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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 8:00:15 PM

cjan

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That sounds more like Engineering than Chemistry to me, but, whatever floats your soap.

Notice, I said, "for me" and "in my experience".

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Post #: 21

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 8:35:28 PM

servantheart

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Joined: 10/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

......and I imagine it is as hard to say to someone as it is to hear.

Believe me, you have no idea

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Post #: 22

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 8:41:43 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

Point `em to the door...of course.

If it *fades* as you put it, it was really not there in the first place....

Not true. Chemistry, like so many things, can fade over time.

The question in the OP is, however, the wrong question--it's not what do you do when the chemistry fades, but how do you keep the chemistry from fading?

That discussion should start day 1 of the relationship, particularly if the idea is for it to extend until the last syllable of recorded time.

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Post #: 23

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 9:42:01 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Ah yes, that word that has launched a thounsand relationships!

But what does one do when thr feeling of fading interest begins to control the thoughts of the day?
many will say to discuss it, but in reality does that ever get done for fear of making it worse. How do you, whether "D" or "s" handle the issue.

CP

i don't think it matters whether it's D/s, 'vanilla', marriage, friendship or any other relationship. Indifference is the 'clue phone' telling Y/you -- however sadly -- it's time to end it.

pinksugarsub

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Post #: 24

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/10/2008 10:42:03 PM

chickpea

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Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
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Chemistry is that "click" felt when two souls (like two puzzle pieces with two complementary shapes) just fit! And then there's surviving the real world test like your shared experiences together, physical attraction, sharing qualities, needs being met, surviving ups and downs in real life. I think chemistry fades when the bad experiences outweight the good for whatever reasons. Then you either fix it or just go on your seperate ways and see if you can find someone else you naturally click with.

< Message edited by chickpea -- 6/10/2008 10:45:17 PM >

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 25

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 7:30:25 AM

servantheart

Posts: 960
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From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea
I think chemistry fades when the bad experiences outweight the good for whatever reasons. Then you either fix it or just go on your seperate ways and see if you can find someone else you naturally click with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan
Chemistry....includes physical attraction, shared interests and an eagerness to explore, but goes deeper....

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112
The question in the OP is, however, the wrong question--it's not what do you do when the chemistry fades, but how do you keep the chemistry from fading?

That discussion should start day 1 of the relationship, particularly if the idea is for it to extend until the last syllable of recorded time.

These three sum it up nicely, imo.

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Post #: 26

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 8:21:04 AM

CelticPrince

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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

f one or the other in the relationship continually has to re-light the fire, for it to only burn for a short while, then there is something wrong. That's when you have to step back and decide if it's worth it to go buy another pack of matches. (I know probably a very bad analogy)

I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes it just fades. Sometimes it's not worth expending all your energy on trying to get it back. Sometimes you can look back and see that you thought it was chemistry but it was just your mind/heart wanting it to be. There were other things that were masking as chemistry.

kallisto,

Very well put. Many fall into the relite trap after the first effort. All relationships should be given a new effort, but when that fails, move on. In my opinion anyway.

CP

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 27

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 8:24:08 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

It's been my experience that true "chemistry", while rare, never fades, although the relationship might, for other reasons. It goes much deeper and is more mysterious than lust or desire.

cjan,

I have to agree with this statement; but them we get into the subject of levels of chemistry. We can save that for another post.

CP

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 28

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 8:26:28 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

You do it by being bright enough to find someone who is fired up by what you are both going to do in life, and then making it happen together. Not by some silly infatuation based on hormones.

L,

I agree with that being the ultimate, but" what if"

CP

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 29

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 8:30:07 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

You do it by being bright enough to find someone who is fired up by what you are both going to do in life, and then making it happen together. Not by some silly infatuation based on hormones.

L,

I agree with that being the ultimate, but" what if"

CP

Just becuase you had plans in the beginning-does not mean you cannot make a new plan.

That's the beauty of being creative.

It's the inflexible dullards who usually have the biggest issues with this. (masters who know everything bieng the biggest dullards, in my experience) I don't exactly base things on a "business model"-but you should have SOME sort of a model-even if that is not going to be what you do forever.

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Post #: 30

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 11:05:07 AM

CelticPrince

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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

i don't think it matters whether it's D/s, 'vanilla', marriage, friendship or any other relationship. Indifference is the 'clue phone' telling Y/you -- however sadly -- it's time to end it.

pink,

Perhaps what you say is true for the vanilla segment of society, but is it not true that we on the path share a deepr connection than others?

CP

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 31

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 11:37:39 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
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Well you're right.. my obvious response is to discuss it gently & honestly no matter how much it hurts to even consider it. At the end of the day ignoring something doesn't make it go away.. So not discussing it is not an option.

i stayed in a vanilla relationship for 12 months after the chemistry died away, simply because we were both afraid to discuss the problem in fear of what the consequences might be. Beyond everything else we both cared about each other so deeply that we wore ourselves out through constantly trying to find a way to regain that spark which never came. In the end this made the break up was made even more painful than it needed to be for both of us.

