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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/11/2008 6:52:07 PM   
Leatherist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

The discussion should have happened on the front end.


Bingo. But that would be cold and unromantic.
 
Practical discussions? Planning and organization? We can't possibly do that...that's not how the lifestyle WORKS!!!!!!!

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 1:57:41 AM   
eyesopened


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

who shares my interest in classic cars and who is sexy


eyes,

damn I knew there was something special about you / which ones do you favor/

CP


1969 Chevelle SS  has the highest WP (wetness quotient) in my opinion but i have a thing for muscle cars.  Master wants a '95 Vette and while maybe not old enough to be called classic.... it has an amazing WP as well!

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 10:51:38 AM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

1969 Chevelle SS has the highest WP (wetness quotient)


eyes,

That is a fine ride, almost equal to the 442's grins!

CP

great term of reference WQ

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 11:48:28 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

i don't think it matters whether it's D/s, 'vanilla', marriage, friendship or any other relationship. Indifference is the 'clue phone' telling Y/you -- however sadly -- it's time to end it.


quote:

pink,

Perhaps what you say is true for the vanilla segment of society, but is it not true that we on the path share a deeper connection than others?

CP


CelticPrince, i think i understand what You mean. i agree that a D/s relationship offers the possibility of a much deeper level of trust and intimacy compared to 'vanilla' romances -- in fact, it's one of the primary reasons i want to be collared.
 
However, in real life, i think there are no hard and fast rules.  i have friendships i'm very deeply invested in, and have had 'vanilla' romances that i didn't give a flip about. 
 
Among my F/friends -- both D/s and 'vanilla' -- i count several couples W/who are deeply invested and have highly satisfying romances or marriages. 
 
O/other F/friends -- both D/s and 'vanilla' --are in romances or marriages that are highly unsatisfying. 
 
pinksugarsub

P.S. Damnation!  Why is the quotey thing FUBAR?


< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/12/2008 11:55:46 AM >

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 12:12:37 PM   
stef


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Perhaps what you say is true for the vanilla segment of society, but is it not true that we on the path share a deepr connection than others?

No, I don't believe that's true at all.  The depth of a connection between two people has little to do with whether or not they are in the "lifestyle". 

~stef


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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 12:13:58 PM   
KatyLied


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Status: offline 		Stef, don't say that.  I wanna feel special.    

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 12:15:14 PM   
Leatherist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Stef, don't say that.  I wanna feel special.    


And besides,if we do that,the magical d/s unicorns will come and take away our true master and slave cards,and then where will we be?

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 12:16:29 PM   
stef


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

CelticPrince, i think i understand what You mean. i agree that a D/s relationship offers the possibility of a much deeper level of trust and intimacy compared to 'vanilla' romances -- in fact, it's one of the primary reasons i want to be collared.

Then you had better get used to disappointment.

quote:

P.S. Damnation!  Why is the quotey thing FUBAR?

It's not.

~stef


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 12:17:42 PM   
stef


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Stef, don't say that.  I wanna feel special.    

Aww Katy, you are special.

~stef


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 12:19:40 PM   
stef


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

And besides,if we do that,the magical d/s unicorns will come and take away our true master and slave cards,and then where will we be?

Charlie the BDSM Unicorn will canter about spearing everyone's  slave hearts with his Horn of Twueness!

~stef

< Message edited by stef -- 6/12/2008 12:29:19 PM >

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 3:44:27 PM   
RCdc


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

Absolutely not.


I disagree!

CP


Well, if you wish to feel extra special deeper connection because of the path you are on - then that is your choice.
I have extra special deeper connection because I am me and Darcy is himself, not because of outside forces.
I don't place blame on anything else and take none of the responsibility if the connection sucks with someone, so why should I give all the glory and accept none of the responsibility on anything?
 
Of course, we simply disagree.
 
the.dark.

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 5:19:20 PM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

P.S. Damnation! Why is the quotey thing FUBAR?


pick,

chuckles, This I do not know>

CP

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 5:23:18 PM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

No, I don't believe that's true at all. The depth of a connection between two people has little to do with whether or not they are in the "lifestyle".


stef,

We all have our opinions and so state them here, but for me, connects on the path are for more connective than vanilla relationships.

CP

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 6:21:06 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		Relationships all have their ups and downs.
For me, the best thing to do is analyze my feelings.  If it is something to be worked out, then I can talk about it and come up with a plan of action. 
If it just isn't going to work, then it is time to end it.
My former b/f and I broke up because we knew that if we stayed together, we would have destroyed a 20 year friendship.  No matter how much we liked each other, we were just too different and the "chemistry" just wasn't there- we talked and were much relieved that the other was feeling the same way.  We still speak from time to time, if we had tried to just plod along, I'm sure it would have ended badly.

