Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

curiouser and curioser


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> curiouser and curioser Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
curiouser and curioser - 5/25/2008 11:23:59 PM   
bruisedballerina


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline 		This sounded really whiney the first time I wrote it. LOL

OK so when I was screwed up, there were lots of Doms who wanted to own me. I've noticed it among other submissives I know as well; the more screwed up they are, the more dominants are interested in them.

I'm not so screwed up anymore and it often seems like the dominants who show interest almost *WANT* me to be broken in some way. When I assure them that I'm not, they lose interest quickly. So, I guess my question is this ...

Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones?


< Message edited by bruisedballerina -- 5/25/2008 11:35:07 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/25/2008 11:37:50 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bruisedballerina


Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones?



It's been my experience that healthy dominants are more attracted to healthy submissives although there are exceptions. If someone thinks you're too good for them, most likely .. you are.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to bruisedballerina)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/25/2008 11:44:37 PM   
BikerDom4


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		This one is certainly not attracted to broken submissives...... the healthier the better....

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/25/2008 11:44:57 PM   
bruisedballerina


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline 		That is a very true statement, Bita and thanks. It made me feel good about myself.

In response to all the emails I'm getting on the other side in reply to this: this isn't really so much about *me* as its about me wondering if dominants really do find broken submissives more attractive. Or are there just  A LOT of really messed up dominants wandering around collarme. Hmm. Now *that* could be.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/25/2008 11:46:29 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones?

Only to broken dominants.  Healthy dominants want their slaves to be healthy.


_____________________________



(in reply to bruisedballerina)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 1:33:16 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Many people who are attracted to the Dominant position are attracted because of the "White Knight" archetype working in the shadow. This means that they NEED to "fix" and "rescue" someone in order to feel a sense of self worth. Many submissives who want this kind of relationship are working from the shadow of the "Damsel in Distress" archetype where they NEED to be "fixed" and "rescued" because they are victims and are convinced that they have no control over their own lives or because terrible things keep happening to them that aren't their fault. Put the two together and you have a nice co-dependent relationship. When they stop working from the shadow of these archetypes is when the relationship turns healthy. That rarely happens for one person, let alone both.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to bruisedballerina)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 2:43:52 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bruisedballerina

This sounded really whiney the first time I wrote it. LOL

OK so when I was screwed up, there were lots of Doms who wanted to own me. I've noticed it among other submissives I know as well; the more screwed up they are, the more dominants are interested in them.

I'm not so screwed up anymore and it often seems like the dominants who show interest almost *WANT* me to be broken in some way. When I assure them that I'm not, they lose interest quickly. So, I guess my question is this ...

Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones?

Of course they're not...!
 
But they are less likely to see these "doms' for the shallow and transparent arseholes they are. 
 
Focus.
 
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to bruisedballerina)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 2:54:23 AM   
SleepyDom


Posts: 118
Status: offline 		What do you mean by "broken"?  Like someone with severe psychological problems?  Addictions?  No, I'd avoid such people like a plague.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 5:02:11 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Bruisedballerina,
 
In the 2 years i have been haunting the halls of CM i have noticed this very dynamic you are talking about. But i have also seen it in the default world as well. Broken people are searching for their missing piece and so they look to other broken  people hoping they will find their fit. Unfortunately, the world is full of broken people and alternative lifestyles just seem to bring them into the limelight a bit more because their brokeness can actually seem like an asset in this setting~
 
 

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to bruisedballerina)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 5:40:22 AM   
wandering4u


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		For me, a healthy submissive is what I am looking for. "Broken" subs need to get themselves together before they can truely live this lifestyle, and that goes for Doms too!

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 6:30:38 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I think what you'll find is people seeking "compatible dysfunctions" in some of these cases. 

(in reply to wandering4u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 7:47:06 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		No, I don't know that that is true. In your case, you "don't like to talk about the past", you "bruises are literal", but we can't ask about them, and you are looking for a husband. That makes you a non-submissive with significantly more question marks than answers. You also state that you have "something to offer a dominant", but you leave us guessing completely as to what that might be. Mentioning you are "mostly well" doesn't help, think about it, are you "mostly tall", or "mostly white", "mostly a woman", or "mostly here"? So that makes me "mostly not interested".

(in reply to bruisedballerina)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 8:14:13 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		This is a good question.
I haven't found it to be true, though.
The 'good' dominants want someone they can be proud to own.
The 'bad' dominants just want to control someone, and it's much easier with a 'broken' person than with a 'whole' person.
(although I believe that none of get through life without some emotional scars and bruises)
If you have respect for yourself, and rules that you follow, some 'doms' will be turned off by that, and that's ok...you didn't really want them anyway, did you?
There will be many others who are attracted to that and appreciate it.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 8:54:34 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_1255265/mpage_1/key_knight/tm.htm#1255277
how do dominants keep "white knight" syndrome in check?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_673357/mpage_1/key_knight/tm.htm#673419
is this common?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_118804/mpage_1/key_knight/tm.htm#118804
"White Knight Syndrome"

http://www.collarchat.com/m_537169/mpage_1/key_knight/tm.htm#537169
Knight in shining armor


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to bruisedballerina)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 9:50:01 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SleepyDom

What do you mean by "broken"?  Like someone with severe psychological problems?  Addictions?  No, I'd avoid such people like a plague.