Maybe being open and honest about it verbally would have helped, but i doubt it. Sometimes people just grow apart through no fault of either party.
If this was to happen now, i would sit down with my Master and tell Him exactly how i felt, no matter the consequences or how much it hurt to talk about it. If He thought that it could be helped then i would try whatever He suggested, but if it didn't work within a reasonable amount of time i would just bite the bullet and move on.. In my experience, better for both of Us that way.

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Post #: 32

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 11:40:54 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
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From: Croydon, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Perhaps what you say is true for the vanilla segment of society, but is it not true that we on the path share a deepr connection than others?

i don't believe that there is anything stopping vanilla connections being as deep as ours.. they just do it on a different level.

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(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 33

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 11:47:06 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

But what does one do when thr feeling of fading interest begins to control the thoughts of the day?
many will say to discuss it, but in reality does that ever get done for fear of making it worse. How do you, whether "D" or "s" handle the issue.

You discuss it. It really is that simple.

quote:

Perhaps what you say is true for the vanilla segment of society, but is it not true that we on the path share a deepr connection than others?

Absolutely not.

the.dark.

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Post #: 34

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 12:03:12 PM

colouredin

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Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: metalmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Perhaps what you say is true for the vanilla segment of society, but is it not true that we on the path share a deepr connection than others?

i don't believe that there is anything stopping vanilla connections being as deep as ours.. they just do it on a different level.

what is this mystical magical key to happiness that us followers of kink seem to have because I am pretty sure that I dont have it, not only that I am thinking that also there really isnt that huge of a differance despite how much some may proclaim there to be. People do differant things to get them off granted one person loves golf one likes dancing one person cant stand having their neck kissed someone else loves it, you know there isnt some all encompassing way to define us all (phew whos thinking that I possibly have had rants stored up)

To the OP, depends totally on how the chemistry is fading. I am a fairly intense person sometimes it works in my favour other times it doesnt, I throw myself feet first into relationships and then suddenly all the stuff that I loved about the person vanishes everything annoys me and then what I tend to do is maintain the relationship until there is a healthy amount of dislike so that there are no embers with which to build a friendship and then it ends. I think chemisty is important its how much you click with someone in my mind if its vanished then wheres the relationship? even friendships need chemistry. And would it vary depending on oriantation nope, I guess as a sub the speed at which it fucks up is more down to the Dom whereas nilla i normally crash the whole thing. But either way once i feel its gone then there isnt any way of mending it. Maybe its too picky and maybe its why i dont maintain relationships but what the heck.

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Post #: 35

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 1:45:47 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

Maybe being open and honest about it verbally would have helped, but i doubt it. Sometimes people just grow apart through no fault of either party.
If this was to happen now, i would sit down with my Master and tell Him exactly how i felt, no matter the consequences or how much it hurt to talk about it. If He thought that it could be helped then i would try whatever He suggested, but if it didn't work within a reasonable amount of time i would just bite the bullet and move on.. In my experience, better for both of Us that way.

metalmiss,

I believe you have hit the ol nail on the head. It needs to get done so why put it off.

CP

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Post #: 36

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 1:48:08 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

Absolutely not.

I disagree!

CP

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 37

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 1:56:04 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

To the OP, depends totally on how the chemistry is fading. I am a fairly intense person sometimes it works in my favour other times it doesnt, I throw myself feet first into relationships and then suddenly all the stuff that I loved about the person vanishes everything annoys me and then what I tend to do is maintain the relationship until there is a healthy amount of dislike so that there are no embers with which to build a friendship and then it ends. I think chemisty is important its how much you click with someone in my mind if its vanished then wheres the relationship? even friendships need chemistry. And would it vary depending on oriantation nope, I guess as a sub the speed at which it fucks up is more down to the Dom whereas nilla i normally crash the whole thing. But either way once i feel its gone then there isnt any way of mending it. Maybe its too picky and maybe its why i dont maintain relationships but what the heck.

colouredin,

phew ......... there is candor and then ther is candor!. Come sit on my couch and tell me about it!

Perhaps attempting to serve two worlds at the same time might present a problem. I vote for the path!

CP

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Post #: 38

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 2:10:30 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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Forget Chemistry and Engineering let's look at Ecomonics. The purpose of any venture whether commercial or non-profit is to sustain continued growth. Without growth, the enterprise dies. So too with relationships. The relationship itself is an entity and will be successful only if there is a common goal for that entity that all members agree upon.

The members of a bowling league have a common goal and even if there isn't any chemistry between the individuals on the team, the team can be successful. Too often we look for partners who are physically attractive, have common interests, and certain intangible qualities like honesty. i could meet a hunky guy who shares my interest in classic cars and who is sexy and as honest as the day is long. The relationship isn't gonna last a month if i'm looking to get married and have kids and he's looking for a ride-share buddy to distant car shows.

So back to Chemistry for a moment. Polyvinylcarbonate works well for interior pipes and conduit but sucks as outdoor furniture because it corrodes under UV exposure. The chemistry is not flawed, but it may not be the correct material for certain types of use (goal).

So, CP you are probably correct if speaking strictly of chemistry. Discussion isn't going to fix anything if the relationship goals were not in tune from the beginning. The discussion should have happened on the front end.

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Post #: 39

RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 6:03:38 PM

CelticPrince

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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

who shares my interest in classic cars and who is sexy

eyes,

damn I knew there was something special about you / which ones do you favor/

CP

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 40

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