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Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 3:17:22 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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I'm not quite sure how much sense this is going to make to other but it does make sense to me

I've just posted in another thread 'its funny' about looking past the players, wannabes and fakes and seeing the decent people on this site.

I've also started a thread in polls and other random stupidity which was supposed to be a silly post to get out my frustrations, but ended up as a pretty serious rant.

Looking at the both of them, the unstability of me in the polls and other forum and the fact i have just said i have to red flag myself, i really believe maybe i should!

A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players etc etc etc.

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

Post #: 1

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 3:28:52 PM

spinninsweetness

Posts: 477
Joined: 3/6/2008
From: London
Status: offline

I think I need to have a flag of some sort saying WARNING! will hide real emotions and life-stuff behind flippancy and sarcasm. Will also use humour when uncomfortable, or in a serious situation. Hides behind sense of humour to avoid life.

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Post #: 2

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 3:33:47 PM

JoePNY707

Posts: 293
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

I don't think I'd want to red-flag myself, since that--to me--implies something undesireable or anti-social about that person.

In your case, it sounds like you are having a bad day/week...and a serious case of existential angst (damn--always wanted to use that line!)

Seriously, there have been lots of days when I've woken up, stared bleary-eyed out my window, and wished that I could just crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head!

The fact that you can ask such a thoughtful question--in my opinion--means you are NOT red flad material.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 3

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 4:04:15 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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I believe that everyone has qualities of themselves that might not be the most desirable or even positive... It is a big red flag to me if a person can't seem to identify their own faults or failings. However, it is not necessary constructive to focus on "just" those negative aspects of our character.

One of the key aspects to developing a relationship with Kyra was the fact that we red flagged those negative aspects. Full disclosure if you will. We didn't look at each other with rose-coloured glasses and these red flag issues was balance against all those wonderful positives we saw in each other.

So.. I think it's a good idea to raise our own red flags ... just don't dwell on them.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 4

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 4:11:01 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

What might be one persons "red flag" might be anothers "green flag". Let's face it, nobody is perfect. I think it's good to be able to share what you think might be a red flag with somebody, gives them a sort of warning. If they can deal with it, ok, no big deal.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 5

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 4:16:26 PM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

I am not about to judge you based upon what you are going through.

We all have positive and negative moments - For me great enlightenment comes from knowing that those things are always a part of us - the key as stated by KoM is not to dwell on them . It is important to only consider the moment - reflecting on the past is often futile and drags us down. Being concerned about the future is not something to dwell on either - we cannot control it so why worry. Then what we have is where we are right now.

Sincerely,

N

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Post #: 6

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 4:18:36 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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there are 2 red flags in my profile 1)im intersexed 2)i dont want a relationship based on sex. result=0 replies.... LOL i scare people..

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Post #: 7

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 4:19:07 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
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I always warn people that I become close to .. that I am pretty cold hearted... and that though it might seem like I am wildly in love, affectionate, adoring and loving ... I would drop them in a split second if I decided they weren't want I wanted anymore - be that as a friend .. or a lover ... or a play partner

I always warn people that actually I am not all that nice a person ... so in that sense I do red flag myself ...

s'not my fault they dont listen

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Post #: 8

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 4:36:58 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players etc etc etc.

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

Good grief, I think of you as one of the "real" people on here. I love reading what you post. I love "perving" your profile (you have the most intoxicating blue eyes). Alas, an ocean and more separates us, so I'm guilty of never letting you know how much I've enjoyed reading what you write.
You are intelligent, gorgeous, witty and have some of the most interesting kinks and ideas. If you are red flagged, I must be a bull for my attractions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl
there are 2 red flags in my profile 1)im intersexed 2)i dont want a relationship based on sex. result=0 replies.... LOL i scare people..

You are gorgeous, witty and interesting as hell. The only reasons I don't write you (and I think I did once, but .... I know I'm not what you are looking for) is that it is obvious from what you wrote that you are not interested in a old cowboy who doesn't give a crap what sex you are.

Maybe the problem is we don't tell all the people we enjoy reading, how much we do enjoy reading what they write. I will try to be more attentive, but you know, (I'm kind of a smart ass myself).

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 9

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 4:39:43 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

is that it is obvious from what you wrote that you are not interested in a old cowboy who doesn't give a crap what sex you are.

thats because im gay ...so it wouldnt matter if you were...say... like a young arnold or a young fabio....i prefer angelina jolie and jodie foster and the likes...

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 10

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 4:41:06 PM

cluelessslave

Posts: 29
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I'm not quite sure how much sense this is going to make to other but it does make sense to me

I've just posted in another thread 'its funny' about looking past the players, wannabes and fakes and seeing the decent people on this site.

I've also started a thread in polls and other random stupidity which was supposed to be a silly post to get out my frustrations, but ended up as a pretty serious rant.

Looking at the both of them, the unstability of me in the polls and other forum and the fact i have just said i have to red flag myself, i really believe maybe i should!

A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players etc etc etc.