Lady Jag

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 7:24:01 PM   
angelslave77


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Joined: 5/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef


Charlie the BDSM Unicorn will canter about spearing everyone's  slave hearts with his Horn of Twueness!

~stef


Hmmmm Come with us to Candy Mountain Charlie .

Seriously though I agree with Metalmiss, dont linger and stay silent out of fear or good intention best out on the table andsorted one way or another. I learnt that through experience.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/12/2008 7:45:41 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

P.S. Damnation! Why is the quotey thing FUBAR?


pick,

chuckles, This I do not know>

CP


LMAO.
 
pick?
 
pinksugarsub

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/13/2008 12:43:40 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		I worked my way through the thread. These for me are some of the points I most agree with:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
I believe there are two kinds of 'chemistry'. One is like dropping a packet of Mentos into a liter bottle of coke.
There is another kind of chemistry involved with the merging of iron and carbon which under fire - creates steel.
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea
I think chemistry fades when the bad experiences outweight the good for whatever reasons.  Then you either fix it or just go on your seperate ways and see if you can find someone else you naturally click with.


quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112
The question in the OP is, however, the wrong question--it's not what do you do when the chemistry fades, but how do you keep the chemistry from fading?


quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan
Chemistry....includes physical attraction, shared interests and an eagerness to explore, but goes deeper....
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan
It's been my experience that true "chemistry", while rare, never fades, although the relationship might, for other reasons.
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
Just becuase you had plans in the beginning-does not mean you cannot make a new plan.
That's the beauty of being creative.
 
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Perhaps what you say is true for the vanilla segment of society, but is it not true that we on the path share a deepr connection than others?
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
 But either way once i feel its gone then there isnt any way of mending it. Maybe its too picky and maybe its why i dont maintain relationships but what the heck.


I feel from my own experience that all of these aspects of chemistry are so. Even if somewhat contradictory these cans form part of a  process. Looking over the thread I think it veered off from the original question morei to defining what chemistry was rather than what to do about it when it fades?  Perhaps the original question needs such subjective answers that there could be no objective agreement as to what to do when chemistry fades other than to communicate about it. I'm thinking the other way of assessing chemistry is to ask: What happens when the chemistry doesn't go away in a vdsm relationship but all other aspects of that relationship (distance, work, UN's, and so on) cannot be worked out? (What happens when the chemistry just won't go away and you keep their contact number against all the odds?)
Worth another thread?

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/13/2008 12:51:36 AM >

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/13/2008 7:33:56 AM   
colouredin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

No, I don't believe that's true at all. The depth of a connection between two people has little to do with whether or not they are in the "lifestyle".


stef,

We all have our opinions and so state them here, but for me, connects on the path are for more connective than vanilla relationships.

CP


If you are more fullfilled with in the D/s dynamic then OF COURSE you feel you connect more with someone in that dynamic, that kinda a pointless thing to say. The issue comes when the suggestion is that you feel that people connect more generally within in this dynamic than vanilla because thats a stupid value judgement how can you know how other people feel connection within their relationships when you arent them. Its far too subjective to comment on.



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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/13/2008 11:57:53 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

Relationships all have their ups and downs.
For me, the best thing to do is analyze my feelings. If it is something to be worked out, then I can talk about it and come up with a plan of action.
If it just isn't going to work, then it is time to end it.
My former b/f and I broke up because we knew that if we stayed together, we would have destroyed a 20 year friendship. No matter how much we liked each other, we were just too different and the "chemistry" just wasn't there- we talked and were much relieved that the other was feeling the same way. We still speak from time to time, if we had tried to just plod along, I'm sure it would have ended badly.


lLady Jag,

Well on the plus side it took 20 years to have that chemisty fade. Thanks for your input.

CP

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/13/2008 12:16:54 PM   
CelticPrince


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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

The issue comes when the suggestion is that you feel that people connect more generally within in this dynamic than vanilla because thats a stupid value judgement how can you know how other people feel connection within their relationships when you arent them. Its far too subjective to comment on.


colouredin

I am somewhat confusted as to how my stating my opinion for myself, becomes a stupid value judgement.

That bing said I would suggest that the simply fact that candid kinks are shared with someone does in fact bring a higher level of connective chemistry to the relationship. I know not about of any of your personal proclivities but for instance let us say you had a need to give head in a certain fashion, You have a few vanilla male friends that you date and of "D" that you date and feel comfortable with in your kink. Is the point taken?

CP

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Profile   Post #: 60
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