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Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 6:46:22 AM   
maxfalke


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/10/2008
Status: offline 		I wanted to share some advice that I found. I was reading a column by Midori the other day on this other website I'm on and thought it was really great. As a Dom myself I am troubled by what that title gets used for. With every person who uses the "Well, I'm a Dom" excuse it makes the rest of us good Doms look bad. While this advice is directed more at the Male Dom/fem sub dynamic, the advice can be applied to any D/s relationship. After I first read this I passed it on to a sub that I used to play with (who is also still a good friend). She was going through a rough patch and unfortunately met a guy who would be considered a "Lord Dragonbreath" (there is a chart in the article discussion the differences between Master Goodheart and Lord Dragonbreath)

quote:

If a man isn't skilled in communications in their non-kink relationships, they'll be just as communication impaired in D/s. Presenting D/s fantasies and myths before you, most of them based on fiction or hearsay, he may convince you that there are universal protocols of secret societies to be obeyed, eliminating the need for him to be a clear and responsible communicator, and convincing you that it's the submissive's job to figure out what the Master wants. A man who is a quality master, with ethics and strength in character, is highly likely to conduct all manners of his relationships, whether romantic, personal or business, with dignity and accountability.


To read the whole piece click here.

So what do you all think?
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 7:12:29 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		everything is a point of view            trial and error is always a key        and learning not to repeat things of the past

(in reply to maxfalke)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 7:17:15 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I find not listening to blowhards and nutjobs to be an important part of growth.  Midori is like LA, she shouldn't be so grounded and wise but she is both personified which is why those two women rock!

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 7:20:44 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		lets see lesson one
live it
learn it
understand it
get it just that simple have a nice day

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 7:22:14 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with what she says and think that most people on these boards would. I do believe it's the Dom/me's responsibility to communicate well and effectively and it's one of the reasons I don't generally agree with the concept of real punishment.  One sure way to diminish a subs confidence and poise, and eventually damage a relationship,  is to twist a miscommunication into something they did wrong. It's a bad way to manage people and is a sign of insecurity in the Dom/me. 

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 7:24:13 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maxfalke
So what do you all think?



What I think is it is amazing that such common sense that Midoria and Many Many others speak are so commonly ignored at a person's own peril

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to maxfalke)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 7:53:57 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Communication and common sense are so... vanilla.  If you want to be a true lifestyler, and not just kinky-in-the-sheets, you have to throw away all that baggage... and let a real Dom like me mentor you, little girl.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 8:47:16 AM   
begiddy


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		Makes sense to me...

(in reply to maxfalke)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 10:27:17 AM   
bashfulhuck


Posts: 119
Joined: 5/26/2008
Status: offline 		That was a great article. Midori sounds like a very wise person to me.
BDSM for me is  part of me life, my submissive nature extends beyond playtime. In my everyday life i try to live honestly, and i strive to communicate openly with others. i don't always succeed at that, because i am a painfully shy person, so it's hard for me to just come up to someone and start a conversation if i don't already know that person well. When i'm hurting i also tend to withdraw a bit. So my communication skills still need some work, but i recognize that and am dealing with it. i don't however lie to people, and i would never enter into a D/s dynamic where i didn't want my Domina to know my family and friends.
i might not be a Dominant, but i strive to fall into the Goodheart category.

the bashful one

(in reply to begiddy)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 10:36:50 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Skill in communication and having integrity in all areas of one's life should not be solely the responsibility of one half of the slash. Both people need to have this, or the desire to learn it. Nor does it apply to d/s solely.

If you steal from your employer, even in small ways, you're still a thief. Doesn't matter if you're kinky or vanilla.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to bashfulhuck)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 10:57:01 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I find not listening to blowhards and nutjobs to be an important part of growth.  Midori is like LA, she shouldn't be so grounded and wise but she is both personified which is why those two women rock!


I'm curious about something Michael. Why do you think a woman in her 40's shouldn't be grounded and wise? That's fairly well seasoned.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 11:31:02 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I find not listening to blowhards and nutjobs to be an important part of growth.  Midori is like LA, she shouldn't be so grounded and wise but she is both personified which is why those two women rock!


I'm curious about something Michael. Why do you think a woman in her 40's shouldn't be grounded and wise? That's fairly well seasoned.


I don't get why LA shouldn't be wise and grounded either?
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 11:41:02 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Heck Im just here for the women. I don't think most people come here for any profound knowlege. It would be nice to sit as a group and compteplate on the meaning of life.

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 11:58:15 AM   
missunderstood88


Posts: 37
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		I guess it's an okay piece if you're heterosexual. A better title would have been Midori Speaks: Thoughts for Submission Inclined Straight Women. Part 1.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 12:10:09 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Heck Im just here for the women. I don't think most people come here for any profound knowlege. It would be nice to sit as a group and compteplate on the meaning of life.


.Ohm.
.pleaseleaveyourshoesathedoor.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 12:29:42 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missunderstood88

I guess it's an okay piece if you're heterosexual. A better title would have been Midori Speaks: Thoughts for Submission Inclined Straight Women. Part 1.


Midori is about as pansexual as a person can get....just change your gender tags.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to missunderstood88)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 12:33:53 PM   
missunderstood88


Posts: 37
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		I can respect that she's as pansexual as one can be, but she needs to include that in her writing style. The essay is 100% heteronormative. I know it sounds nit-picky, but this sort of exclusionary language really does saturate the environment and it's quite off-putting to minority groups.

Warm regards,
M88

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 1:44:47 PM   
maxfalke


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missunderstood88

I can respect that she's as pansexual as one can be, but she needs to include that in her writing style. The essay is 100% heteronormative. I know it sounds nit-picky, but this sort of exclusionary language really does saturate the environment and it's quite off-putting to minority groups.

Warm regards,
M88



Why does she need to include anything in her writing?


_____________________________

"It's that rat circus out there, I'm beginning to enjoy it. Look, any longer out on that road and I'm one of them, a terminal psychotic, except that I've got this bronze badge that says that I'm one of the good guys."

(in reply to missunderstood88)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 2:52:56 PM   
Aanakaris


Posts: 310
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		Something to be brought up is that communication is a two way street. Yes the Dom should be able to communicate well both in and out of the bedroom (or kitchen, cellar, stairs, bathroom... you get the idea) but a non-communicative sub can be just as much of a problem.

That can be especially tough when the sub is new and may be feeling guilt for enjoying such perversions. I found this to be true from some religiously raised submissives who had a very hard time dealing with enjoying things that might be sinful. Getting them to open up and commuicate was like pulling teeth.

Howard

_____________________________

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
-- Dr. Seuss

(in reply to maxfalke)
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RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori - 6/10/2008 2:57:47 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missunderstood88

I can respect that she's as pansexual as one can be, but she needs to include that in her writing style. The essay is 100% heteronormative. I know it sounds nit-picky, but this sort of exclusionary language really does saturate the environment and it's quite off-putting to minority groups.

Warm regards,
M88



rather than looking for the differences, try looking for the similarities...yes, she may have been speaking with Male Dominant and female submissive pronouns, but the advice was applicable to all...if you choose not to accept the advice given as applicable to all, that is your choice in not being open minded, not her being exclusitory...

chelle

btw, this is advice i give to myself when i say, they don't understand me, why don't they understand me, they don't like me, they aren't like me, this doesn't apply to me...just sharring what i have learned, just what i have done to improve my out look...changing the world one person at at time - MYSELF


< Message edited by chellekitty -- 6/10/2008 2:59:22 PM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to missunderstood88)
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