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

everyone is as fucked up as everyone else. the only difference is that some people can't handle that fact and so they avoid relationships with people who would tell them how fucked up they are. the basic idea behind it is that they are afraid of being put down, so they pretend they are better than other people, by putting other people down. better to be the one dishing it out than the target of abuse.

the entire human population is absolutely fucked up. the worst quality someone can have though is to imagine themselves somehow better than other people. it amounts to rejecting their own humanity. it is what lets people dehumanize others, because they assume that others would do the same to them given the chance. once you sort people into good and bad, you have set the stage for war. in any context and to whatever degree, it works the same way. us against them. it can be whole groups of nations fighting a world war, or it can be two people at one end of the bar plotting against the guy down at the other end. or in a bdsm scene like this online stuff, it can be people who think they are all that while putting down others.

i have no way to relate to people who need me to help them pretend they are perfect or better-than. they are living a lie and they must reject me for my flaws. but someone else who is as fucked up as me, well, now we're talking. have a beer and tell me what your day was like.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 11

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 5:13:58 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

is that it is obvious from what you wrote that you are not interested in a old cowboy who doesn't give a crap what sex you are.

thats because im gay ...so it wouldnt matter if you were...say... like a young arnold or a young fabio....i prefer angelina jolie and jodie foster and the likes...

See, we have more in common than you think. You have excellent taste in women.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 5:37:00 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Thank you all for your replies.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 13

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 6:16:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well I don't make posts about it :) But I'll pull myself back a bit, soften a few perspectives and expressions, and then just keep going. Seriously, the only person who remembers a post you made two weeks ago is you.

OK I might but that's just because I'm sick like that.

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Post #: 14

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 6:47:10 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players

I agree with your assessment of yourself.

I post a lot, and you may have noticed that I never post on threads you start. That is because I think you are not listening. I am either in a very good mood right now, or a sadomasochistic one, because I decided to tell you what I think, in hopes that you just had an ah-hah moment.

I have considered blocking you many times, because everything you write about is either how much you suck, or how much your most recent ex sucks. It is unattractive. I would not cane you if you had the last ass left on earth.

It is absolutely 100% within your power to change.

People get bigger muscles by lifting weights. People become lawyers by memorizing law books. Improving self-esteem is exactly the same -- it comes from daily exercise, guiding your mindbody into a different state.

Example: for every complaint post you make, make two positive posts.
Example: every time you say something bad about yourself in real life, say two positive things.

The only way to change a habit is to break it.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 15

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 6:59:35 PM

angelwithhonor

Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

....i am to honest, and with alot of my self esteem issues. plays hard on some ppl. i am not here to act like a wounded bird. just sometimes needed to be understood! that i have some flaws that may put up a red flag to some...read your profile to missturbation and i loved it! it truly shows to me that you have so much to offer someone..*hugs*

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 16

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 7:15:16 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

I agree with your assessment of yourself

Why thank you

quote:

I post a lot, and you may have noticed that I never post on threads you start.

Nope, can't say i have.

quote:

That is because I think you are not listening.

To what?

quote:

because I decided to tell you what I think, in hopes that you just had an ah-hah moment.

Not keen on aha although morton harket was reasonably attractive.

quote:

I have considered blocking you many times, because everything you write about is either how much you suck, or how much your most recent ex sucks. It is unattractive.

I just checked my posts and not strictly true but yes i have had a rough ride recently. And yes i have spoken about it, looked for advice.
Feel free to block me, it doesn't concern or affect me in the slightest. Considering you dont have anything to do with my posts or threads im unsure why you would have the need to block what you dont read but *shrugs* anyway.............

quote:

It is absolutely 100% within your power to change.

No way!!!!!!!!! Really?

quote:

Improving self-esteem is exactly the same -- it comes from daily exercise, guiding your mindbody into a different state.

I'm aware of this. I'm trying to improve my self esteem all the time as it happens.

quote:

Example: for every complaint post you make, make two positive posts.
Example: every time you say something bad about yourself in real life, say two positive things.

Thank you for the advice but your way is not necessarily mine. I am perfectly aware of all the wonderful positive things in my life but these are not things i need to question or even necessarily post about here.

quote:

The only way to change a habit is to break it.

Thank you for this. I am attempting to change my bad habits and looking to the peeps in here to help me, which they very kindly have done. I see nothing wrong in posting looking for help. If people do not wish to help or even read my threads they dont have to.

For someone who does not care for my threads or posts you seem to know an awful lot about them!!
I thank you for posting on this thread and will certainly take what you have said into account.

quote:

I would not cane you if you had the last ass left on earth. [/quote
And i asked you to when?

Nice sig line by the way, especially love this part........

quote:

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting.

Don't ya just love those people who think they are better than you?

< Message edited by missturbation -- 6/7/2008 7:25:22 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 17

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 7:18:48 PM

SweetNika

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline

When I rewrote my profile last night I was afraid it would send up red flags to many but then I told myself if my blunt honestly stopped someone from contacting me then it was probably a blessing.

Blessed be,
Nika

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to angelwithhonor)

Post #: 18

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 7:20:22 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I love your honesty and the self-examination you are willing to share on the boards.

I have done and said some things I regret on CM, on the almost 4 years I have been here.

I put that behind me and move on.

Guess what? No one on earth is perfect.

You are as good as anyone else here, and better than most.

The only flag for you is M for Marvelous!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/7/2008 7:29:45 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 19

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 7:28:30 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

OK I might but that's just because I'm sick like that.

Im glad you do.

quote:

read your profile to missturbation and i loved it! it truly shows to me that you have so much to offer someone..*hugs*

Thank you

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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