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RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/6/2008 9:37:39 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnspeakableAxe
Few women read profiles anyway. There's simply little time what with all the emails they're getting.

Thats not true at all. I read the profile attached to every email I get. I also randomly browse profiles when I am bored and hwne I was looking.  That was how I found Fox (Shawn1066), I randomly searched in my area and said hello to a few people. I do it often and I have made some great contacts from it, including Shawn. Dont only message those you think you will connect with via their pictures or what they say, mail a few and see what comes of it.
I met both boys browsing profiles and commenting on things I found interesting. Neither of them were interests when I started chatting with them. Just someone to talk to. It just built from there.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/6/2008 9:40:44 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I have no idea if vanilla sites are the way to go. I have no idea if looking online at all is a good idea, for you or anyone else. I live in Australia, so I have no idea what the local scene in your area is like or what is available. I did not respond to the "original question". I patently made a comment about your attitude and why it probably won't get you far anywhere, online or not.

I DO know that you are coming off as a negative person with a chip on his shoulder. Perhaps that is why you have been searching for 5 years. I have nothing more to say to you, except drop the attitude and perhaps more people will come to the party and try to help out.

BTW, you've been here long enough to know that people can respond in any way they like. We don't rigidly stick to the "original question". Your third response on this thread shows clearly that you are being a smartarse "Again, my initial question remains." Again, I wonder if that is why you are alone.

Anyway, I'm done.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/6/2008 9:40:48 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnspeakableAxe
Few women read profiles anyway. There's simply little time what with all the emails they're getting.


Not true!! If you're looking and desiring and wanting your profile should say so! It should say what you want as well!

I for one read (or rather skim) through profiles. I look for keywords, phrases that catch my interest and to see if the person has any substance to them since so many profiles are like "single, looking" or "looking to serve someone."

Even if few women read profiles, that's still more than none!

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/6/2008 9:42:12 PM   
UnspeakableAxe


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		DV, You're right. I suppose some do read profiles.

I however have given up on collarme as a place where I'd meet someone for anything other than friendship. Thankfully I have made many good friends on here. I'm lucky to have them as friends though they are "just friends".

I'm still looking for more friends of course but I'm curious as to where I should look for a Domme. Has anyone had any luck on vanilla dating sites?

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/6/2008 9:50:26 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		The thing about changing locations... is that you are there, no matter where "there" is.  Miss Magnolia has the situation pegged -- as usual.

Both of the dommes I mentioned in my first comment had active vanilla dating site profiles when I met them.  I didn't meet them that way though.  Not that it will do you much good unless you smarten up.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/6/2008 9:57:21 PM   
UnspeakableAxe


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		Miss Magnolia.

Thank you for being honest.

You're right, I am considerably negative and I do now have a chip on my shoulder. I'm bitter and frustrated. I wasn't always like this but after having too many negative experiences via sites like these, I have changed.

I'm simply asking for help on how I might break through this and find someone for at least one positive experience. I've been lied to, stolen from and have been taken advantage of by people claiming to be sincere. Maybe the other submissive men on this site are stronger than I am and can remain happy and have a positive outlook but I'm not that strong.

It was probably a mistake for me to ask for advice in the first place.

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/6/2008 10:07:00 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		finding the positive means finding it with in yourself , you have been lied to , who hasn't , stolen from  so have many others  your not alone ..taken advantage of  sure  me too as i bet others have .Those things are in the past leave them there , you can not change the past .You can change yourself . It was only a mistake for you to reach out and ask for help if you do not take the help offered and given .  

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/6/2008 10:37:26 PM   
bashfulhuck


Posts: 119
Joined: 5/26/2008
Status: offline 		Unspeakable, i don't know that i have the wisdom to help you out brother, but i'm going to try ok?
After my Domina passed away, i found myself in a vanilla relationship hiding out, and that relationship was very very abusive towards me. She slept with men in my own bed, lied to me, played games with me. Her and her girlfriends used to love calling me names in public, their favorite phrase towards me when other people could hear was "fat piece of shit". Several years of that kind of treatment could easily have embittered me, made me hateful and spiteful, and distrusting.
However, here's the rub of it...I CHOSE not to allow that to happen. If anything, i decided i would try to become a more friendly, loveing, approchable person towards others. i choose not to let my bad experiences have power over me, and i choose to be accepting of whatever the universe put in my path. Do i know if i will ever find another Domina to love me and care for me again? No i do not, but that's ok. i'm enjoying life as it comes to me. It does get hard sometimes, and i have days where i am feeling particularly lonely and vulnerable. But i remind myself, "this too shall pass".
i wish you luck brother, i hope you are able to find what it is you are seeking. Just remember, be positive, approachable, and genuinely friendly. Maybe revisit your profile and do a little rewriting so that people will see what a nice, kind person you are.

