Politeness and Ordering around subs

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Politeness and Ordering around subs

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Politeness and Ordering around subs

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 7:46:41 AM

Shewalksinbeauty

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline

So I keep seeing the whole "My domme doesn't ask me to do things, she states it/demands it/requires it" etc popping up a lot in some of the threads here.

I'm wondering why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms. I mean, on some level and in some relationships there is probably significance but the recurrence of it seems to be a lot more than I'd think. Especially when you are out in public.

Personally, I like to make my demands sound like requests, even when we're completely alone. Does it sound less domineering? Yes. But that doesn't mean that my sub is less inclined to listen. In fact, he's probably more receptive when I'm sweet about it than when I'm demanding just because he knows that I mean business either way.

Post #: 1

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 7:56:41 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I generally phrase things as requests, too. It's a good hint to my guy that he's crossing the line when I stop using the nice voice. (Except in the bedroom...there I don't ask, I tell.) I imagine my parenthetical is probably why a lot of guys like the ordering tone.

(in reply to Shewalksinbeauty)

Post #: 2

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 7:58:14 AM

mztresn0w

Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

As long as her SAM side isn't making an appearance. I ask her to do things. If her Sam side is coming out then I don't ask. I change my tone and even the way I look at her and demand. She is so cute when she realizes that she has pushed to far and I am going to collect on it. Some complain about the Sam side. But with mine it is part of who she is. So I can enjoy it and know that I will make her regret her actions.

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to Shewalksinbeauty)

Post #: 3

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 12:18:20 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Greetings,

Interestingly enough ... a lot of submissive guys seem to believe that being 'bitchy' (in tone and action) makes someone a Dominant Woman. Perhaps there are some Dominant women who also think along these lines.

For myself, I try to be as polite as possible. I've always thought that if you yelling or being domineering that you have lost control of yourself and thus, for the time being, should not be in control of anyone else.

Just my opinion and your mileage may vary.

Wickad

(in reply to mztresn0w)

Post #: 4

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 12:43:27 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I request things to be done in a polite way, but he knows they are commands just in a form that I prefer using. Works for me and for him and thats all that matters.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Shewalksinbeauty)

Post #: 5

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 1:05:01 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Actually, in my real time experience, I've found that most women are quite polite to their slaves/subs. I am. I find that the "Bitch Goddess" persona is more prevalent in the more fantasy-based places in the lifestyle such as online, in print and in Pro Dom work.

I explained right up front, however, that when I say, "Would you get me something to drink, please?" I mean, "Get me something to drink. Now." and I expect it to be acknowledged with a, "Ma'am, yes Ma'am." Just because I want it now doesn't meam I always bark the order. It's against my nature to do such unless I'm starting to get angry.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Shewalksinbeauty)

Post #: 6

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 1:29:32 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

My Owner is very polite. I'd be shocked if she didn't say "please" or "thank you" when its appropriate.

DV's Fox

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 7

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 1:43:10 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

every now and then you see the "bitch goddess" attitude come out when My friends and I are at a club. we all just roll our eyes at the exact same time. Honestly unless it is a specific scene it usually just looks like you don't have control over your sub, or worse, don't have control over yourself.

One time the host of the event went up to the woman and said quite clearly "Madame, Either show some decorum at my event or you will be asked to leave" Turned his back on her and walked away. she just stood there with her jaw hanging open while those around were Laughing.

While I agree that I don't always have to "ask" there are very few times that I'm Rude...and if I am...it is quite obvious that is the type of play at hand...especially since I'm extra polite to everyone around(it adds to the sub's feeling unworthiness)

Cheers
Skully

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 8

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 4:06:44 PM

jonathan

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shewalksinbeauty

So I keep seeing the whole "My domme doesn't ask me to do things, she states it/demands it/requires it" etc popping up a lot in some of the threads here.

I'm wondering why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms. I mean, on some level and in some relationships there is probably significance but the recurrence of it seems to be a lot more than I'd think. Especially when you are out in public.

Personally, I like to make my demands sound like requests, even when we're completely alone. Does it sound less domineering? Yes. But that doesn't mean that my sub is less inclined to listen. In fact, he's probably more receptive when I'm sweet about it than when I'm demanding just because he knows that I mean business either way.

Behaving that way is not the least bit "not domineering". It's just You being You. If the Bitch Goddess needs to show up for some reason, then She comes out. i prefer to avoid that, and just get a "boy, I need..." request. And learn habits as best i can and anticipate. For instance, if i know that She always has 2 mugs of tea after breakfast, and the current one is getting old & cold, then, PRESTO, fresh hot/iced tea appears magically.

