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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 10:43:03 AM

Venatrix

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Nope, no fixer-uppers for me, thanks. Though it would be nice to have someone to clean up the cat sick . . . .

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 11:26:56 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

OK so when I was screwed up, there were lots of Doms who wanted to own me. I've noticed it among other submissives I know as well; the more screwed up they are, the more dominants are interested in them.

ballarina,

Well inherent withmost males is the desire to be a hero fixit guy. That is even a greater complex with many "D"'s that hope to be able to fix the sub and earn undying devotion.

CP

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/26/2008 11:54:12 AM

mstrj69

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OP - I prefer someone who is not broken, although depending on the definition of broken, they could be hard to find. Especially those who are willing to relocate and do not have a career and want to stay in their own area. As for your profile mostly well implies partially broken which could be the same as saying partially pregnant. You either are or you are not.

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/27/2008 7:43:42 AM

DesFIP

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There are a lot of guys with a white knight complex. However there's also a difference between being healthy and being so independent that you can't ever accept a helping hand. If he wants you to sit in the car until he walks around and opens the door, it isn't being broken that makes you sit there or him having problems that he wants you to, simply differing upbringings.

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/27/2008 8:07:39 AM

KatyLied

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Like attracts like. So the doms who were pursuing you were most likely broken as well.

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/27/2008 8:46:47 AM

CruelDesires

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones?

Only to broken dominants. Healthy dominants want their slaves to be healthy.

Maybe there are many more broken Dominants then healthy ones?

CD

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/27/2008 9:13:48 AM

GreedyTop

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IMO..it still depends on the definition of BROKEN....

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/27/2008 9:30:47 AM

MistressYlwa

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GreedyTop, agree totally. What is broken? Physical, mental, emotional?

Personally, like my boys healthy in all three. Though at my age, I do understand that the health issues involved with growing up. hehehe

Menopause. Hell, it isn't pausing for me. LOL

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/27/2008 2:30:22 PM

Lynnxz

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Fast Reply.

I think the white knight syndrome may be part of the problem.

ANOTHER view might be that the guys want easy girls... who take no effort to control. Girls like that tend to be more clingy, and less likely to get out of a crappy relationship

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/27/2008 3:07:42 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Bruisedballerina,

In the 2 years i have been haunting the halls of CM i have noticed this very dynamic you are talking about. But i have also seen it in the default world as well. Broken people are searching for their missing piece and so they look to other broken people hoping they will find their fit. Unfortunately, the world is full of broken people and alternative lifestyles just seem to bring them into the limelight a bit more because their brokeness can actually seem like an asset in this setting~

This should be required reading for many on here.
If you read the message boards, so many of the posters seem to be "CRYING OUT FOR HELP".
I never commented about this before, but Dawn you explained it so well.
.....The world is full of broken people and alternative lifestyles just seem to bring them into the limelight a bit more because their brokeness can actually seem like an asset in this setting!

I will add that I noticed years ago that many here seem to have little personal identity beyond what they call themselves in this lifestyle.
Desperate, lonely and broken people often find similar mates.
Water tends to rise to it's own level.
Bravo!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 5/27/2008 3:17:32 PM >

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/27/2008 4:56:16 PM

KaineD

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bruisedballerina

This sounded really whiney the first time I wrote it. LOL

OK so when I was screwed up, there were lots of Doms who wanted to own me. I've noticed it among other submissives I know as well; the more screwed up they are, the more dominants are interested in them.

I'm not so screwed up anymore and it often seems like the dominants who show interest almost *WANT* me to be broken in some way. When I assure them that I'm not, they lose interest quickly. So, I guess my question is this ...

Are broken submissives more attractive than healthy ones?

Actually, there is not much more annoying to me than talking to a sub online, getting to know her a little more, and then finding out she has all these issues. Like she's depressed, she was abused, her current/last Dom treated her horribly and she can't get over it, "I was talking to my psychiatrist today", yadda yadda yadda. Not that there is anything wrong with having a psychiatrist. But a guy you barely know doesn't wanna hear about it everytime you're online. C'mon!

Is it too much to ask for a sane, local sub that is fun and interesting?

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/27/2008 7:48:56 PM

Enochian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KaineD
Is it too much to ask for a sane, local sub that is fun and interesting?