Peace and Serenity to you,
the bashful one

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/6/2008 10:52:06 PM   
unforegvn


Posts: 159
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

After reading his profile, I can tell you that his charming, upbeat attitude reeled me right in, particularly those journal posts.  Of course, I'm not his age, so I'll have to go cry in my bubble bath for the rest of the evening.


Hey don't rule yourself out so fast there - he mentioned his Mother right off - hint he might like pleasing a more mature Domme who isn't afraid to put him in a cage until he learns his lesson.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 1:26:09 AM   
MsHoney2you


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnspeakableAxe
Perhaps I am too picky or unrealistic.


The sense I get from your posts is that you have to be right. Could it be possible this need alone is keeping you alone?  I know as a Dominant I want to be right, but I am human enough to know I will be wrong and respect those with the strength of character to call me on my errors (should that ever happen ((that's a joke)) in this lifetime).  Learning what battles to choose is important, finding that most issues are not battles is wonderful and allows you the freedom to just be.  I'm fortunate that my sub is an inteligent man that has learned how to get his point across in a non-threatening way.  Not all have this trait in their character but he does and I appreciate it. 

Relationships that work, work because the people involved find something they enjoy, want to emulate, learn from or simply want to explore.  Communication being primary, you never know what life events interrupt that communication.  I had a sub here in collar me send me a very accusatory email because I had just stopped communication.  Blaming me for many things with no consideration to what possibly could be going on in my life.  Never met him before, just that I had disappeared and he was angry.   I shared with him my son had been killed and gee, he (the sub) did not rate high in my priorities and that's why it took me so long to reply to his selfish email.  You never know what's going on on the other end of the electronic communication. 

I meet subs I am interested in right away to determine the energy between us and get past all the b.s.  If still interested we go out a few times, no play, because I already know I can please them, its whether or not I want to after knowing their mindset.  I go to munches because I figure I"m going to eat that meal anyway, why not enjoy the conversations too?  It's a safe place to meet and you know what?  All those kinky folk have kinky friends and it may be the friend that could not make it that night that you could be referred to because another sub/Dom/Domme liked what they saw in you.  It's kissing frogs for all of us to find our match.

I suggest soul searching on your part, choosing to release the blame game and focus on enjoying what you have and can offer another instead of what you don't.

Ms Honey



< Message edited by MsHoney2you -- 6/7/2008 1:48:40 AM >

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 5:37:40 AM   
blueskyboy


Posts: 56
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		political rallies and other events for or by women...hillary rallies would be ideal but that has changed...

go where smart women go...classes, yoga, library, book clubs
buy tickets or stand outside lincoln center...wait for the 1st break - buy and deliver wine
lots of people leave after the first act

met my first domme at the lonestar...now long gone cowboy bar downtown...but, believe it or not...cowboy bars in manhattan work...upper east side is a desert - west side women are better...also the white horse...dylan thomas fans are pretty smart

follow modern dance...alvin ailey, martha graham

get to know the staff at the village voice :)

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 5:44:49 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnspeakableAxe
It was probably a mistake for me to ask for advice in the first place.

I think the problem is that you are looking for a specific answer and not getting it, and it is causing you to be even more frusterated.
The majority of people on here have met partners on here, at some point or another. You are taking a big risk trying to meet a lifestyler on a vanila site, becasue if they are looking there they are likely at a point where they have either given up the lifestyle, or it just isnt important to them. Much like you are doing, honestly. They'd rather find someone with a posibility of a chance than be alone.

I have met submisive men on vanilla sites. Back when I didnt care if I was lifestyle or not.
If you want to go that route, your best bet for finding people who might have a dominant streak on a vanilla site is to look for the ones with certain characteristics. Someone who wants to be in charge and says so. Someone who isnt looking for a man to take care of her. Someone confident in what they are looking for.
Do NOT use E-harmony. They will reject applications from women who seem to be "too dominant in their outlooks" (I was, I know)

Good luck.
DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 6:04:40 AM   
blueskyboy


Posts: 56
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		oh and...avoid looking for dommes...biker rallies and fetish events can be sort of holiday inn...if they are wearing a costume and carrying a crop it might just be about the clothes - begin by looking for women that think for themselves and question the order

the best relationships are often grown organically...be yourself and allow her to figure it out...again smart women generally have a little domme in them - you just have to give subtle (sub.. tle) signs :)

you are living in the most domme rich place on the planet...get off the computer and

go to a sheryl crow concert...music is good - or anything in the park  - don't go to meet a domme - go to let the music wash your soul...rid you of the negative vibe...dance a little when you feel like it  - close your eyes and feel something - be brave enough to say hello
then selfless enough to listen

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 6:48:05 AM   
subsdmn


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline 		I've been here for a little while and not complaining.  It takes patience to find a Domme.  If you are in that much in a hurry then hire a Pro Domme.  Like some others have stated to you, go to some of the Munches and events in your area. 