And there is nothing wrong with being quietly severely assertive in public. It usually happens when my attention wanders....... That actually is a turn on for me.

_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to Shewalksinbeauty)

Post #: 9

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 4:18:47 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

I'm actually a sweetie. No, really, I am. I prefer to 'bend' a sub to my will rather than 'break' them quickly. Most of them seem to respond much better to requests... It also lets them know when they've done something that displeases me if I change the tone.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to jonathan)

Post #: 10

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 5:07:44 PM

MistressSybella

Posts: 163
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

I too am nice. I usually say, "I would really like it if (blank) was taken care of." Or, "It would make me happy to see (blank) done before the day is over." Or sometimes just, "Coffee please," while handing my slave my coffee cup. Heck, sometimes I just hand her my cup without saying a word. I think that is enough. LOL! I am generally fairly easy going. ;)

Sometimes, when I am instructing, I will give a firm and direct order. For example, when I was instructing my slave on how I wanted a cabinet redone (things taken out, the cabinet wiped down, and things put back), I did tell her, "If you don't do it the way I want, I WILL make you do it again." You see, I like my foods all facing front, in lines and arranged by what they are. All fruit in one line, all veggies in other, all soups in a third, and so on.

But for the most part, I make requests and expect them to be treated as orders. It's during scenes that I give short and crisp orders, mainly for clarity sake. If someone's in subspace, they don't need to try to figure out what you want. ;)

Miss 'Bella
ServeMeWell

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 11

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 5:44:13 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I don't mind at all when a Mistress is polite and ladylike. Doesn't make her any less of a queen.

(in reply to Shewalksinbeauty)

Post #: 12

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 6:14:41 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

Most of my demands are requests...
There are times when one needs to be firm, but in my house that happens less and less as time goes on.

Sometimes my pet gets in a teasing mood and I'm okay with it, if he crosses any lines, or goes to far, he knows because my whole demeanor changes. It is then he'll get an order as opposed to a polite request.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Shewalksinbeauty)

Post #: 13

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 6:29:27 PM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

My boy tells me all the time "You are so sweet...but evil". I love the combination , and I actually am very sensual, and somewhat softspoken not harsh and demanding when I ask for what I want. I enjoy the dichotomy...my favorite whip I call "the bitch" - so I don't get bitchy...I just get the bitch out.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to PsyVamp)

Post #: 14

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 7:08:01 PM

Shewalksinbeauty

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline

I appreciate all of the replies to my post. And I agree with you all on most things. You get more with sugar than with vinegar as the saying goes. I just happened to notice the phrasing in a few other threads and it made my mind wander.

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Post #: 15

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 7:22:06 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I am polite unless given a reason not to be.

I can also identify with MasterFireMaam's answer.
Sometimes Dommes are 'expected' to be mean and cruel,yes
I can be mean and cruel but I can still be polite while I'm doing it.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Shewalksinbeauty)

Post #: 16

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 7:25:59 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

What Master Fire said.

Part of being a Princess is being gracious.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 17

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 7:30:21 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I have had complaints that I am far too nice and polite. I say please and thank you and acknowledge a job well done.

Dominants don't need to be rude to be effective. I don't anyway.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 18

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 7:35:36 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

I enjoy not having to say please. It's delish.

But to be barking at someone all the time would be a lot of heavy energy, very consuming, and would probably make the submissive sad and droopy.

And the stern voice would lose it's meaning. There are times when I've made a statement in that tone of voice, to be answered with, "Yes," eyes down, request completed. We know when Mama isn't happy ...

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 19

RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 8:11:13 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shewalksinbeauty

So I keep seeing the whole "My domme doesn't ask me to do things, she states it/demands it/requires it" etc popping up a lot in some of the threads here.

I'm wondering why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms. I mean, on some level and in some relationships there is probably significance but the recurrence of it seems to be a lot more than I'd think. Especially when you are out in public.

Personally, I like to make my demands sound like requests, even when we're completely alone. Does it sound less domineering? Yes. But that doesn't mean that my sub is less inclined to listen. In fact, he's probably more receptive when I'm sweet about it than when I'm demanding just because he knows that I mean business either way.

For me it varies based on the sub/slave, our dynamic, and/or my mood.

Some people inspire that aggressive tell, order, demand manner in me. Some I only express orders as requests with. Most are a mix of the two.

I just do what comes naturally in that interaction.

The in general answer as to "why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms" is that for some people and some dynamics, that's what is natural and comfortable for them. For others, it itself *is* their kink play.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Shewalksinbeauty)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Politeness and Ordering around subs

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.172