Thank you, Sleepy.. thats what I was wondering. I consider myself broken because sometimes I need extra reassurance for no apparent reason. I think it's not unreasonable for me to expect a 'healthy' partner..
But there are some things, as others have noted, that draw either broken doms, or wanna-be doms that are drawn to certain broken-ness as an excuse to use/abuse a submissive.

Ok, I'm under the influence of tylenol PM.. sorry if that didnt make sense

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to SleepyDom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 9:54:29 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		Nope, I think good level headed, healthy subs scare off the nevagonnabes because they will see through the bullshit.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to bruisedballerina)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 9:58:18 AM   
bruisedballerina


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

No, I don't know that that is true. In your case, you "don't like to talk about the past", you "bruises are literal", but we can't ask about them, and you are looking for a husband. That makes you a non-submissive with significantly more question marks than answers. You also state that you have "something to offer a dominant", but you leave us guessing completely as to what that might be. Mentioning you are "mostly well" doesn't help, think about it, are you "mostly tall", or "mostly white", "mostly a woman", or "mostly here"? So that makes me "mostly not interested".


This question was so not about *me* ... But thanks for labeling me and pointing out all the flaws in my profile.

edited to add ...

What does looking for a husband have to do with any of it? Some people want marriage; some don't. I do and I feel its only fair for me to be upfront about that.

I don't like to talk about the past with strangers. I mean, when its pertinent I'll be happy to discuss things but I'm not going to run around advertising my past and I don't feel like its really anyone's business until they get to know the me that I am right now.

As for my bruises, I thought I explained them. They're literal ... As in, my skin is bruised from dancing. Most people who dance *a lot* will get bruises. Which is why I'm a "bruised ballerina" ... I'd been getting a lot of emails from people who thought I was emotionally bruised or something. I wanted to clear that up.

As for what I have to offer; I would imagine I have as much to offer as any reasonably healthy 27 yr old submissive on this site. *Before* when I was screwed up, I had nothing to offer. I would have been a burden to any dominant or anyone else who tried to have a relationship with me.

And yes, I'm mostly well. I'm not perfect. I don't think anyone ever can be. But I've worked hard and dealt with the biggest issues. So I'm "mostly" well.

I'm not sure why you felt the need to label me as non-submissive though. I'm really scratching my head over that one.

edited again to add

I just read your profile. Nevermind. :)



< Message edited by bruisedballerina -- 5/26/2008 10:30:01 AM >

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 10:11:58 AM   
HieroV


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Just to add…if it hasn’t been covered already…it also happens on the other side of the fence. I’ve encountered dominant women who wanted their sub to be their knight in shinning armor.

Basic things like filling their taxes on time, making sure their house wasn’t in a mess, maneuvering their way in the politics of the business world…it was beyond them.  They were very good at D/S…but lacked some basic life skills.

Being in someone’s corner, being of help and looking out for each other is lovely and healthy. Rescue (which I’ve attempted in the past) doesn’t really work out.

HieroV

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 10:22:27 AM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bruisedballerina

This sounded really whiney the first time I wrote it. LOL

OK so when I was screwed up, there were lots of Doms who wanted to own me. I've noticed it among other submissives I know as well; the more screwed up they are, the more dominants are interested in them.

I'm not so screwed up anymore and it often seems like the dominants who show interest almost *WANT* me to be broken in some way. When I assure them that I'm not, they lose interest quickly. So, I guess my question is this ...

Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones?



Not to me.

(in reply to bruisedballerina)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 10:31:38 AM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		I have come across some incredibly needy m and fsubs in my day, so needy that it was exhausing to be with them.  To me, brokenness isn't about having problems.  Everyone has problems.  Brokenness is about lacking the self awareness to see your problems clearly and honestly, and lacking the sense of personal power required for an adult to seek and work solutions to their problems.  No one of us lacks the power to create positive change in our lives.  But let's face it - in our realm, we are often speaking of people who want to engage in power exchange - one person wants to claim total powerlessness and cede the right to decision making to the other partner.  This is part of the thrill - so it seems little wonder that we will encounter dominants who expect to manipulate every breath of a sub, and what better a sub to choose than one who has no other notion about having life-change occur?  Me - I don't have the time to do all the thinking for two or three or four people, which is why I tend to enjoy subs of strength and capability.  I am going to steer clear of "good" and "bad" labels - if people feel personally weak and are found by someone who feels strong - and they compliment one another and are happy, good for them.  I myself am strong, and weak, and entirely human, and mostly well.

< Message edited by Racquelle -- 5/26/2008 10:33:44 AM >

(in reply to HieroV)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> curiouser and curioser Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094