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 7:10:18 AM   
UnspeakableAxe


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		Blueskyboy:

"you are living in the most domme rich place on the planet."

You obviously haven't been to London or Berlin:)

(in reply to subsdmn)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 7:19:49 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnspeakableAxe

I preface this question with the fact that I don't mean to offend any of the sincere dominant women on this site.

While I wish collarme were the best place to meet dominant women, experience has shown otherwise.
I could go on and on about how the ratio of subs to Dommes makes it next to impossible to cut through all of the emails that dominant women get. If I spend hours composing sincere emails, it's rare that I get a reply unless its from a guy posing as a woman or from a ProDomme. That begs the question. If a BDSM focused dating site isn't the best place to meet dominant women my age (I'm 33), what is the best place?

Going to local events isn't any better since most women who do go to events will attend with a date. Are vanilla dating sites the way to go?

Please don't say munches, the quality of people that show up at most munches are.....well....yeah.

Any thoughts or advice would be very helpful.


You want online, only stay online, you want face to face, then go there.  Frankly you're wrong about munches, because I know I go.  You have to go more than once, perhaps more than ten times before you'll even see someone that interests you.  Yes, some women attend with a date -- often I do, with my boi or a friend.  So what?  That doesn't mean I'm not interested.  A date is not a spouse.


But really, whining is unbecoming and your comment about munches.. well, its just rude and unpleasant.  So, go to events, your local dungeon.. and yes, the dreaded munches.  I don't know where you live but actually try more than one venue if you have it.

good luck, I honestly think its your attitude that's holding you back

ETA -- uhmm... I just looked at where you live.. and I NEVER say this to people, but if you can't find a place to meet dominant women where you live.. then YES.. its you.. please, you can't swing a cat in NYC without finding someone leather.. there is something to do there every weekend, if not many nights of the week.. get out and get offline... you'll do better

and I just finished reading some of your answers to the post.. seems like if anyone says white.. your answer is black... if you came here for some advice or information, rather than countering it, or saying why its wrong, why not accept it graciously?

Your answer to munches and events... nice friends you've met.. do you know how many people have dominant women friends?  If you were my friend and I knew someone for you, I'd introduce you... that's what friends do.  So don't count out friends -- in fact, recently, I ran into an old friend at a meeting and looked at her and said.. "oh, I have someone perfect for you" ... so far so good... don't discount meeting and making new friends.. ever.. they'll be there when others are not

You don't seem very open, to be honest 

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/7/2008 7:32:10 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 7:48:39 AM   
UnspeakableAxe


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		Madame4a,

Thank you for the reply.

Yes, I do attend five or six events every month. I do have quite a few friends and they know what my "type" is but don't know any single dominant women that I would be interested in.

I do know that looking for someone whom I'm attracted to limits me a great deal. Most dominant women seem to find that part of themselves when they are 10 years older than I am. There's certainly nothing wrong with that but I may need to wait until I'm in my 40s to meet someone my age. I do spend more time going to events than I do online.

I suppose I'll just keep going and hope it happens.

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 7:54:37 AM   
blueskyboy


Posts: 56
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		U.Axe
ok...maybe you are right...been to both as a tourist only but again i suggest humbly to look for the woman rather than the boots...lots of women wear the boots in those places true - the black leather jacket...been to denmark lately?  the peircing business is doing well  - maybe, it appears to be richer than it is...probably - but i am a tourist...amsterdam too - but the red lights can blur your vision...vandels park, or the van gogh museum is better i think...wearing the boots is different than walking the walk...
just trying to help...trying to suggest only that looking for something ready made - pre cooked or microwaved can be lead to tastlessness and can lead to the frustration you are experiencing here
affectation often reveals worry
lots of people plagerise because the can't think for themselves...that shouldn't count

i concede though...i count poorly - but
think there are lots of empowered women near you that would love to meet you and they don't all have the black leather jackets yet and they are not anywhere on the little square keys we are both using now
get your shoes on

also another suggestion...worth nothing too
you will get less BS if you take the photo of your face off...don't ask me why - have no idea...think there is a thread going on now about that

these are simply attempts to help based solely on my limited experience...my suggestions and 10 bucks will get me a cup of coffee almost anywhere...but i've never been to toyko

i know that...but that wasn't the point

rather

mike is it the shoes?
no spike it is not the shoes

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 7:56:29 AM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		Nicely and even-handedly summed up, Madame4a.

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Best Place To Meet Dominant Women. - 6/7/2008 7:59:47 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		on the keep going.... let me say something a friend reminds me of often....


you just need one, you never know when that one will wander past you... or become single...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to UnspeakableAxe)
Profile   Post #: 60
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