One Word: "Yes" >chuckles<

Fine; so I pulled out the UberNeoMaxiZoomDweebieCynicalBastard answer for that one.... But sometimes; you just look around and go.. well... that's everyone in the local group(s)... now what? (I think there was a thread or five on 'bringing in someone from the 'nilla world' for just that issue)

But; one never knows when/where/how one will meet someone... I've heard the most amazing stories about how people met. So; I guess there realy is something to that 'eyes met accross a room' or 'click/chemistry/pheremones' thing.

Best of Luck to you!!

----
"Do as thou will; shall be the Whole of the Law"

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/28/2008 3:28:18 PM

uliveonce

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As many have already said, many "Doms" want the severely broken subs for EXACTLY the reason that they are easy to abuse, manipulate, intimidate or whatever else. Quite sad really, but certainly true. Gives us good Doms (and BDSM) a bad name.

I have a bit (well maybe a lot) of the White Knight Syndrome -- Mr. Fixit or whatever you want to call it. I attract fairly healthy stable subs, ones who have an issue or two and some obvious wack jobs. I try to catch and release the really nutty/needy ones gently back into the pool without causing them any more damage. The others, well it just depends on the other circumstances.

But, I have noticed that in all of my D/s (and even my longterm vanilla) relationships, it is just a matter of time and trust before I become aware of the broken aspect. In all fairness, many of the "broken" things aren't that big of a deal. Sometimes they are. But by the time I /we are that deeply involved, what are you gonna do?

How it usually ends for me, I provide them with a stable environment, protect them and help them to safely face and deal with the baggage and pain. I get tremendous satisfaction from that. But this also creates a newly free person who often must experience the world from this new perspective. So my motto is: Fixing the world, one sub at a time. ;-)

Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have had all of these relationships and am very happy for these women. Some of them are still great friends, but it would be nice to reap the rewards.

My $.02

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/28/2008 5:42:31 PM

Huntertn

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some doms do look for that..Mostly I think its because they believe they can have a easy conquest..Not because they are looking for a real relationship

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/28/2008 6:36:28 PM

CruelDesires

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

IMO..it still depends on the definition of BROKEN....

Broken = Clueless
One who may or may not realize their own shortcomings in understanding of what it is to be Dominant so he/she looks for submissives/slaves who have mental or emotional issues which usually leaves the submissive/slave so wrapped up in their own issues that they don't even realize that the D has no clue as to what they are doing. Although they might show moments of Dominance, or even have Dominant tendencies, they lack the solid foundation/core of what it is to be a well balanced and functional Dominant.
Does that make sense?

CD

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/28/2008 6:39:02 PM

Leatherist

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Broken...mentally ill, with enough baggage to fill the grand canyon.

Often accompanied by a martyr complex.

Responds well to attention, to the detriment of the giver.

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/28/2008 9:16:06 PM

sunkstar

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I found it to be very true. When I listed myself as an "attractive broken toy", I got dozens of emails everyday, when I listed myself as a healthy happy sub, the number decreased dramatically. But quantity really doesnt mean anything. 90% of the emails I dont bother anyway. And it doesnt mean doms who are into broken subs are not good. there are 2 possibilities, 1)ppl tend to feel more sympathetic to the weak ones, especially some doms who have the "white knight" thing, it satisfies their ego and self-worth; 2)some doms are assholes and they think broken toys are easier to control.
personally, I dont want to fix someone and I think a lot of ppl are unfixable

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/29/2008 10:41:14 AM

HypnoticDan

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I've learned to tell the difference between broken and untrained. I want the second type because I'm into dominating and training, not fixing. If I wanted to fix something I'd be a mechanic. (One of the reasons I didn't like Secretary was that everyone in it had obvious dysfunctions)

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/29/2008 4:38:31 PM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

IMO..it still depends on the definition of BROKEN....

Broken = Clueless
One who may or may not realize their own shortcomings in understanding of what it is to be Dominant so he/she looks for submissives/slaves who have mental or emotional issues which usually leaves the submissive/slave so wrapped up in their own issues that they don't even realize that the D has no clue as to what they are doing. Although they might show moments of Dominance, or even have Dominant tendencies, they lack the solid foundation/core of what it is to be a well balanced and functional Dominant.
Does that make sense?

CD

yep :) (should I be worried?? *grin*)

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RE: curiouser and curioser - 5/29/2008 4:53:21 PM

CruelDesires

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Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for.
There ... my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg’d comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

-- William Shakespeare

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