

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 4:40:59 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

He wasnt 'getting enough at home' and maintains that it was only chat, titilation, therefore nothing wrong with it. He says He didnt meet in real life so doesnt count, chatting a harmless addiction.


Are you sure his name isn't Bill??  You know, as in, "I did not have sex with that woman!"

On a serious note, I refuse to be in any relationship with someone who feels it is okay to blame someone else for their own actions. He can man up and take responsibility for what he does instead of whining that it's your fault, or he can walk.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 4:50:38 PM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

Hi all.

i am really after some advice here. i have asked my Master for relase as i cannot give Him what he wants (a child) and i don't want to be His nilla  partner any longer as i was devastated to find out that He has belonged to paid dating sites for the last 8 months and has been chatting on msn with a variety of women in explicit ways, and intuition tells me He has been seeing someone else also - but i have no proof of real contact.

So, i have requested He release me. He won't-says i took an oath of ownership by Him forever.What is my status? While part of me still loves Him, and He is a wonderful Dominant most of the time, i have lost respect for our relationship. What should i do?


I don't wanna be rude here.

But some people on this site need to use their common sense.

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 5:31:24 PM   
thornhappy


Posts: 8596
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique
He still blames me for His looking and chatting - He wasnt 'getting enough at home' and maintains that it was only chat, titilation, therefore nothing wrong with it. He says He didnt meet in real life so doesnt count, chatting a harmless addiction. Two hours after i had made an appointment at the fertility clinic he was chatting up women on a site - my sister on a nilla site.

Man, that has to be the oldest story in the book..."Grog say he not getting enough in the cave..."

thornhappy

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Release request denied - 5/27/2008 6:07:01 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkeangelique

He wants a 'partner' to show the world and a sub in every non public aspect of life. Although un noticed rules like lighting his cigarette and no underwear etc apply in mixed company with me. He wants a 'partner' and a sub, and i cant be that partner any more. Is my request so unjustified?


Your request isn't unjustified. He's treating you like a married man's mistress. Why would a male rather have several secret relationships than be openly poly or find one person who can meet all his needs? Guys like him end up marrying vanilla women they can never be faithful to because their needs aren't being met. A few years later after having several children with the vanilla women, they get busted, lose their house in the divorce, and spend years paying hundreds of dollars in child support every month. I will never understand such idiots. My advice is to run, but don't forget to keep occasional tabs on him. That way when the scenerio I described above happens (there's an excellent chance it will), you can have the last laugh.

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to darkeangelique)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Release request denied Page: <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094